Name: John Lennon, Paul McCartney on The Tonight Show, May 14, 1968, Complete Audio
Uploaded: 2024-06-30T04:38:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'John Lennon, Paul McCartney on The Tonight Show, May 14, 1968, Complete Audio' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'John Lennon, Paul McCartney on The Tonight Show, May 14, 1968, Complete Audio' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-30. Transcript available.

John Lennon, Paul McCartney on The Tonight Show, May 14, 1968, Complete Audio

The special guest Beatles, John Lennon and Paul McCartney.
Thank you, friends. I really don't deserve it, but thank you very much.
Of course, John Lennon, Paul McCartney, and people all over the place and all
over.
From the Beatles, John Lennon and Paul McCartney.
Good evening. Good evening. Can I ask you something?
How did you get here? Not from England, but from the hotel with all the people
out there.
Car. Car. You didn't have any problems?
No, no. All under control.
Everything's always under control, huh?
Officer Krupsky goes through.
Officer Krupsky? Is he a friend of yours?
Are we going to do this?
Yes.
So anyway.
Okay.
Well, how are you, Johnny?
Well, I figure you've been interviewed all day if there's any questions that
you'd like to ask us.
What are you doing?
Watching you.
Where's Johnny?
Oh, big. Where's Turing? We've got another plug in here.
Where's in Gaithersburg, isn't it?
Gaithersburg, but I'm sort of watching it.
Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
May I ask you a great favorite all over the world, a question?
I'm not the, this is the star of the show, you know, and you two kids, but I
want to ask you, darling, are the other two gentlemen, the four of you, are
they still in India?
No, but in England.
In England.
But I want to ask you something, because people have said to me, they wish I'd
learned to meditate, then I'd give them a chance to get a word in edgewise, you
know?
And I can't, I don't know how you do it, I would love to.
Well, you've got to go and find out.
Well, I'm not going that far.
Oh, well.
Forget it.
It's taking me this long and can't do it, I couldn't learn that, do you think?
That's no excuse.
Well, you can't learn to swim if you keep in line, can't you?
Can't learn to swim?
Unless you've got a pool, Martin.
Oh, honey, I can float sitting up, don't be silly.
I get to feel a little, two different conversations here.
Yeah, right, yeah.
We had a bit of trouble today, this fellow, we did an interview for the
educational program, and he started asking us questions, and they were quite
sort of serious questions, you know?
So it was a choice between just laughing it up or answering seriously.
So what'd you do?
We were a bit serious.
You serious?
Yeah, sure.
They just sort of, well, everyone goes, they're too serious, you know, they're
just sort of...
Listen, of all of them...
So tell us a joke.
Oh, I don't really have that many jokes.
You tell me a joke.
We don't know any.
I think they're very serious fellows.
That's it.
We are.
Listen, that's the only thing you haven't really done, is tell jokes.
I can never remember them, you see.
Would you like to be a comedian?
No.
Oh, no, no.
What do you think you are?
Well...
Listen, if music hadn't...
I heard about you, heard about you.
Whoa!
I got a phone call from London today.
Did you?
From, his name is Anton Andrews.
I never had anything written down before.
I've got props written down.
I knew I'd say the wrong words.
I've never had anything to help me.
And I did not pronounce your last name.
Oh, and you're hitting harder.
Garrard Giolo.
That's right.
I mean, Joe, to me, as to everyone else, you know, has the pleasure and
privilege of being
you, see.
Oh, these two kids I adore.
The other two, too.
Amen, I'm losing it.
Which are the mothers...
I mean, the fathers.
I mean, how many kids have you all got?
I've got one.
Oh, you're not married?
No, I'm not married.
You're the only one who's not married, I'm not.
That's true.
Uh-huh.
Listen, do you, do you, the four of you, socially, are you that close, or when
you...
Yeah, yeah, we're good friends, yeah.
Sometimes when you work together, I've been with groups that, when the job is
over, that's
it.
Do you have houses pretty much together?
Within 20 miles altogether, yeah.
And socially, it's...
Well, yeah.
If you couldn't have...
Well, we're going to get to it.
If you couldn't...
Got to it, huh?
Yes.
If you couldn't have done it in music, if it hadn't happened for you, what do
you think
you would like to do?
Uh, I don't know, films?
Films?
How about you, Paul?
I'm not breaking a mood, am I?
No.
No, you're doing great, you know, but I mean...
Well, it's speculation, isn't it?
So, yeah, what would I have liked to have been?
Yeah, policeman.
No, no, policeman.
Yeah.
I don't know, you know, I was nearly going to be a teacher, but that fell
through, luckily.
No, I don't know, you know.
Teacher.
See what you're doing?
Why don't you read that, and see what the reaction is.
A word from your local stallion.
No?
A word from your local station?
It's not any, nothing to bring you in, really, you know, just, you know.
Yes.
Uh, okay, Tallulah, it's all right.
Okay, with who?
Whom or who?
It's all right.
It's all right.
Okay.
Listen, Paul, you said something that's hard for me to believe.
You were in Central Park, and no one recognized you Sunday?
Yes, that's true, yes.
Two people.
Walking around, two.
Oh, yeah.
Oh.
We were very pleased, you know what I mean.
What, you just, just kind of wandered around, and just, like, well, that means,
no, we're
from your local station again.
Just, uh, start getting over there.
You've got more control.
Yeah.
You know we're on the air right now?
Oh, great.
How are you doing?
You know the thing, to get back to the Central Park thing, uh, you just walked
around, the
police weren't with you, and...
No, we just walked out, you know, we often do it.
If people don't know, expect us.
What are they going to do?
We see a bit of long hair walking around, like all the other long hair.
And just go right along.
A couple of feet.
Well, everyone copies them.
How can they, uh, know, I mean, like...
