Name: Rudy SLAMS Andrew Schulz to His Face | Bad Friends Clips x Flagrant
Uploaded: 2022-08-04T20:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy SLAMS Andrew Schulz to His Face | Bad Friends Clips x Flagrant' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy SLAMS Andrew Schulz to His Face | Bad Friends Clips x Flagrant' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-04. Transcript available.

- She really just is here to judge, right?
Like, just looking at you and making sure you're sad.
- I mean, I didn't think that we would talk about it.
- What's going on?
- I mean, he's almost free, do you know what I mean?
But you guys still live in the same place.
Why can't you guys be best friends?
Imagine you guys would be best friends
and you have your own places and she can do her thing.
- That's true. - And you can do your thing.
- She is gonna, right, is that the plan?
- I think so.
- You don't know? - You don't know?
- You don't think so, I don't know what's going on.
- I don't know. - You're part of the plan.
- Are you part of the plan?
Have she talked to you about it?
- Maybe.
- Oh.
- You can't smell a rat.
- Six words, she only knows six words.
- You can't smell a rat. - No, I know, I see her there.
Look at how she's sitting.
- Of course.
- Little rat, little rat-pasted.
- I'm not.
- Where's the new place gonna be?
She got more Asian as time went on now on the show.
- I think what it is, can I be honest with you?
- Please.
- I think she thinks that you're cute.
Just hear me out, this is a theory, right?
- Yeah. - And she's-
- Listen, look at this, look at this.
- And she's a little intimidated by you, I think.
- Look at that, look at that right there.
That's married. - No, his-
- All married. - What?
- His what? - His what?
Just say it, he's a comic, he can handle it.
- His nose is too big.
- His nose is too big.
- That's true.
It's cartoony.
Yeah, yeah, that's true.
Yeah.
- It covers your whole face.
I can't see your eyes.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Wait a minute, hold on one second.
You said it covers my whole face, you can't see my eyes.
So you like people with big eyes?
- Yeah.
I just want someone that has equal parts.
- Don't say equal.
- Proportions.
- You guys are known for the biggest eyes.
- Yeah.
- D, don't say you're into big eyes.
You're into slightly less than white eyes.
- If we're looking at each other, I have much bigger eyes.
- Let me see, Rudy, look at me with big eyes.
Go big eyes.
Schultz, big eyes.
- I mean, I can, I'm here and I'm bigger.
- Yeah, it's a little bit bigger.
- I've got her double.
And I'm sprinting, I'm double.
- Big eye me, Rudy?
- Look at this, look at this.
- Yeah, no, that's still him.
He's still big.
- Look at this.
- No, you're-- - But don't be irritated.
Like your face is like this, like, chill out, like.
- Yeah, get it, get it, get her, get her, get her.
- No, but like, what's the, this is fun.
- Yeah, I like this.
It's your natural state.
- Is it like ick?
Are you like into the ick?
Is that your thing?
- No, it's just my face, I don't know.
- It's your voice, too.
- Yeah.
- It's the whole thing.
It's the whole thing, and it needs to fucking stop.
- Why?
- Teach her.
- It's too much.
- Will you teach her?
- Like, how long has she been in America?
What's the deal?
- 30 years she's been in America.
- Oh, you're new.
- She's new American, brand new.
- Yeah, she doesn't know the rules.
She doesn't know the rules.
- She doesn't know any of the rules.
- She doesn't know how to walk, talk, do her face thing.
- Do the American face thing.
- Yeah, yeah, so everything is like bright.
- Do the American face thing, Bob.
- But like even, can you pause like that, stay like that.
I'm gonna show you what you look like looking at me.
- Okay.
- And then I want you to assess the comfort
of the people that see you.
What's that?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- That'll be a fun game, right?
- That'll be fun, yeah, that's a fun game.
- Just looking, just like that.
- Okay.
- I'm not, what I'm gonna do is, go.
Ready?
Hold on.
There it is.
Yeah, okay.
So this is what I've been looking at since I got here.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Right?
So I'm already feeling like you're like, ugh.
- But I'm not judging you.
- You said the big nose thing.
- Even the tonation, even the tonation.
- The tonation, we're gonna teach you everything.
- I'm not judging you.
- Andrew's a pro.
- It's like this.
I'm not judging you.
- I'm not judging you.
- She can't do this.
- Look, she smiled, she smiled!
It's your voice that's holding you back.
- It's hard, it's hard.
- No, no, it's not hard.
You're in America now.
Everything's easy.
You just go like this, you go like this.
You sit back, you relax.
- Do your legs like him.
- Can you put your legs down?
- Do your legs like him.
- Can you cross your legs?
There you go.
That's good.
- That's good.
- Bring the mic a little bit closer.
Look how you're smiling already, right?
And now, how do you feel about the Jews?
Their noses are so big.
- But I thought you were a Jew.
- No, I'm not.
- Yeah, so it's fine to say your nose is big.
- Oh, I love it.
- Oh, I love it.
- Very smart.
- This is good.
- It all comes around.
- I actually appreciate the honesty.
- When you were in the bathroom, he thought you were Jewish.
I said, you're not fucking Jewish.
- No.
- You're German, right?
- Yeah.
- Other side.
- Yeah, probably.
