Name: Louie Anderson on Letterman, 1988-1997
Uploaded: 2022-01-22T00:12:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Louie Anderson on Letterman, 1988-1997' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Louie Anderson on Letterman, 1988-1997' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-22. Transcript available.

Louie Anderson on Letterman, 1988-1997

"The Louis Anderson Show"
Our next guest is a very funny gentleman who's special.
"The Louis Anderson Show" is currently seen on HBO.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Louis Anderson.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Is the election over?
I hear Barbara Bush is already on the road with her literacy program.
Just spell "no".
Am I wrong or does she look like Eddie Albert?
So I just got home from the holidays. I was home with Mom.
Actually, Thanksgiving is Mom's holiday. You know this.
She loves it. She gets to invite that aunt and uncle that everyone hates.
And you know this by what your dad says when he walks out of the bedroom and
sees him.
Oh, boy.
I see the Flintstones showed up again.
Well, they never bring anything except that big tub of lime green jello
with the carrots shredded in the top.
No one eats it. You just look at it.
Would your aquarium freeze up or what?
And my mom always makes too much. Like seven, eight hundred pounds of sweet
potatoes.
So she's got to push it during the meal.
Did you get some sweet potatoes?
They're hot.
There's more in the oven.
Some in the garage.
You ever finish the meal? You're into the dessert. All of a sudden, your mom
stands up in a panic.
The cranberries!
Get 'em! They're on the bottom shelf! Hold a little.
You know you're getting older, too, when the first thing you do after you eat
is look for a place to lay down.
I got the couch.
Take it, Dad.
Dad's always get the couch. You ever notice that?
As soon as he's real comfortable, Mom goes, "Could you take them home?"
All right, Fred and Wilma, let's go.
"Louie! Come with me so I don't hurt him."
And he always asks them those embarrassing questions.
"Did your kid get out of jail yet?"
"Dad, be nice, would you?"
He tries to apologize as he's dropping them off, but you know my dad with his
apologies.
"Well, uh, uh, throw that jello out on the lawn."
Of course, my dad's favorite holiday is Christmas. That's coming up.
He's an expert in everything, especially getting the tree.
"Shut up! We're going to get a Christmas tree. I know how to work with these
guys."
"They buy these trees for a quarter each."
"They buy them by the billions."
My mom always picks the tree out.
"We'll take this one."
"Oh, honey, what about those over there three for a buck?"
Then your dad has to negotiate with the guy.
"Hey, pal! How much for this tree here without any limbs?"
"35. What, are you going to come over and decorate it for us?"
Then he embarrasses the entire family.
"I give you three bucks for it!"
"Oh, my God."
"He's not our legal father."
"And then he won't pay 50 cents for rope."
"I got rope in the trunk."
"Where the hell is that rope?"
"You kids been taking that rope again!"
"Oh, yeah, we wait until you and mom fall asleep."
"We sneak upstairs, we get the keys, we sneak downstairs, we get that rope."
"We got enough out in our room to hang the whole neighborhood!"
"So you gotta carry it on top of the car."
"Get it home."
"You have to have that magic sentence."
"Hey, go on out in the garage there and get that stand."
"You mean the one that came over on the Mayflower?"
"You're lucky, when I was a kid we didn't have stands, we had to take turns
holding that tree up."
"The only fun part is Christmas giving the gifts, that's what kids look forward
to."
"You ever give your dad something he already had?"
"Something he owned?"
"Something that was his?"
"Here we got you this, Dad."
"I've been looking for that rent!"
"Well, he's gonna go crazy, there's rope in that package."
"Thank you, have a nice Christmas."
"Thank you very much for being here."
"Thanks for having me, I'm glad I don't have to go on that Guatemala City tour."
"But doesn't that sound like a dream trip of a lifetime?"
"No, it doesn't sound like for Bud it is."
"You know, I saw, I don't know how long ago, a show that you did, I'm not sure
when you did it, but it was on a cable situation, and I'm not sure which cable
situation it was on."
