Name: Jack Hanna Collection on Letterman, Part 9 of 11: 2009-2010
Uploaded: 2021-04-25T19:36:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jack Hanna Collection on Letterman, Part 9 of 11: 2009-2010' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jack Hanna Collection on Letterman, Part 9 of 11: 2009-2010' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-25. Transcript available.

Jack Hanna Collection on Letterman, Part 9 of 11: 2009-2010

How's it take a better time to show, show what you need to learn?
Zombie.
Very nice.
Our next guest is the director emeritus of the Columbus Zoo
and the host of his own very popular television series entitled
Jack Hanna's Into the Wild.
Here he is, Jungle Jack Hanna, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome back.
How's it going?
Good to see you.
You want to hold one?
Yeah.
Nice goats.
What do you got here?
How do you hold them?
This is the first goat I've ever held.
Easy, easy.
Isn't he?
Okay, yeah.
Cute.
What kind of goat is this?
You don't...
Huh?
Don't hold him that way.
What do you mean?
Watch out, Dave.
What am I going to do?
Well, you've got his legs separated.
Just hold him.
Okay.
Look at how I'm doing.
I just don't know how to hold a goat.
I'm sorry.
You know why I brought them out here?
Well, because they're interesting animals.
Well, but these are the first two animals that started me, everybody,
when I was five years old.
I had two goats, sparkle and bugle.
Really?
I had two goats, sparkle and bugle.
And these are the same?
These...
So these goats must be nearly 60 years old.
No, it's not that way.
I didn't say how old, but these are...
See, these are Nubian goats from Africa, okay?
And I had two of these as a five-year-old.
They're beautiful.
They're sparkle and bugle.
My dad ran over a bugle with the car.
It was terrible.
But anyway, you'll never forget that.
No.
Yeah, it's the kind of thing that stays with you.
Yeah.
And now the rest of us will never forget that.
But anyway, I love goats, and the Nubian goat is very...
If you had certain...
This one feels like it's purring.
Do they purr?
Oh, put your fingers in my mouth like I'm sucking...
See, like you're a kid.
No.
Oh, that was pretty good.
Kid.
Yeah.
I just got it myself.
Kid goat.
I know.
I understand.
Anyway, Dave, if you have...
But look, this poor thing is trembling, Jack.
Oh, he's not trembling.
If you hold him right, he's not going to tremble.
Well, I don't know.
Put him against your body.
Well...
Act like you're normal or act like you're relaxed.
Act like...
They...
David, if you were from Africa and you had 30 of these, you were a very wealthy
person.
Well, goats are highly valued.
Yes, because you got milk, meat, tools, tools, everything.
Tools? What kind of tools?
Well, when they die, you take their bones and make tools.
Oh, is that right?
Like knitting needles and things.
Here, you can come and get the goats now, because you won't believe this.
You know what, Jack?
I said to myself today, when Jack's out here tonight, let's really try to learn
something about the animals.
Because so often, it's just a blur.
So tonight, let's really try to learn something about zoology.
I've said that for 24 years, I've tried to say that.
Be careful how you hold them.
Be careful.
See, look at the navel.
Jack's dad backed over one.
No.
Look at the navel.
That's how...
See the navel?
Yeah.
That's the navel.
Okay.
All right.
Dave, look at this.
Here.
Cute little things.
How old did they get?
Well, probably not old, because...
If you don't eat them, they get old.
Yeah.
Look at this, Dave.
Look at this.
It's elongated.
Yeah.
Have you ever seen anything like it?
Look at that.
Look at that.
Dave.
Listen.
This is...
This is a snake-necked turtle.
From New Guinea.
Look at...
It gets...
If you hold him up like this, it gets longer.
Mm-hmm.
He hides it.
He hides it.
Look at it.
Now, watch.
Watch.
If you're a fish going by, look at there.
Look at that.
Wow.
It just goes right in, and his fish goes by and goes bow.
It looks like a normal turtle now.
You think it is?
Yeah.
And you go like this, it's like a normal turtle.
Mm-hmm.
It should go out.
It's right out.
Wow.
Is that something?
