Name: Kenny Sheehan Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 3: 1999-2000
Uploaded: 2020-11-20T19:12:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Kenny Sheehan Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 3: 1999-2000' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Kenny Sheehan Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 3: 1999-2000' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-20. Transcript available.

Kenny Sheehan Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 3: 1999-2000

24 hours between each show.
We have 24 hours between each show to get every detail.
Absolutely perfect.
Once again, time for another installment of True Stories of the Late Show Stagehands.
Here we are featuring Pat Farmer, Kenny Sheehan.
Take a look.
True Stories of the Late Show Stagehands.
Kenny and I were flying a plane through the Andes Mountains.
Suddenly, we were stranded on the icy summit of Mount Aconcagua with nothing to
keep us company but the snow, the wind, and each other.
Hey, Ken.
Yeah, Pat.
You're not going to kill me in my sleep and eat me, are you?
No way, Pat. Why?
No reason.
That night, Ken killed me in my sleep and ate me.
Believe me, I was pretty mad at the time.
Don't worry about that, Pat.
Don't sweat it, Ken.
True Stories of the Late Show Stagehands.
Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be right back with Roseanne.
Thanks for being here tonight.
I don't want to beat a dead horse here, but do you have other problems besides
the...
I have a lot of problems, Dave.
This is...
Exactly.
To me, this is like shedding my old self.
It's going to be like...
This isn't going to...
This will be quicker.
Don't smoke too much of this stuff, Dave.
You can get quite a buzz off this, I'm sure, if you rolled that up.
Because, you know, the drugs stay in your system for a long time.
But you're saying, do I have other problems?
Well, I have a therapist and a psychiatrist.
And a counselor and a sponsor and a trainer and a manager and an agent.
I've got all these people.
And they actually say that I'm duly...
I've got generalized anxiety disorder.
I have a little of that myself right now.
I'm sorry, you know what?
I just...
Well, Andy, I certainly hope that tonight's show will serve as a document to
prove that you've
turned your life around.
I wanted to do this.
It's like I'm coming out of my old skin.
It's shedding my...
I wish you'd done that in the hotel.
I thought you'd like it, Dave.
Can you help me here?
No, I'm not going to help you.
Does it look better?
Yeah, it looks much better.
I don't know, Dave.
I just...
I don't know, you know?
I was thinking of, like, making some wax hair dolls.
You know those guys who've been out here all night with the dustbusters
cleaning up the confetti?
Can we get them out here now to clean this up?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I don't feel...
It's nothing personal.
I just don't like human hair on my desk.
It's clean.
It's clean.
Hey, let's go nuts there, Kenny.
This is Andy Dick.
Kenny Fian.
Thank you.
Let's get this stuff going.
Can you take a little...
Is your mind?
Is your mind?
I can't read more about it.
It's just nice and short.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
What are you...
Okay, that's good.
We can do this all night.
Thanks, Kenny.
Thanks, Kenny.
You did a great job.
Well, it's good to see you again.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Honestly, thanks for letting me come on and...
Oh, sure.
Yeah.
Come on.
And try to explain myself.
Yeah, well, I think you did a nice job.
Andy Dick, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be back with Elvis Costello.
Dear Dave, you have lots of attractive female celebrities on your show.
Do we ever...
Have you ever dated any of them?
Marie Boyle, Boston, Massachusetts.
You know, this is a...
I wish...
You know, I wish we could.
Well, we can't.
Not that they'd ever give me the time of day.
But it's an official CBS network television policy.
We're not supposed to get involved socially with the female guests.
That's how that works.
We're not supposed to...
Hey, Dave.
Dave.
Yes, Biff.
Biff Henderson, ladies and gentlemen.
I know...
I know it was unprofessional.
I mean, but last year, I kissed Elle McPherson backstage.
Really?
I had no idea.
I had no idea, Biff.
Thank you for...
Yes, Dave Dorsett, one of our cameramen.
Yes, Dave.
I had a Spice Girl sandwich.
Wow.
What?
What?
Aren't you married?
I thought you were married.
What is...
What?
Hey, Dave.
What?
Hey, Dave.
Yes, Kenny.
What?
Oh, my God.
Not you, Kenny.
What?
I did it with Drew Barrymore.
No.
No.
Really?
Uh-huh.
I'm Heather Graham.
Nev Campbell.
Julia Roberts.
Melanie Griffith.
Mira Salvino.
And that chick from Felicity.
Are you done?
You finished up here?
And Ellen DeGeneres.
Nah, I thought she was gay.
She wasn't that night.
This edition of Bring on the Lawsuits has been brought to you by Old Navy Drawstring
Chorps.
They're fit to be tied.
Back to you, Dave.
I like the music.
I like the music.
That's cute.
It's cute little music.
That's like birthday party music.
You know, like the party clown comes out.
Sue us.
Sue us.
You are.
We sue.
Yeah.
Let's take a look at an inspirational videotape entitled Self-Esteem in a Box.
It's right there.
Self-Esteem in a Box.
Roll it.
It's just the way you are.
Do you believe it?
Whether you're bad or sad or class or fair, you're perfect.
Perfect.
It's just the way you are.
Yeah, there you go.
Cool.
Now, there's a, uh, this, the Self-Esteem in a Box video comes with a companion
video.
It's the guy who lives beneath the Self-Esteem Lady right there.
Let's take a look at that.
The guy who lives underneath the Self-Esteem Lady.
Companion video.
There he is.
Let the f*** go!
They don't get any bigger than that.
We should have probably bailed on that.
Ah, yeah.
Yeah.
I bet you're glad you stayed around now, huh, lady?
I'm very happy you're sticking around because it's time once again for one of
our favorite segments here on the Late Show.
