Name: Psychics Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 4: Morris Fonte
Uploaded: 2020-09-20T17:42:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Psychics Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 4: Morris Fonte' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Psychics Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 4: Morris Fonte' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-20. Transcript available.

Psychics Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 4: Morris Fonte

Thank you, Paul.
My next guest for over five years now has had a weekly television show on cable
channel D here in New York City.
By day, he works as a window cleaner, but on his show and in his private
practice, he works as a psychic.
Please welcome the telepsychic, Morris Fante.
Morris?
Hi, Morris.
Hi, David. How are you?
Good, sir.
For folks who do not receive cable channel D, what do you do on your show?
I do like a phone-in type show where people call in and ask questions about
themselves, about their health, about wealth, marriage, career, or whatever.
And occasionally, we have guests on the show, too.
And you then tell them what you see in their future?
Right.
Yeah.
People call in and we give them at least maybe five, maybe a couple, let's say
about three or four minutes on the show with each person.
Yeah.
Now, have you predicted anything psychically that we would know about or any
famous predictions that have come true for you?
Oh, sure.
There are several.
As far as the hostages in Iran, we predicted about them.
You predicted that they would be taken?
Yes.
That they would be released at a certain time, let's say around 9.30 or 9.30 on
that, I did the show on a Sunday.
But we predicted that way back, about four or five months before that.
Mm-hmm.
And then I predicted that Sunday night about they were going to be released
that Tuesday.
Yeah.
9.30 that Tuesday, and everything would be all over by that time.
Anything a little more recently that was a few years ago?
Yeah.
Mario Cuomo, as far as him being elected as governor.
Yeah.
All right.
Now, Morris, we have some questions here, maybe from our audience.
Would this be fair to ask you to respond to these?
Okay.
Okay.
And I'm supposed to make this announcement.
This may be the silliest thing.
I am supposed to now announce that we are presenting this segment for
entertainment purposes only.
Now, I don't know about you, but I think if you're sitting at home, say, in Linton,
Indiana, watching this show, and you're not entertained by this segment, you
could sue NBC for it.
Big, big money.
So, if you're not entertained, get yourself a lawyer, and now, this is for
entertainment purposes only.
Only entertainment purposes.
All right.
What's the chance of Grandma and Grandpa Bologna moving in with us?
Well, right now, that seems to be a little into the future where they could be
within the end of the year, but not right now.
The end of the year?
Okay.
Yeah, not right now.
All right.
So, Grandma and Grandpa moving in the end of the year.
Remember, if this is not entertaining, ladies and gentlemen, I can be named in
the suit.
He can be named in the suit.
Don't do that.
Let's see.
Should I purchase a house in New Jersey?
Yes, definitely, because...
No, wait a minute, Morris.
I'm sorry.
Or immigrate to Australia?
No, in New Jersey.
That's the best thing.
But they're having all that trouble with the dioxin and so forth.
Well, where they're moving is going to be a very good location.
Where is that?
Whereas that's more towards the north, say, where they are heading over here.
Let's say it's towards the...
Okay, towards the ocean.
Towards the ocean.
Towards the ocean.
Okay.
So, Australia is out and moved to New Jersey.
Moved to New Jersey.
Well, luckily for NBC, this is getting entertaining, more and more entertaining
by the minute.
All right, Morris.
Do we have time for a couple more here?
When and where will my forthcoming wedding be?
A female wants to know when she and where she's going to be getting married.
I feel that's going to be towards upstate New York.
Upstate New York.
Yeah.
Okay.
And, let's see.
Is this pretty much the kind of stuff you get on your show, these questions?
Something like this, yeah.
Should I sell the condo in Killington and buy a DeLorean?
Well, somebody being cute there.
Will I be married before I am 26?
Will I be divorced before I am 30?
What will I be when I grow up?
A 23-year-old female.
23.
What will she be when she grows up?
A very intelligent person.
All right.
Good enough, Morris.
That's a nice answer.
That's it?
Okay.
I'll tell you what.
Can you come back another night when we have plenty of time?
We'll do some more of this, Morris?
Sure.
Okay.
Well, I feel better knowing...
No, wait.
Just stay right there.
We have to pause here.
We'll be right back.
Thank you, folks.
That's it.
I want to thank Magic Johnson, who has written this book.
Mr. Richard Lewis.
Morris Fonte.
Morris, come back when we have more time.
Nice meeting you, folks.
We'll see you tomorrow night.
Thank you.
Hi, and welcome back to the show.
On this program tonight, you're going to meet George Miller, Andrea Yeager, and
my first
guest, who I want to bring out in just a moment, Morris Fonte.
But I do want to clear this up, and I won't belabor the point.
But as you mentioned, I said something last night about an ugly incident at my
home.
As you know, my dog, Bob, and I had been in the office the day before yesterday.
Yes.
My dog, Bob.
We were driving home.
We got home.
And usually when Bob and I arrive home, all Bob really wants to do is eat.
So we got out of the car.
Bob got his briefcase.
And like that, he's gone.
He's off like a shot.
And a few minutes later, the immediate vicinity filled with the rather pungent,
intensely pungent
stench of skunk, which is just among, I mean, at the World's Fair, you get to
smell it.
It's that special.
And so Bob now comes in.
He's ready for dinner now.
And he's got his collar off, see.
And I know there's been trouble.
So I go out, and sure enough, there's a skunk carcass in the lawn there.
He's actually gotten the skunk.
So now what do you do?
You know, I know it's awful.
You've got to get rid of the skunk, and you've got to clean the animal up,
because he just stinks unbelievably.
