Name: Rudy's Last Words Before The Plane Goes Down | Bad Friends Clips w/ Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee
Uploaded: 2021-07-30T23:30:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy's Last Words Before The Plane Goes Down | Bad Friends Clips w/ Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-07-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy's Last Words Before The Plane Goes Down | Bad Friends Clips w/ Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-07-30. Transcript available.

- We're bad friends.
- You know, I always thought, 'cause we fly a lot,
and I always think to myself--
- This is the one.
- This is the one, and then, like,
I've had turbulence, where it was really bad.
- Me too.
- And I'm always thinking, like,
if, you know, we were really soaring down,
and they lost complete control,
like the engine is out, right,
and the lights are going off, and people are screaming,
what I would do?
What would I do?
- What would you do?
- I don't think I would scream.
- I've asked this before.
I say, if you could only yell out,
if you could yell out two words,
what would your two words be?
- Suck on.
- Suck on?
- Yeah, yeah, suck on.
- Suck on!
- Because I'd probably see a hot chick.
- Right, suck on!
- And we're going down,
and I think the cheating at that point, I'm dying.
- Right, and you think she's gonna undo her seatbelt
and be like, "Okay!"
- Maybe, I don't know, but I think I would probably eye out.
Yeah, I always eye out the hottest chicken thing, right?
So if she's, like, five rows behind me, right?
I'd probably turn and go, "Suck on!"
- Suck on!
- And she goes, "Okay!"
Right, we would be like, it would be difficult.
- Dun-dun-dun. - It would be difficult.
- Dun-dun-dun-dun. - And then I would pull it down, right?
And we're, like, trying to-- - Suck on.
- Suck on. We're trying to balance, right?
Like, you have to, I mean, I'm not trying to be aggressive,
but I would have to grab her head.
- I mean, I guess 'cause the plane is moving it.
It's shifting all over the place. - Yeah, just to hold myself,
you know what I mean? - Right.
- Right, and then as she's doing it, the plane would level out, right?
And I'd just be like-- - Sorry about that, folks.
That was just a little bit of turbulence there.
- But then would you-- - I hope nobody has their dick out,
and they yelled, "Suck on!" in the middle of that crash.
- Would you tell your girlfriend?
- Yeah, you'd have to. - I don't think so.
- Because you almost died, so that's the pass?
- Because I didn't come.
- Oh, right, okay, then, yeah, then you're good.
- Yeah, I didn't come, so I don't-- - Yeah, you're right.
- I think if I came-- - That's the rules.
- That's the rule, right? - That's the rules.
- Yeah, yeah, so I probably won't say anything. - If you're in a dying
situation--
- But then other people, probably two or three people on the plane
maybe recognize me, do you think?
- Yes, for sure. - A couple of people, right?
- I think a few, yeah.
- So I think they would say something.
- Right.
- That's kind of like those people that are, you know,
there might be people trapped in that building in Florida.
You know, they had to go look.
- Oh my God, it's a nightmare.
- But can you imagine, this is sad and weird and gross.
- Nightmare. - But imagine you're trapped
for like two days.
- Nightmare. - And you know you're gonna die.
- Yeah. - And you don't know
if they're gonna save you.
Do you ever just, you think somebody just rubs one out
'cause it's his last go?
Don't you want one last nut?
You're like, "Look, I'm trapped underneath rocks."
- Yeah. - And I'm just like-- - Bro, bro.
- I've been yelling help for two days.
- Even if my hands were pinned? - Yeah.
- Right?
- You would just rub it against the rocks?
- I'd find like a fucking pipe sticking out
and I would try to get my dick in the pipe, right?
And I would just do like 15 pumps.
I would definitely-- - Yeah.
- And they would find my body with my dick out.
- With your dick in a pipe. - In a pipe.
But with a smile on my face. - Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. - I think you'd wanna go,
you'd want one more nut.
- Yeah, but what--
- Like I thought about that when Franco
was in that 127 hours or whatever.
- I would've fucked the crack.
- You'd've fucked the crack.
- You would've fucked the crack?
- Yeah, you'd've fucked the crack.
- Yeah, that's interesting to me.
- Like if you're trapped and you know you're gonna die.
- Yeah.
- 'Cause the chances of getting out are almost non-existent.
- Yeah.
- Maybe you want one more.
- Let's say you're pinned underneath the thing.
- Yeah. - Right?
- Yeah, pinned.
- And you have your left hand, right?
- Yeah.
- And there's a girl next to you.
That's all I'm gonna end.
I'm gonna end there.
No, that's not what I was gonna say.
- Oh, what were you gonna say?
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, are you gonna tap her to see if she was fine?
- Yeah.
Pat tap her to see if she's okay, are you alive?
And she'd be dead.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
- What are your last two words on a plane, Jules?
It's going down, meh, meh, meh, meh.
Going down and it's, oh no, everyone's freaking out.
