Name: The Bad Friends Rob A Bank! | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2022-08-22T19:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Bad Friends Rob A Bank! | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Bad Friends Rob A Bank! | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-22. Transcript available.

The Bad Friends Rob A Bank! | Bad Friends Clips

i'm going to active shooter training at the store and then i'm hosting potluck
wait a minute there's
active shooter training what does that mean active shooter someone comes in
with a gun oh my god
they're having that there yeah see you should feel safe no no no we're all
getting trained
with guns tomorrow yeah but you guys don't have you guys none of you are going
to have a gun
i'm pretty sure that's what active shooter training is you guys won't carry
guns on the
night of shows i think they're going to give us all guns okay tight that's a
good idea yeah let's
give a bunch of yeah because yeah all the dormant are like bitter resentful
fucking comics yeah how
funny renee is parking the car oh my god and he's backing in and just goes off
in his pocket yeah
raycon the greatest earbuds of all time of all of all time you know what really
sucks bob the goat
getting on the treadmill uh you're and you're you're pushing to finish that
last rep your earbuds fall
out of your ears but yeah well yeah that's bad in the first place yeah okay let's
say you're on elliptical
because you like those it's better on your knees and your back that's great and
your earbud falls out
and bounces and it's gone yeah raycon doesn't do that all right also if you
stays in your ear holes
but not only that let's see you're hiking with raycon right they look so sexy
sexy right someone's gonna go
and also the sound quality is better than all of everything else well let me
say this raycon's
fitness earbuds help you take your workout to the next level because they got
premium sound and smart
tech they're featured in esquire's uh magazine as the best gadgets of 2021 this
is what i was gonna
and they're gonna get it this year again battery life nine hours of play time
52 hours total nearly
double the battery life of the other brand it's every raycon customer basically
forever yeah it is
for you can listen to music forever forever you can go to new york and halfway
back yeah yeah all right
right without charging they've given the product over 37 000 uh five-star
reviews now is the first
perfect time to pick up a pair up because right now you can get raycon's
fitness earbuds for 20 off
at buy a raycon dot com slash bad friends and to make this deal even sweeter
our viewers are going
to get an extra 15 off with our code bad friends 15 this is a limited time
offer so get in now before
it's gone that's code bad friends 15 at buy raycon dot com slash bad friends
okay active shooter
employee training awareness by the way there's a new thing going around there's
kindergarten teachers
that are all over the internet that are strapped up now look up kindergarten
teachers with guns it's like
a new thing it's scary but you got to do it so look at this trained armed and
ready to teach
kindergarten more school employees are carrying guns to defend against school
shootings in ohio
a contentious new law requires no more than 24 hours of training so one day you
get to carry a gun
around the kids nap time lay down yeah but lay down i don't want get the crayon
out of your mouth yeah
bryson get it out of your mouth who stole the cookie
i have to go to the bathroom where where do you have to go to the bathroom
number one or number
two which one well i just did it in my pants you did it now good it's done all
right let's sing
a fucking song yeah this is my gun happy that's the wrong song
that's fucking nuts kindergarten teachers with guns meanwhile like i feel like
rudy had that in the
during uval during during uvaldi the all the cops had guns and they didn't go
into the room
in uvaldi or whatever it was oh yeah yeah yeah there's like 40 50 cops just
going there was a
guy on his phone playing candy crush he was just like yeah we'll be in there in
one minute guys he's
like i gotta beat this level yeah do you see that guy on his phone he was
literally on his phone
chilling there was another guy laughing just around no there was this guy there
was a i don't know what
this shot is but he was going what yeah what yeah in mid laugh he's probably
listening to bad friends
that's right that's right that's the only excuse holy he's smiling that guy
what could be funny what
could be funny in that hallway what would not honestly okay so there's a school
shooter if one
of us if you and our cops right but if he did have our podcast in his ear but
that look at that
you and i are cops yeah and we're in the school all right so you hear you're
hearing kids crying this
is then gunshot it's bad this is awful right yeah so what would make us laugh
yo i would i mean if we're saying would you laugh yeah we're like all right
boys we got
we have to flank in the side door you have to move in slowly bob i want you to
stay down
we'd lose it we'd start shooting each other laughing yeah terrible yeah it's
awful that's
awful yeah it's disgusting can i still can i tell you about a story that i just
read yeah of course
so i listened to sword and scare and i listened to this last night it just blew
my mind listen to
what sword and scale it's another podcast sword and scale sword and scale okay
let's blank it out i
don't want anybody we're not promoting okay anyway so um do you know who i've
ever got named michael
hon michael hon yeah i think that's his name is he a murderer is this another
one of your crazy
murderers who is michael hon but maybe that's i got the wrong name so many
whites i think i got
the wrong name oh you know what i looked up look up well he's looking that up
look this up look up um
names names and color you know synesthesia when like words are color there's a
website you type in
your name to see what colors your name is you know what synesthesia is synesthetic
people that can see
color and like taste sound and yeah i've done acid matthew hon matthew hon matthew
hon look at this
