Name: "Why You Will Never Open For Me!" - Bobby Lee | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2020-07-16T16:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Why You Will Never Open For Me!" - Bobby Lee | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Why You Will Never Open For Me!" - Bobby Lee | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-16. Transcript available.

I go to a park and some guy goes, "Hey, you chink, you brought the virus. Go
leave."
And you're like, "What?"
What you got to do is you got to go get a real Chinese guy and show him him and
go, "It's 'cause of him! I'm Korean! I'm fine!"
Yeah, it's insane.
Yeah, but I don't even know... I'm just trying to think of... I don't know any
Chinese people.
Do you know any Chinese?
Sure.
Yeah, what's the guy from the comedy store?
What's his name?
Why are you... My brain is just drawing such a bad blank.
I don't know what's his name.
Oh, this is embarrassing.
No, no, no. We keep this. What's the Chinese guy's name?
Come on, dude.
So we don't know any Chinese.
No, I do know.
What's his name then?
I, I, I...
Chan Ching.
Chan.
What's his name?
Ching Lao?
Chan Han?
What is his name?
Ching Ching?
Uh, uh, uh, uh...
It's like Chi Chi...
It's, it's, it's, it's Tong...
No, no. Honestly, what's his name? It's gonna drop me crazy.
No, I know. I'm trying to think in my mind. I swear to God.
I don't, I'm having like a brain...
Chow Yun-Fat.
No, that's an actor.
Chow Yun-Fat's an actor?
Yes, Chow Yun-Fat's an actor.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's, um...
Jackie, Jackie.
Jackie, Jackie.
Chan, uh, his name is, uh...
His name is Chan Chung-Ching.
There it is.
No, it has a...
Sung-Hang...
Sung-Hung...
What's his name though?
Bing Bong?
I don't know.
Fuck.
I'm sorry.
I really don't...
Text somebody.
I, I can't continue if we don't know.
No, but I don't...
I'm gonna text somebody.
I don't wanna 'cause they're...
What are you gonna text them?
Who's Bing Bong?
No, let's just see it.
Let's see who we can call here.
What's Bing Bong's name?
Yeah, yeah.
Hold on.
Um, so...
I mean...
No, no, no, honestly, so...
No, I know, but it's, I just, I forgot.
I don't know, um...
Who would know?
Chow.
Uh, uh, uh, uh...
Chow Fung.
Chow Fung.
Chow Fung's his name.
Chow Fung's his name.
Chow Fung.
God, dude, why is my grandma...
Chow Fung's his name.
Chow Fung.
Yeah.
Change your name, Chow.
Am I saying it?
Yeah.
I'm saying Chow Fung?
I need to make sure.
Let's call him Eli Fung.
Eli Fung.
Eli's a good name.
Eli Fung.
Fung Chow.
Fung Chow.
Fung Chow.
We fucked it up.
But the letters were right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The words were right.
Chow's easy to remember.
Chow Fung.
His name is Fung Chow.
Fung Chow.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Chow's easy to remember.
Change Fung.
Get out of Fung.
Get Fung.
Can I tell you something about that kid?
Yeah, what?
I was in New York doing, like, a two-day shoot on something.
Yeah.
And somebody was like, "Oh, do you want to go do Comedy Juice?" Up at, wherever
that was at.
Is that, not Caroline's, maybe, whatever.
I go over there.
They're in the basement.
A bunch of comedy store guys.
Abby Roberge was there, and Fung Chow's there, and he goes, "You going to stay
to watch my set?"
That's not the accent.
Well, his is like, his is like, he's more like, I'm trying to, no, no, no, he's
deeper.
He's like, "You're going to stay to..."
He's like, guttural, too.
Yeah, you're going to watch my set.
Yeah.
And I'd never, and I'd seen him, like, twice at the store.
But I wait in the back.
I go, "Yeah, I'm going to have a drink and hang out."
He goes, "Oh, cool."
Like, he got excited about it.
I said, "Oh, okay."
He goes, within seconds, I'm thinking he's going to, like, ease it in.
He goes up there, he's like, "My mom's a fat cunt, a stupid fat cunt."
I was like, "What?"
