Name: Elmer Gorry Collection on Letterman, Part 1: "Grant Tinker," 1985-86
Uploaded: 2021-03-29T23:16:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Elmer Gorry Collection on Letterman, Part 1: "Grant Tinker," 1985-86' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Elmer Gorry Collection on Letterman, Part 1: "Grant Tinker," 1985-86' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-29. Transcript available.

Elmer Gorry Collection on Letterman, Part 1: "Grant Tinker," 1985-86

Thank you very much, Paul.
Welcome back to the program, ladies and gentlemen.
We have a fine guest lineup for the show tonight,
and we'll get them out here before you know it.
I'll tell you who they are.
Margot Kidder is here tonight.
Also, comedian Harry Anderson will be joining us.
And my first guest tonight happens to be my boss.
He is also John Chancellor's boss, Jane Pauley's boss, Gary Coleman's boss,
Skip Stevenson's boss, Johnny Carson's boss.
Well, let's check that one.
The list goes on and on.
Please welcome the chairman and chief executive officer
of the National Broadcasting Company, Mr. Grant Tinker.
Grant, nice to see you, sir.
Nice to see you.
Thank you very much.
Very nice suit, by the way.
Attractive suit.
Thank you.
It goes with the job.
Oh, really?
You have to have these.
How many people do you have under your...
How many people before you are...
You know what I'm saying.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know them all, but there are some 7,000 people.
7,000 people.
At NBC.
Yeah.
And you are the...
Help me out with your job titles.
You are the chairman of the board of NBC.
Yes.
And the...
And the chief executive officer.
Now, what are those?
I was hoping you wouldn't ask me that.
I mean, they're exactly what they sound like.
Is there anything that has bothered you that you can't solve right now?
Well, yeah.
What bothers me is that we can't solve it by next Tuesday.
It's the slowness of it all.
I'm very impatient in how long it takes.
And that was a surprise to me.
I really thought as an ignorant outsider before I came back that, you know,
just a little fooling
around with the schedule and we would be flying.
And it turns out that audience habit is a thing that moves very slowly.
Yeah.
And yours, by the way, is moving upward.
Slowly but upward.
Oh, no, no, no.
Let's not get buried away here.
I didn't mean to embarrass you.
And now, a special message from Grant Tinker, chairman of NBC.
Hello, I'm Grant Tinker.
It's been a good year here at NBC, what with hit shows like Bill Crosby and
Hill Street Station.
But raking in big advertising dollars isn't our only priority.
Another is building a better world.
That's why tonight, it's my great pleasure to introduce the new late-night
anthem.
Why does late-night need an anthem?
Well, call me a dreamer.
But it's my hope that the late-night anthem will inspire the nations of the
world to settle
their differences, leaving them more free time to watch network television.
Plus, and this is important, all the really happening companies have anthems.
Coke, Delta Airlines, GE, Turner Broadcasting, HBO has two.
Uh, Grant.
Oh, sorry.
Well, anyway, sit back with us now and enjoy Paul Schaefer and the late-night
international
children's choir.
And I think you'll see it's a late-night world of love.
Maestro?
Maestro?
There's a cool breeze blowing.
You can feel it cross the land.
It's clear blue skies, grandma's eyes, a place where you can stand.
And late-night is the reason our forefathers fought with pride.
It's surf and fun, dad and son, a feeling that's deep inside.
It's a late-night world of love, it's a late-night world of love.
It's a late-night world of love.
It's a late-night world of love.
It's a late-night world of love.
It's a late-night world of love.
It's a late-night world of love.
It's a late-night world of love.
There's a whole new generation who are willing to say yes.
It's soups and stews, a wall of shoes, a thing called happiness.
So change the channel, change your life.
It doesn't cost a thing.
We're talking loud, standing proud.
Now, join us as we sing.
It's a late-night world.
It's a world that we can share.
So turn on your TV and watch it with me.
It's a late-night world of love.
