Name: Valentine's Day on Letterman, 1996
Uploaded: 2021-02-14T22:13:54.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Valentine's Day on Letterman, 1996' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Valentine's Day on Letterman, 1996' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-14. Transcript available.

Hey, it's Valentine's Day. Did you have a nice Valentine's Day?
Oh, I did.
You know what I did for Valentine's Day?
You know what I do every year.
Yeah.
Oh, come on. You know what I do, right?
Well, I do.
Do I have to tell you?
I want you to tell.
Okay, here's something that I do every year, and I'll just come clean on this.
Every year, I take a couple of minutes out of my day to ask a lovely, lovely
woman if she won't marry me.
I'm going to do that here tonight.
Come on in. Where are you?
Here she is, ladies and gentlemen, Mary Tyler Moore.
Wow, you got a haircut.
Oh, you look great.
Thank you.
Let's just get the hell out of here.
All right.
Okay.
All right, I'll just go ahead.
Mary, how about it?
Will you marry me?
No.
Mary Tyler Moore.
So that's what, it's kind of a, it's more of a symbolic thing. I like doing it
every Valentine's Day.
Paul, what about you? What did you do today, buddy?
I celebrated the same way I always do, with a chilled bottle of Riuniti, a
couple of copies of the National Geographic.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was my Valentine's Day.
How about our drummer, ladies and gentlemen, Anton Zipp, one of the hardest
working drummers in show business.
Anton Figg.
Yeah. Anton, how'd you celebrate Valentine's Day?
I'm going to finish carving my jack-o'-lantern.
Yeah, we'll see.
Look, isn't this going to be great?
Yeah, I know.
You're confused.
You're confusing Valentine's Day with Halloween.
Huh?
I'm such a blooming idiot!
Yeah.
Well, you're certainly in good company tonight.
I'll tell you what, let's turn on the camera out there on 53rd Street and then
talk to some folks out there.
Oh, look, it's a policeman, a New York City police officer.
Pardon me, officer.
What are you doing for Valentine's Day?
I'm going to do my best to spread Valentine's cheer throughout the city.
Uh-huh.
Wait a minute, was there a dog? Did I see a dog? Was there a dog over there?
Let me see the dog.
Oh, look at that beautiful doggy. Hey, Poochie. What did you do for Valentine's
Day, buddy?
First, I'm going to eat a whole box of chocolates, then I'm going to eat the
cardboard box.
All right.
After that, I'll be drinking water out of the toilet.
Wow.
And Biff, one of our stage managers, Biff Henderson. Biff.
Yeah, Biff.
Oh!
Hey!
Biff, you're the man.
You're the man.
You're the man.
No, you're the man.
No, you're the man, Biff.
No, no, you're the man.
No, you're the man.
How can I possibly be the man when you're the man, Biff?
Because you're the man.
Now, Biff, when I first met you, you were Biff Boom Boom Henderson, and I
understand you've changed your nickname. You're now Biff Kaboom Henderson. Is
that right?
That's right.
There you go.
Biff, how are you going to spend Valentine's Day today?
Well, Dave, this Valentine's Day, I'm planning to pop a very special question
to a very special lady.
Oh, really?
In fact, I'm going to do it right now.
Oh, my goodness.
Well.
Lady in C3G, will you marry me?
Yes!
Yes!
A thousand times, yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yeah!
That's cute, isn't it?
Sad thing about that, you know, he ain't kidding either.
He ain't kidding.
He ain't kidding.
He's the man, though.
He's the man.
No, he's the man.
Biff Kaboom Henderson.
He feels you're the man.
Used to be Biff Boom Boom.
Changed it.
Now, Biff Kaboom Henderson.
Yeah.
Oh, I tell you what, let's ask Cupid himself what he'll be doing for Halloween,
Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day.
Here he is.
Cupid himself.
Cupid. Cupid. You're the man. You're the man. You're the man. You're the man.
You're the man. You're the man. You're the man. You're the man. Cupid, what
will you be doing for Valentine's Day?
Same thing as I do every year, Zippy. I'll be entertaining America. Hit it,
Helen.
My funny Valentine. Sweet comic Valentine. Stay, little Valentine. Stay. Each
day is Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day.
Cupid. Thank you very much. You're the man. You're the man. You're the man. You're
the man. You're the man. How can I possibly be the man if you're the man?
You're the man.
Well, you're right. Maybe I was mistaken.
All right. We're going to do a commercial and then, oh, the big show continues.
Come on back, folks.