Name: Eddie Van Halen Collection on Letterman, 1985, 1995
Uploaded: 2020-10-06T23:44:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Eddie Van Halen Collection on Letterman, 1985, 1995' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Eddie Van Halen Collection on Letterman, 1985, 1995' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-06. Transcript available.

Eddie Van Halen Collection on Letterman, 1985, 1995

Ladies and gentlemen, I say it every night, but if this is the only show you
can see between now and the time you have to go to bed, well, this is the one
to watch.
We have, I'll tell you in a second who we have.
First of all, Paul, introduce our special friend playing with the band tonight.
Paul Schaefer, ladies and gentlemen.
Everybody knows who he is.
All I can say is when we came out to L.A., there was one cat that we wanted to
talk into sitting in with us, and we're thrilled that he did.
He's an innovator, and he's just a nutty kind of a guy.
A nutty kind of a guy.
Eddie Van Halen.
Eddie, nice to have you here.
Because we don't fool around.
Thank you very much, Eddie. Nice to have you here.
We're going to towel off here. We have a wonderful program for you tonight.
In addition to Mr. Van Halen sitting in with the band, we're going to visit Mr.
Nicholas of Hollywood.
Also, I believe the mayor of Los Angeles will be joining us, Lee Marvin and
Johnny Carson.
It really ought to be two shows, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back.
Thank you.
Paul Schaefer from Eddie Van Halen, very nice.
Thank you very much.
You boys ought to make a record.
We have to do a commercial.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
Thank you, Paul.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
Thank you, Paul.
Thank you, Paul.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson, folks.
Thank you very much.
Very funny.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
We'll be right back with Johnny Carson.
Eddie, you can you can lose those other guys.
These, these are the ones.
Does David get on your nerves?
All right, ladies and gentlemen, if you tune this program in Monday, Eddie,
will you be
with us Monday?
Come on.
Beer Monday.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
We'll be right back with Lee Marvin.
Lee Marvin.
Lee Marvin.
Lee Marvin.
Lee Marvin.
Lee Marvin.
Lee Marvin.
Lee Marvin.
Lee Marvin.
Lee Marvin.
Lee Marvin.
Lee Marvin.
Lee Marvin.
Lee Marvin.
Lee Marvin.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, folks.
I'll tell you what.
We have to do a commercial.
It's not finished yet.
We'll be right back, folks.
Thank you very much.
Eddie, thank you very much.
And I want to take a couple of seconds here to thank everybody at NBC Burbank.
Everybody on the studio crew.
Everybody in the control room.
Everybody who helped in the office.
Everybody who helped load and build this stuff.
We had a wonderful time.
You were terrific.
We hope to come back.
We'll see you from New York Monday night.
Good night, folks.
We'll see you soon.
Thanks a lot.
Thanks a lot.
Well, David, big, big thrill for me tonight.
Oh, you know, I forgot.
I completely forgot.
See that?
I'm awfully sorry.
I forgot.
And you forget.
That's right.
Go ahead.
Introduce him.
Yeah, I forgot.
This is a cat who came down, came in from L.A. to sit in with us tonight.
And let me just say that everybody tries to sound like this guy on guitar.
Nobody even comes close.
Eddie Van Halen.
So we're having a good time.
We're having a good time over here tonight.
Eddie, nice to have you back.
You were with us in California.
Thanks for being here.
We have a wonderful program.
Valerie Bertinelli is here, Sandra Bernhardt, and Eddie Van Halen.
Welcome back to the program.
We have a wonderful show, and Eddie Van Halen will be playing an entire song
with the
rest of the band later.
Right, Paul?
Yes.
What are you going to be playing?
We're going to do Panama, a little tune of Mr.
Jackson.
Yeah.
And you're, I mean...
Paul, am I going to sing or...
Well, I'm into kickboxing now, and I'm...
My first guest tonight was one of the stars of a very successful television
series called
One Day at a Time.
She is also married to one of the gentlemen in our band tonight.
She will soon be seen in a movie on this network.
It's called Silent Witness.
It's now 12:48:40.
Please welcome Valerie Bertinelli.
How are you doing?
Nice to see you.
Have a seat.
You look great.
Thank you so much.
Thank you very much for being here.
Thanks.
Do you want to talk about this?
I was just leafing through this magazine.
Uh-huh.
Nice to see you. Have a seat.
You look great.
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you very much for being here.
Thanks.
You want to talk about this? I was just leafing through this magazine.
Uh-huh.
This is kind of embarrassing, isn't it?
Uh-huh.
But on the other hand, it should be flattering, I think. Don't you think so?
Well, seeing who really runs the magazine.
All right, well, let's tell the folks what it is.
I guess this is the newest issue of Penthouse Magazine, July. That would be the
new one.
You're listed as one of the ten sexiest stars, I guess, in America.
There's some pretty good folks here.
Yeah, right between Pia Zadora and Sophia Loren.
You don't think that's a good place to be?