It's a late-night world of love.
It's a late-night world of love.
It's a late-night world of love.
It's a late-night world of love.
It's a late-night world of love.
It's a late-night world of love.
We're all right now, aren't we, Hal?
Yes, we're back on track.
That's our director, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Hal Gertner.
Give me, David, that's great.
Thank you.
Two E's.
We know, Hal, thank you.
Letter number two begins, "Dear David, are you and Kevin, the cue card holder?"
That's Kevin Kaye, the man who operates our cue cards for us.
"Are you two good friends or are you a fake Mr. Nice Guy?"
"You seem sincere, but would you be seen with him in public?"
A friend, depending on your answers, Charles Seacrest, Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Charles, frankly, I'm quite hurt that you would accuse me of being a fake Mr.
Nice Guy.
Of course, I'd be happy to be seen in public with Kevin.
In fact, here's a picture of a couple of weeks ago, wasn't it, Kevin?
We went out to Yankee Stadium, took in a ball game.
So, as you see, we go a lot of places together.
We had a very nice time, Kevin and myself.
So...
You know, in some countries, there is a shortage of blue cards, but here in the
United States,
we just waste them.
Look at this.
You know, in some countries, there is a shortage of blue cards, but here in the
United States, we just waste them.
Look at this.
Letter number three, "Dear Dave, why don't you save some money for NBC, fire
the cue card guy, and use a teleprompter instead.
Cheaply here is Jeff Fitzsimmons, Redlands, California."
You know, that's not actually, that's not too bad an idea.
Well, Jeff, that's the most asinine suggestion I've ever received.
I would never fire the cue card guy.
In fact, I'm going to give him a big raise in the future.
Kindly keep your oafish opinions to yourself.
Ladies and gentlemen, I've just been informed from the control room that
apparently Kevin K., our cue card man,
is the first staff member in three years on this show to be featured in two
viewer mail letters in the same night.
So you see, it really is a festival.
Letter number two, by the way, let's have our letters called off tonight so
there is no scoring mistakes at home by our director, Mr. Al Gurney.
Al, will you call these off for us?
Wait a minute.
Yeah.
It's Hal.
Hal, Hal.
I'm sorry, Hal.
Yeah.
Letter number two.
That's our director, Mr. Hal Gurney, ladies and gentlemen.
Letter number two.
Where do your guests stay before they come on the set?
Do they dare ask for money to be a guest on the program?
This is kind of a two-part question.
Here are two answers.
Before they come out, they stay in the green room right around the corner there.
But I'm afraid network policy forbids us from actually paying our guests.
However, we do try to provide them with some kind of compensation.
And I think this file tape will show you exactly what I mean.
Hal, roll that file tape, will you?
And they thought it was a gerbil.
Oh, gosh.
Oh, this is a great book.
It's called Life in a Truck.
This is the author, Arlene Gender.
Arlene, nice meeting you.
It's a fabulous book.
Thank you.
We'll be right back, folks.
Thank you.
You know, we can't afford to pay you for being on the show, but I'd like you to
come over
to the prize wonderland.
And I think we have something lovely for you.
Oh, great.
Arlene, this is the NBC board chairman, Grant Pinker, Arlene Gender.
Hello.
Hello.
Corrections world.
You have tape and envelopes, a staple remover, and paperclips.
I'll go with the paperclips.
Oh, good.
Have yourself.
Great.
Thanks.
Easy now.
Easy.
How's that?
Fine.
I hope you enjoyed this.
Thank you.
Okay.
Thanks for being here.
Thank you, Grant.
Yes, sir.
Easy.
Easy.
What are we doing?
We're going into the audience?
Oh, boy.
We haven't done this in a week and a half.
Yes, sir.
Tonight, we're doing something called Brush With Jerks, I believe.
Now, the way this was explained to me, if you've had kind of an unfortunate
episode
with another member of the human race, you're going to tell us about it tonight.
Is there a Matt Grace here?