And then, Jules, you get to yell out.
- When I yell, I usually say, mama.
- Mama!
- Just kill the man!
- You yell, mama, some guy in the back goes, ooh!
- Mama!
- Ooh!
- That'd be hilarious.
- The pilot's like, didn't mean to make you cry!
- And everyone sings Bohemian Rhapsody.
- That would be so cool.
- That'd be cool.
- What a cool way to go out.
- That's a cool way to go out.
- As it's crashing.
- That's cool, you would start a song.
You would start a song.
That's amazing.
- I love that.
- What song else could you start?
- On a plane like that?
Well, you know, that, like.
- It's got to be a song that everyone knows.
- You know, like the song they play
at the stupid Red Sox games is Sweet Caroline.
- Yeah, how do you?
- Ba, ba, ba, you know?
- Yeah.
- Sweet Caroline.
- But it'd be embarrassing if you're flying,
you think, I'm going to start a song.
We're dying.
- And you try.
- And you go, sweet!
And no one says anything.
And you're just kind of like, oh, that's a bummer.
- You go, sweet Caroline.
And everyone's like.
- It's so dark.
Dude, you know what?
But every time I fly into Burbank, it's so sketchy.
The runways are this big, and they have to barrel down.
And this time, we landed on the left wheel,
and then the right wheel went down.
And everyone went like this.
- Ooh.
- Yeah.
- Like you feel it, dude.
- Let me ask you this.
When you're sitting, you know how when you sit down
in the emergency exit row, and the, I'm not doing a hacky joke,
but I'm just like, a stewardess comes up to you and he says,
in the case of emergency, are you going to be able to help?
- Yeah.
- And you always go, yeah, I'll help.
- Yes, of course, yeah.
- But you know deep down inside, you're not?
- Never going to help.
- Because I don't know how it works.
- No, first of all, I'm opening the door.
- I don't know how any of the levers work or anything like that.
- I'm pulling it up, and I'm running out by myself.
- But is that all you do is pull it up?
- Yep, I'm leaving everybody behind me.
- I feel like there's three or four things
you have to do with that door.
- Yeah, yeah, I think, yeah, there's no way.
- No, it's that big lever, cracks open,
and the door swings sideways and pushes out,
and it's off.
I would just run.
- Well, if I was in the emergency exit road,
I would be passed out, and I'd just be a blockage, I think.
- Sir.
- Yeah, they'd have to hop over my body,
it'd be a whole, you know what I mean, extra thing.
- That's an extra thing to have to deal with on the way out.
Yeah, but you don't sit by the exit road anymore.
You're a rich guy, you sit in first class, baby.
- But that only started in the last couple of years.
- Because before, it's like, I don't wanna say,
but my manager's like, cheap.
- Yeah, they booked the flights for you?
- My manager books the flights.
- Oh, still to this day?
- It's just a sweetie, it's a three-hour flight,
so just do middle seat, Southwest.
And I'd be always like, all right.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
The worst was when-
- You never chose your own flights and shit?
Dude, that's like my nightmare.
- Here's where it ended.
So I, this is a true story.
So I did the Oddball Comedy Festival?
- San Francisco.
- No.
- Wasn't it in San Francisco?
- I did the Texas run.
- Oh.
- So it was me, Sebastian Monscacco, Ali Wong, Tom Segura,
a bunch of people, right?
- Wow.
- Gain Cook.
- Wow.
Big names.
- And we're all supposed to book our own flights.
So I have the manager who I have.
So we all are flying out in Burbank to Texas,
but we're all at the airport.
All the managers got their clients first class.
- Except for you.
Wow.
- So they get in first.
And now I'm sitting there, like I'm also zone three or four.
- You're the back of the plane.
- Yeah, I'm the back of the plane, right?
- You're not even getting in.
Like literally thinking, should I fire my manager, right?
And then as I walk through fucking first class,
these guys start throwing fucking shit at my face.
- That's so funny.
- It's so funny.
- Segura and those guys?
They start pillows and they're like boo, you know what I mean?
Get back.
You know, they're like yelling, get back there.
- Back to the bus.
- You little immigrant, you know what I mean?
And like, just acting a fool.
And so I'm back there and each one of them through the flight
would go back there and throw me like peanuts
or stuff that they got in the first class.
- That's so mean.
- It's so mean, but it was so funny.
- But that's big props.
'Cause you would, you, Bobby Lee,
would do that absolutely to somebody else.
- No.
- If we were on the same flight and I went past you,
you would totally fuck with me.
- Yes, you would.
- Yeah, it would be so fun.
- Yes, you would.
- It'd be so fun.
- You'd fuck with me.
- So then after that, I got back in town and I said to Abby,
I go, I just, I think we can do sometimes first class.
- Yeah.
- Especially in that situation, it's like.
- If you're flying as much as we fly, yeah, I get that.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.