Name: George Miller Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 6: 1983-1984
Uploaded: 2020-10-17T03:26:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'George Miller Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 6: 1983-1984' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'George Miller Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 6: 1983-1984' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-17. Transcript available.

George Miller Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 6: 1983-1984

My next guest is a very funny comedian and a friend of mine.
He'll be appearing this week in my hometown of Indianapolis at a place called
Crackers.
Please welcome George Miller.
It looks like you have some new clothing on.
You look great.
Yeah, same stuff I wore the last show, I think.
Nice to see you.
I wanted you to know that I picked up J. Paul Getty up in Squirt, Washington in
1943, so I thought you wanted to know that.
Did that work out to anything?
And I also will answer any questions in the audience if I feel like it.
Now, I haven't seen you since before the holidays.
Have you made any New Year's resolutions?
I know you're the kind of guy that likes to have a clean slate every year.
I like to try to get my life in order.
That's right.
Yeah, well, the only thing is I've always procrastinated all my life, just put
everything off.
So for 1983, no matter what it is, I'd do it, get it over with, and get on to
life's next horror.
Well, that's good.
Now, I understand you were vacationing in Seattle?
I went up to Seattle.
It was right around Christmas time, actually.
Yeah, that must have been fun.
Oh, that was a thrill of a minute.
And I visited the Drake family, who I think I've talked to you a little bit
about them before.
Yeah, I grew up next door to them.
Probably, I would say, the cheapest people in the history of the world.
Mr. Drake died about a year ago.
He was frightened to death by a toll bridge.
But the twins, the Drake twins, Lenny and Benny, I think it was, they were
younger than I was.
And I remember, I think they were very, first of all, they were theatrically
inclined, and they were very, very, what is it, precocious, intelligent, same
thing.
I went over there one time, I think they were eight months old, they were doing
the cab scene from On the Waterfront.
Eight months, huh?
Eight months old, yeah, very precocious.
I guess that's the word, and Leon Drake.
Leon, now, Leon's the one I know about.
Yeah, Leon is a very, he was older, he was a good friend of mine in high school.
He was a very frail, fragile, skinny kid, and one time I was sitting next to
him, we were always kidding around, I was sitting across from him in the school
lunchroom,
and you know you got the straw, and you blow the paper off the straw on
somebody, right?
I did that to Leon, it killed him.
Dead?
Yeah, to Leon, that was deadly force, I guess.
Oh, my, well, kids shouldn't try that at home.
No, no, no, definitely not.
Did you see Mom when you were up there?
Mom, Mom was up there.
Killed him.
Killed him, just better than a mackerel, as you would say, I guess.
Yeah.
Mom was up there, and I was thinking the other day, you know, as my mom gets
older, the advice that she would give me, or the things that she said really
would stick in my mind.
Like, she's a very positive person, and any time I was troubled, she would
always say something that would make me feel better.
I remember one time I went to her as a teenager, and I told her how miserable I
was, and she said, don't worry about it.
It's just a phase you're going through.
It's called existence.
So she was nice, like, yeah.
Yeah, it buoyed your spirits.
Yeah, it helped out a lot.
Helen, your mother Helen, isn't it?
Yeah, Helen, and it's kind of turned out that way.
And I was thinking, I heard this expression the other day, and I'd heard it
from my mother when I was real little, and you probably heard it, too.
Somebody said, I want something.
And my mom says, people in hell want ice water, but they're not getting it
either.
Yeah.
You heard that?
I've heard that, yeah.
Yeah.
You heard that?
Yeah.
So I was little, you know, I was confused.
I thought hell must be like Denny's.
It's hard to get ice water.
I couldn't figure it out.
Well, I know you're an avid reader.
You read everything you get your hands on, don't you?
Oh, and reading is my salvation.
Oh, sure.
Have you seen anything in the papers?
I got some stuff because I can't.
It's funny, I was at a place called Joker's, Oklahoma City.
Joker's Comedy Club.
Oh, it's a club, yeah.
Yeah, it's another one of those famous comedy clubs that you always kid me
about.
And it's funny because I always get out my little sheet of paper because when
you read something off, I think it's really more effective.
And somebody, I guess, was there on Tuesday, and then, as you would say, he was
starved for entertainment because he came back Saturday also.
And I get out the paper again, and he says, haven't you got that crap memorized
yet?
No, I guess I don't.
Oh, by the way, I have this written down because I thought I'd forget it.
My friend Gordon McClee is a friend of yours also is in the audience today.
Gordon, I worked at the comedy store for a long time.
Gordon was the piano player there years ago.
And there's one comic after another, and Gordon, sometimes at the break, this
is not a joke, he would actually play Abraham, Martin, and John.
Yes.
Nothing like a good assassination number to get the crowd up.
So.
Anyway, the first thing is from the New York Times this morning.
It's the personals.
Do you like the personals?
I hardly ever read them.
I'm so busy that I hardly ever get around to the personals.
I knew you were busy.
Yeah.
This is from the personals today.
Anyone knowing the whereabouts of John Norman Rigby?
Please keep it to yourself.
The man is extremely boring.
There's a personals column.
Yeah, and a personals column, yeah.
Yeah, the second thing I have on my list here is the Grammy Awards.
I did not see them.
No.
But I was very disappointed that the song, this is an actual song title.
No, I did not make this up.
I think the most unusual song title of last year was not mentioned.
It's a today song.
Today song.
It's a now song.
Do I have to give up me in order to love you?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Maybe we should ask them.
And going on with my name.
Wait a minute.
I don't think you're going anywhere.
I think we're done here.
No, we'll come back.
We'll come back and try and get it in.
See, try and memorize that crap.
All right.
We'll be right back.
Thank you very much.
We're out of time.
