Name: Sean Connery Collection on Letterman, 1993 & 2000
Uploaded: 2020-10-31T16:24:56.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sean Connery Collection on Letterman, 1993 & 2000' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sean Connery Collection on Letterman, 1993 & 2000' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-31. Transcript available.

Sean Connery Collection on Letterman, 1993 & 2000

- Hi, Sean. Nice to meet you.
- Who are you?
- The name's Letterman.
Dave Letterman.
- You are a complete idiot.
- Oh, thanks.
- Are you folks ready?
Are you very excited about this?
We're very excited.
We're very delighted about the appearance
of our first guest.
This next gentleman requires no introduction.
For the first time on our program,
ladies and gentlemen, please say hello
to one of my favorite actors, Sean Connery.
- Oh, man. - Oh, man.
- Sean Connery. - Oh, boy.
- Sean Connery. - Oh, boy.
- Sean Connery. - Sean Connery.
- Sean Connery. - Oh, boy.
- Sean Connery. - Oh, boy.
- Wow.
Where can I get me one of them jetpacks?
- I just came from Europe.
That was very thrilling. Did you enjoy that?
Well, my voice is about two tones higher.
A snug fit, eh?
Yeah.
You didn't get that jet pack at the electronics store around the corner, did
you?
Yeah, Charlie gave it to me.
I can't get over what an impression that makes when you just drop down there in
that cloud of smoke.
How you doing?
Well, I'm doing fine. I'm really here to sort of quell these rumors about my
death.
Oh, really? Have there been rumors that you have passed away?
Yeah, something like that.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Yeah, well, I was, too, until I heard that it's good luck in the Orient to
consider that you,
when they say you've been announced dead and you're still alive, it means
longevity.
Oh, well, good. Congratulations, then.
No, what happened, basically, it's a bit of a farce, like most things.
A dear friend of mine, James Hunt, the racing driver, he died.
World champion.
Yeah, he lived near me in Marbella, and it was picked up as James Bond.
And then it went on to the press, and then it was picked up in Japan the same
day that the governor, ex-governor of Texas, John Connolly.
But then, of course, John Connolly is like Sean Connery in Japanese.
This is absolute gospel.
And then it went to France and Spain, and people were phoning up all over.
And, you know, very few people ever know where I am, even me, you know.
And anyway, that was the sort of finale of that one.
And you say very few people ever really know where you are, and you say you're
not sure.
But really, where are you?
Where does a guy like you hang around?
Where you live in Spain most of the time?
Well, it was up there for 20 minutes.
In fact, I live in the Bahamas, and sometimes in Spain, and sometimes in Monte
Carlo, and sometimes in Los Angeles, and sometimes where I'm working, wherever
that is.
You're a very, very lucky man.
How am I supposed to read that?
Well, no, I'm just saying.
This is the first time we've met.
Well, but it's.
It's just that you seem to cut a grand figure of glamour, and it's nice that
you can live that way as well.
Well, thank you.
I don't know what I'm talking about, either.
Don't worry about it.
No, one of the other points I wanted to clarify, I was also had a serious
throat disorder of cancer, which obviously is not true, and I wouldn't be able
to speak, et cetera, et cetera, which was something else that was picked up by
the media, started in this town, and went around the world.
Well, needless to say, I came here to be in living color with you.
Thank you.
So I'm obviously okay.
So you have.
So you had some sort of minor throat problem, but it was certainly not as dire
as was reported.
No.
Yeah.
Not at all.
This is something you've had before, some kind of, because I know there was a
time when you were communicating, they told you to rest your voice.
Yeah, that's right.
I had to put a note saying, sorry, I cannot speak.
I cannot speak, just, you know, so they'd take the paper and they would write
it down, and I would have to write, I can write, you know, and I'm not deaf.
Yeah.
Or they spoke loud.
Yeah.
Very loud.
Well, all of this, all of this is good news, and you, you know, forgive me
again, but you look terrific.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You know what, in thinking about films of yours that I have seen and enjoyed,
The Man Who Would Be King, what a great movie.
Yeah.
Fine.
Thank you.
Well, you talk about patience, John Huston waited, what, 39 years to make the
movie, and we had a lot of fun, Michael Caine and myself, and we shot it in
Morocco, which is incidentally where I met my wife, so lucky twice, very good.
The thing about Morocco that's so different is that, for example, one day I was
driving from Marrakesh miles to a location every day, sitting on this ribbon of
a road, and it was directly into the sun, and I was going about, I don't know,
an hour, sitting just the driver and me, and suddenly on the left side of the
road there appeared a little black dot that got bigger and bigger.
As I got closer, I realized it was an old man carrying a bundle of sticks, oh,
two meters high, just at a very strange pace with a teapot on his belt.
I said, well, what's he doing?
And the driver said, oh, well, from this area here, they get these special twigs,
and they use it for charcoal, for drawing.
They've done it for hundreds of years, and I said, well, where would he come
from?
I mean, I can't see anything.
He said, well, they maybe came from the mountains there.
The mountains were miles away.
I said, well, you mean he's what?
Where's he going?
I said, he's going to Marrakesh to sell it.
I said, oh, really?
So, anyway, I go to the location, we shoot.
I'm coming back at night, and I'm a little tired, and on the same road, I
suddenly see on the right-hand side this dot appearing again.
And we get closer, and it's the old guy.
So, I said, pull in, and I ask him if he wants a lift, if he's, you know, we're
going to Marrakesh.
That's where he's going.
I said, yeah.
So, he's okay, stop the car.
So, he goes back, and I'm watching in the mirror what he's doing, and he goes
up, and he starts talking, and the old guy says.
I said, ah, get out of the car.