Matt Grace.
Please, Matt, come down and pick up your car.
Mr. Matt.
Hi, Matt.
There you are.
Nice to see you.
Where are you from, sir?
I'm from New York City.
What do you do for a living?
I work in a nightclub.
Yes.
You work in a nightclub doing what?
I'm a doorman.
You're a doorman.
And so you probably come in contact with a wide variety of human beings.
I would say so.
A wide variety of jerks, also.
A wide variety of jerks.
All right.
Tell me about your experience.
Well, this was one particular Friday night, I believe.
And we had a very long line, about a two-hour wait.
And these three or four guys come up to the door of the club, and they were
intoxicated.
And it's my job to tell people they can't come in the club when they're...
You don't allow people who are drunk inside the club.
No, of course not.
And once they get inside the club, they're not going to get intoxicated because
the drinks
are watered, right?
That's correct.
Okay.
Okay.
Now, so these guys are in loopy land.
Right.
And one of the young fellows comes up to the door, and he says he wants to cut
the line.
And I said, "No, sir.
You're not even going to come in the club.
You're not even going to get online.
You're too drunk to come in."
And he protested, and his protest was that he was a Ford model.
So I said, "I don't care."
And what model Ford was he?
Like a Panto or a Model T, Dave?
So this is an international modeling agency, right?
Yes, it is.
And he wanted to get in because he was a Ford model.
And then what happened?
You punched him, right?
No, no.
I had somebody else punch him.
I told him, "I don't care if you're Bud Melvin, you're not coming in the club."
I said, and he kept going up and down the line saying, "I can't understand this.
I'm a Ford model, and they won't let me in this club," and so on and so forth.
He went on for about 10 or 15 minutes.
Some of my crew made some lewd comments to him.
Good.
Good for you guys.
And he went on his way.
Who writes the lewd comments for your crew?
We all get together about 15 minutes before the club opens.
Like infield practice.
Right, right, right, right.
And then what happened?
Well, he walked down the street.
Then he left.
Right, right.
Before that, a couple...
Wow, what an idea for a feature this is.
That's it.
Yes.
You guys insulted a drunk and then he left.
Yes.
Not just then a drunk, Dave.
A Ford model.
Right, a Ford model.
A Ford model.
Right.
Unbelievable.
Well, no more calls, ladies and gentlemen.
We have a winner here.
I tell you what, Matt, for telling that scintillating story so well, our own
chairman of NBC,
Mr. Grant Tinker, has a little something for you.
Oh, thank you very much.
Grant, this is Matt Grayson.
I understand you have something for you.
Nice to have you.
Nice to have you.
Yes, well, Dave, it's towards the end of the month.
Towards the end of the month.
So we're going to give Matt something here.
All right.
What do you have there?
Six dollars.
Great.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Thanks, Pat.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
All right.
Is there a Katie Lombard with us?
Katie Lombard.
Katie, before Warren, do you have to top the story about insulting a drunk?
Do you think you can do that?
Where are you from, Katie?
I'm originally from Connecticut.
Now I live and work in New Jersey.
New Jersey.
What do you do for a living there?
I work for a biomedical research lab.
And what do you do, test things that people send in?
No, we do research for the medical profession.
Like what kind of research are you involved in?
Or can you tell me?
I'd rather not say.
Now, you're from Connecticut.
That's the nutmeg state, you know.
It's the Constitution state.
And the Constitution state.
Now you're living in New Jersey, which is?
The Garden State.
The Garden State.
And New York, of course, is?
The Empire State.
Very good.
Very good.
Grant, come on up.
What do we have for her?
Oh, no.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Hey, you stand.
No, Grant, wait a minute.
Stay right here, Grant.
All right.
Now, Katie, tell me your story.
Well.
Very nice young lady, isn't she?
Oh, isn't she?
Why don't you put her in one of your sitcoms, Grant?
There's a particular person that works in the lab with me.
What's the name of the person?
I'd rather 