Name: SCTV Cast Members on Letterman, Part 9 of 12: 2000-2005
Uploaded: 2021-08-03T18:05:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'SCTV Cast Members on Letterman, Part 9 of 12: 2000-2005' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'SCTV Cast Members on Letterman, Part 9 of 12: 2000-2005' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-03. Transcript available.

SCTV Cast Members on Letterman, Part 9 of 12: 2000-2005

Well, while Dave is relaxing in an undisclosed, warm location, people are
coming on The Late
Show all week long.
We've had people, friends of the show, people like Julia Roberts and Regis.
Oh, I like that.
Yeah, and Jerry Seinfeld.
Just talking about what it was like to do the show with Dave, what is Dave like?
They're reflecting on what Dave has meant to their lives.
To them and all different kinds of things.
Yeah.
And I'm out in Hollywood, California, actually, specifically to interview this
man about that
very same topic.
And this is my dear friend.
We go back too far.
And he's done the show so many times.
One of the cats that we can always count on, The Great Martin Short.
Oh, I like him.
He's fun.
No, it's you.
I'm talking about you.
Oh, thank you.
Stop loving me.
Stop loving me, everyone.
Oh, trademark.
See, this is why we can all, Dave can always count on you.
Well, you know why, because I'm not, because a lot of this is really, it's, I'm
masking the
shyness.
It's, it's.
You're masking the shyness.
Yes.
There's pain in here, but it's like, oh, isn't he outgoing, Jerry?
I wish he, I was outgoing like he.
Right.
When you come on with Dave, Dave alleviates the mask for you, would you say?
He alleviates the mask.
Yes, because so much of the time, it's in pain.
But how is Dave feeling?
He's feeling good.
Is that the point?
I spoke to him right after he had the thing, which was quintuple, quintuple
bypass surgery.
Now that is, correct me if I'm wrong, because I never finished school, because
I was too
busy touring in P.S.
Your Cat is Dead, which was a wonderful play.
That means three, that's three, isn't it?
He had five, I understand.
Five?
Five bypasses.
Well, that's quintuple.
That may be the most, yeah, that may be the most you're going to have.
Yeah.
I spoke to him right after the operation.
Uh-huh.
He was a little groggy.
I bet he was.
So I took advantage of the opportunity to ask him for a raise.
Did you get it?
And, yeah, he doubled my salary, which was wonderful.
I love that.
He is that kind of guy.
Yeah.
Well, I think he's, I think he's a remarkable presence.
I think that he can walk into a room and then suddenly not be.
And I think that very few people have that, yeah.
Speaking of Hollywood stars, though, you swing with a very fast Hollywood crowd
out here.
I know you do.
I don't know what you mean by that.
You bring that up all the time.
Well, for instance, you just ran into Tony Randall at a party.
Yes, I did.
And Tony specifically said, Martin, Martin, I'm interested to know how Dave is
doing.
I know that you know him.
I hope he's feeling fine.
And then he lit a sulfur match and waved it behind him.
Now, I have no idea what that means, but certainly there had been a wonderful
Mexican spread.
So I think that, I think that Tony, no, no, no, no.
Well, the point is that Tony cared about Dave.
I know that.
Yeah.
Marty, you were with us.
Yes.
The first week of The Late Show with David Letterman.
You better believe it, Smokey.
Dave's first week in the, in the fabled Ed Sullivan Theater.
Yes, the first week of CBS.
Had you?
I was called upon.
Yes, because you always come through for Dave.
Well, I like to be loved.
And again, tonight you are.
Now, tell me, have you, were you ever in the theater before, the Ed Sullivan
Theater?
I was in that theater once, truthfully, in 1965 when I was 15.
Why?
I went to see the Ed Sullivan show.
Oh, you saw the Ed Sullivan show.
Ed Sullivan show.
And there was an amazing show.
It was, um, uh, Sammy Davis.
No kidding.
Uh, was in Golden Boy and he said, I want to be really, killed, blew the place
up.
Betty Davis was also performing.
Betty Davis was on the Sullivan show.
Yes, she was on.
What did she do?