"But I thought it was terrific, it was just you doing your stand-up, and I
guess it was like an hour long shot up in Minnesota or something?"
"Oh, at the Guthrie."
"Yeah, I thought that was very impressive, very funny, and a real nice piece of
work."
"Well, I'm lucky to have a family like that."
"And the new show, is that on now?"
"HBO."
"Will it be on soon?"
"No, it's been on."
"It's been on."
"You know, they run it like 30 times, and then 300 more."
"Yeah, but it's different than the one I'm talking about."
"Yeah, it's all different material, and it's, you know, it's all about my
family again, and growing up in Minnesota and the Midwest, as you know."
"Yeah, yeah."
"Because the people back there are kind of goofy."
"No!"
"Well, no, it's a nice thing, because you always tell a Midwesterner by going,
they always laugh a little after everything."
"Geez, you've got a nice house."
"Well, I'm not sure that that suggests goofiness, necessarily."
"Geez, you live in a house on a hill."
"Anyway, I hope you have a good holiday season."
"Thank you, you too."
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Louis."
"Nice to meet you."
"Louis Anderson is here tonight, very funny man."
"Louis Anderson is here tonight, very funny man. I haven't seen Louis in quite
a while, so I'm out in the hallway smoking a butt."
"Yeah."
"I saw that too."
"Yeah, was that odd?
"Good, nice to see you."
"It's kind of disconcerting."
"Yeah, enjoy that butt there, Louis."
"Letitia Baldridge."
"Oddly enough, she was smoking a butt."
"But in a lovely holder, a lovely refined cigarette holder."
"Our next guest is an author."
"An author of "Cigarette Holder."
"But in a lovely holder."
"A lovely refined cigarette holder."
"Our next guest is an author of "Cigarette Holder."
"An author of "Cigarette Holder."
"An author of "Cigarette Holder."
"An author of "Cigarette Holder."
"An author of "Cigarette Holder."
"An author of "Cigarette Holder."
"An author of "Cigarette Holder."
"An author of "Cigarette Holder."
"Our next guest is an author and a comedian."
"And an avid smoker."
"On March 20th, he will be performing at the Washington..."
"In the Washington area, at the Barnes of Wolf Trap."
"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back to the program..."
"A very funny young man, Louis Anderson."
"Louie, are you back?"
"Excuse me, I got a little cough."
"So I was watching this program here, the news earlier in this L.A. police
incident comes on."
"And I was thinking, what's funny about that?"
"And I was thinking, God, what'd this guy do?"
"You know, I was looking for a bazooka or something."
"You know, I'm gonna watch it next time I take a U-turn."
"You probably won't see this show on that cops."
"You ever watch that show?"
"You probably won't see this footage on it."
"I like that show, they fuzz out everyone's face."
"Have you seen this show?"
"Not that well, though, because one week I was watching and I was like, is that
my brother?"
"Everyone lies on that show, they get the crack dealers, that's their big
arrest all the time."
"They get them, they say, what are you doing?"
"Oh, I was just standing here."
"Well, what about this crack we found in your pocket?"
"Oh, these aren't my pants."
"Well, what about this million in cash?"
"Well, that's mine."
"Thinking about buying a house on the way over here."
"So, I watch a lot of TV."
"TV becomes addicting, doesn't it?"
"The war coverage, that was so addicting."
"Now I have to go to a group, CNN-anon, every week."
"I was glad that the war didn't go the way of Vietnam, because I wasn't looking
forward to an Iraqi restaurant in every corner."
"Hey, waiter, there's a scud in my soup."
"That's a great name, that's a new name for a little brother, isn't it? You
little scud, get out of here."
"But George Bush wasn't kidding, that's the thing I noticed, he was mad."
"You think Barbara has to call him in the house once a week, to settle him down?"
"Get in here!"
"You're crying out loud."
"I like Barbara Bush. It's a cool grandma that'll go sledding with you, isn't
it?"
"Grandma's going sledding, what about Grandpa?"
