Name: How Rudy Would Survive in Jail | Bad Friends Clips w/ Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee
Uploaded: 2021-08-26T20:30:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How Rudy Would Survive in Jail | Bad Friends Clips w/ Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How Rudy Would Survive in Jail | Bad Friends Clips w/ Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-26. Transcript available.

And I take the phone back, Jules did it 100%, call the police on Jules, click.
Then the best part is, she gets deployed to the Philippines, we never hear from
her again.
That's it, it's over.
No, she would get tried here as an adult.
No, dude, no, she would call the Philippines.
She would get tried here as an adult, we can't fucking do that.
We can't throw them, we have to, okay, we stay with the plan.
Google, what does a Filipino get for involuntary manslaughter?
How much time?
How much prison time is she going to face?
You think it's a lot?
In the Philippines?
No, here.
She's going to get tried here.
A Philippi, well, it doesn't matter in our laws what race you are.
Yes, it does.
You're not paying attention to the law.
Voluntary manslaughter, sentencing, penalties.
There we go.
All right, so how long does she get?
Sentencing, what does it say?
Case by case, 10 years, bro.
Can you do 10 years for us?
That's nothing.
That's fine.
You would do 10 years for us?
Probably seven and a half with good behave.
Yeah.
We'd send her money into her, you know, they all get cards now.
Or I would, you know what I would, I would sneak, sneak into my, I've always
wanted to do this.
Sneaking stuff in your butt?
Yeah, sneak heroin balloons.
I would sneak in heroin balloons in my butt.
And I've always wanted to see if I could get away with it.
Could you imagine you, you'd hear like, right?
And then what I would do is I've always imagined like get the heroin would be
gross.
You have to puke it out?
No, I would have it in my butt.
Then I would stick it in my mouth.
Why?
And do a European kiss with you.
No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's how it works.
You want to shoot, when you're in prison, you're going to want to shoot heroin.
It's terrible.
Well, or sell it because it's good for money.
No, just use it.
It'll be, I'll get you high grade shit.
Well, it's going to be in your butt, then in your mouth.
I'll get it from the little boy from the chicklets.
He's my dealer, right?
Why don't you just poop it out and give it to her from there?
Because you can't, they see your hands.
You're not allowed to like kiss or touch any, you're not allowed to touch.
You can do a European kiss, I think.
But how does she get the-
Or how about I do a cough?
And the bag, and she goes, and she catches it.
Right?
And she does it, it hits her face.
And now she has to pick it, yeah.
You're right.
She wouldn't be able to do that.
She wouldn't be able to do it.
But you'll serve 10 for us.
Seven and a half with good behave, you'll do it.
Yeah, you'll do it.
But do you think you'd fight the first person in prison?
No, I'd be too scared.
So what do you do?
You know, first day in, you have to establish yourself.
You either got to be with the white supremacists.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You got to be with the gangs.
You got to choose your clan.
Who's your clan?
The Nazis?
And here's-
The black guys?
Go with the Nazis.
Go with the Nazis.
But don't they, they don't like me?
They're not, no one's going to like you.
Yeah, no, no, but I mean, you can prove yourself to the Nazis.
Yeah, yeah, with your knives.
Okay.
Your knife work.
Look, look at these guys.
Do you think you could be like one of these fellas?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's your group.
No, that's-
Those aren't Nazis.
Those aren't Nazis?
What did you type in?
Prison gangs?
Type in prison-
Nazis.
No, they're just called white supremacists.
Prison white supremacists.
Asian prison gangs.
Ooh, this might be your clique.
Look at that third picture.
It looks like just a bunch of break dancers.
That just looks like a-
That's your clan right there.
That's your clan.
Go with the Asians.
Yeah, well, the guy in the far right looks white.
Oh, that's true.
They look weak.
You know what that is right there?
What?
Is MS-13.
That is?
Yeah.
Respect MS-13.
I think MS-13.
You've always wanted tattoos on your face.
Would you be willing to get an MS-13 on your face?
Yeah.
Really?
You'd do it, huh?
Yeah.
But at the end of the day, what would end up happening is that-
She would be the boss.
No, what would happen if just the cops would be like,
she didn't do it, you guys did it.
We're gone by then.
We're in Yuma at the house I bought us.
No, no, no, we didn't get the house.
Why can't we get the house?
Because you don't think that they can find us there?
In Yuma?
Yeah.
No, dude.
It's kind of on its own little paradise.
No, here's what we do.
It's a three-bed, three-batter.
I bought it already.
We get, right?
What's the Unabombers name?
Richard Kulinski?
Ted Kaczynski?
Ted Kaczynski.
Yeah.
We get Ted Kaczynski's out in the Montana mountains.
Isn't he dead?
Yeah, but we get his fucking-
Oh, get his old shed?
His shed.
Oh, get his shed.
You and I can live in there.
Okay.
Right?
They're never going to find us out there, you think?
In Ted Kaczynski's shed.
Well, they might be able to hear us fucking.
I'll see you next time.