Hit the release switch, and out it comes.
Yep.
I just...
That's...
That's a New Guinea snake-necked turtle.
Have you ever seen anything like that?
Never.
That's...
That's the first one I ever saw.
Wow, is that something?
Hit the release switch and out it comes.
Yep.
I just, that's a New Guinea snake-necked turtle.
Have you ever seen anything like that?
Never.
That's the first one I ever saw.
If we could just try to learn something about the animals tonight.
Oh, look at this.
Oh.
Yeah, be careful.
Yeah, I'm not sure how to hold it.
Yeah, be watching real close.
This is a hyena.
Okay, a hyena.
Make sure you're holding this.
Okay, whoopsie, whoopsie.
Let her hold it.
Okay, maybe you better, yeah, because that was, yeah.
He had a hard time with a goat, just leave it at that.
This, Dave, is a hyena.
Now, I'm going to ask you a question.
There are three hyenas, spotted, striped, and brown.
Which one is this one?
Well, the obvious would be brown.
I'm going to say this is a spotted hyena.
Somebody told you.
Nobody told me.
Nobody can, no, nobody told me.
She did, because I guessed wrong.
But, you know, I see this hyena, and I'm saying, is it an offshoot of the canine
family?
It's, oh, yeah, isn't it?
No, hyena day, their own family.
Hyena day.
Hyena day, please.
Hmm?
I know, I know a lot, but I can't.
By the way, the Columbus Zoo is the number one zoo in the country.
That's how much I know.
So, they are not related to canine, wolves, dogs.
By the way, this animal here is one of the only animals in the world.
I want to possum and explain to him what it has.
Because I'm not trying to be funny.
Use knowledge.
The girls have a pseudo-penis.
The girls do.
Women, hyenas.
They look just like boys.
Yes.
When you're out in the wild studying these and filming these, you cannot tell
the difference
between a male and a female hyena.
I'll give you $100 if you can do it.
If you go on a safari with me.
Well, for that kind of money.
Dave, this is a hyena, all right?
And it's a beautiful creature.
Yeah.
And this animal can, you can hear, when it's eating, it can hear the bones
break 50 yards away.
Would you like to sit down, ma'am?
Would you, are you all right?
Here, take my hand.
I don't hear that kind of time.
Okay, thank you very much.
That's nice.
Anyway, Dave.
Dave.
You want to know, you want to know, you want to know some more stuff about it?
Well, here's what I know.
The powerful jaw pressure, even more powerful than a shark.
Exactly.
In terms of crushing and eating powerful hyena jaws.
That's exactly right.
Yeah.
And you know how I track them?
I track them because when they eat the bones, it comes out in the feces white.
And that's how I track them in the wild.
I have somebody helping me, but that's what the guy told me.
What is your...
But this animal, Dave, goes and lives in warthog holes.
Warthog holes.
Yes.
Isn't that neat?
Sometimes a warthog comes back and a hyena pops out, grabs the warthog.
Right, crushes it.
He eats it, yeah.
Yeah, crushes it with his powerful jaw.
You're right, crushes it, yeah.
But I'm still taken by the similarities to dogs.
I am too.
Are you sure?
Absolutely.
No, more cost-related cats.
All right, all right.
More related cats.
When you trace the lineage back.
Back to cats.
Yeah, yeah.
I got some more.
Could you come on the show from now on?
Done deal.
We'll be right back, everybody.
Thank you.
Let's see.
Do we have other things?
I've got a lot of other things.
Well, let's go.
I can get half of them on because we got so technical about the hyena.
Anyway, Dave, this next thing, Dave.
Oh, look at these guys.
By the way, what you're seeing here, everybody.
Whoa.
This is the first.
Now, you're going to ask me the obvious question.
Yeah.
Why is a dog with a hyena?
Why is a dog with a cheetah?
Are they, they're mortal enemies, right?
I'm going to be serious for just a second.
I know it's hard for you.
What kind of dog is that?
This is an Anatolian Shepherd.
Oh, they're beautiful.
Now, here's the thing, everybody, real quickly.
The cheetahs are eating the cows.
