Name: Is Rudy Finally Rebelling against Bobby Lee? | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2020-06-06T18:00:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Is Rudy Finally Rebelling against Bobby Lee? | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Is Rudy Finally Rebelling against Bobby Lee? | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-06. Transcript available.

We're bad friends.
I can see the change.
Rudy, how was yoga?
Well, I ripped one.
You farted in class?
In Kaleida's face, by accident.
And then she hits me from behind.
You farted in yoga class?
We have to do this, you know, that pose.
What's that pose called?
Downward dog.
It wasn't downward dog.
It was almost a tripod.
Almost a tripod.
And I had to bend over and I ripped one in Kaleida's face.
And then she fucking punched me in the ass.
Yeah.
Yeah, but it wasn't like I was like, I'm not an expert farter.
Like I'm amateur.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't have my black belt, you know, so I can't do it at will.
What kind of farter are you?
Are you a blue belt?
I'm probably, I think I'm white belt fart.
You're brand new?
Well, not brand new, but like maybe I got two stripes on the white belt.
Oh.
Like I'm almost to get to the yellow belt.
You're close, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm almost there.
What belt would I be?
Probably yellow.
Yellow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm pretty good.
But you're not black belt.
No.
You can't fart at will.
No.
I used to know a girl that could.
Yeah.
In junior high, I knew a girl she could swallow air and fart.
Yeah.
I'm not kidding.
I know a girl that could queef that way.
Same.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Same.
They can queef at will.
And then I had a girlfriend like that.
And then sometimes she was on a period and she'd queef on my face.
No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then I could pretend I was in Fight Club.
You know what I mean?
I'm like, ah, ah, right?
Yeah.
So yeah, queefs are funny.
Queefs are always going to be funny.
They're always going to be, yeah.
I used to have a joke about it years ago that when you're having sex doggies
down and she
queefs, it's like you're moving positions and she queefs, it's impossible to
not laugh.
I know.
It's impossible.
But you don't.
You don't.
But inside you're going.
No, you're doing the face.
You're doing the face, right?
Yeah.
You're holding, you know what I mean?
And she's like, stop it.
Stop it.
Stop it.
And you're like, I'm not.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Even your dick is like.
Yeah.
Or when you queef, yeah, when you stick your dick in and it goes like that.
Oh, my God.
It is humiliating for everyone.
Everybody.
In the room.
It's like those old.
The cameraman's laughing, right?
It's like the boom operator.
The squishy toys that we used to have as kids where you put your fingers like.
You know what I'm talking about?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like the gel things.
Yeah.
What were those?
The snake.
Do you know?
Don't talk up.
Don't look at her when we're talking about stuff like this.
No, no.
I moved on to the toy.
We are going to get in trouble.
I talked about the toy.
I'm talking about the toy.
Yeah.
Okay.
Let's address it.
Yeah.
Bobby got in trouble for saying gross stuff in front of Rudy.
But Rudy's a legal adult and is okay with it.
Can we get your okay on that?
Yeah.
There it is.
Well, I read a text today and I text a direct message or whatever from a woman.
And she's like, will you be nicer to her?
What do you mean?
She's like, be nicer to Rudy.
You're so nice to Rudy.
I know, but the thing is, why?
Do you think he's mean to you?
No.
Do you want him to be nicer?
No, he's already nice.
See?
Yeah.
I'm so kind hearted.
Who's this woman?
I don't, someone on Instagram.
Well, let's put her name out there and let's.
No, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't, I don't, I don't
want to do that.
But I'm.
Was it a white woman telling you how to live your life?
She was an Asian, younger girl like her.
Oh.
And she's like, be nicer to Rudy, please.
You know what I mean?
I'm like, what?
I'm so nice to her.
Yeah, you are nice to her.
Yeah.
We have, you know, she, when she first moved into the house during the
quarantine, she wouldn't say anything to me.
Rudy never talked to you?
For weeks, right?
You would rarely say anything to me.
She would go, good morning, Uncle Tito.
Good night, Uncle Tito.
And that was pretty much during the day, nothing else.
