Name: Andrew Santino Explains the History Behind “Build the Wall” | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2021-02-25T20:00:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Santino Explains the History Behind “Build the Wall” | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Santino Explains the History Behind “Build the Wall” | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-25. Transcript available.

We're bad friends.
Is there a time period that you can teach me about?
Of course.
Like a war?
Yeah, well, a war, maybe not a war.
Okay, well, how about this?
You want to stick in the Asian stuff?
Yeah, yeah.
The Great Wall of China, how much do you know about the Great Wall of China?
Nothing.
You know nothing about it?
I know it's there.
Why was it erected?
What?
Why was it erected?
Well, obviously, just making an assumption, to separate two bodies of lands.
Correct.
Okay.
But what bodies of land?
North and South?
I don't know.
East and West.
East and West.
I was close.
Don't, don't, don't, don't be diminutive.
Don't laugh at me.
I was close.
It could have been either one.
Right.
There's only four ways to go.
Yeah.
So I made a guess, right?
And I said, East and West.
So you said North and South.
That's what I meant.
It was East and West.
Why did they want two sides divided?
Maybe there was two different kingdoms?
Not called kingdoms.
They're called?
Embassies.
Chinese.
Come on.
Oh, yeah.
They're called dynasties.
Dynasties.
That's right.
Am I right?
That's exactly right.
Separate.
So there's two different dynasties.
Probably Ming.
Ming and?
Ping.
Wing.
Ming and Ping.
Ming and Wing.
Ping and Pong.
Just Ping and Pong.
It's where yin and yang came from.
Yeah, yeah.
Ming is white and Ping is black.
All right.
So there's two deserts.
Ming dynasty and there's another dynasty.
It's Wing.
Wing dynasty.
Ming and Wing.
And so they separated it.
Which was a joke they used to say.
Look at the East Wing dynasty.
Get it?
Because it was on the East side of the wall.
So Ming and Wing.
What happened was these two emperors were fighting.
Right?
If you're making this up right now.
It's not.
Because I really want to learn.
I am giving it to you.
I know.
But I feel like you're making it up though.
I'm not.
There's no fucking Wing nothing.
What do you mean?
Ming and Wing?
The Wing dynasty?
The Ming I've heard of.
I've never heard of Wing.
You've never heard of the Wing dynasty?
No, no, no.
Fellas, am I lying or what?
Ming and Wing dynasty.
Okay.
What happened was, all right, these two emperors hated each other.
This is the creepiest part.
Their sisters were in love.
Oh, yeah.
They were in love.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
So the Ming, what, the emperor?
Bong Ming.
Is this Bong Ming?
No, no.
That's the sister, Bong.
Oh, so the sister was Bong.
Bong Ming.
Yeah, like the Wing sister.
One of the Wing sisters.
And I don't remember because there was triplets.
There was three Wing sisters.
But Bong Ming, I do remember her.
Bong Ming loved one of the Wing triplets.
They caught them making love.
Scissoring.
Scissoring.
Well, I don't know what it was called in Chinese, but.
Well, they had scissors back then.
Chopsticking.
They were chopsticking.
And anyway.
That was crazy that you would say something like that.
They were sticking.
That was insane.
Bong Ming and one of the Wings.
All right, so.
Making love.
So these two emperors.
Let me just stop for a second.
Got it.
So let me just get this straight.
Okay, all right, straight.
So the Wing.
Yeah.
The Wing dynasty.
Had three sisters.
The Emperor had three sisters.
Had three sisters.
Triplets.
They were triplets.
Correct.
Okay.
And the Ming dynasty had one.
One girl.
Named Bong.
Bong Ming.
Bong Ming.
Bong Ming, right, was scissoring one of these girls.
She was stop-chopsticking.
I'm chop-chopsticking, my bad.
She was chop-chopsticking.
They were chop-chopsticking one of these sisters.
The middle child, I think.
You don't know for sure.
I'm not positive because I'm-
They look the same.
It could have been either one.
They were triplets.
Yeah, exactly.
They didn't look the same because they were Asian.
Like anyways.
No, it was triplets.
So it could have been anybody.
True, true.
Right, right.
So anyway, they were hooking up.
These two emperors caught wind of it.
And he said, I refuse my sister to go to your palace anymore.
And he says, I don't want your sister to come to my palace anymore.
Yeah.
Because Bong is trash.
Wow.
Bong is trash.
He said that, you know, what is that?
A couple thousand years ago?
No, let me ask you this, though.
Yeah.
Would they-
Obviously, they didn't get together at like, you know what I mean?
An Applebee's to talk, right?
Oh, you mean how did they communicate?
Through pigeons or something.
Well, they-
So they would open up a letter.
There are no pigeons in China.
Instead, there are-
Ferrets.
Ferrets.
What are they?
Doves?
Doves?
What-
What-
Bird-
Chinese geese.
Oh, sorry.
A Chinese goose.
I didn't know.
Come on.
So they would send Chinese geese through the air with notes on them-
Yeah, yeah.
To get to each-
Each palace.
Yeah.
Anyway-
It just seems like a long time.
For a Chinese goose?
Yeah, to fly over.
It's like-
It seems like-
They fly 180 miles an hour.
No, they don't.
I've seen geese.
And they're pretty-
That would probably take eight years.
Have you seen a Chinese goose?
Then you don't know what you're talking about.
Okay, I'm sorry.
It's a 55-foot wingspan.
They're huge.
It's the size of an airplane, basically.
Okay.
Small airplane.
So they send it back and forth, their note, and back and forth, saying,
I don't want my sister to go over here.
He said, she don't have to come over here.
Piece of shit.
I don't want her over here.
How about that, bitch?
And he goes, oh, you know what?
Now-
You know what?
Now I'm going to send my fucking triplets over.
So he says, hey, try to get over to my land and see what happens.
So Donald Trump, remember how he said, build the wall?
That's what that came from.
Bong Ming's brother was the first one that invented to build the wall.
It's really hard to believe that they would erect that wall.
That thing took a hundred years to fucking put up.
Because initially, it just was to block the two dynasties, east and west.
But at some point, he got a little cocky and was like, I want people-
You know how long China is?
It's huge.
Right.
But he said, I want people to see this from space.
So how long does that fucking wall take to build?
Well, this is unbeknownst to knowledge to a lot of people.
Yeah.
The first chunk of the wall, the first mile and a half was popsicle sticks.
It was made of popsicle sticks and Elmer's glue.
I'm dead serious.
They re-erected it later with stone.
Yeah, yeah, no.
You don't know anything about it, do you?
Bong.
No, I don't know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know you can see it from space.
I don't know one thing about it.
You don't know anything about it.
I know people take pictures on it and it's waving.
I know, I know.
I've seen Steve-O walk on it.
You know what I mean?
Oh, dude.
Hey, dude, what's up?
Hey, I'm just going to skate down the wall.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But so that was just five, ten minutes of just bullshit.
No, some of it's true.
None of it is.
I think Ming, I think Bong Ming is real.
Bong Ming, there is no Bong Ming.
Look up Bong Ming, please, and tell me that that's not part of the Ming dynasty.
Bong Ming.
Bong Ming.
There.
There he is.
Bong Ming.
There he is.
Go to his Instagram.
There he is.
Bong Ming.
There's Bong Ming.
Oh, you're right.
There he is celebrating when they built the wall.
Okay.
With some buds.
Congrats.
You don't know anything about American history?
Yeah, what do you want to know?
Because I'm going to, I'm going to, no, honestly.
I'm going to see.