Name: Bobby & Andrew Fight Over Who Loves Their Dog More | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2020-12-18T01:00:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby & Andrew Fight Over Who Loves Their Dog More | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby & Andrew Fight Over Who Loves Their Dog More | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-18. Transcript available.

We're bald friends.
Go ahead.
What do you mean?
You had an argument that I don't love my dog.
No, no, no, no, that's not what the argument was.
That's what she said.
I understand that, but see, now I have to share my worldview when it comes to
white people and their dogs.
Because in our home, right, I leave Jules out first before the fucking animals.
Well, yeah, but that, no, see, but that's because dogs are above, are above.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're right, you're right, that's ridiculous.
Certain people are going to get left behind.
Right, right, right.
Right.
Right, so when you're watching the movie and you see the dog getting killed out
by the barn, in my head I'm like, yeah, they would leave the dog out.
You know what I mean?
Whereas in Independence Day, right, when, I forgot her name, Will Smith's, she
was a stripper in the movie.
What's her name, his girlfriend in the movie?
Oh, yeah, what is her name?
Oh, God, I like her.
And I forgot her name.
Oh, I can't think of her, I can see her face, I can draw a photo of her.
Her name is Fox.
Vivica A. Fox.
Oh, my God, how annoying.
So annoying.
Vivica A. Fox, right, remember when they called their dog, because the aliens
were attacking, they were in that, you know, under the tunnel or whatever, and
their car was under, and they're like, come on!
I feel like black people would do that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on!
It's not a black...
Black people would just leave.
That's so not true.
Yeah, I think.
I would do anything for that dog.
Anything.
I'm in love with that dog.
All right, let me ask you this.
Yeah.
If, would you give up a liver to put that into that car?
100%.
Well, no, you can't live without your liver.
What do you mean?
Would I give up, like, a...
What do people get?
A kidney.
A kidney.
Yeah, of course, of course.
You would live...
All right.
And if they said you might die from giving up the kidney, I go, sure, whatever.
How about they say that...
Pandemic is...
I don't fucking care anymore.
That inside your penis...
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
Inside your penis, there is a blood vessel, right?
Yeah.
And inside that blood vessel, there's a sack.
Right?
There's a little sack in a blood vessel.
Okay.
Right?
That has...
Because he's dying from a...
Really specific disease.
That's a girl.
That's a girl.
Your girl is...
She's dying from a very specific disease, right?
And he goes, the only way we can save this dog, right, is we have to get to
that little
sack, right?
And then take the juice and the material in there, and we have to create an
antidote.
But the only way we can do that is we have to completely chop your dick off.
Right.
Do you put it back?
Are you guys going to put it back on?
No, we can't put it back.
It just destroys the penis.
Well, okay.
Is there a way for me to get a cadaver penis?
Can I get another guy's penis?
No, the only way we could do it, we could, like, take the remains and take the,
like,
the, you know, the sensational parts of your...
Sure.
...and tuck it in...
Oh, give me a vagina?
...of your pussy.
Done.
I would love...
You wouldn't do that!
I would love to have a vagina.
I've had a dick for 37 years!
Did you let me fuck it?
Yes!
Be real.
Okay, good.
Yes.
Let's do it.
But my point is, is that, so those are my reasons why...
You think, you think whites are...
Yes, you think you value...
And then what did you say?
When me and Kalilah called you, what did you say?
Something racist?
Yeah, you did.
What did I say?
You said, we eat our dogs.
You do.
You guys eat dogs.
No, we don't.
Have whites ever been...
Has there any historical reference of a white eating a dog?
No.
Is there some historical...
Let me think!
Okay.
No.
Are there historical references of Asians eating dogs?
Yes.
Today.
This moment?
Probably.
I'm saying in this time period.
Probably in this moment.
Yeah, okay.
So, end of story.
I've seen the videos on YouTube.
Have you watched the videos on YouTube?
I've seen...
You've seen it?
Yeah.
Okay.
Wait, wait, in real life?
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, you've seen...
Shh!
No, you've seen a dog eaten in real life.
Yeah.
Gross.
Done.
I'm done.
No, no, no, no.
Let's talk about it.
And you're a bad people.
Let's explore it.
And you're a bad people.
Let's explore it.
And I'm the problem?
In my, um...
Hut.
It was in one of her huts.
Yeah.
Like, village.
In my house.
It was in my house.
It was my dog.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
In your village, just out in the street?
Yeah.
It was a stray dog.
Oh, well, that makes it okay.
Yeah.
Tell me what happened.
And then, my cousin said that they were going to eat a dog, and they invited me.
Oh.
It was like a dinner party?
Have you been talking?
How do you...
You get like an invitation in the mail?
An evite?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'd love for you to join us for dog this evening.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you even know what kind it was?
No.
I don't know.
Puppy?
What did you say?
I said no.
Have you...
Did you ever...
Have you ever tasted pup?
No.
You don't want to.
You think that's wrong.
I don't want to, yeah.
Yeah.
But then people there...
Like, if you voiced your opinion, if you were like, hey, I don't think that's
okay to eat
dog, did they get mad at you?
Yeah, because it seemed normal there.
Wow.
See?
That's crazy.
It's a cultural thing.
But here's the deal.
We eat cow here all the time.
And Indians eat it.
And Indians, it's sacred.
Yeah.
So it's disrespectful to the animal.
So we say it's crazy only because it's the viewpoint that we have.
Yeah.
But when you say, though, that Asians do it, some Asians have.
Lots.
Not here in America, though.
Lots.
Not in America.
You don't think they bring that with them?
They bring everything else?
They don't bring it like it's some sort of dance or something.
The culture?
Yeah, that's a cultural thing.
You know what I mean?
Or like...
Do you think some people would come over here and do it over here in secret?
Maybe.
Yeah.
What?
You're out of your mind.
It's not out of the realm of reality.
Okay, maybe.
Why?
Just because they fly to a different place, it's like, well, we're just going
to stop doing
what we used to do?
Yeah.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
How many cultures did your dad and your mom do?
What are your cultural things that your dad and your mom do that was from Korea
that they
wanted to make sure that they passed along and they had here?
There were things that they did, right?
Yeah, but we do it here as well.
That's my point.
Like, beat their kids, you mean?
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, you're saying Americans?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So they're like, cross, cross.
Is there nothing indicative of Korean culture that your parents brought over
here that we
don't do here culturally that they wanted to instill in you guys?
Yeah, I mean, maybe things around food.
Yeah, like what?
Like, you know, when you go into...
By the way, things around food, dogs, food.
Right.
So the thing we're talking about is the thing that exists.
Yeah, you would see when you came to my house, we had a normal looking kitchen
aside from
the fact that there was like squid and stuff being hanging.
We have squid, dried squid hanging all over the place.
What?
Yeah, as if it's like mistletoe or something.
Right?
But instead of kissing underneath it, you eat it.
Wait a minute.
Drying it out?
Just dry squid?
Yeah, you just have squid laying around.
What?
Why?
To eat later.
I don't know why.
But why doesn't it just go in a fridge or something?
I don't know.
I have no idea.
I never have.
Okay, this is my point.
So to them, drying out a golden retriever is not that big of a deal.
Right.
And then you would...
And it was embarrassing.
Like when I had my white friends over, right?
I never wanted them to open our refrigerator.
Because then you have to explain things.
Ah, yeah.
Right?
So then they would open up and you would see like a gigantic orange jug.
Right?
And they're like, what is that?
I can see me.
And then you hit the jar, right?
And an eyeball would flop by.
It's hard to explain.
It's hard to explain.