Name: George Miller Collection on Letterman, Part 1 of 6: 1981-1982
Uploaded: 2020-10-15T16:00:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'George Miller Collection on Letterman, Part 1 of 6: 1981-1982' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'George Miller Collection on Letterman, Part 1 of 6: 1981-1982' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-15. Transcript available.

George Miller Collection on Letterman, Part 1 of 6: 1981-1982

Thank you so much.
Billy Crystal is on the program this evening.
And the guy that Michael Burrimo, I was telling you about earlier, the world
champion, if you
looked just quickly at his name here on the card, you might think he was a
world champion wrestler.
If you look quickly at the card, you might think, oh, he's a world champion
wrestler.
You know, I thought that earlier when I saw the rundown.
Yeah, but he's not. He's not a world champion wrestler.
Right, he's not.
But your eyes could play a trick on him.
Almost, yeah. So that's a clue. You've given us a clue.
Give me another clue. I was talking to my, and I hope I don't get billed for
this, I was talking
to my dermatologist. And I said to him, I said, he says, oh, you look terrific.
And I know that's
a lie because I've never looked terrific today in my life. And I said, how long
do I have to
keep taking these damn painkillers? And he says, well, are you still having
pain? And I said,
yes, I am. And he said, well, keep taking them until the pain goes away. That
was his advice.
Yeah. That's worth about 500 bucks right there.
I guess so. Now, I want to mention something. A good friend of ours, George
Miller, died a couple
of weeks ago. Old friend of ours. I first met George, a comedian, been on this
show 50 over 50 times.
Good friend of yours. Everybody, we all know George. And I met him in 1975,
1974,
for the first time in California. And he was a standup comedian. And he was a
great comic. And he's
one of these guys in standup comedy. There's a bunch of comedians that
everybody really thinks is just the best.
You know, if you're a comedian, there is a group of guys will be your favorite.
And George was one of those guys.
There's probably musicians like that. Oh, sure. Because George always had like
the best and kind of the funniest
and the most interesting jokes. And he was a great combination of just being
really, really
smart and a smart ass and silly.
You know, it was just a terrific combination. And over the years, we got to be,
well, he was probably my
closest, oldest friend. And George had been ill for, oh, I guess, 10 years or
so. He had had leukemia, sadly,
and finally died a couple of weeks ago. And what I thought I would do here
tonight, you've seen him many times on
on this program. And I'm going to show you, I think it's his second appearance
on the old Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.
You remember when Johnny had the show?
Of course. Yeah, I do remember.
It's like the Paul McCartney joke, isn't it?
He used to be in a different group before a week.
Yeah, that's right, yeah.
So, but in those days when we were all just kids and we were starting out in
comedy, the most important thing you
could do was go on that show and do well and make Johnny laugh. That's all you
cared about if you were a
comic, was getting on the Tonight Show and being on there. And Johnny would say
your name and he would
introduce you and you would walk out. And then you would get to hear Johnny
laugh. And if it worked that way,
well, you were in heaven.
Yeah.
Because that meant everything was working and the Lord was looking down on you
because that's really, that's all that counted.
Johnny laughed at something you said and my God, here you go.
Yeah.
So I called the office in California and talked to our friend Peter LaSalle and
I said,
do you mind if I just show one of George's early appearances from the Tonight
Show with Johnny?
And he said, by all means, go ahead.
So we looked at a couple of them and we picked them out.
And I think this is actually George's second appearance.
And this is from the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, July 20th, 1976.
And when you know George, the first thing when you see him, he looks like he's
about 11 years old in this.
Uh-huh.
Anyway, here's our old friend, George, early, early appearance on the Tonight
Show.
I hope you enjoy it.
George Miller is a young comedian who was with us a couple of months ago and
the audience liked him so much.
We asked him to come back with us tonight. He's got a delightful manner about
him.
Would you welcome, please, George Miller.
George.
George Miller: Thank you very much.
Um, people ask you questions if they know you're in show business.
They're curious. Sometimes they're nosy.
They say, "What did you do before?" or, "Did you do anything else?"
George Miller: I was working at a mailroom for a long time, one of those big,
uh, motion picture studios.
George Miller: Sorting the mail from nine to five was real boring.
George Miller: But, uh, I found out there was a lot of fooling around going on.
George Miller: And if a guy was a good lover, the girls would call him a 10-center.
George Miller: Say, "Larry's a 10-center, yeah?"
George Miller: And if the guy was really good, they'd refer to him as a 13-center
or air mail.
George Miller: That's right. That's what they say.
George Miller: You have any idea what it feels like to be known as postage do?
George Miller: You know what I couldn't do in high school?
George Miller: I couldn't make that stupid footstool in woodshop class.
George Miller: I finally got the thing made, but one leg was longer than the
other leg and it wobbled.
George Miller: So I planed down the long leg and I got too much off.
George Miller: Now, this leg was longer and it still wobbled.
George Miller: So I planed down this leg and I got too much off.
George Miller: Now this leg was longer and then eventually it became a breadboard.
George Miller: Oh, maybe you saw this on the 11 o'clock news recently.
George Miller: They had a big meeting of concerned parents and one guy got up
and he says,
George Miller: "Well, I believe there's too much violence on television and in
the movies."
George Miller: Then there was this woman at the meeting and she had to do the
old cliché.
George Miller: "Well, I would rather have my children see nudity than violence."
George Miller: Then there was this other guy and he kept saying,
George Miller: "Well, wait a minute.
George Miller: Why can't we have both?"