The cheetahs are eating the cattle and the sheep in Africa.
Namibia, Tanzania.
They're eating the sheep, okay?
The cheetahs.
They're eating the sheep and cows.
So, what do we do?
We follow this.
We take Anatolian Shepherds from Turkey.
And the cheetah can eat a small sheep dog, right?
But this dog grows 150 pounds.
So, we provide these Anatolian Shepherds to the countries in Africa to protect
the cows and chase away the cheetah.
Dave?
Yeah, I'm serving our guests.
Did you hear?
I don't know if you, isn't that amazing, though, how we, now, a dog, a dog is
supposed to be the enemy of the cat, right?
So, that's why I want to show you tonight that this now is showing you that
this dog now is going to save the cheetah.
I heard this cheetah purring earlier.
They purr just like domesticated cats, don't they?
Dave, if you want to feed it, you can.
He's doing fine by himself.
Yeah, like I'm going to get in there.
But anyway, this is an Anatolian Shepherds.
Their bark scares the cheetah, 150 pounds.
Can you imagine that?
A cheetah's the fastest.
Do they make good pets, these doggies here?
So, no, I'm not trying to be, do they make good pets?
Because some people train them to hurt you.
Oh, we don't want that.
No.
We don't want that.
Yeah, a lot of training.
Are they feral?
No.
No.
No, there's an Anatolian Shepherds.
I know.
Anyway, these dogs, by the way, these cats are the fastest land mammal in the
world.
Yeah, it's cheetahs.
70 miles an hour.
70 miles an hour, that's right.
The only cat in the world with non-attractable claws.
The only cat in the world.
You look at the eyes.
Look at the eyes of that cat.
Oh, there, there.
Look at the feet.
Well, now look at that.
Well, look at the feet.
Look at the beautiful tails.
Oh, yeah.
Now, are cheetah in jeopardy?
Are they...
Yes, they're endangered.
Oh, really?
Yes.
Now, people have told me that some of these animals that we assume are
endangered actually in certain parts
of Africa need to be culled because they're so plentiful.
Is that true?
Some elephants, they do that, yes.
If they're game and fished out.
The older male, is that what they go after for the elephants?
Well, they try and get...
Yeah, it's a complicated thing.
I haven't got time to go into the elephant thing right now.
But as far as the cheetah, Dave, what I was trying to show you is if you look
at the eyes
on the cheetah real quickly, everybody, they have dark marks under the eyes.
See the dark marks?
You see a football player, a baseball player put that chalk on the light, right?
Same thing.
Exactly.
Cut down on a flare.
They hunt in direct sunlight.
The only cat in the world basically hunts in direct sunlight because they think
the other
animals aren't, you know, like at nighttime, they...
Now, they can run very fast, but for short periods.
Right.
Because they have small lungs.
Well, right.
But they have long legs like a greyhound.
And what happens is the cheetah makes a kill, grabs the esophagus and chokes
their prey
because they're a very weak cat.
Right.
What happens is the buzzard and vulture circle over and they say, hey, the cheetah
made a kill.
Let's go get the meat.
And therefore, the cheetah starve to death.
Is that a fact?
Yeah, it's a fact.
So, the cheetah does all the heavy lifting and the buzzards get fat.
No, the buzzards are telling the lions to come over and eat.
I see.
And then they take the leftovers.
They're like my first wife.
I don't know what that means.
Jack Hanna, ladies and gentlemen.
Good night, everybody.
Thank you.
Worldwide leader in pants.
Worldwide leader in pants.
Worldwide leader in pants.
good friend of the show. He's been on the program here forever. Always
something fascinating and
entertaining. Ladies and gentlemen, here he is, Jungle Jack Hanna. By the way,
I want to mention
Jack has a very popular television series, Jack Hanna, Into the Wild. So the
kids can see it, the parents can see it, and this tremendous book right here,
which I'm going to take home after the show, because it tells you everything
you need to know about animals, the wackiest, wildest, weirdest animals in the
world. And what have you brought for us tonight, Jack? You've got to go on a
safari with me sometime. We could have a lot of fun. I don't want to do that.
Dave, this is a Euro