It was a series of Davises.
Ozzy Davis read from the Bible.
Ozzy Davis.
Yeah.
Sammy Davis Jr. did Golden Boy.
And Betty did the plate trick.
No.
Look how they stay up in the air.
Ah, no, no, no, no, no.
It was unbelievable.
So not since then.
And then I was called back to do your show.
Well, you can imagine how thrilled I was.
When you got in front of that live audience, the Broadway audience, though, you
did exactly
what Dave was hoping you would do.
What did I do?
Freeze.
You killed for that audience.
No, you went for a live production number.
And you know there's nothing Dave likes more than when you blow the roof off
the joint with
one of those marvelous production numbers.
Well, I do have a song.
It's, it's, it's, it's, let me just say this.
I, uh.
Wow.
Not only do you have a song, you have your audio equipment.
Thank you.
You know, in my business or in our business.
Why do you have a microphone?
Where did you get this?
Have you been to Radio Shack?
All right, there you go.
Let me give you a bit of a word.
No, okay.
Yes, you've got the whole Richard Greco look.
Yes, you've got the.
No, I have one.
Yes, you've had the.
Yeah.
But you know what?
You don't have all the answers, pappy.
No, I know.
Please don't sing this to me.
No, no.
No, no, no.
No, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
I, I do it.
I do it.
I do it over here.
You just go over, you go right over here.
Let me give you a bit of advice, Dave, about show business, about a town called
Broadway.
Broadway.
First of all, you don't say Broadway.
You go Broadway.
Right.
You have to go up on the way.
If you don't know that, get out of town.
You've got to.
But this is, let me just say, this is, you know, this is a, anyway, I jog down
a little
thoughts and advice from one Broadway star to another.
You've got to treat Lady Broadway kindly.
You've got to give her your respect.
Then she'll suck your face like no chick ever has.
You've got to send her lots of flowers.
Perhaps a diamond ring or two.
Then she'll make you moan and groan and all that jazz.
Then she'll, let's go back to the card before.
Thank you.
So in closing, Mr. Letterman, hear the words of one who knows.
This dame can get you off down to your toes.
Just remember, Broadway is a lady.
Thank you.
Broadway is a lady.
So don't try to treat her badly.
Or I'll have to tell you sadly.
Sadly, you'll kiss your lady by boy.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Marty, that was the first of four times that you did that number, Broadway is a
lady.
Actually, you did what, Broadway is a lady?
Well, I did variations, Paul.
The first, of course, Broadway is a lady.
The second was Christmas is a lady.
Christmas is a lady.
Three years later, I came back and scored, I think big time, with Halloween is
a lady.
Halloween is a lady.
And then two years after that, of course, my personal favorite, Kwanzaa is a
lady.
Kwanzaa is a lady.
So you've done it four times.
But I think, considering Dave's, what he's just been through, a fifth would be
appropriate.
Don't you think?
Go for it, baby.
Well, thank you.
Pappy, this is for you.
And when I think of you, why am I crying?
Stupid emotions.
Let's just do this song.
Quintuple bypass is a lady.
Thank you.
Quintuple bypass is a lady.
Once she's made Dave's ticker happy, then the world gets back its pappy.
And you can kiss Quintuple bypass by by.
Let me tell you who's going to be on the show tomorrow night.
I'm sorry I didn't hear you.
Could you speak up?
Doing exactly this.
Doing what we're doing now.
Sitting in these chairs.
Just rapping about experiences doing the show with Dave.
I love when you use terms of the youth.
I know you do.
Yeah.
Let me tell you, though.
Who?
Bill Cosby will be with us.
Oh, I love him.
Yeah.
He's a wonderful, wonderful talent.
Yeah.
And I think what's great about him, I just wish she'd try sitcom.
Really?
Yeah.
Also, Sarah Jessica Parker.
She is one of the sexiest women in the world.
When she's on with Dave, there's a chemistry.
Don't you agree?
Yes.
Unbelievable.
Why wouldn't you have a chemistry with Sarah Jessica Parker?
Because she's just absolutely everything.
She's smart.
She's interesting.
