Name: George Carlin on Letterman, Part 2 of 2: 1994-2001
Uploaded: 2021-09-28T01:15:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'George Carlin on Letterman, Part 2 of 2: 1994-2001' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'George Carlin on Letterman, Part 2 of 2: 1994-2001' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-28. Transcript available.

George Carlin on Letterman, Part 2 of 2: 1994-2001

our first guest is a veteran stand-up comedian or as we say in Indiana veteran
and this Sunday
his first television series the George Carlin show debuts on the Fox Network
folks please
welcome the comedy stylings of mr. George Carlin
thank you well I don't have to tell you this is the best part of the football
season and baseball is not far off and for that reason I'd like to do something
called baseball and football now you have to remember that baseball is
different
from any other sport really different from any other sport for instance in most
sports you score points or goals in baseball you score runs in most sports the
ball or object is put in play by the offensive team in baseball the defense
puts the ball in play and only the defense is allowed to touch the ball in fact
if an
offensive player touches the ball in baseball he's out even unintentionally he's
out in most sports the
team is run by a coach in baseball the team is run by a manager and only in
baseball does the
coach wear the same clothing the players do if you have ever seen Buddy Ryan in
his
Houston Oilers football uniform you will know the reason for this custom
baseball and football are our two most popular sports in this country and as
such you would think
they might tell us something about ourselves you know maybe who we are or or
how we've changed
baseball is a 19th century pastoral game football is a 20th century
technological struggle
baseball is played in a park the baseball park football is played in a stadium
sometimes called
soldier field or war memorial stadium baseball begins in the spring the season
of new life football
baseball begins in the fall when everything is dying in football you wear a
helmet in baseball you wear a cap
football is concerned with downs what down is it baseball is concerned with ups
who's up are you up i'm not up he's up
baseball in football in baseball you receive a penalty in baseball you make an
error
whoops in football in baseball the special in football
the specialist comes in to kick something in baseball the specialist comes in
to relieve somebody
football has hitting clipping spearing piling on personal fouls late hitting
and unnecessary roughness
baseball has the sacrifice
football is played in any kind of weather rain snow sleet hail fog can't see
the game don't know if
there is a game going on mud on the field can't read the uniforms can't read
the yard markers the
struggle will continue in baseball if it rains we don't go out to play i can't
go out it's raining out
baseball has the seventh inning stretch football has the two-minute warning
baseball during the game in the stands there's kind of a picnic feeling
emotions may run high or
low but there's not that much unpleasantness in football during the game in the
stands you can be
sure that at least 27 times you are perfectly capable of taking the life of a
fellow human being
preferably a stranger and finally the objectives of the games are completely
different in football the
object is for the quarterback sometimes called the field general to be on
target with his aerial
assault riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in
spite of the blitz even if
he has to use the shotgun with short bullet passes and long bombs he marches
his troops into enemy
territory balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack which
punches holes in the forward
wall of the enemy's defensive line
in baseball the object is to go home and to be safe i hope i'll be safe at home
george carlin everybody we have to pause for a couple of minutes we'll be right
back here to visit mr carlin
hi how are you welcome back to the big program george carlin is here ladies and
gentlemen very nice george
nice to see you doing stand-up and i appreciate it sure and thanks for coming
in on you were supposed
to be here last night right all kind of trouble you couldn't get out of los angeles
we've had like
six big storms here in the east and you couldn't get in it snowed here and they
panicked out there
right they cancel cancel cancel delay cancel delay they yeah this was not much
of a snow compared to the
other stuff no but we've had so many of them there was just really renewed
annoyance new yorkers really
aren't bothered by i think new yorkers say to snow they say get out of my way i'm
coming through
i don't care if you're white and fluffy i'm coming through
los angeles is different even if it just rains there
after this much time in the business i'm going to do an l.a new york comparison
joke
good this is be a good lesson for the beginners out there okay here you go oh
you mean there are
differences oh there are big differences and one of them concerns the weather
but they panic and rain
you know i mean everybody slows down to five miles and the entire state becomes
a school zone when the
rain's a little there so that's enough of that yeah so but anyway uh you're
here uh and you're doing
stand-up out there now you must have had some sensation well fear sure that's
healthy for all of us
yes have you ever had a crab up your nose that's healthy that's real fear yeah
uh but you did the
old ed sullivan show so many times 11 of them 11 shows it must have had a
little feeling of the
old days for it well well the basic superstructure is the same and you can see
and the fear you know
that that old feeling that came i did 11 of them between 67 and 71 which spanned
a period for me from
when i went from kind of being a suit and tie mainstream comic to uh being some
sort of a
quasi pseudo hippie or whatever that was i i turned into and uh and toward the
end they started putting
me up higher and higher on the uh on the floors here in the in the dressing
room get up to the sixth
floor that was sort of the hippie ghetto up there the sixth floor the bands go
