Name: Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee Celebrate Cinco De Mayo With Justin Bieber Roleplay | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2021-05-05T22:30:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee Celebrate Cinco De Mayo With Justin Bieber Roleplay | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-05-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee Celebrate Cinco De Mayo With Justin Bieber Roleplay | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-05-05. Transcript available.

We're bad friends!
So what's up bad friends? I love you guys. Greetings from Tijuana, a city that
Bobby knows very well.
So my name is Hector and I'm challenging Andres to a dance-off to prove that
Mexico is much much better, much better than Spain.
Today I'm going to be telling you about why the Mexico is better than Spain.
Hey Fancy, you let me know when Spain has Tijuana trannies. And I'm sure Mr. 45%
bisexual would agree with me. Right Bobby?
Mexico is better than Spain. Because as you know, and as Rudy knows, Spain was
really bad to the Philippines.
And you know who wasn't fancy? Mexico.
I ain't never heard of Spain having donkey shows. And let's be real, if I was
in Mexico, I'd probably ask someone where I could go see a donkey show.
They actually work full work days and earn the right to sit around in a hammock
at the end of the day.
Instead of in Spain, where you work a three hour work day, go home at noon and
sit around drinking Te Rojo.
Saying things like, "Did you see Zack Snyder's Justice League?"
Spain may have a lot of cool history and you know, Christopher Columbus was a
badass, but Mexico has one thing and that's crazy.
The crazy cartel with crazy drugs and crazy sexy ladies and not to mention
their crazy awesome food.
Mexico has everything.
Mexico has everything. The food, the culture. Spain is just like the gay cousin
of Mexico.
Mexico.
Selena, Cantinflas, Vicente Fernandez, Frida, tacos, enchiladas, chiraquiles,
tamales, Dia de los Muertos, tequila, Cancun, Cozumel, Playa del Carmen.
We have like ruins, like Native American ruins, so nothing really gets cooler
than that.
Spain is only known for colonizing, rape, and fancy people.
Mexico has Mexicans. And Spain has Angles.
Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.
Happy Cinco de Mayo, Bob. Happy Cinco de Mayo, Rude.
Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Do you know what Cinco de Mayo means, Rudy?
No. What is it?
Yeah, you do. You know what it is, right?
No. Yes, I do.
What is it?
It's Happy Fifth Mayonnaise.
Happy Fifth Mayonnaise.
Mayonnaise.
My favorite Cinco de Mayo movie is La Bamba.
La la la la la la la la la la la la.
That's a great movie.
Can I ask you a question?
I had a dream too, Richie.
One of his brother.
Yeah.
His brother was an artist, right?
Yeah.
Right? And then at the end of the movie, he had to get it out, you know?
You have to-
I had a dream too.
Yeah, but your art's not as good as his.
It's really bad.
He's a cartoonist, right?
It's bad.
Yeah, it's not good.
You know what I mean?
So you didn't have to say that out.
It's like, you know, if I was one of the Baldwins.
You are, kinda.
Oh, yeah.
Alec, Billy, Bobby.
Yeah.
If you were a Baldwin brother.
Dude, if I was a Baldwin dude, but I was adopted.
If I was genetically a Baldwin.
What a good story, by the way.
Yeah.
You know how the Wahlburgers have a burger joint?
Yeah.
The Baldwins have just like a fucking Korean street food joint.
Yeah.
Billy.
Alec.
The one brother I wouldn't get along with, I think, is Steven.
No, you would not get along with Steven.
Because he's kind of alt-y right.
Is he alt-right?
Yeah, he's kind of like, you know, right-wing a little bit.
Oh, he is?
Yeah, he doesn't get along with Alec and all those guys.
I mean, they still hang out and stuff, but it's like-
And Alec is like fucking so far left.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's the most left.
And his brother is super, super far right.
Yeah, but Steven's daughter-
And Bobby's in the middle.
But Steven's daughter.
Hmm.
She's hot.
She is?
Isn't she dating-
Wait, who's dating-
Justin Bieber?
Yeah.
Oh, right.
That is his daughter.
What did you even-
I thought it was Alec Baldwin's daughter.
Even Baldwin's daughter-
Oh, is Hailey-
Hailey-
Hailey-
Hailey Bald Bieber.
Hailey Bald Bieber.
Hailey Bald Bieber?
Yeah.
And I would be the creep-
If I was the adopted, like, adopted, like, uncle-
Yeah.
I would probably should attack her out of Bieber.
So I could get in there.
Can you imagine trying to convince her to be with you instead of Justin Bieber?
Yeah.