And I said, come on, what's the problem?
You know, does he want a lift, or doesn't he want a lift?
I mean, we'll have him there in 20 minutes from here.
And he said, well, his problem is he doesn't know what he's going to do with
the time that he's going to save.
Stir up his schedule.
And he's been five days getting there.
What would he do with all that leisure time?
Absolutely.
Speaking of leisure time, when you were shooting the movie, you and Michael Caine
are and were friends.
And was there any period of recreation for you?
Could you do anything there, or was it just desolation?
Well, we were coming back from one village in the mountains, miles from
anywhere, and we wanted to stop off and have a drink.
And then there was some really good music, because they're great musicians in
Morocco.
And it's difficult to get a drink, because most of the Muslims don't drink.
But anyway, we found the one place where you could have something.
And it was great near Jacob, but suddenly we looked around, there were no women.
So I said to Michael, do you mind if I dance with your driver, because he's
prettier than mine.
It's absolutely true.
Too much time in the desert.
I can't tell you what a thrill it is to have you here, and especially to have
you here and see that you're in great shape,
and there's nothing wrong with you.
And it's a real treat for us to have you drop by.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, John Connery.
John Connery, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back.
Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
Paul Schafer and Felicia Collins, the CBS Orchestra.
On the show tonight, Sean Connery, Academy Award winning actor Sean Connery is
here.
Sean Connery, a great actor, a great man, and a movie star, and an academy, and
we think he was mad at us.
Oh, you think he was mad?
Yeah.
He hasn't been here for seven years.
Really?
Can you believe that it's been seven years since he's been here?
No, the time flies.
That's right.
He flew in, right?
That's right.
We lured him in in a thing, and we had the jet pack.
A belt pack and a thing.
Yeah, and I think that had something to do.
Really?
With why he hasn't been back in seven years.
Have we heard him?
I don't know.
I just don't know.
But I know that there's a little something, so we'll find out.
Oh, we've got to iron that out.
Well, I don't know if we'll iron it out.
Oh.
We don't iron much stuff out here.
No, I noticed.
All right.
You ready to go, Paul?
Let's go.
All right.
Let's see if we can find out.
All right.
Here we go.
Well, you get a lot of paperwork.
When you get a big story, you get a lot of paperwork.
Got to do the paperwork, too.
Yeah.
Got to fill out the reports.
Look at you.
You're anal.
Well, thanks, Paul.
I mean that only in the best sense.
Well, it's very special.
This time of year is special.
Yep.
Okay.
Our first guest is an Academy Award-winning actor and a genuine motion picture
legend.
His brand-new film is called Finding Forrester.
It opens on Friday.
Here's Sean Connery.
Thank you.
Wow, that was something.
You're a powerful man.
I didn't, you know, I didn't exactly know what you had in mind there.
So I was a little, I was just a little nervous because it wouldn't surprise me
if you came
out here and just sort of disabled me and then walked off.
I would never do that.
How you doing?
No, no, I'm okay.
I just, I had not realized it was so long since I had been here.
You sound like Sean Connery.
When you talk, you sound exactly like...
Amazing.
Well, I've borrowed your hairpiece.
Is that yours or mine?
No, that's yours.
Absolutely.
Help yourself.
Now, let's talk about the last time you were here.
Am I right about this?
Am I wrong about this?
Did I do something that upset you?
Did I offend you?
Did I say something stupid?
Did something happen?
Was it...
It's rare that you're right on so many counts.
Wow.
All right.
And did it have anything to do with the entrance in the jet pack and that silliness?
Was that...
It must have been uncomfortable, to say the least.
Well, we found that out a bit later, but...
Have you still got the same producer?
Yeah, everybody's intact, more or less.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Okay.
Here now is what we're talking about.
Take a look, ladies and gentlemen.
This is seven years ago, Sean Connery.
See, there, we thought it'd be...
Look at that.
Yeah.
Very nice.
You look better today than you look then.
I see the expression on the face.
Yeah.
But we left you hanging up there a little too long, I guess.
Yeah.
What you never explained to these people was that it was continuous how we did
it, and we
had to cut it because I was speaking too high.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Well, that'll happen.
You had kind of a landmark birthday this year, huh?
This year, it's, yeah, 70.
70 years old.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Man.
Do you, did you have like a big party?
Any bigger than normal?
What did you do?
Well, I'm not sure.
It's so long ago now.
I don't remember much now.
When you get to this stage, it's, it's tough.
All right.
Well, just go ahead and make something up then.
Well, what do you think I'm doing here?
Did you have, uh, did you have a lot of friends over?
Was there drinking?
Was there carousing?
Was there, did you have cake?
What did you do?
What did you put in here?
It's just water.
No, joking.
I was only kidding.
No, no.
It was, I remember it distinctly, clearly coming here.
Uh-huh.
Wasn't I here?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I had a wonderful time once we'd landed and touched Terra Firma, and it was
a wonderful
show.
And, uh, I was watching your warm-up there.
Is it warm-up, you would call it, or your...
Well, that's what we strive for.
So nice.
It's freezing.
It's freezing.
Yes.
Yeah.
Nice.
Nice.
Let's talk about, uh, uh, oh, being honored by the Queen, being actually knighted.
Yes.
Yes.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Thank you.
It means a lot to you, being knighted.
Yes.
Be careful now, Dave.
Mm-hmm.
Dave.
You've got to be careful.
I will.
I'll be very careful.
Okay.
No, it doesn't really change anything.
Uh-huh.
It's, um, as I said at the time, an honor, uh, for Scotland.
And, uh, one of the rather good elements about it is that you're, uh, there are
no conditions
attached.
One can stay and do exactly as one did before.
I mean, I will continue to, 