- They're probably Jewish.
- Maybe.
- Maybe.
- You know, my family moved to Chicago.
- What?
- Yeah.
- Your whole family did?
- Nobody's in New York.
- No, no.
My family moved from Prussia to Chicago.
- Precious Russia.
- Now it's Germany.
- Right.
- Ah.
- Precious Russia.
- Yes.
- That's where they make precious dolls,
you know little precious dolls?
- I know, 100%.
And then from Chicago to New York.
- Oh, okay, got it.
- So back in the day, there's some speculation.
You moved there and you're like, uh-oh,
might not be the best to be Jewish.
I'm Catholic.
- Right.
- Is there a history of-
- 'Cause we would've kicked you out.
They had our way with you, pal.
Keep moving along, bud.
- Is there an uncle or grandfather that was funny
in your family that you kind of take after?
- I think my dad was funny.
- What are you, Jimmy Kimmel?
- That was a really good question.
- I don't know, I'm just trying to get in here.
- Are you on a tonight show?
- And is there anything in your past,
anyone from your past, that people remind,
you know, your family members reminded them of?
- I just love you.
- What the fuck are you doing, man?
- Even when you're asking questions, it's about you.
- It always goes right back to him.
- Why, because the way I did it?
- Yeah, and I'm trying to go look at me, look at me.
- No, 'cause the way you did it
is gonna make me make fun of you for doing it.
And then you can be like, what's going on?
- Right, it's called set up.
- It is a good set up, it is a good set up.
- You're good.
- This is an entertainment podcast.
This is an entertainment podcast.
- Get a new apartment.
- House.
- Get a new apartment.
- I bought the house.
- For her.
- I will, and her.
- Yeah, a house.
- Is that wrong?
- It's true.
- Why is that wrong?
- No, true, true.
- Don't you think it's fair?
- All right, let me ask you something.
- He wouldn't be living in a house.
- She would appreciate that.
- Yeah.
- You don't think that she would appreciate that?
She would love that.
- Okay, let me ask you something.
- I don't think you guys did much decorating it.
You know what I mean?
Like, it's not like she's-
- You haven't been upstairs.
You don't know what the fuck my house looks like.
- But I saw the Legoland in the bottom.
- Yeah, the Legoland.
- I don't need to go past that.
I saw it, right?
I saw it on the bottom.
- You get the gist of it.
- I got the gist of it.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I walked up the Japanese game show
to get to your fucking house, right?
- Yeah, yeah.
- All you need to do is put Vaseline on that driveway
and have a bunch of fucking Japanese people
trying to make it to the top.
- It is a Japanese game show.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- And the crowd loves it when they break their neck.
Just .
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- They are the best at game shows.
- The best.
- They've mastered the best game shows.
- You don't win unless you get hurt.
You have to get really, really fucking hurt.
- Isn't there one where they like jerk you off
while you sing?
- No, what?
- Yeah, there's one.
- You have to do karaoke and they jerk you off.
- One of the best ones I ever saw was they had a porta potty
on the side of a ski hill.
So people, and they were taking a shit
and they would just lift up the top
and everyone would be like, oh, oh, oh.
And then it would be on skis
and they'd push them down the hill.
On fucking shitter all the way down the hill.
- They're the best.
- It's unbelievable.
Oh, look at this Japanese game show
has women jerking off men while they sing karaoke.
- Oh, that's great.
- Wow.
- One of the two things Asians love.
- What?
- Happy ending karaoke.
- Yes.
- One show.
They've mastered it.
- That was the pitch, by the way.
- I wonder how you pitched that, the Japanese.
- What he just said.
- You be a Japanese guy, you pitch it to me.
- Huh?
- Hello, Yoshi, come on in.
- Hi. - Hey.
- Great to be here.
- Who's this, your friend?
- My associate.
- Yeah, what's his name?
- Huh?
- What's his name?
- Andrew Schultz.
- He Asian?
- Yeah.
- Did you ask him?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You Asian?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- No, I didn't know, you better go.
Well, I'll show you a picture, where you gonna pitch me.
- Okay, what do we love?
- What do you, as Japanese people?
- Huh?
- Oh, we love so many things, but top two?
Sushi?
- Bing, bing, bing.
- And?
- Oh, I like Gojira!
- And?
- Oh, what else?
- Uh-huh.
- Oh, I love anime.
- And?
- Oh, I love, you know what I love?
Bombs.
- Hiroshima, Nagasaki, I love, you know,
that you make a movie about it.
- And joking off!
- Oh, I forgot about joking off!
Oh, shit.
- All right, so.
- Look at this guy's fucking freeze frame,
how awesome that is.
- Yeah, so.
- So he's gotta finish the song before he finishes.
That's gotta be the pitch.
Finish the song before she finishes you.
It's called.
- Oh my God, what a great.
- And that's on television?
- Yeah.
- Oh, that's amazing.
- The best.
- The best.
- This is the best, let's just see.
- Yeah, I'm sorry.
- One of the girls is wearing a mask, though.
Shout out to her for really staying safe
during this whole thing.
- Well, that's from, you know.
- What?
- It's for the.
- Shots.
- For the stuff.
- You know?
- The Aaron shot.
- Right.
- If she knows what she's doing.
- Yeah.