Name: Rudy Brings A Knife To The Studio & Bobby Is Terrified | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2020-07-21T16:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy Brings A Knife To The Studio & Bobby Is Terrified | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy Brings A Knife To The Studio & Bobby Is Terrified | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-21. Transcript available.

We're mom friends!
Let's go!
Woo!
Ding dong, country's gone.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
We're locked down.
Can't go out.
Can't go out to eat with friends
because people won't wear masks
so we have to stay at home.
Ding dong, country's gone.
Rip your cheeks off with my fucking fingers.
Rip my cheeks off?
Yeah.
Rip my cheeks off with your dirty little fingernails.
I wish you would wash them more
than you could.
Rip my cheeks.
Yeah?
Yeah?
You really, really do irritate me, though.
You irritate me!
You get me so angry and rageful.
And, um, it's like I've known you all...
Hold on.
Is that music?
Oh, are you cleaning a knife?
Yeah.
What is that for?
Um, I just bought it.
Brought it.
What?
What?
I just brought it at home.
You brought that knife?
Yeah.
Here.
I asked that to Kalilah if, like,
I can play with it
and, like, maybe decorate it here.
And she said, yeah.
Wait, wait.
Whose knife is that?
I've never seen that knife before in my life.
No, I bought it at home
and then I brought it here.
You bought it in the mail?
Yeah.
And you brought it here?
Yeah, on Amazon.
Holy...
You brought that...
And what is that knife for?
Um, I thought that I could play with it,
but then, um...
Um, I thought also that I could, like,
decorate my table.
Oh, you want to decorate your table
with a fucking...
That's her station.
...Klingon hunting knife?
That's your station.
You're allowed to do whatever you want
to your station.
Yeah.
This is really weird
because I did not see...
Dude, I heard a sing-sing
and I'm thinking it's music.
No.
No, I'm serious.
I heard sing-sing
and I'm thinking,
oh, someone's got music on
in their headphones.
No.
But she's cleaning the knife.
Yeah.
It's kind of rusty.
Did you know this was...
You brought this.
You saw her bring this in.
Um, I swear to God
on my mother's life
that I did not see her
bring that into the car.
No, I did.
You remember when we, um,
got out?
I grabbed my hand at the back.
Is there a sleeve that it goes in?
Is there, like, a leather pouch?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think you cleaned it enough.
Stick it back in the pouch.
Can I see it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Holy shit.
This has the dried blood
of soldiers on it.
Look at that.
That's the dried blood of men.
Yeah.
Where did you buy this, Rude?
Amazon.
Yeah, but, like,
from, like, a guy?
Um, yeah.
Is it handmade?
I don't know.
But it was, like, $25.
Do you want to cut something?
That's all it was, is $25?
Yeah, that's fine.
Let me see.
Do you want to cut...
Should I cut this as hard as I can?
No.
Why?
Can I hold on to it?
God, I don't trust you with it so much.
Give me the fucking knife.
Say please.
Please.
Fuck no.
Jag off.
You're a jag off.
Giving you a fucking weapon.
I'm giving you a weapon?
Really?
I don't have Amazon.
I can't get a knife as well.
Then get a knife and bring one yourself.
I will.
I'm going to bring other things as well.
Okay?
Give me the knife.
Put your hand out real fast.
Let me do the knife game.
You know the knife game?
All right.
Do it.
See what happens.
Okay.
Go ahead.
Put it more in the middle.
Put it more in the middle.
I can't really.
All right.
Ready?
Oh, man.
This is so fucking...
Yee!
All right.
Let me hear you.
Can I do yours now?
No, because you'll stab me on purpose as a bit.
No, you're going to do it as a bit.
I'm not going to do it.
Why would I stab you as a bit?
I want to do it.
Because you would do it and then you'd go,
Oh, my God.
I was just kidding.
Yes, you were.
You have no trust with me.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Put your fucking hand down or I'm leaving.
That's not fair.
If you stab my fucking hand.
Yeah.
I'm dead serious.
Yeah.
I'm going to fucking beat the shit out of you.
You don't think that that's going to be a...
Yeah.
Be a man, dude.
Slow.
You cocksucker.
Oh, no.
Don't go faster.
Oh, fuck this shit.
Rudy.
Rudy.
Why do you have this?
Do you have that?
I thought...
I don't know.
Get close to the mic.
Rudy, get close to the fucker.
This is important.
You thought what?
I thought that I could decorate.
I know, but...
Yeah, but you get candles and, you know, and photographs.
That's what people use in America.
Yeah, but then everyone's, like, saying that I'm Rudy with a knife.
You are Rudy with a knife.
Yeah, because you had one dream, but that doesn't make you who you are because
you had a dream.
But it's also nice.
She does like knives.
She does like knives.
Oh, my God.
She's a spooky girl.
Wait a minute.
Can I just say something?
At five in the morning, I'll just go out to get a water.
Yeah.
And she's just kind of, with her hair over her face, wandering around the house.
Do you do that to freak him out or just...
No, I usually just do that.
You just walk around?
Yeah.
And I don't...
Rudy, leave the knife out if you...
Do you want it on the wall?
Yeah.
Okay, we'll do it after the show.
I'll put...
So she'll wander around the house.
She wanders around the house at five in the morning and you go, hey, Juliana,
and nothing.
Why don't you respond, Rude?
Sometimes I don't hear him.
Do you not want to hear him or do you genuinely not hear him?
No, I don't...
I don't hear him.
And that's why he gets mad that I don't say good morning to Bobby.
Yeah.
You get mad because maybe she doesn't hear you.
No.
There's something going on.
She's probably spaced out.
She has those, like, I'm about to snap eyes.
Yeah.
You know?
Like, when she tells me...
When she tells me...
And she has to learn how to do this better.
But take out the trash.
We asked last time and you said it really nice.
No.
But she does it like this.
Tito Bobby, take out the trash.
Take out the trash.
As if, if I don't, there are consequences.
And I don't know what those are.
Which, Filipino witchcraft?
They do that.
Voodoo?
They have that.
Yeah.
And she likes to eat old food.
Like leftovers?
Yeah.
Leftovers.
No, but real old.
Like it's been in there for a while.
Like four week, five week old fucking sandwiches and shit.
You don't get sick from that?
Just one week, not four weeks.
No.
One week is not that bad.
There's been something that's been for weeks and weeks.
Rudy, have you bought more than one knife on the internet so far?
Yeah, I have three more in the house.
Do you know that?
Do you seriously not know that she has three knives at the house?
I don't know.
Are they that size?
Um, um, there's one that's bigger and then there's another one that's like just
small.
You created a monster, dude.
The Rudy with the knife thing took off and now she's got knives.
This is how it starts.
You know, this is how those shows start.
She'll go like this too.
Uncle Tito.
Tito Bobby.