though uh go to go to that synesthesia look at that type in one of our names to
see what they look
what colors we are there's like a there's like a generator all right let's type
in let's type in
juicy don't type in juicy because she's not juicy anymore who are you now just
jesse jetski jetski
type in jetski whoa that's nice colors nice colors really a little purple
yellow how about mine mine
bobby bobby oh those are my fucking colors all dark and one little one yellow
kind of looks like a minion turned up on their side yeah oh andrew whoa what am
i i'm like the gay pride
flag i'm like one of those i'm like the lgbtq plus flag kind of the belgium fat
flag colors a little bit
yeah a little bit on the right how about rudy well do juliana do her real name
portugal portugal on the right yeah portugal on the right and on the left it's
that's like the
nazi party isn't it no no what's on the left it's like me it's uh i think that's
the neo nazis yeah
purple black and white isn't that neo nazi flag i don't know neo nazi flag by
the way this is great
i love that he's this is his computer yeah that's it yeah that looks exactly
like yeah that's rudy's
name aren't those the comedy star colors yeah they are they are all right can i
tell you about
matthew hahn now matthew hahn can i tell you about matthew hahn i love you
juice ah sorry not juice
matthew hahn damn it do you get him yeah the burglar the burglar all right so
check it out
let's look so this is what this is what happened so you know how we have this
you know with the
three strikes rule in california yeah right yeah so this dude had uh two
strikes already as a
burglar he's been in prison for a long time what's the three strike rule three
burglars here and then
i think if it's three felonies you get a long time like you get like california
strike sentence law was
enacted in 94 the essence of three strikes law was required defendant convicted
of any new felony
having suffered one prior of a serious felony to be sentenced to state prison
for twice the term
otherwise provided by the crime holy fuck so if you fuck up three times you're
fucked so he had two
strikes dude and check it out so one night he's pretty good you know a couple
years he started doing
math this and that oh good but then like his friend killed himself so he's like
he goes back into
meth addiction and now he has to steal more right he already has two strikes so
he cases this house
check it out this is crazy it's crazy cases his house because he heard that
there was like a
three-wheeler that he wanted to steal there yeah like i love three yeah he
couldn't find it right
and it's like three in the morning and he's walking and he sees like a bungalow
in front of a house
and the doors open and through the window and the lights on in it right there's
no one in there though
and he sees a safe like a little safe so he just runs in there grabs the safe
gets in his car with his
body and they just drive off early in the morning he opens the fucking safe and
there's six soiled
uh what are you diapers in there in the safe imagine breaking up i'm gonna get
me millions
there's six soiled diapers i can't tell you how many times i've done that
right six soiled diapers right and then some a packet of fresh diapers like a
little packet like that
a gun and then some sort of like um internet uh what do you call that a memory
usb stick right
yeah oh this i already know where this goes what the guy was into kid stuff or
something right so
he puts it in there right and it's him this a guy with a three-year-old no no
no listen i thought it
was a prank the whole time listen to what his predicament was now right he's
like do i turn this
guy in yes or do i go to he's got he that's three strikes turn him in oh turn
him in oh no oh well let's
let's make up our own version are you gonna tell me more or no well that is it
does he do it well you
even want to know what he does well yeah i'm not he does it obviously he turns
him in he does and then
he gets massive like 50-year sentence what well that's not fair but yeah no but
then what happened
was oh by the way you just stole a safe thinking that's a slap on the wrist
like yeah but it's a
third strike but the prosecutor knew about a story uh-huh and so he went the
prosecutor went to like
newspapers to do articles about the guy yeah and then there was pressure and
then he got like seven
years good yeah that's great yeah by the way this is the better twist so what
do you do if i'm him if
i'm the burglar yeah and i just need i'm just thievering by the way this is the
problem with that
he's probably just stealing just to get more meth and as long as not hurting
other people you're like
dude he's just stealing because he's exactly exactly but if i was him yeah i'd
go back and i'd kill
that guy i would 100 kill the guy who's doing stuff with kids i'd kill i'd
murder that guy on site yeah
but now you get life in prison i'd get away with it for sure i'd plan it and by
the way i by the way
i'd leave all the evidence out so when they do find this nasty guy's body and
me riddled it up with
holes then they find out he's a perv mcgurv and i'd leave the usb plugged in on
a computer so they'd see
what he's doing so then no one's gonna try to find the murderer they'd be like
this guy's
fuck this guy who cares right you know what i mean yep wouldn't i get away with
it yeah because what
cop is gonna be like we gotta investigate who killed this pervert nobody cares
they wouldn't
suspect you anyway because before that you were just a thief exactly it was
just a thief i'm not a
murderer you can't fuck the guy or anything after leave any dna you just gotta
kill him i don't know
if i can do that what i gotta have to kiss i always i know you do i know you
when i kill like it was a
twist if i kill him i kiss him i know you can't leave nothing yeah nope can't
leave any dna please
don't that's so fucking gross that guy should he should have just killed that
guy yeah you're right
you're right i mean i would just shot him right in the head when he opened the
face and he realized
what it was he was just like what the fuck do i do you know what i mean he had
to do somethin