Name: Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee's on Their First Comedy Auditions | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2020-07-01T01:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee's on Their First Comedy Auditions | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee's on Their First Comedy Auditions | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-01. Transcript available.

I almost passed out on stage when I first auditioned for Last Comic Standing.
Really?
Yeah, my feet tingled.
Why did you audition for that?
I was brand new. It was my second year doing comedy.
I drove to San Francisco with my friend, with my buddy, and we drove, and we
waited out.
Can I tell you something?
Yeah, yeah.
That was one of those moments in comedy where you're like, fuck, man, it sucked,
but I'll never forget those moments.
We slept outside together. We told stories all night.
Everyone was coming up and down.
People we never met before were like, where'd you guys come from?
Where'd you come from? To audition?
Oh, my God.
It was kind of, it was like one of those things.
I mean, I ate shit.
Were you, and also, I remember those early things, you know, for me.
Yeah, yeah.
I would get really worked out for them.
Oh, my fucking God.
It was so nerve-wracking.
All night long, thinking about what I was going to say.
Yeah, I, yeah, so what happened? Did you get it?
Yeah, I got it. I won the show.
I'm dad fan.
I'm dad fan.
Oh, it was the first season?
I'm dad fan.
I did a show called Friday Night Videos, and I was in San Diego. I was an open
miker.
And I got it, because my manager hooked it up for me.
I used to have this really, this older black guy named Worthy Patterson.
What a name.
So, Worthy, but they used-
I see him in my head right now.
Yeah.
Big, heavy, big, heavy sack guy.
No, skinny.
Okay, let me take it back.
I got it.
Skinny guy.
Yeah, yeah.
Hats?
And it's so funny, because I remember Worthy.
The reason why I left Worthy, they used to call him Worthless.
Worthless Patterson.
Yeah, yeah.
They used to call him Worthless Patterson.
Because he got no gigs for you?
He's a great manager, and he really, he, you know, I was such a, so green.
Sure.
That I just, I bless the guy.
I love him.
Yeah, because those guys took a shot at you before you were in.
He's a great guy.
I still run into him today.
Oh, really?
And he works for a big management company.
He has a bunch of clients.
He's great.
I thought for sure you were going to be like, he's at the Panda Express on Sunset.
No, he's a great guy.
He does scoops, big scoops.
So, but, um, Worthy, um, got me this gig, right?
Yeah.
So, I drove from San Diego early, because I had to be there at, like, two.
Uh-huh.
I left San Diego at four in the morning, and I drove to Burbank, and I sat in
my, I had
this chunky fucking truck.
And I remember there was a little park in Burbank there, right by where The
Tonight Show
was.
Oh, yeah.
There's a couple little parks, yeah.
And I was just pacing my act.
All night long.
Yeah, till, like, four in the, six in the morning, till two.
Damn, God.
I had no food, money, or anything.
No, of course not.
Starving.
Yeah.
And just doing my act, and the smoking, doing my act, you know what I mean?
The ninja, the ninja, the ninja crossed the road, and, you know what I mean?
And all these bits, you know what I mean?
Master bit alone, you know what I mean?
These bits, you know what I mean?
Grab your own ass when you masturbate.
That's why I'm lonely, or whatever, you know what I mean?
These bits that I used to do.
Yeah.
And my dad.
You still do those.
I've heard all those.
Just a couple years ago, I just, I've heard all those.
Stop it.
Anyway, I, so I show up, and I.
No, you said your dad.
What about your dad?
My dad, you know, you're not funny, Bobby, and all those bits.
You know what I mean?
Knock, knock, who's there?
You're not funny, all that stuff, right, right?
And I, and I remember.
I still love those.
Being.
I don't do that fucking joke anymore.
I still love that joke.
Fuck face.
I'm just saying I love it.
So then I'm, I remember backstage, and just ready to go, and then going, and
then hitting
the stage.
And I'd only did comedy 60 times.
Oh, you were so new.
Yeah.
60 or 70 times.
It's your first year into the gig?
Yeah.
And I remember the lights coming on, and there's an audience, and just nothing
came out.
Just nothing.
Just out.
Nothing.
I need your dad.
And then I pulled my stomach out.
Yeah.
And I started doing this weird stomach thing.
Because, you know, your survival.
Yeah, you just kick in.
Yeah, and I would go, beep, beep.
Like, grab my penis and go, beep, beep.
Beep, beep.
Like that.
Yes.
And then, like, make noises.
What the fuck is that?
Yeah, just like anything.
Because my jokes weren't working.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
And do, like, bird thing.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Right?
And do whatever.
And then, afterwards, Worthy comes, yeah, yeah, man, they're not going to pay
you.
What?
They're not going to air it.
They're not going to pay you, or they're not going to air it.
Then you didn't get paid?
No.
What was that?
NBC?
NBC, yeah.
Fuck.
And so then, um.
Let's go get that money.
But then what's funny is then I go to Worthy, like, five months later.
I have no money.
And I go, hey, can I get a commercial agent?
And he goes, yeah, man, you're never going to work.
They're not going to, you watch television?
You just don't see no Asian guys on television?
Is that what he said?
Yeah, yeah.
You don't see Asian guys on no El Pollo local.
Zulu.
Right.
Zulu.
Back then?
No.
Yeah, Zulu.
So then I fired him, and I went, you know, with Abby, my manager now.
Yeah, yeah.
And then she got me an agent, and I booked 20 national commercials in one year.
Wow.
That's insane.
I did El Pollo local.
I did one of them.
This is how fucking, this is how hungry I was.
I would call my agent and go, whatever.
Even if it's the polar opposite of me, send me in.
So one of them, he goes.
Six foot eight black guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, one of them was, so they're looking for a Brad Pitt looking guy.
You.
Log cabin.
You're chopping wood.
You.
Right.
And you're wearing a turtleneck.
It's for Maxwell House.
How could that not be you?
Right.
So I go, send me in.
So I show up, and it's all these guys that look like Brad Pitt in turtlenecks.
Real good looking dudes.
I'm wearing this.
Yeah.
And your belly's showing.
My belly's showing.
I'm wearing this, right?
Because I knew that in those kind of commercial auditions, there's no line.
You're just drinking coffee on a porch, chopping wood, and just doing that,
right?
So in those commercials, you know what they do is they ask you how your day was.
They just want to talk to you, right?
Right.
So they turn the camera on.
They go, slate your name.
You go, I'm Bobby.
Profiles.
You do the profiles.
So what were you on Halloween?
As soon as they ask me, you just go into this bit.
You have to.
You just make them laugh.
Right.
And then next thing you know, you get a call.
All right.
So it's down to you and four other Brad Pitts.
Because they love you.
So then you get called in with everyone in the room.
Right.
And then ask me a question.
They ask you a different question.
I don't give a fuck.
I got it.
Right?
Make them to laugh.
Right?
Make beep beep.
Ta-da!
And do a funny dance, right?
Yeah.
And next thing you know, you're on a porch.
You get it.
You're on a porch with a turtleneck.
I did a muscle hall because I remember drinking the coffee.
Chopping wood.
I've never chopped wood before.
And they just want it to be funny.
No.
They just, they go, you know, they go, why can't it be a fat Asian guy?
Yeah, why not?
Fat Asian guys like coffee.
They like wood.
They like wood and coffee.
They like I make a wooden coffee.
And I would get a lot of those when I went, you know, just send me in where all
the white
dudes are being sent.
Yeah.
Don't give me the ching-chongy ones.