Go ahead and do it.
I'm Hailey Baldwin.
That's creepy though.
I'm Hailey Baldwin.
Go.
Well, since I was adopted-
Hey, what's that?
If I was adopted, I would have a little accent.
Yeah, of course you would.
Yeah.
Hey, what's up?
Oh, Bob.
Hey, it's so good to see you.
Are you going to join us for dinner?
No, no.
I want to talk to you.
Oh, what's up?
You want to talk to me alone?
No, you know, back in the shed.
You want to go outside to the shed?
Yeah.
I want to talk to you real quickly.
Let me just ask Justin.
Justin, is that okay?
Yes, it's fine.
Justin, get the fuck out of here.
Hey, hey.
Don't talk to Justin like that.
By the way, you did a great show at the fight.
You know where he did the fight?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Very good.
Very good.
Yeah, you did, baby.
We're going to go to the shed.
She's Justin all of a sudden.
She's Justin all of a sudden.
We're going to go to the shed, okay?
Yeah.
Okay.
Have a good time.
Here we go.
Anyway, anyway.
What did you want to talk to me about?
I want to talk to you about Unusual Suspects.
Yo, your dad, my brother.
Steve, your dad, my brother.
Yeah.
He did a really good job.
It's so good.
In that movie.
It's so good.
Who else was in it?
It was Kevin Spacey.
Oh, I love it.
I went to the premiere.
Kevin Spacey.
Yeah, yeah.
I love him.
Yeah.
He's a really good actor.
You know what I mean?
But he likes to-
He's such a people person.
Yeah.
When I went to the premiere, Unusual Suspects premiere, right?
Kevin goes, "Come to the bathroom."
Like I did with you at the shed.
Yeah, sure.
He did the one, "Come to the bathroom."
What did you guys do in there?
Well, I pee.
When I go to the bathroom, I wash my hands first.
Yeah.
Right?
I wash my hands twice.
I wash my hands first.
Yeah.
Right?
I pee, right?
Because I'm from China, originally.
Really?
Yeah.
I thought you were a Korean.
No.
Oh, originally.
Oh, originally.
Originally, I'm from China.
Yeah.
Right?
So I go in, I wash my hands first.
Right?
I pee pee, right?
Then, sometimes I get to pee pee on my hands.
Sure.
I wash again.
Right?
Anyway, this time, I wash my hands, right?
Kevin wash his hands, but not in the faucet on my ass crack.
I don't know why he was doing back there, but he was just kind of doing this.
You know what I thought you were saying?
I thought you were going to say that while you're washing your hands.
Yeah.
Kevin Spacey put his penis in between your hands while you're washing.
That's a funny.
That's a funnier.
You're like-
That's a funnier.
While you wash your hands?
That'd be funny.
He just slips his dick and he's like-
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's like, "What's going on?"
Yeah, and it'd be weird because your hands would be wet.
Yeah.
Yeah?
That'd be good.
But you're like, "I can't keep- this soap won't come off."
Right.
So-
Oh, there he is.
There's space dog.
I don't know why I brought you into the shed.
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
I forgot.
I was just telling you.
I was just telling you.
I was just telling how much I love how you're a suspect.
"Anyway, Justin Bieber, he gay."
He is?
I know for a fact he's gay.
Okay.
Because when Kevin Spacey, when I was washing my hands-
Yeah.
And his penis was in my hand, right?
Mm-hmm.
He told me, he goes, "Yeah, do it like Bieber do it."
Oh, just like Bieber do it.
So I was going, "What Bieber? What?"
It's two and two clicks in my head, right?
I go, "Aha."
Right?
And number two, you know, you and I are not blood-related.
That's the pitch.
You know we're not blood-related.
You know how creepy that is?
But you know what?
What?
If you were hitting on me and I was Hailey bald Bieber,
Yeah.
I'd be into it.
No, I don't think so.
I would.
Especially when you have those beanies on.
Let me tell you something.
When you wear beanies, your sex quotient goes through the roof.
Oh.
Without beanies, fine.
You're cute, Bob.
Yeah.
With the beanie, there's something that you do with the little beanie.
Do you wear beanies when you're naked?
I do.
Sometimes I'll wake up, right?
And Jules, I'll...
I mean, look at this.
Your beanie sex quotient goes through the roof.
By the way, that picture that I think Liz Vigiano took of you.
Which one?
With the green shirt, top right.
Oh, that's dope.
I think that's one of the best photos you have.
And she's so talented.
She's the...
What's her name again?
Liz Vigiano, I think.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She's so good.
She's the fucking best.
She's the fucking best.