Name: Andrew Hits Bobby For Being Late (Again) | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2020-11-12T17:00:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Hits Bobby For Being Late (Again) | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Hits Bobby For Being Late (Again) | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-12. Transcript available.

We're bald friends!
My eye still hurts.
From what?
From you throwing the mask at my face.
I didn't throw the mask at your face.
You did.
No, I didn't.
You did.
It's on tape.
You got a little cut.
Do I really?
Yeah.
Little tiny cut.
Right above your eye.
Seriously, right on your eyelid, actually.
I see it now.
Yeah, you did that.
Isn't that cool?
It's fucked up.
What does that mean?
That you would fucking attack me.
No, but what does that mean to you?
What means to me?
That little cut.
What does that mean?
Let it go, man.
It's gone.
It's over.
It's not.
No, it already happened.
It doesn't matter, right?
It doesn't mean that.
It's in the past, right?
No, what it means to me is...
It doesn't even matter.
Things don't even matter, right?
Yeah.
Can I answer you or no?
That cut represents...
That cut represents every time that you said something about my mom.
Every time you were late and complained.
Every time you acted like a baby about something.
That's what that little, tiny, minuscule nothing cut.
The way that you go, why do you get frustrated at nothing?
That cuts a little nothing, too.
It doesn't even exist.
Can't let it bother you.
It doesn't bother me.
But it's also a reminder.
It's a hint.
Yeah.
Hey, fuck with me and I'll fuck you up.
I'll give you bigger cuts.
I have more stuff to throw at you.
I know, but see, but now...
You pushed me to the edge.
All right.
You pushed me to the edge.
On your birthday, you called me a puss and then dared me throw the cake.
And everything in my power wanted me to throw the cake and also anime and punch
through
the cake and kill you and just like fold in your head with my fist.
Yeah, but why does it go to violence?
Because there's no other way to get through to you.
Violence is the only way to get through to somebody.
For me to get through to you, not to somebody.
Yeah.
I'm never violent with Rudy.
I would never.
Yeah.
Because she's conscious and aware and thoughtful, you know?
Hmm.
So you have to resort to violence.
Okay.
With you.
Yeah, I know.
I have to resort to violence with you.
That you don't.
You don't have to.
I do because it reminds you of things that you shouldn't be doing.
No, it doesn't.
What it does is it makes me want to double down.
And then I'm going to hit you harder.
I know.
And then it's going to end up us not being friends and it's going to get ugly.
So why don't you stop with the violence?
No, why don't you stop with the shit?
Like, what did I do?
Everything.
I brought up rat leather, right?
Precisely.
To talk about your skin.
Because I knew.
Then you talked about my mom.
And then I attacked you about your mom.
That's right.
And then I had to retaliate.
I know.
But you started with the mom stuff.
Because you've unsolicited mom stuff at me all the time.
Yeah.
You do it all the time.
So I just had to hit you.
I didn't mean to make you bleed.
And I did think hitting you with a soft mask wasn't going to hurt.
But something caught you right in the eye.
And maybe that's God.
Maybe that's Jesus going, hurt him.
God, no.
It was the devil.
Yes, it was.
Yeah, it's dark shit that you have to work out.
You're very angry.
I'm working it out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But with you, you make it really hard.
No one's ever assaulted me.
That is so not true.
Who?
I've seen you get assaulted at the comedy store multiple times.
Who?
Multiple people have punched you.
One.
Okay.
Ari Shaffir.
Yeah, and you deserved it.
Really?
Do you know why he did it?
You called him an ugly Jew bag.
No, I didn't.
Yeah, you did.
You said you're a dirty Jew.
And he goes, you don't like Jewish people?
And you said no.
He called me, right, because Natasha Leggero had cheated on him.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
With who?
With Ron Peterson.
I don't know who that is.
Ron Peterson was a Canadian actor.
He was Martin Short's friend.
Canadian actor.
You know the story, right?
I do know the story.
Then how come I, why do I have to tell you?
Because some of the people don't know the story.
All right.
So let's just go back, right?
So Ron Peterson was an actor on MADtv when I was on MADtv, and he was at the
store with me.
He saw Natasha Leggero go up in the belly room, and he goes, I want to
penetrate her.
And I go, she's seeing my friend Ari.
And then I went down to the OR to do my set.
He stayed up there.
And when she got off stage, he got her number.
She left Ari.
And then Ari comes to me, and he says, can you break into Ron Peterson's office
at Fox,
steal his email, and then forward it to me?
They go, I'm not breaking into somebody's fucking office to do that.
Then he said, if you don't do it, you're the one that set them up, and I'll
fucking kill you.
That's not nice.
Yeah.
So that's the kind of shit you would do.
That's not true.
Crazy violence.
You're so crazy.
I know.
So don't go there.
First of all.
Don't go there.
I'm sorry about the cut.
I'm not sorry about throwing the mask.
That, you deserved.
The cut, I didn't mean to hurt you.
Okay.
But I did want to hit you with it, because I thought that was fun.
Because this is like a symbolic of me.
Don't throw anything at my face again.
I'm going to throw stuff.
I'm going to throw something.