True Stories of the Late Show Stagehands.
Now, tonight's episode features stagehand Kenny Sheehan.
Take a look.
True Stories of the Late Show Stagehands.
I call this story.
I call this story Kenny and the Magic Lamp.
I was down in the prop room cleaning up when all of a sudden I found this
antique lamp I've never seen before.
I knew it was special so I brought it home with me.
That night I polished it up good and then nothing happened.
So I decided to sell it on the internet as a lamp from David Letterman's house.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
It would be magical, huh?
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
Some sucker paid me 80 bucks for it.
How are the camera angles on this show?
It was fine.
It was fine.
It was fine.
Kenny Sheehan was in the movie.
Really?
Yeah.
There he is.
Right there he is.
Kenny, right there.
Come on.
There he is.
Right there.
Yeah.
Thanks, Kenny.
The Broadway veteran.
I'm going to show.
Do you mind if I show the clip where you're in Annie?
No, no.
Go right ahead.
Here's Kenny Sheehan, ladies and gentlemen,
on the broadcast of last night.
The movie Annie.
Take a look.
We're two of the cops.
The happiest pair now.
Step the up.
Step the up.
Step the up.
Step the up.
Step the up.
Cute, wasn't it?
I can't do it.
Yeah.
These are actual letters from actual viewers and we answer them here on the
Friday.
Let everyone.
Dear Dave, where did the Late Show interns go after you kissed them at the
beginning of the show?
Oh, this is a good question.
This is from June Davis, Sebring, Florida.
And this is about the two interns, the Late Show Hi-Ho Babes that we see every
night.
And the question is, where do they go after the opening of the show?
I believe, although I'm always out here, but they're just backstage, aren't
they?
Aren't the two young ladies backstage?
Here, turn on the camera.
I think that's where they are.
Is that where they are now?
These are the girls that you see every night at the top of the show.
Dan, you're playing the music again.
Grazie.
You're right up there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Man.
I'd like to come back as a sequin.
That's the George Washington Bridge right there.
Nice shot, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
That's the George Washington Bridge right there.
Nice shot, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
That's the George Washington Bridge right there.
Nice shot, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
That's the George Washington Bridge right there.
Nice shot, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
That's the George Washington Bridge right there.
Nice shot, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, speaking of couldn't find something else to do, look at this.
We've got a camera and a turkey and all day long technicians between eating.
We're mounting the camera inside.
Take a look at this.
You weren't going to believe it.
Can you, there.
This is inside.
That's inside a turkey.
Now we're going to show you.
We're going to stop this for it.
That's right.
We have won awards.
That is in there.
All right, go ahead.
Are they going to go ahead and stuff that thing?
Okay, here we go.
Get ready.
You have to have those green rubber gloves.
That's...
All right.
Okay.
All right.
Just stuff it.
Don't get acquainted.
All right.
Well, that's done.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, earlier today the 400th annual Macy's Thanksgiving
Day Parade
took place right out there on Broadway.
So mothering...
Parenting a mouse.
Yeah, that's higher up on the scale compared to the...
Yeah.
It's purely the evolutionary scale.
Is there a mouse here with you?
Yeah.
Oh, did they tell you?
I brought...
They used a mouse as the model for Stuart and it was so cute and I kind of fell
in love with it and they gave it to me.
So he kind of is the movie mouse then?
Yeah.
And I brought him.
Yeah.
He's waiting in the green room.
Do you have a camera or this?
Oh, there he is.
Look.
Oh.
Oh, I gave him a little cheese before.
Okay.
Isn't he cute?
He won't eat the cheese.
Give me an idea of the quality of the food in the green room.
The mouse won't eat the cheese.
Yeah.
And do they last?
How long do they last a mouse like that?
Oh, they should last years.
Let me see.
What color, where is he?
Can I see him again?
Where is he?
Let me just...
Dave!
Dave, what have you done to my mouse?
We had a problem.
Stuart!
We had a problem.
Stuart!
I know, we've had a problem in the theater.
I'm sorry.
Hey!
That's terrible.
No, where's my mouse?
Wow, man.
That mouse had a shoestring for a tail, I think.
Yeah, okay.
All right, all right.
You know what?
It was fake.
It was fake.
Thanks, Kenny.
Nice job.
We're all breathing a collective sigh of relief out here.
That could have hurt the movie.
You know...
Let's start with some New Year's resolutions.
I thought about this, and we're like three or four days into the New Year.
And I think I'm gonna stick with the resolution I've made for the last 20, 25
years.
My resolution for this year: eat more salads.
Eat more salads.
That's my resolution.
I'm gonna...
Thank you very much.
This is my 16-year-old son, Jeremy.
Jeremy, come on out.
Where are you, buddy?
I resolve to be 100% more perfect 100% of the time.
Straight A's, star quarterback, dating the cheerleader.
'Cause that's the only way you're gonna love me.
That's the only way I'm gonna be good enough for you and your stripper
girlfriend!
All right, Jeremy.
That's fine.
Take off.
Take off.
This has been "Daddy, Hear My Love," a Hallmark Hall of Fame production.
Okay.
You met Jeremy, right?
Your son, yeah, I haven't seen him in a long time.
Yeah, he's high strong.
Yeah, he's a head case.
Uh-huh.
Kenny Sheehan, one of our stagehands.
Kenny, where are you?
Oh, right there.
Hi, Kenny.
Hi, Daddy.
Happy New Year.
What's your resolution?
I resolve to be 100% perfect 100% of the time.
That's the only way I'm gonna be good enough for you and your stripper
girlfriend.
This has been "Daddy, I Pick Up the Wrong Script at Rehearsal," a Hallmark H