George Miller: "I'd like to see naked people beating the hell out of each other."
George Miller: "Any job I ever had though, something would go wrong.
George Miller: Two years ago I had a great show business job.
George Miller: I was the MC for Seals and Crofts who were really a hot singing
team.
George Miller: After one show, Seals and Crofts fired me because I had a few
drinks.
George Miller: Introduced him as Arts and Crafts.
George Miller: Any kind of drug or alcohol will follow up whatever you're doing.
George Miller: Maybe you saw this on the front of the Times a few months ago.
George Miller: No, it was longer than that.
George Miller: It was about a year ago.
George Miller: Two guys got picked up.
George Miller: They had in their possession 100 pounds of angel dust, which is
a hallucinogenic
George Miller: drug, but actually what angel dust is, is an animal tranquilizer.
George Miller: So like if your cow gets high on speed, you can give them some
angel dust and bring them back down.
George Miller: That'd be neat, huh?
George Miller: "Cow on speed."
That'd be neat, huh? Cow on speed.
Moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo.
Really enjoyed talking to you. Thank you very much.
Thanks so much.
Every once in a while, you know, new young comedians come on and you have a gut
instinct that they're going to catch on.
You know, that's twice he's been on the show, and I think he's going to be
dynamite.
I mean, he's fun.
What a great night for George that was.
To have Johnny say that about you, that was wonderful.
Ladies and gentlemen, here is tonight's top ten list.
Let's go.
Let's go.
But right now, I think we have something even more exciting planned for you.
Excuse me, Vince.
Do you have George Miller's address there?
George Miller.
Over here's a Miller.
Ann Miller.
We have Ann Miller here, and there's Natalie Wood, Robert Wagner, Doris Day,
and Ed McMahon right here.
There's Milton Berle's house.
I'm inside a chic Hollywood apartment located on glamorous Sunset Boulevard,
and as much fun as it is to visit the homes of the stars,
I think it's even more fun to find out how the stars themselves live, what they
do to have fun.
And that's what we're going to do.
Ladies and gentlemen, a man who is one of Hollywood's fastest rising young
comedy stars has invited us into his home.
Certainly a man who needs no introduction.
No, I do need an introduction.
You've seen him on all your favorite television shows.
Ladies and gentlemen, comedian George Miller.
Let's see if he's home.
Dave!
Why, hello, George.
George, thank you very much for letting us into your home to tell us how you
have fun.
My pleasure.
How do you have fun, George?
I have fun all different kinds of ways.
I have friends over.
Frank Sinatra was in two months ago.
He'd been taping Crosswits, and he dropped down here kind of a full day for
Frank.
You know, George, when you step into this edifice, it's breathtaking.
I love what you've done here.
What is this?
I like to pile things in corners.
I don't know why.
I've always been like that.
That's fun for you?
A lot of people, it is fun for me.
A lot of people don't know.
Underneath this is the body of singer-songwriter Eddie Rabbit.
He's down there someplace.
It's a wonderful, but yet somehow tragic story.
And you've done a nice job with that corner.
This, I'm guessing, is...
This is the entertainment center.
The entertainment center.
I have my television set.
I watch Merv Griffin every night.
It's the biggest thing I do in life.
Last night, I watched one of his wonderful theme shows, Actors Who Think They
Are Interesting.
Oh, darn.
I was out.
Now, yeah.
What, you know...
Excuse me, just a minute.
I'd like to ask you.
Couldn't help but notice you have lettuce on your bed.
This is my famous salad bar.
Salad bar.
That's fun for you?
That's fun for me.
All right.
Fine.
Thank you very much.
I guess on our way out, we'll just pass through the kitchen.
This must be the scene of...
This is quite a thing with me.
In 1962, Nikita Khrushchev visited, left me this fine china.
I think anyone who's ever done any time will recognize this sort of dishware.
I think you're probably right.
And, of course, on our way out, we'll pass through...
Oh, the mirror.
You have a mirror?
Yeah.
Once in a while, if I have nothing to do, I'll write maybe somebody's name and
blood on the mirror.
It's fun for you.
It's always fun for me.
The refrigerator, always a source of fun.
Eating is one of my greatest pleasures in life.
My favorite product of all time to eat, and I know it sure is, too, is the Swanson's
Hungry Man TV Dinner.
If there's anything I like when I'm really hungry, it's a thimble full of soup.
Thimble full of soup.
Ladies and gentlemen, we've been visiting George Miller, a rising young comedy
star in his home on the lovely Sunset Strip.
George, don't bother to show us out.
Thank you very much.
I certainly appreciate your time.
It's too bad that Donnie Mosque wasn't home.
Thank you, Paul.
Thank you, Paul.
At this time, we're quite excited to introduce another brand new feature never
before seen on my mouth here.
Here with a weekly report, the first installment thereof, from his room, the
much-sought-after and celebrated comedian and late-night correspondent, Mr.
George Miller.
Hi, this is George Miller, and this is my room right here.
And I've lived here now for about six years in apartment 303.
I used to live next door in apartment 304, but I moved because I wanted to be
closer to town.
You might notice that pile of stuff over there in the corner.
A lot of people don't know it, but underneath that pile of stuff is singer-songwriter
Eddie Rabbit.
Eddie's taking a nap under there, but he'll be getting up and going home in a
few minutes.
Right here is a mirror where I write my name in blood once in a while just for
something to do.
I stay in this room almost all the time.
Occasionally, I'll go out to Denny's or to my mother's for a hot tub bath, but
then it's right back here to my room after 