up there now don't
they they keep people up there that they don't really want mingling i've i've i've
never been up
there no i don't blame you but i say a photo of uh and i'm telling you this i
would look at this and i say
this is this jimmy darren who am i looking at here i'd forgotten just exactly
that's jimmy darren and
ed sullivan no it's me differently you looked in those days this is like you
said 1967 sometimes 67 or
eight and i did uh at that time the the i did a character the hippy dippy
weatherman al sleep wasn't
you know for the era uh that that it was he was a very subversive character
because he was a guy who
was loaded on pot and most of the country i think was not aware of that i know
ed sullivan was not
aware of that ed just thought he was wacky yes of course we don't know what ed
was on you know ed was on
whatever he did but uh those were some frightening but pleasant days did you
have a good relationship
with ed sullivan uh he must have liked you you know well the thing is every
time my manager would
go down between dress rehearsal and air to get the cuts because they were
infamous for cutting you at
the last minute uh i never got cut never got cut and uh sullivan would just say
to my manager well now
he's irish isn't he and that was the end of the conversation it happened four
or five times so
ed would what he would work that into the introduction a young a young irish
boy one time he did we're not
gonna cut him he's irish so one time at the end of my show he said now come on
come on he's catholic
he's from new york he did he did beautiful uh tell me a little bit about the
new show and i i'm surprised
although i know it's true that this is your first regular series television
effort well you know i
mean for a long time i had some opportunities to get involved in these projects
i would think so i
would think that they would be after you all the time wasn't very interesting
you know i really didn't
want to get trapped in a living room with two children smarter than i so i kind
of put them off put them
off and this seemed like something worthwhile with sam simon who has a great
pedigree uh tracy ullman
simpson's taxi cheers and uh i thought we could make something happen together
and uh it looks very
good it's based on the upper west side of manhattan my own neighborhood stick
to your strength and it's
about a guy like myself who uh who never left the neighborhood though never got
interested in show
business but has all these attitudes that i have and this kind of verbal shtick
so uh he kind of holds
court in a bar up there and on the stoop and on the street corner and uh that's
uh this george carlin show
we're having a lot of fun i want to tell you this now i want to say this on the
old tvs here um i have
never been happier in a creative setting in all the time i've done stand up or
a couple of movies or a
guest shot here and there this is really satisfying and we're doing good work
we come on sunday we'll see
if the audience will be there i hope we can catch an audience i think we have a
chance because it's it's
really feeling very true and very right you know i shared that sense of
satisfaction and fulfillment
right up until the opening piece on tonight's show yeah but you recovered oh
did i ever uh it's on uh
sunday night did you mention the time 9 30 we follow married with children on
fox well there you go you
got it made and uh what do you do now that you're in new york and you spend
some time out on the streets
visiting well i go out the guys who give out flyers on the corners i love them
and what i do is i always
take a flyer from a guy on 46th street and i give it to a guy in 47th street
here you go all part of
god's great plan george good to see you good luck with the show have a good 94.
george carlin folks
george carlin folks good to see you good luck here
you
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i don't feel good what's the matter what's the problem i don't feel good but i
look great
and i think you do you look yeah i always say it doesn't matter what your
health is as long as
you got your appearance sure no um uh well this is good news i'm ovulating
again hey took me by
surprise because uh five years ago i had my tubes tied i didn't know that yeah
and at the time i
didn't even know i had tubes yeah gynecologist told me he said hey you got
tubes i said hey time
there you go so i'm doing pretty good so you're you're in business or you're
not in business we
don't care and i'm feeling i'm feeling pretty good i'm a little tired you have
to go with me
a little tired i was out all night drinking with margaret thatcher no yeah did
you ever go
drinking with her no i never i don't drink she can put it away you know what
she drinks
straight 151 proof puerto rican rum wow out of a water glass man and after
about six of them she
drinks it through her nose but uh quite abroad quite abroad later on she beat
up a couple of
sailors and destroyed a subway station and i dropped her off i didn't even try
to kiss a good night no
probably just as well i let her go you know who needs that she stays at the y i
dropped her at the y
how do i know oh so i'm doing good i'm in new york and i love it yeah now so it
must be great fun
for you to come back here because you're you're from this area the bronx right
no sure no well
good for the bronx and all of our fine boroughs but i am from the upper west
side i grew up about
three miles from here you heard hell's kitchen yeah this is not mine is not
quite that tough hell's
breakfast nook ah and uh i i just love the city you know it's it's great i uh
you know you're back in
new york when you see a bumper sticker that says save the cockroaches yeah you
ever see oh there's
another bumper sticker you ever see those ones that say we have a daughter on
the honor roll at
sure yeah very proud of their kids yeah i saw one today says we have a son in
public school hasn't
been shot yet you know so that's good yeah the glimmer of hope there sure and i
walk a lot you do i go out
you like to get out and see the city good city yeah sure well you mentioned the
guy in times square
that's right you see a lot of things saw 