Name: Top Tens on Letterman, 1985, 2001
Uploaded: 2021-09-18T19:03:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Top Tens on Letterman, 1985, 2001' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Top Tens on Letterman, 1985, 2001' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-18. Transcript available.

You know, you can't go anywhere these days without running into somebody's top
ten list.
Here's a copy of the current October McCalls. Do you have this, Paul? You get
it at home, don't you?
Yeah, I get that one after that.
It's way over, yeah.
And see what I mean. America's ten sexiest men over 60.
And then it gives you the guys who's on the list.
For example, John Huston is on the list, Lee Iacocca, Norman Mailer, so on and
so forth,
Cary Grant, Frank Sinatra. That's a top ten list.
Here, Paul, the new edition of Good Housekeeping, September, with Meryl Streep.
No, it's not Meryl Streep, it's Diane Sawyer.
I don't know. Don't they look a little alike, Meryl and Diane?
Which one is that again, then?
This is Diane Sawyer.
Diane Sawyer, yeah.
Yeah, Diane Sawyer. Okay, now there's a top ten list in here.
Most Admired Men poll.
And they want you to pick your Most Admired Men for their top ten list.
And it's a little poll there.
So, because these things are so popular, and such solid network television
programming material,
we've decided tonight, now comes the joke, we've decided tonight.
See, all of that is the setup.
Here comes the joke.
We're going to start our own top ten list.
And tonight, I think we've got a pretty good one.
Tonight, we'll be late night's top ten words that almost rhyme with P's.
Okay.
Number ten, we have Heats.
Number nine is Rice.
Number eight is Moss.
Number seven, we have Ties.
Well, it's a little late.
What happened?
We were going to score this whole thing for you.
This was a little drum roll.
Yeah.
Now I lost my place.
Oh, number seven is Ties.
Number six is Needs.
Number five is Lens.
Number four is Ice.
Number three is kind of a surprise, Nurse.
Number two, we're getting very close now, is Leeks.
And the number one word that almost rhymes with P's, according to our poll, is
Meats.
We'll have those from time to time, with or without the music.
We don't know yet.
Yeah.
Maybe without.
No, I like the music.
You didn't like the music?
No, I did.
We were a little late.
You don't like playing along, do you?
No, no, no.
We were just a little embarrassed because we jumped in a little late there.
It's not that you don't like playing along.
I love to play any game you want to play.
All right.
What would you like to play?
Well, no, it's time to get on with the big telecast.
Okay.
Go ahead.
And by the way, if you're just joining us, I'm still writing 5761 on my check.
You crazy nut.
I wish we had either more jokes on the card or more cards with jokes.
I would say.
That's it right there.
Here's good news.
It's tonight's top ten list, ladies and gentlemen.
Let's try this.
I think this is going to be pretty good.
Tonight's top ten list is the category things that almost, almost rhyme with
the word hat.
Oh.
All right.
Is this topical at all?
Well, no, it's not topical.
It's sort of interesting.
I see.
Okay.
All right.
If it's interesting, it doesn't have to be funny.
Am I right?
Well, we'll see.
All right.
We'll just see how it turns out.
I see.
All right.
Okay.
Top ten things now.
Think about this.
That almost, they don't rhyme precisely.
Almost rhyme with hat.
Got it.
Hat.
The password is hat.
Ah.
Here we go.
Number ten.
Ham.
Remember, as Paul pointed out, they don't need to be funny because they're
interesting.
Ah, you see?
Number nine.
Hats.
Number eight.
Lap.
Number seven.
Meat.
Here we go.
I think this will heat things up.
Number six.
Snatch.
Number five.
Almost rhyming with hat.
Number five.
Pabst.
Hats.
That's if that one's funny.
Not to me.
Yeah.
To me.
Number four.
Cyber sex chat.
By the way, I just want to remind people, computer owners, I am still
publishing my erotic newsletter.
Number three.
Number three.
Number three.
Late show stage hand, Pat Farmer.
Nice going, Pat Farmer.
There he is.
Pat Farmer.
Thanks, Dave.
Number two.
Number two.
Matt Lauer.
Now that is interesting.
That's all that is.
Part of it actually does.
The first part of it actually does.
That's the interesting part, isn't it?
The other part has no relationship at all.
Thank you, Dr. IQ.
And the number one thing that almost rhymes with hat?
Ass.
We prove it virtually every night.
Professional comedy is not easy.
laughter