Doesn't Tito mean uncle?
Yeah.
So it's uncle, uncle.
Yeah.
Good morning, Uncle.
I make her, I make her say, she says, Tito Bobby, but I call her, I want her to
call him Uncle Tito.
Yeah.
And, but then over time, she starts lipping off a little bit.
Yeah.
I like it.
No, she's shown her personality to me.
We've come, we've gotten closer over time now.
I really like, feel like we're family now.
Yeah.
And at first, I don't, she wouldn't look me in the eye.
Yeah.
That's probably because I'm the white devil to you.
But for the most part, now she's comfortable with me.
You're much more comfortable with me now than you used to be.
Yeah.
She was hesitant.
Yeah.
She was, she was nervous.
But I don't think talking about pussy farts is sexual.
No, we're making a joke.
It's a, it's we're kidding around.
Holy shit.
You think her and her friends don't joke about that stuff?
Do you guys joke about pussy farts?
Yeah.
What do you mean?
Of course.
Mm-hmm.
Like, I like when people are surprised.
It's like, how do kids know that?
You're like, what?
Do you not know what the internet is?
Yeah.
Go on fucking the internet for 10 minutes.
But mind you, also people listening, there's such thing as dick farts too, but
the hole is so
small, you can barely hear it.
It goes, boop.
No, it's like the, yeah, there's a little bit of air in there.
It goes.
Like when you're squirting water out of your teeth?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So there are dick farts, but we would have to have put, you know, some NASA
equipment to
hear it.
Did you watch the rocket launch?
Did you see any of that footage?
You know, NASA and SpaceX threw a rocket into outer space this weekend?
We did it in the 60s.
I'm not impressed.
I agree.
That's funny.
Right?
Once we did it, we did it.
We did it.
Get over it.
Get further.
Yeah.
Can we go to another galaxy?
Can we get out of the solar system or whatever?
Yeah.
But a rocket in the sky?
Big fucking deal.
No one can do it.
All right?
He's done rockets galore.
How crazy is it, though, that now, like people used to like wear suits and go
to Air Force
Base, Kennedy Air Force Base, and watch them go off.
And it was like an event.
Now it happened and people on Twitter were like, okay, and then moved on.
I bet you, man, you're on the moon as an astronaut, and you're just like,
nobody cares.
Like even you as an astronaut, you're like, oh, this place again?
It's so great.
Who gives a shit?
Open a Starbucks.
Yeah.
How come there's nothing to do on the moon?
I imagine they both say, at some point they go, okay, we did all the gravity
trick things
that we could do.
You know, I think about all the gravity fun things, though, like blowing a snot
rocket
at your buddy and letting it float to him while he's sleeping, just hoping it
floats right
into his mouth.
I have fantasies of going, like being an astronaut and then get drifting into
space and getting
caught.
I don't know if we talked about this in the nebula, but I guess it goes further.
And then all of a sudden I land in a M-class planet, right?
But for some reason, I'm three times the size of everybody and the strength.
But there's humanoids there.
So, no, but are you your size now and everyone's smaller or you've grown?
Yeah, because I've been so small here on Earth that now I'm three times the
size as everybody.
Yeah.
Right?
And I end up on like a beach and a tribe, they don't know who I am, but they
saved my life
because I'm like an astronaut.
They take the clothes off.
And then these tribes are being hunted by a big, like capitalist city.
They get hunted as slaves.
But then I protect them.
Oh.
Right?
Yeah.
And there's an uprising.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
So you're the leader.
You're the leader of this.
No, of this little, because they took care of me.
I know, but there's a coup against the tribe that's owning them.
There's tribes being hunted down, right?
And I'm there and there's an uprising and I'm the leader of this uprising.
Of course.
And then we take over.
Fuck yeah.
Yeah.
And everybody bows to you.
Well, then what they do is they build, in the fantasy, they build a shrine.
So I live there.
And there's different kinds of foods that they deliver on these gold plates.
And then I get all the women, too.
And the boys.
If their pussies are tied enough.
Yep.
Yep.
Yep.
Yep.