Name: The Bottoms of Turtle Island Animation By Jacob Motoyama | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2021-06-20T21:15:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Bottoms of Turtle Island Animation By Jacob Motoyama | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-06-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Bottoms of Turtle Island Animation By Jacob Motoyama | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-06-20. Transcript available.

We're bad friends.
Let's create a horror movie right now.
Okay.
What are you afraid of?
What am I the most afraid of?
Yeah, I think we should play on our fears, right?
Yeah.
First of all, you and I are both, if we were going to write a horror movie,
figure out what our fears are, right?
And then we'll just try to wrap a movie around it.
Okay, middle of nowhere.
Stuff creeps me the fuck out.
Like, I'm always down.
Middle of nowhere films, I'm always like, ooh, it's so sketchy.
Okay, middle of nowhere.
So, like in the woods.
But in the mountains and the woods.
In the mountains and the woods.
Even more dangerous, right?
Where you can lose power, it can be cold.
Yeah.
Right?
Mine has to do with the ocean.
Okay, so on a mountain over the ocean.
We got there.
We're just being in the middle of the ocean.
Oh, okay, we're going to put it on a boat then.
No, we'll do both.
No, no, but listen.
Middle of nowhere is the middle of the ocean to me.
Okay.
It's one and the same.
Right.
How about one where it's on an island?
Islands are wonderful.
What a great place to be haunted.
Okay, a haunted island.
A haunted island.
Perfect.
Perfect.
Perfect.
Here's another thing that I'm afraid of.
Being buried alive.
Everyone.
Everyone.
That's everyone's fear.
That's everyone's fear.
What is it?
Kids?
I got it.
I got it.
You and I wake up.
You and I.
Okay.
You.
Okay.
Starts on you.
Right.
Sand is in your mouth.
You climb out.
Yeah, yeah.
You were buried alive.
Right?
All right.
So what you're saying is that I'm a guy, right?
Yeah, that's right.
How about this?
Let me just create my character.
I'm a guy, right?
Yeah.
And I work at like a liquor store in New York.
Correct.
Okay.
In Harlem.
So yeah, I'm logging out.
I'm closing the store.
It's not a 24-hour place, right?
Right.
So I'm locking everything up, right?
And it just shows me like just walking with my backpack to my little squalor
house.
I have a really – I live in the basement somewhere.
In Chinatown.
What?
You live in Chinatown.
Why does – okay, anyway, I'm Chinese.
It just feels right.
I'm Chinese.
For this movie, you're Chinese.
Yeah, okay.
I'll be Chinese for this.
I'll be black in the movie.
We'll rewrite it.
We'll rewrite it.
We'll rewrite it.
We'll rewrite it.
We'll rewrite it, yeah.
You live in the basement of a Chinese food store.
And it just shows me like a little montage of me like cooking some ramen, right?
Putting some ramen in it, right?
Rat runs by.
Rat runs by, right.
I'm buying a really rickety table, right?
Sitting there.
I'm slurping on the ramen.
I'm watching something on TV, the news or something, right?
Rabbity or TV.
Right.
There's a cut scene where I'm just kind of reading a book on a mat.
That's where I sleep.
On the floor?
Yeah.
Oh, sad.
This guy is so sad.
I know.
So sad, right?
And then I plug in my iPhone, whatever.
I have a phone, right?
Samsung.
Samsung.
Okay.
It's got to be Samsung?
All right, Samsung.
I plug in my Samsung.
Chinatown.
Right, right, right, right, right, right.
Yeah.
Does it matter what kind of TV I'm looking at or?
Toshiba.
Toshiba?
Toshiba.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
A tube TV, no less.
Right.
Like an old tube, not a flat screen.
Okay, so I assume just by your thinking, I'm wearing a kimono.
100%.
What else would you be wearing at your house?
So just, all right.
Out in public, you have street clothes.
Kimono, I have a sword.
A sword.
And your hair is in a bun.
Must be.
And what's in it?
What's holding your hair up?
A chopsticks.
Chopsticks, that's correct.
Oh, you racist.
All right.
Come on, come on.
Let's get back to where we want to be.
All right, so I'm, for some reason, for some reason, for some reason, I'm
wearing regular
clothes.
You're wearing regular clothes at the liquor store.
But when I get home, there's going to be a montage where I put the kimono on it.
I put the chopsticks on my hair.
People will love it.
People will love it.
I have a Samsung, Toshiba.
Samsung phone, or Toshiba TV.
TV, TV, right?
Right.
Oh, shit, right?
Okay, so you're slurping your nose.
Right, right.
Then you lay on your mat.
I lay on my bamboo mat.
Your bamboo mat.
Bamboo mat, right?
Yeah.
Right, and then I wake up on an island.
You wake up crawling out of sand.
Crawling out of sand.
Yes.
Naked.
Butt naked.
Butt naked.
Yeah.
Right.
How about, how about, I still have the chopsticks on my hair.
Well, you gotta, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Because we need to have you have materials to use.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right.
For some reason, I still have the bun.
Perfect.
With the chopstick on my hair.
I come out, right?
Yes.
Oh, I'm completely naked, right?
And it's the brutal day of the sun.
It's the sun.
Right.
It's bright, bright.
And all of a sudden, you, your character, digs out, right?
And you're wearing like a green suit.
Like a leprechaun.
Like a leprechaun.
Like a leprechaun.
Like a leprechaun.
And where my penis is, is a little pot of gold.
A little tiny pot of gold going, going spilling over.
So you're wearing a leprechaun costume.
All right.
How about this?
Look, okay.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
All of the bullshit aside, we both wake up on the island.
Okay.
We're both butt naked.
We wake up on the island.
We wake up on the island.
And you and I are ready to fight because we don't know how this happened.
Did you do this to me?
No, of course.
That's not going to.
We're both coming out of holes.
I'm not going to go.
But I thought.
Did you, did you put me in this hole, bury me, and then put a hole?
You put yourself in a hole and bury yourself?
Yes, yes, yes.
No.
That's the logic.
That's not the logic.
So we jump out of the hole.
Yeah.
We jump out of the hole.
We're freaked out.
We're panicked.
Of course we are.
We have no idea what's going on.
Where are we?
Oh, you always say something like, who are you?
Who are you?
Yeah.
You're right.
That's the dialogue.
Who are you?
Who are you?
You're right.
And we kind of calm down.
We try to calm down.
I go, all right.
So my name is Yoshi.
Am I Yoshi?
Yoshi.
Yoshi, right.
And I'm?
Yeah.
Lucky.
I'm not Yoshi.
I'm lucky.
Yeah, yeah.
Do we have to have accents?
For this, we should.
I'm a Yoshi.
I'm lucky.
I'm Yoshi.
I'm lucky, Yoshi.
What are we doing here?
Okay, so in this island, it's not a big island.
Very small.
It's maybe what?
A half a mile around?
Not even.
Quarter mile around.
Quarter mile around, right.
But there is, in the middle of the island, is dense dance.
There's trees at one.
Thick.
Very thick.
But there is a path.
Right.
Right?
You and I, you go, it's so hot out here.
We have to get, I'm going to.
We have to get covered.
I'm going to get sunburned.
Yeah, you're almost in flames.
I'm done.
Right.
And I go, all right, so let's.
I found a trail.
We go on the trail.
In the middle of this island is a statue of her.
Her eyes are black.
Black.
Right?
And there's red blood tears.
Right there.
Right.
Blood tears.
Oh.
Right?
And obviously, she has knives.
Through the distance.
And there's like a little message underneath.
What does it say?
I can't read it.
I can't read it.