How can you tell one from the other?
Well, how long have you been in New York now that we, we just found out about?
Three days.
Is it three now?
Three days.
Three days.
And we still haven't got a time.
And it's, uh, it's been enough, you know, actually.
Listen, when you get to a city now, you were on tour.
Yeah.
And you got to, you got to a lot of cities.
How much of it do you really see?
It's ballpark to a hotel.
And you just pick up the vibrations, you know.
You pick up...
I was eight years in a year and I never saw a cricket game.
Didn't understand one word of it.
So I didn't expect them to understand baseball.
No, no, I don't mean that to a lot.
I mean that when they did their concerts, they went from the hotel...
Yeah, we never saw it, you know.
They never saw the city.
Just different colored rooms.
Uh, like...
Pastel colored rooms all over the place.
What kind of...
Pastel.
I don't know if you know.
Is this in color?
You were a great surprise to the press.
You were so polite and gracious.
And I thought they were wonderful to you.
And I didn't know you know.
Because one hears these mad things.
I'm freaking myself alone.
But I mean...
I thought you were perfectly divine.
I said so in England.
That's what they misquoted me.
In England?
Yes.
A little zero.
They copied all the bad things from our papers, you know.
Yeah, yeah.
It's a club they formed.
A misquote club, huh?
Mm-hmm.
How about this new organization, Apple?
Oh, yeah.
Well, you see, the tax...
Our accountant came up and said,
We've got this amount of money.
Do you want to give it to the government?
Or do something with it?
So we thought...
Which government first?
Oh, any old government.
Oh, any old government.
So we decided to play businessmen for a bit.
Because we've got to run our own affairs now.
So we got this thing called Apple,
which is going to be records,
films,
and electronics,
which all tie up.
And to make a sort of...
an umbrella or something,
so there's people who want to make films about that
don't have to go on their knees in an office,
you know, begging for a break.
So we'll try and do it like that,
business and pleasure.
That's the idea.
We don't know.
I mean, we'll find out.
We'll find out what happens.
That's what we're trying to do.
If you want to do something,
normally you've got to go to big business.
You've got to go to them,
the big people, you know.
Well, you don't even get there
because you can't get through the door
because of the color of your shoes.
Yeah, right.
But, you know, people are normally...
Big companies are so big
that, like, if you're little and good,
it takes you, like, 60 years to make it.
And so people miss out
on these little good people.
Well, it just takes them longer.
So we're trying to find a few.
He looked at me when he said that.
Paul, is that because of your background?
You came from a poor background.
No, it's no sort of...
It's just common sense to us.
It's a bit of that.
I know, but...
Sorry, it's all this is good.
No, if you didn't feel it as a youngster,
you wouldn't feel it now.
Yeah.
Oh, that's right.
It's just because we know what we've had to fight
to sort of...
Was it tough for you to get started?
Well, no tougher than anybody else, you see,
but George said,
I'm sick of being told to keep out of the park.
You know,
they are from Central Park, et cetera.
Well, that's what it's about, you know.
So we're trying to make a park
for people to come in and do what they want.
Within...
Symbolically speaking...
They've got a rifle, right.
Is he the spokesman, would you say, John?
Well, if his spokes are working, he is,
and if mine are...
Listen, do you have the privacy
that you're leading me to believe you have,
or is it a tough job?
We have enough to keep us sane, you know,
if we are sane, we have enough.
Because it's not like touring itself.
Our life isn't like a tour,
or like Hard Day's Night,
or any of those things.
That's only when we're doing that.
We create that,
or that is creative.
But when we're just living,
it's calm.
Is it calm, Paul?
Yeah, not at the moment.
It's very hectic, New York.
Very hectic place.
Because we came over from England,
and that's a very sort of quiet place, you know.
What's so different about New York?
It's very, you know, all that sort of...
You've got a hit record on your hands already.
Oh, you know, that happens a lot here.
Don't you like that kind of life?
Yeah, it's fine.
Yeah, it's all right.
You've got to get into it, haven't you?
Three days isn't enough to get used to that.
Would you like to get into it?
Uh, not today.
Are you nervous on a show like this?
Because it scares me to death.
Yeah, sure, sure.
I am too terrified.
What are we doing?
Why would you be nervous?
Because, uh...
It's not natural.
No, we got...
You know what?
I don't know.
I'm just kind of visiting with you.
I would feel it's natural.
I feel like I've heard about you,
and I want to meet you.
I mean, this situation isn't natural
to a human being, really.
If we meet you and talk,
like, in your house,
then that's all right, you know,
because we can actually talk naturally.
It's a bit difficult
when you know you're going out
into a million homes.
Well, just this is enough, really.
You're guarded pretty well what you say there.
No, don't guard it.
You don't guard it, you know.
But it's still difficult.
Well, you know, there it is.
Look, it's going out.
Well, aren't you nervous at all?
I'm nervous because...
I'm nervous because of the, uh...
Well, because, because, because,
but it's the same thing.
Well,
except,
except that you are,
you are very successful
in what you do.
It doesn't make any difference.
What you're telling me
is that you have fears and anxieties
like everybody else.
Sure, I'm human, man.
You know that old showbiz thing
everyone says, well, you know,
you always get nervous
before you go on stage.
I think we get them all the way,
you know, when you go on stage.
It's just one of those things.
But you get over it all right.
Oh, sure.
I mean, it's a part of the game.
Here's what will really
settle your question.
Oh, great.
Five million homes.
We were corrected, Paul.
Five million.
See, I can tell the whole world.
I made a mistake with the Beatles.
The only guy...
Somebody just turned off.
Sorry.
Four million.
Listen, I, I,
I have something in common
with both of you.
I met the guru,
the Maharishi,
and I noticed that he went out
with an act