So I took the skunk, boiled it up, made soup.
But the point is, remember the last time around, the guy said, go to a drugstore
and get as
much Massengill as you can.
Yes.
We do remember that, yeah.
It's awful.
It's just awful.
But anyway, everything.
And so, did you, in fact?
No, no, because the druggist, you know, makes smart remarks like, another party?
That kind of thing.
Taking a turn for the ugly here.
But anyway.
Everything's all right now, though?
It's all clean?
Well, all right.
I'm sorry that the skunk is dead, and I'm not crazy that my dog did it, but he
still stinks
something awful.
But we did, were able to neutralize the stench.
But boy, is that, have you ever gotten close to that?
Yeah.
Ooh.
All right, let's bring out my first guest, Morris Fonte.
He has his own weekly television show right here in Manhattan on cable channel
D.
We'll talk about that for folks around the country who do not get cable channel
D.
He has a private practice.
He works as a psychic.
And during the day, he also has a full-time job as a window washer.
Please welcome back Mr. Morris Fonte.
Morris.
Morris, tell me about the window washing aspect.
This is an actual job you have?
Yes, it is.
I started early in the morning, and we're finished around 11, 12 o'clock in the
morning, providing
our boss is not watching us.
These are all commercial buildings?
Commercial buildings, yeah.
Do you think that one day you'll just give this up and become a psychic full-time?
Yeah, I'm thinking about it.
All right, now, I mentioned your show a couple of times, and I used to see it
when I got cable.
Tell people what you do on your show.
Well, my show is a weekly show, and it's a call-in type show where it's open
phones, and
people call in and ask questions about themselves on love, health, wealth,
marriage, career, or
whatever, and I answer them psychically or intuitively, and I give them answers
on their questions that
is coming over, and I do that like voice vibrations and the feelings that is
coming through me.
When did you first realize you had this power?
Power?
I wouldn't say it's power.
I would say it's a gift.
A gift.
When did you first?
When did you first notice that you had a little extra?
A little extra.
Stop, stop.
I'm sorry.
When you had this extra gift.
Okay, this extra gift, I felt that I've had it since I was a child.
Now, did you, you know, a lot of times people say that there was a head injury
involved or
some traumatic...
No, no, but we had a woman on here who works with the police department one
time.
She was born in Italy, and she said that she received a trauma to her head when
she was
like 12, and from that point on, she could have this gift.
Now, that...
No, I didn't get hit in the head.
I don't know what happened.
Now, do you see these?
Do you visualize these, or do you feel them?
I visualize them what are called like auras, okay?
It's almost like a picture or a visualization of what is coming through.
And you can see it like in a picture or an aura that's there.
And it has like colors like the camera does, okay?
And it depends on the person that is in front of me.
Right.
Each aura, each vibration is different.
So when we talk to the people in the audience a little later, you will get a
particular aura
from each one of them?
Yes, or a vibration or an inner feeling from them.
Now, how do you know how to interpret those auras?
By the feeling that is there, by the vibration that's there.
I found it interesting that you are yourself a psychic, but you do not rely on
yourself
to give you information about your life.
You have another psychic you go to, huh?
Yes, I do.
Now, why is that?
Because I cannot do anything for myself.
I wish I could.
Then I could save a lot of money and find out when I'm coming back on the David
Letterman show.
But, I mean, people say, well, you're a psychic, you could do the stock market
or a racetrack,
you could clean up.
But you feel you can't do that, huh?
No, I cannot do that because I tried to do that one time, and it just went
crazy, let's say.
Okay?
It didn't work out as far as in the stock market or the horse, running horses.
Sure.
It doesn't work that way.
How successful are you for other people's lives?
At least 85% accurate.
No kidding?
Yes.
Now, do you have documentation to that effect?
Well, it's on tape, yes.
Oh, the people, oh, sure, your show would serve as the document.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
As far as predictions have come true, and as Senator Mondale.
Okay, save the big predictions, and we'll cover those when we get back.
And, you know, we're just, I don't, they're laughing, but it's just me.
I'm goofy tonight.
Don't worry about it, Morris.
Okay.
But I guess you knew that before the show, didn't you?
Yeah.
All right.
Morris and I will be right back.
Don't worry about it, Morris.
Welcome back.
Morris Conti is here.
Morris, the last time you were on the show, did you get any reaction to your
appearance?
Yes, I did.
The TV guide called me about, I think, about a week ago or two weeks ago, and
they were
going to give me a write-up.
Oh, that's great.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that came from your show.
Oh, good.
I'm glad we were able to help in some way.
We have some folks in the studio audience who have been pre-selected, and they,
I guess,
are going to ask you, this is pretty much how your show works, except these
people are in
person and not on the phone.
And a lovely young woman.
How do you do, ma'am?
Hi.
Do you need their names?
Uh, if she wants to give me her name, yeah, go ahead.
Well, knowing this audience, I'm sure they'd rather not.
All right, then don't.
Do you mind telling us your name?
No.
My name is Janice Craft.
Janice, nice meeting you.
Nice meeting you.
And anything else?
Where is she from, or?
Uh, okay.
Do you have one question?
Yes.
Go ahead.
Uh, tomorrow morning, I'm going to find out whether I get a position that I
interviewed
for last week.
And it's a job that I want very much.
Yeah, but this has been going on for some time, no?
No, I just interviewed last week.
Yeah, but you've been looking for this for a very long time, no?
Yes, I've been looking for a job for quite a while.
Yeah.
And this is either four months or the last three months?
Yes.
Okay.
As far as you're getting this, I 