It's really funny, though.
He's hilarious.
I had no idea that he, I didn't know that he was that, like, aggressive and raw.
He's so Asian.
How Asian is he?
He's so Asian that one time, I needed an MC for the Irvine improv.
Yeah.
And I came up to him.
And he bought a house down in Irvine, was like, "I already lived here."
No, no, no, it's even worse.
Okay.
I go, "Hey, this weekend, I need an MC, and I know that you've asked to open
for me over the years, and I'm giving you the shot."
He goes, "Yeah, but I have to work."
Yeah.
And I go, "Yeah, but, you know."
This is work.
This is work.
This is a better work.
Right.
But I told the comedy store that I have to work Friday and Saturday.
I go, "Yeah, but, in America, you know what I mean?"
You can, you know, you can tell people, "Hey, something came up."
I have to do this.
And the comedy store, obviously.
That's what they want you to do.
They want you to do that.
Right.
"My word is my honor."
Really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he says, "I come from a lineage, a line of people.
We don't go against what we are worth."
Wow, I like this motherfucker.
And I go, "Yeah, but, dude, I'm not going to ask you again."
And he goes, "I'm not going to tell you again."
I will not tell you, Mr. Lee, again.
I will not cancel my work.
He didn't do it.
He didn't do it.
I give him a lot of credit.
You should keep asking him again.
But then, like, six months later, he comes up to me and goes, "I fucked up."
He goes, "I fucked up.
I was talking to a bunch of comedians, and they told me that I fucked up.
And if you could let me have the opportunity to open..."
I go, "No."
No, that's it.
He goes, "Okay."
He's a great dude.
He's a great dude.
Will you take him when we open back up?
No.
Please?
No.
I'm going to then.
I will.
Fung Chow, we're going to take you.
How about this?
What?
The first shows that we can do together?
Fung's coming with us.
Fung and Rudy.
Yeah.
Come on.
Yeah, Fung.
You don't want to commit to it?
No.
Okay.
I have this weird thing where there was this bar.
You don't want another Asian comic on the show.
That's not what it is.
Fuck you.
You're fucking racist.
I have Asians all the time on my show, man.
Name what Asians open up for you.
Peter Kim's open for me.
When?
Dante Chang's open for me.
How many years ago did these guys open for you?
The last five years.
A year and a half ago, but I had to say, Peter Kim's so fucking funny that I
told him to go home.
Why?
Because he ripped too hard?
Oh my God.
This guy could rip it.
You got nervous, huh?
I got real nervous.
There was this bartender at the comedy store named Max back in the day, maybe
five years ago.
Up here?
And he'd go, hey man.
Yeah, in Hollywood.
Oh yeah.
It's my dream to open for you, man.
I go, all right, dude, I'm doing Ontario improv, right?
This Friday.
Yeah.
You can emcee.
It's 7:30 when the show starts.
Yeah.
He's not there.
Where are you, Max?
I'm in traffic, man.
Mm, buddy.
I go.
Mm, buddy.
Turn around.
Bye.
And he, a couple of months later, he quit his job there.
And I never saw him again.
Holy shit.
I feel bad.
No, you shouldn't.
Why?
Because everybody, dude, when I opened for somebody,
the first time I got to open for somebody was the fucking Billy Gardell, I
think.
Yeah.
I was at the fucking Irvine improv three days before I was supposed to be there.
Oh yeah.
I showed up.
The sun was coming up.
I got to Irvine at like 9:00 a.m.
Yeah.
And I just waited around.
I was at, I went to like an olive garden for lunch.
I sat in the parking lot in my car.
Yeah, it should be your number one priority.
The only thing I had to do that day was go to the goddamn show.
I call Fihim.
I go, hey, you want to open for me next week?
He goes, I'm already here.
That's what I got.
I'm already here.
I knew you were going to ask me.
I know.
I'm already here.
He called me yesterday, by the way.
We talked for a long time.
We love, we, if you don't know Fihim Anwar, easily one of the funniest comedians
I've ever seen in my fucking life, is a prolific joke writer.
Constantly is making, making new jokes and they're very fucking funny.
So please check him out because we love him.