Name: Rudy's Twisted Fantasy For Dealing With Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2021-10-30T03:30:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy's Twisted Fantasy For Dealing With Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy's Twisted Fantasy For Dealing With Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-30. Transcript available.

we're bad friends but let me say this yeah i hope everybody has a happy halloween
yeah i hope nobody hey nobody gets a razor blade in their candy
yeah no one does that by the way they used to i don't i don't believe it
yeah you know what was scary remember the tylenol scare when people were
putting tylenol in
candy no when they put cyanide in the tylenol tylenol funny yeah so back in
the chicago area back in the early 80s yeah some guy took 10 because back then
they didn't have the
protective seal right right so you could open it up so you could buy tylenol
some guy and they were
the capsules yep so you could undo the capsule dump it and some dude put cyanide
in there that's so
fucked up it's so fucked up repackage it put it at pharmacies and grocery
stores and whatnot right
so there's one family that like somebody died right and he died and so at the
so he took a
tylenol in his house they didn't know what it was so when his family gathered
for his morning at the
house two of the guests had headaches and they took the tylenol and they died
as well how crazy is
that that's so fucked it's so fucked up and then guess what huh they never
lived again caught him
they never caught the cyanide tylenol guy so he got a freebie two freebies no
he killed like six i
think what yeah six or seven people what kind of criminal would you be like
that would you be a
so that kind of psycho killer i'm not a hands-on kind of a guy so what would
you you're you're kill
him like that you're kill him through the mail type of shit no i would like
maybe put like
how would i do it i've thought about it i've never thought about have you
thought about it
yeah okay what would you do no no no what would you do i don't want to say it
what no just
hypothetically oh right rice rice oh yeah yeah no i don't i would be i would do
um
i like it when the psychological thrillers are like uh when they like get into
your water line
and they've put blood in the water line yeah and you're someone's in the shower
and they're like
and they see blood's coming out of that yeah and then they go to go you know
get out of the house
but they can't get out of the house yeah you know and then they cut the power
yeah and then
and well nobody has phone lines anymore and i cut the phone lines yeah and i
bust into their house
yeah right and they're like oh and they're freaking out and then i'm like i'm
just fucking kidding
that's what you do and then i get out of there yeah you know what i would do
and i turn around
i would i would find a family i wouldn't i don't know i would find a family
yeah i know one yuck
i would find a family right huh and i would know everything about the family
routines when they
go to job right i'll pick up their mail right i would move nearby right i would
invent a machine
you'd buy property yeah that's a big big commitment big commitment yeah yeah
yeah no i'd rent
yeah but then they got to do a credit check and all that stuff it's fine they're
not gonna notice me
so check it out right they don't know i also invent something and what it is it
just hear me hear me
out right it's a little mechanism right that you put underneath a bed okay yeah
and if i call the
number it releases it triggers it and what it does it puts out the volume smoke
into the rooms right
so if there's a family of five or six people and living in a house right i
would put one in every
underneath when they're out of town right i would sneak in right yeah and once
i see everyone going
in the house and all the lights going off i would turn it on and they'd be
feeling good they'd be
either passed out right you go inside and you kiss everyone on the forehead and
then you leave
yep
how'd you know
it's nice and sweet yeah what would you do you little psychopath
i'd stalk and only prey on men and okay except for men that you're friends with
and know well right
any that i would hate but like people that you work with you wouldn't stalk and
kill
i could but like people that you work with on a weekly basis that you know are
like family to you
you wouldn't right no it's fine no it's fine you would i would wait i'm not yet
done okay what about
guys you live with would you kill people that men that you live with right and
then when i stalk them
i would um like sedate them or like put something in their drinks for them to
sleep oh and then i put
them in like the basement or if in the house of bobby maybe in the garage uh-huh
yeah and then i would tie
like maybe like six or eight men together we all get tied up together we get
tied together and then
what happens and then while they're asleep i would put fireworks in their butts
like m80s explosives yeah yeah and then which which could i just do some guys
get more explosives than
others in their butt yeah if i hate them more okay so like i would get maybe
one and bobby would get
honestly how many explosives would i get in my pot i didn't say you would be in
it how many explosives do
i get in my butt maybe you'd get one and a half one and a half what is about
how much did bobby get
five five i get five explosives okay i'm a pete no i don't want pete in it and
andreas why the
fuck do they get let's play it out they get to live yeah let's play it out play
it out yeah so i'm tied
up i got one and a half explosives in my butthole you've got are we naked i don't
want to see your
dicks so you cut our dicks off no like i just cut a hole on your pants in my
butt or or you could just
stick the fucking no i want it i want it inside right you could stick it in my
butt and put my
pants back on she doesn't want to have to take off your pants no she's using
scissors cuts the whole
way you'd rather cut a hole yeah that makes it my really fancy like raw denim
pants yeah ones that a
homeless guy wore for a week yeah yeah okay so and then what would you would
you light them all at the
same time yeah and i just record you okay can i just say this i don't think
that would necessarily
kill me no but an m80 in your butthole five of them it's explosives i know but
still it's like i
could still be torso guy it would rip your body open yeah just the bottom half
i'm still torso guy from
then on bobby i'll do the special olympics you remember what do you remember in
our polar bear film
yeah when your head like every bone in your brain and your head yeah same thing
with your butt i know
my butt but still your whole body your whole your whole middle your guts would
spill out you'd be
gone bud okay can you see one she doesn't know can you just do one that's why
she put it in our butt
i get five he's not gonna die you put one in his butt no because i need to
experiment she wants to know
who get who yeah how ah all right so i'm absolutely dead all right i'm you know
this i'm dead man yeah
yeah but he's not no but i might be crawling around on my torso yeah if he's
not dead i'd do something
else what are you gonna do fucks yeah i'd rather be dead no no what is he gonna
do this is what i like
so my so he's gone i'm torso guy and i'm like and i'm moving around the garage
like a little
bitch you would plead for your life right the whole time yeah what would you
say i go rudy please i'll
do anything that you don't call her by a fictional name you probably call her
by her real name oh yeah
um please don't hurt me please please don't kill me i'll do anything that you
want please and then
what do you do i want to carve something in his stomach or face oh oh you're
gonna do some artwork
you're gonna make me a pumpkin yeah yeah what are you gonna call like a message
yeah or just like a
design oh a design like you're gonna make art i'm so i'm art now yeah yeah like
and you're gonna put
me on the sun or what yeah like with a knife oh that must hurt are you gonna
eventually kill me
no you're gonna let me slowly die yeah yeah okay and then how are you gonna get
away with i'm okay if
i get caught holy oh my god that's crazy no escape plan no but by the way that's
more scary to me
someone that's like i'm okay that guy get caught that's scary scary pretty
scary yeah well you're gonna
move out no you're gonna keep down the house i'm not gonna do it yeah yeah
sounds like it she's not
gonna do it well happy halloween rudy halloween i want you to look into your
camera and do the most
creepy voice of thank you for uh for being a bad friend as creepy as you can
happy halloween
no thank you for being a bad friend is what i want you to see you said happy halloween
didn't
i say thank you for being thank you for being a bad friend and that's all it's
not creepy i don't
know how we're not going until you do it yeah that's true go get some ground on
your voice get some
something creepy something thank you for being a bad friend
all right you do yours into your camera and i'll do mine go you do your creepiest
whoa uh andres let's hear yours thank you for being a bad friend just like a spanish
guy with his
smokest voice yeah pete thank you for being a bad friend pretty good rapist rapist
yeah
and here's mine yeah ready yeah
thank you for being a bad friend pretty good you