Hey, who am I to say?
Victoria Principle?
No, I mean, come on. I mean, how can you really take this, though?
I mean, Bob Guccione? I mean, who wants to be one of his ten sexiest women?
Oh, so you don't... Yeah, well, I see. That's... Yeah, so it's kind of a double-edged
sword.
What? Would you?
I mean, come on. Eww.
Yeah. You seem a little tense tonight.
Well, my husband's over there.
And you're nervous talking about this in front of you?
Well, no, no, no. He calls me number nine now, so...
Well, I see.
Never mind.
Now, you know, you mentioned, uh, you mentioned, uh, Eddie is here, of course,
and you're here.
And then, uh, there's another little bit of intrigue with you and, uh, a member
of the band tonight.
Well, Paul, shall we talk about it?
This isn't really the way to keep it...
We dated when I was 16.
Folks, folks, you're not getting paid for any of this, okay?
Uh, now, you and Paul went out and you had dates when you were 16?
Yeah, we had two of them, and then he dropped me like that. Broke my heart.
How old was...
There's no way to keep a band together, Valerie.
It's hard enough.
Now, how old were you, Paul? What was the circumstance?
Well, I was a little older than, uh, Miss Bertinelli at the time.
Uh, but let me say that, uh, we were just good friends at the time.
Now, you were doing a television show at the time, Paul?
That's right. We were working on the same lot, and you know how people sort of
chum around when they...
You broke my heart! What are we talking about here?
Your girlfriend called me... He never called me back.
No.
You took me to a movie. We went out on New Year's Eve.
Your girlfriend called. I never heard from you again.
I can't believe you're saying this.
Now, you were living...
It was a long time ago, and how things were...
It was nine years ago.
Now, yeah, now you're married to a fabulous guy.
One of the days.
Now, you were living at home at the time?
I was living with my parents, yeah.
Now, now, Paul shows up on the front door?
I don't... You know, I really don't remember. How did we first go out?
Did you meet Valerie's parents?
Yes, I did. I drive out to Reseda.
I forgot about that.
And I would meet Mr. and Mrs. Bertinelli, yes.
And then what did they think of all of this?
They were very, very nice to me.
And what did they think of you?
And they thought I was a lovely young boy, 27 years old.
Yeah, 27-year-old boy.
Yeah.
But Mrs. Bertinelli and I were just good friends.
Yeah, we had a good time, didn't we, Paul?
Yeah.
Ah, just good friends.
And now, you know...
All right.
Back then, you were, what, number two, number three?
Touché.
I had to do... I had to say something.
All right.
Well, let's move on to other things.
Can we?
Well...
We already talked about that.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, you pick.
I'll tell you what, you study this over.
In fact, you want to go back to the dressing room and look this over and come
back later?
No, that's okay.
I'll stay here for a little while longer.
Uh, we'll be right back, folks, once we've selected a topic here from the sheet.
Don't worry.
Oh, man.
Welcome back to the program, ladies and gentlemen.
We have Valerie Bertinelli here, also Sandra Bernhardt, and, of course, Eddie
Van Halen with our band.
How old were you when you started acting?
Very young, I guess.
Very young, yeah.
What was the first job you had?
Eleven.
Yeah.
I did a JCPenney's commercial because I fit into the dress, actually, is the
reason I got the job.
Mm-hmm.
Did you have lines?
No.
I had to eat a chocolate bunny, and I remember the director being very angry
with me because I couldn't eat the bunny correctly.
Mm-hmm.
It's very upsetting when you're 11 years old.
I would think so.
Yeah.
And from that, what was your first theatrical part?
Well, first theatrical, well, I did Chomps, but let's not talk about that.
Chomps?
Yeah.
If you have cable or something out here, I mean, it's the thing about the dog,
this electronical dog that goes around biting people.
Chomps?
An electronic dog?
Chomps.
And what part?
Yeah.
Canine Home Protection Service, actually, is the...
Oh, I see.
Acronym.
Yeah.
And what did you, what part did you play in Chomps?
I was the girlfriend of the inventor.
Wow.
I've not seen the show.
Has anyone seen this program?
Well, I was 17.
Is it still on the air?
That's really a poor taste.
Well, now, is it still on the air, the show?
No.
No.
That, well, that, on cable every so often.
But one day at a time was really the first big break.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And how old were you going to get that?
I was 15.
And how long was the show on the air?
Nine years.
That's amazing, isn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you're probably glad that Pat Harrington is now out of your life, aren't
you?
Oh, it's a joke.
It's only a joke.
We're just joking here.
I know.
I like your jokes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
And now, what's it...
Now, you're a little nervous here because you mentioned your husband is here.
Yeah.
Do you travel with him a lot when he works?
Well, I...
Yeah, when he used to go on the road...
Honey.
He's spellbound by the conversation.
We're doing one of these.
That's right.
I'm over here.
I'm over here.
You're over here.
No, I used to go out with hi