I want to thank Dr. Bernard Meltzer, Melvin Dumar, George Miller, Paul Schaefer,
and our announcer, Bill Wendell.
Tomorrow night, film a more and done novella.
You're going to be in Cleveland.
When?
Cleveland, March 22nd at the Front Row 03 Theater with Bruce Baum.
Very effectively done.
Good night.
Good night.
My next guest is a very funny comedian and a good friend.
He'll be appearing tomorrow night through Sunday at the Comedy Works where you're
saying,
well, Denver, Colorado is the answer.
He'll also be, that'll be May 10th and the 15th.
No, I've screwed it up now.
That'll be in Denver.
And on May 10th and through the 15th, he'll be at the Comedy Spot in Atlanta
where everything
is so much funnier.
Please welcome George Miller.
Hi, George.
Nice to see you.
We have a comedy spot in Atlanta.
Comedy spot.
Last time you were here, you were on your way to Indianapolis.
Yeah, I went to Crackers.
Yeah.
And I was also in Squirt, Washington at the Hungry Wart again.
Yeah.
And have you ever been to Squirt?
Squirt is a very small town.
The bowling alley only has one lane.
No kidding.
And three of the pins are missing.
Oh, that's awful.
Vandalism.
You figure a small town wouldn't have that kind of trouble.
No, you wouldn't think so.
Yeah.
Perfect game is 210 there, you know.
No kidding.
Yeah.
Gee.
I've been all over.
I've been at the Laughing Canoe.
I've been at the Hungry Wart, the Comedy Crotch.
I've been all over these places.
The Comedy Crotch.
You bet.
And do you enjoy your travels around the country?
I do enjoy my travels.
In fact, later on tonight, I'm going to do my impression of a typical nightclub
owner,
which requires a prop.
I take out a nickel and squeeze it.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Now, do you like, use a lot of props?
Do you enjoy people who look for props?
Oh, I love prop comedy.
Yeah.
Oh.
I mean, when I really want to be entertained, the first thing I always look for
is a guy
with a trunk.
That would be where he would carry his props.
Right, he would carry, yeah.
We don't have to explain these.
No, that's true.
This is big-time entertainment.
Now, what about the improvisational comedy?
Oh, that's a notch above charades.
That's my all-time thing.
Yeah, you hear that?
Yeah.
When you go to these clubs, do you meet women?
Once in a while, you'll meet somebody.
And I had a blind date in Indianapolis, and I want to tell you about this.
And first of all, she wasn't the friendliest person in the world.
I found out that she had been voted Miss Wynn Chill Factor of 1981.
I get over there, right, and I knock at the door.
And the first thing she says, what are we going to do today?
She said it in that tone of voice?
Yeah, what are we going to do today?
Oh, brother, that gets under your skin right away, doesn't it?
No food, nothing, right.
So, I says, let's do something you like to do.
Go to a chemical spill and take a dip.
And take a dip, huh?
Take a dip, yeah.
That's what I said, take a dip.
Take a dip.
So, once in a while, though.
I do like travel.
You don't like to fly, right?
I don't like anything.
I forgot about that.
I forgot about nothing.
That's true.
I don't know.
It finally came out.
I don't care much for anything.
Okay.
I don't know.
Maybe I'm getting older, but...
It's your birthday, isn't it?
I just sit on the edge of my bed and stare at the floor.
That's what I like doing.
Oh, that's too bad.
No, I don't.
I fly, but I'm not...
Well, I've been flying Eastern Airlines recently, which is my all-time favorite
airline.
You enjoy that airline?
Flight attendant, could you make it a little bit colder in here?
I can still move my toes.
I was doing some investigating because I've been traveling around the last
couple of years.
Wait a minute.
Hang on.
Wait a minute.
Your part of the airline meal, as I recall, is what is your favorite part of
the airline meal?
Oh, what I love is anytime you have lunch or dinner on an airplane, same thing
always happens.
I burn my tongue on one of those piping hot rolls.
Oh, yeah.
The piping hot rolls are just...
Oh, you'd think they'd let them cool off for a minute or two before they...
Well, like you say, they should put a warning on those things.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
And fresh.
Fresh from the oven, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I think the last time that roll saw an oven was like 75.
What do you have there?
More props?
Well, this is some...
No, this is not a prop here.
I was investigating because I've been suspicious.
I am mentioned by name in the Federal Aviation Rule Book.
This is it.
Federal Aviation Rule Number 337 states that all aircraft are constructed so
that if comic
George Miller is on board, it is mechanically impossible for the plane to take
off unless
there is a screaming baby directly in back of it.
Well, you should be flattered in some odd way, I would think.
That's an exaggeration.
However, coming back to New York, I'm trying to take a nap.
I can't do it because the little kid right behind me is getting into the Guinness
Book of World
Records by opening and closing his tray table a thousand times a minute.
Yeah, yeah.
That's fun.
That's fun to do.
Don't pick your face like that.
No, I didn't.
I just did like that little itch there.
Kind of picking it, though.
No, I wasn't actually picking it.
It was a pick.
I'm not.
It was a pick.
I'm just sort of rubbing it.
It's actually nothing there.
You got the nail right in there.
That's a pick.
There's nothing there.
And the only reason I'm doing it is you're making me nervous.
That's the only reason I'm doing it.
It's just like that.
You wouldn't be nervous.
I wouldn't?
No.
I know you.
You're not nervous at all.
All right.
Sort of brought the proceedings to a halt, haven't we?
Yep, yep.
What are you doing after the show?
I thought maybe I'd hold a seance and try to contact Franchot Tone.
I don't know who that is.
Oh, really?
Then you have good reason to be nervous.
Now, who is that?
That's an old-time movie actor.
See, I know how many of you knew who