She's funny.
And she smells beautiful.
Black diamonds, I think it is.
Really?
Where is that?
That's tomorrow night.
Yeah.
Can I ask a question that has been asked in show business circles since time
immemorial?
Who are you talking to?
You.
Ah!
How far do we go back?
I think it's like four years now.
No, no, it's much longer than that.
Is it longer than that?
It's 25 years.
25.
Actually, it's not.
It's 27 years.
27 years.
We met in June of 72.
We were both doing theatrical productions in Canada.
Productions of Godspell.
And you came to the Godspell editions to play piano for a girlfriend.
And they didn't hire her.
They hired you.
They said, who's that young, long-haired boy?
With the cute butt.
Remember that?
No, I don't remember that part.
I don't remember that part.
Do you remember the time we went to Jilly's restaurant?
Oh, that was hilarious because we had our own Rat Pack personas.
Yeah, and we loved the Rat Pack so much.
I was very excited.
Jilly's restaurant was a restaurant that Frank Sinatra's friend Jilly kept.
Full piece of orchestra.
How many pieces in that room?
Ten pieces on stage, swinging all the time, just in case Frank was in town.
Just in case Frank...
Which he never was.
He was never in town.
But still, totally empty club.
We couldn't have been more excited.
We go down there in 72.
It's in a basement.
We went downstairs.
You are pretending you're Frank, swinging in.
Swinging in.
Yeah, I'm Dean, swinging in.
Yeah.
The two of us.
Yeah.
And we walked in, and the waiter came up, and he said, what do you want?
And I said, you know, wanting to be like Frank, I said, I'll have a Jack Daniels.
That's right.
And he said, I thought he said, straight up or relaxed.
Because...
He was saying on the rocks.
Well, I didn't know that term.
You want it straight up or on the rocks?
Yeah, I said, I'll have it relaxed.
He said, straight up or on the rocks!
So cool you were.
And then I got the change, and I dropped it.
It was a bad moment.
Dropped it all.
Yeah, yeah.
It was a bad moment.
You were cool, though, like Sinatra.
I was not like Frank.
I was more like Frank Jr.
You must get your rest.
Thank you.
Thank you, Frank.
Where are we going tonight?
Well, I don't know.
But what I love about doing The Letterman Show ever since 1982 to this very day
is that whenever
I do the show in New York, Paul picks three of the hottest spots to go to, the
hippest,
hottest, and we keep the car, and we hit those spots.
We swing out.
We swing out, and we go to, you know, the limelight.
I want to be on a cinnamon world.
We pretend that we...
I want to be on a cinnamon world.
Whatever the song is.
That's what the kids are playing.
The kids are dancing.
They're raving.
They're having fun.
They're dancing.
And we pretend that we are enjoying ourselves, and we're going to have dinner.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then we collapse in bed.
Absolutely.
Any final things for David?
Maybe end with a song?
Oh, end with a song?
Why not?
I mean, I think it would be fun.
Okay.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
David, you're swell.
Gee, we hope you get well.
Jeepers, David.
Can we keep the car?
Thank you very much, Paul.
Very nice.
Thank you.
Because when that happens in a meeting, it creates an air of controversy, a
confrontation,
an adversarial kind of thing, you know?
Yeah, well, sure.
Nobody wants that.
You should know, no.
That's not conducive for a positive meeting.
You don't want that.
You got it.
Hey, let me ask you a question.
Yeah, I want to ask you a question.
I'll tell you the reason I come up here.
I got a question for you.
Uh-huh, yes.
You got a problem with me or something?
Our first guest is both a Tony and Emmy award-winning actor, not to mention one
of the funniest
men on the planet.
His latest film, entitled Get Over It, opens March 9th.
Here he is, a true showman, Martin Short.
Martin.
Thank you.
Welcome back.
Thanks for remembering!
It's been too long.
Thank you very much for being here.
Well, let me just say, I'm thrilled to be here.
I really am.
You know that.
And they laugh, like I'm this big phony or something.
I don't know what that's about.
But let me just say, and I've said this before, and I sometimes, you look
fantastic.
I know yo