Name: If Bobby Lee Was In A Coma | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2022-06-24T04:30:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'If Bobby Lee Was In A Coma | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'If Bobby Lee Was In A Coma | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-24. Transcript available.

We're bad friends.
Kaleida told me a story about a girl.
She was in such a coma or something,
and they thought that she was brain dead or whatever,
but she was trapped in her mind, right?
And then they figured out a way,
I don't know exactly what it was,
a way to communicate,
and they were able to,
and she was like,
I've been trying to talk to you guys forever.
You know what I mean?
See, that's what I mean.
But I, you know, for years,
I've been in my,
like watching you guys,
not being able to say anything.
Right, just like, you know what I mean?
That would fuck me up so much.
Right, and now she can communicate.
I don't know how she does it,
but like, yeah.
She, with her, like with her mouth?
Maybe with her eyeballs.
The keyboard?
You know that thing with her eyes?
With her tongue?
I don't know.
That'd be a cool thing.
A tongue thing.
Clean my asshole.
Right?
But if I had the tongue thing,
and the keyboard was like,
I'd put my dick right on the keyboard.
Yeah, you would.
I think you would.
Right?
And then what if I went this?
He's awake!
He's awake!
He's awake!
He's awake!
He's awake!
Let me tell you something.
If you were in a coma state like that,
my friend,
I would stay with you
until the very end.
No, you wouldn't.
I would keep you alive
and I'd stay with you.
Yes, I would.
I would do everything in my power
to keep you alive.
Well, so I'm in a coma.
With my eyes open?
Your choice.
Oh, so can you,
if somebody's in a coma,
I don't know why I'm doing this
with my hands.
Yeah, I would probably do this.
Coma hands, huh?
Like, I'm a squirrel.
Yeah.
Yeah, so I'm in a coma, right?
Can you open my eyes?
We could open the lids of your eyes.
Would it stay open like this?
No.
Or I would just close it back down?
Yeah.
Okay.
But I would keep you alive.
How?
No, no, no.
I'm saying I would make sure
they don't unplug.
Because Steve would be like,
I don't know, man.
Maybe we should unplug them.
No, Steve would want to unplug them.
Yeah, because he knows my will.
Yeah, he'd want you unplugged.
Yeah, he knows my will.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I'd keep you alive.
I'd say we can't unplug
and we'd have to keep Bobby like this.
But I honestly, dude,
and this is the honest truth
and I'm not doing this
for comedy's sake, right?
Okay, well.
Number one,
I think that you would visit me
more than anyone else.
I really, I would.
But probably once a year.
No, that's insane.
There's no way you would,
if I knew you were,
I'm just saying this right now.
You would never visit me.
I would.
I would.
Not more than I would visit you.
Yeah, we would,
you know what we have,
we would have you,
we would ship your body
to the big island.
That's where you love.
Yes.
Hawaii.
Hawaii.
Yeah, yeah.
And have me swim with sharks.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
And we would be right there, right?
Yeah.
And then have an aquarium around you.
Yeah, yeah.
With fucking panda sharks.
Yes.
Right?
Yes.
And that same guy,
the fucking luau guy.
Thank you for being a bad friend.
He's going to be there.
Yes.
Right?
Just with the torch.
All the people that I love.
All the people you love.
And the torch, right?
And a big banner,
what Hawaii means.
Whatever.
I forgot what it was.
But we'll look it up.
Breath.
Breath.
Breath.
Breath.
Breath.
Breath.
Water.
Light.
Yeah, that would be tattooed on your face.
Sick.
I would do that.
Tattoo that right on your face, dude.
I would keep you alive.
Yeah.
Where would you put me?
And I would always say,
and I would say to the,
I would say to the doctor or the nurse,
and I'd be friendly with them,
and I would bring them stuff,
snacks, chocolate, wine.
You know, I'd butter them up.
Yeah.
And I'd be like,
can I have a moment in the room alone with him?
And they would go,
absolutely.
Yeah.
And I'd be a little sweet.
I'd pretend to be sweet.
Yeah.
And every single day,
I'd visit you every single day.
Yeah.
And I would put something in your asshole.
Every day.
What?
Anything.
Anything I could find,
it would collect slowly but surely over time.
Right.
I'd start with something small.
Like what?
A Sharpie.
Okay, a Sharpie.
I'd throw a Sharpie in there.
Would it freak you out, though,
is if you stuck a Sharpie in my butthole,
and all these things, right,
the next day it came in,
and they were in my mouth.
Would that freak you out?
I would wink at the doctor,
because he knows.
No, you did it?
I don't know.
It's a mystery.
That would freak you out.
It just ends up somewhere.
Imagine if I'm talking.
Or two Sharpies in my nose.
If I'm talking to you,
if I'm like,
Bobby, it's good to see you.
I've got to go soon.
And then you just go,
and a Sharpie just comes right out of your mouth.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
From your butt.
And I go,
ta-da.
I would visit you.
I would visit you a lot.
Yeah.
I would visit you once a year.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I'd visit you way more than you'd visit me.
I don't know.
We'll see.
It's a contest I hope we never do.
It's a contest I hope that never happens.
It never happens.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let me ask you this.
So, let's say Eric Griffin was in a coma.
Pull the plug.
No, no, no.
Oh, no?
No, no, no.
Keep him alive.
Yeah, keep him alive.
How many times did you visit him?
I think once is good.
Twice.
I think once to say,
I miss you, I love you.
Yeah.
If you get out, we'll see you.
Yeah.
If not...
Yeah.
I want my...
There probably is not a lot of room in the...
In the room.
You're just going to...
Hey, buddy.
Excuse me.
It's so fucking mean.
So mean.
It's so mean.
I love him.
Why are we even talking about this coma and stuff?
Oh, because that thing...
I don't know.
I don't even know how our brains got that way.
Yeah.
Well, the fucking box.
That was so depressing.
That was so depressing.