"Shut up, he's president!"
"You little scud."
"How'd you like to be the secret service man on that day, huh?"
"All of a sudden, you know, because they're just standing there, all of a
sudden she hits that tree."
"What? Who is supposed to be watching her?"
"You should have taken those trees out, what?"
"Now I'm going to be watching Quail again."
"You think anyone watches Quail?"
"How'd you like to be this guy, you know, because we've all been to that party
we don't belong."
"And he's got to go every day."
"I'm here, you guys."
"Yeah, we know."
"Did you see him at the State of the Union? The address, sir?"
"He didn't know when to applaud."
"No, that's..."
"Oh, I thought it was good."
"Yeah, I don't think they watch him, I think they just, uh, put one of those
media alerts on him."
"I've fallen and I can't get up!"
"I don't know."
"But now I heard, uh, Saddam Hussein just bought the news."
"So, he's trying to improve his image."
"Wasn't there one brave Muslim that could have pulled a Jack Ruby?"
"This guy's, this guy's her brother."
"I'm glad it's over and I'm glad it's all finished and, uh, and I'm finished."
"Thank you."
"Thank you."
"I actually forgot one of my lines."
"You forgot one of them."
"Yeah."
"Because you seemed really very relaxed toward the end there."
"I was."
"Well, you know, it wasn't cigarettes I was smoking down."
"Oh, hey, wait a minute."
"Hey, I'm kidding, I'm kidding."
"Something you got from Letitia."
"Now, do you remember it now and you want to do it now?"
"Well, just about the war, you know, in L.A. they didn't even know there was a
war."
"Yeah."
"You know, it's like, there's a war, yeah."
"Who's casting it?"
"That was marginal anyway."
"How have you been?
It seems like a long time since we've seen you."
"Well, it's hard to get on this show."
Well, you know, it wasn't cigarettes I was smoking.
Hey, wait a minute.
Hey, I'm kidding.
Something you got from Letitia.
Now, do you remember it now and you want to do it now?
Well, just about the war.
You know, in L.A., they didn't even know there was a war.
You know, it's like, there's a war.
Yeah, who's casting it?
That was marginal anyway.
How have you been?
It seems like a long time since we've seen you.
Well, it's hard to get on this show.
You know, the truth is, someone who used to work here didn't like me.
Oh!
That's all right.
Who was it?
No, no, no.
I saw them today and they were real nice to me.
Yeah, of course.
Hey, how are ya?
Oh, I know who it was then.
That's all right.
It's okay, I just see them.
Anyway, I'm very happy to have you back.
Now, so you're out on tour again?
Is that what the deal is?
Yeah, if one more person asked me how did I get started.
Yeah, it's tough.
My headbutt them.
Yeah.
Wouldn't it be fun to just lean over and bam!
But it is hard.
It's a lot of questions about the same things over and over.
Sure.
But while you're doing this, you're also working.
I know you're going to be at this barns at Wolf Trap, whatever that is, in
Washington.
Springfield and New Haven.
Yeah, and you're having a good time?
Rita Rudner and I.
You know Rita.
Yeah, Rita's very funny.
We're doing a tour together.
It's a lot of fun.
Yeah.
Yeah, touring is all right, you know, except for the room service.
There's never an American on the phone.
Do you ever notice that?
Yes?
Oh, jeez, I guess pickles are out.
I remember one time, I said to the guy, pickles, he goes, what?
I go, pickles, in a big jar in that freezer, if I come down there.
It's pickles, it was impossible.
It was very tough.
Whenever there's a foreigner, just get the club sandwich.
And then you're continuing to live in Los Angeles, or did...
No, I live in Los Angeles, yeah.
And when you go back there after the big tour, what do you have ahead of you
then?
Then I'm going to finish another book and go play golf.
Hey, good for you.
Are you a pretty good golfer?
Some days.
You know, I don't see you as a golfer, oddly enough.
Really?
Yeah, I'll take your word.
Canny?
Or...
Yeah.
Maybe so.
Anyway, let