Name: In Honor of Tony Mendez, 2
Uploaded: 2021-08-16T02:05:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'In Honor of Tony Mendez, 2' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'In Honor of Tony Mendez, 2' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-16. Transcript available.

Speaking of, by the way, speaking of Pamela Anderson, I heard about this over
the weekend.
Her husband, Tommy Jones, was arrested for Tommy Lee.
Here's what I know. It's Pamela Anderson. It's not Pamela Sue Anderson.
It's Tommy Lee. It's not Tommy Lee Jones.
All right, okay, here we go. All right, there you go.
Pamela Anderson's husband, Tommy Lee, was arrested for attacking a photographer
in a parking lot of a nightclub.
And I think, oh, well. But, you know, seriously, take a second here to look at
it from his side of the story.
Here's a guy, once they have sex with his wife, what's the matter with a little
privacy?
Of course he's going to be upset.
Whoa!
Once they have sex with his wife on the parking lot of a nightclub, you see?
That's where the rub is.
Oh, no. Did I leave that out, too?
Now you've got it.
Yeah, see?
Now they applaud.
They don't want any beginners to hurt themselves on this one.
Put this away, Paul, where the kids won't get hurt on that one.
Take care of that one.
Child lock. Child food.
So, Tommy Lee, Tommy Lee is arrested in Los Angeles for beating up a
photographer on a parking lot of a nightclub.
You know what I'm saying, Paul?
Yes, I heard about it.
And so when something like this happens, I always try to look at it from his
side of the story, you know, because you see the big headlines and you think,
oh, my God, what's happened?
But you look at it from his side of the story, and they're on the parking lot.
He wanted to have sex with his wife.
The guy wanted a little privacy.
Apparently, many have had sex on the parking lot.
You know, ladies and gentlemen, we did a little something last week, I think it
was.
We went around the offices here at the Ed Sullivan Theater on the 14th floor,
and we talked to the staff members of the late show, and we asked them if they
had a little show-and-tell.
You know, like when you were in the school, Paul, a little show-and-tell once
or twice a month whenever the teacher was too lazy to really prepare anything,
you'd have the show-and-tell where you'd bring something in, and then you would
tell.
So I thought, well, this would make a great idea if we go door-to-door in the
office upstairs and find things that the staff has to show-and-tell.
And we started doing it and spent about a day going door-to-door in the office.
It didn't turn out to be that great.
You know, it was not that interesting, actually.
But we had invested a lot of time, a lot of man-hours, and a lot of videotape,
so we're kind of, you know, we're stuck with the piece, and we thought, is
there anything we can do to make this funnier?
And then we had a great idea, so we added that to the little show-and-tell
piece with the staff.
We found a way, we think, to make the little show-and-tell funnier.
So here now, take a look.
Watch.
Zoe, show-and-tell, what do you got?
Um, I have this gold album CD from Big Head Todd and the Monsters.
Man, look at that.
Big Head Todd and the Monsters.
Everything is funny in Spanish.
Zoe, ¿qué tienes ahí?
Pues mira, chicos, aquí tengo este álbum de oro de Big Head Todd and the
Monsters.
Lo conoces tú, ¿no?
Mira, Big Head Todd and the Monsters.
Uh, I'm going to do a, uh, Star Trek phaser.
I was a huge fan of the original series, so I went out and got this.
Yeah, that's cool.
Freeze, you scrawny-ass monkey bastard.
Oh, no, no, don't shoot, no.
Eh, eh, eh.
Everything is funny in Spanish.
Vamos a ver.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Sí!
Goal!
What do you have there, Bill?
I have an Amethyst Geo.
Oh, let me see that.
That's lovely, isn't it?
Crystals.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
They have.
The crystals possess the magical powers.
I didn't know this.
Everything is funny, eh, in Spanish.
Mm-hmm.
Tengo una piedra de Amethyst.
Mira, que cristal tan precioso.
Y como sabrás, posee poderes mágicos.
Mm-hmm.
No, no lo sabía.
Los cristales poseen poderes mágicos.
Tibera?
Do you have something for us?
Yes, I just got engaged.
Oh, how about that?
Take a look at this, ladies and gentlemen.
Look at that beautiful ring.
That's lovely.
And, uh, the man you're marrying, what is his name?
His name is Eric.
Eric, and this is a photo right here.
Oh, wow.
He's very, very, very handsome.
Everything is funny in Spanish.
¿Y cómo se llama tu futuro esposo?
Se llama Erika, aquí está.
¿Y cómo se llama tu foto?
Wow, es un hombre muy, muy, muy guapo.
This is one of my favorite, uh, possessions.
It is Rockette Barbie.
Rockette Barbie.
Presented to me by the Rockettes, uh, the time that they did the show.
Ajá.
Everything is funny in Spanish.
Tú me haces reír al ver que tienes muñecas de niñas pequeñas.
Pero yo recuerdo, yo recuerdo de momentos que pasé con los Raquettes.
Vamos, es un juguete.
Bueno, ahí lo tienen.
Espero que le hayan gustado la sección de mostrar y explicar.
Muchas gracias.
Que pasen buenas noches.
Gracias.
Gracias.
Everything is funnier than it is.
Oh, of course.
Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to do a commercial here on The Late Show.
When we come back, Ricky Lake will join us.
Nice to have you with us.
Have you had a good weekend.
Have a good weekend.
Nice to have you with us.
On the show tonight, Ricky Lake.
Also, Jillian Anderson from The X-Files, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, and
David Sanborn.
And earlier, if you're just joining us earlier, we learned something mighty,
mighty important.
As you go through life, this is the kind of thing to hang on to.
And it turns out, I don't know why, everything is funnier in Spanish.
So, when we learned that lesson, I said to myself, well, what the hell?
Let's see if we can't get our cue card kid, boy, guy, man, Tony Inky-Mendez, to
translate the Tommy Lee joke that I had trouble with in the beginning of the
program, to see if it doesn't work there.
And do you have the joke right there?
See.
Do you have it right here?
See, he says.
Senor Letterman.
All right, come right over here.
All right.
Now, here we go.
Try it right here.
That's the camera.
The one with the red light is the one that's on.
All right, here.
Ready?
All right.
Do you need this?
Si, hablando de Pamela Anderson.
Do you want me to hold this over here?
Oh.
Okay.
Muy bueno.
There you go.
How does that work?
Is that how it goes?
Si.
Yeah, okay.
All right.
Hablando de Pamela Anderson.
Pero sé dos cosas.
Pamela Sue Anderson.
También hay Tommy Lee.
No, no.
Tommy Lee Jones.
No, no, no, no.
Okay.
He's translating the mistake.
I say he's translating the mistake.
Excellent job.
All right, go ahead.
En el weekend.
En el weekend.
El esposo de Pamela Anderson, Pamela Lee, atacó un fotógrafo.
Exactly.
En el parking lot.
Pero...
Y yo lo comprendo.
El señor quiere tener sexo con su esposa y quiere un poco de privacidad.
Sí.
Eso es todo.
Eso es todo.
El español para el sexo es sexo.
Sexto.
Sexto.
Sexto.
Sexto.
Sexto.
Sexto.
Sexto.
No idea.
I had no idea.
I had no idea that the Spanish word for sex was sexo.
That's just what he said.
Me neither.
Jello.
Like jello?
Is that what it is?
Ladies and gentlemen, here in my right hand, I have a copy of tonight's top ten
list.
Let's go.