Name: Die Having Sex Or Skydiving? | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2022-08-29T19:00:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Die Having Sex Or Skydiving? | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Die Having Sex Or Skydiving? | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-29. Transcript available.

I've never been skydiving.
You gotta do it.
But it's really safe though.
Yeah, you gotta do it.
You've done it?
No, I don't think I'd do it, but you gotta do it.
Okay, right on.
Why wouldn't you do it?
It's scary.
It's terrifying.
See, I'm not scared of it.
I just feel like something is gonna go wrong.
I'm not like afraid of the plane of jumping out.
I'm like, I know I'll be the fucking guy who they're like,
"The shoot's fucked up!" and I'm like, "What?!"
Like, I know that'll be me.
Because there's two things that happen, right?
There's two shoots.
There's the main shoot and the emergency shoot.
Correct.
And they both could fail.
Like, if I do the main shoot and it doesn't work,
the biggest fear is when the second shoot doesn't work.
That's when it all pops in.
Especially because I just saw that video that came out of that guy.
There was a video that went, "Oh, what does this say?"
"The lowest on record 10 fatalities last year."
10 people died.
Out of how many jumps?
100,000 jumps.
10 of 100,000, that's enough.
That's enough to fuck me up.
Yeah, it'd have to be one out of 100,000.
No, it'd have to be none.
None of 100,000.
I don't want it to happen.
It's like commercial airlines.
Yeah, but roller coasters has like...
There's got to be fatalities on roller coasters, right?
Less on roller coasters.
More in a car, which you get in every day.
I know.
What did we talk about today?
No, but the difference of roller coasters is roller coasters are running all
day, every day.
These 100,000 jumps is not a lot.
I guarantee you there's about probably 20 million roller coaster rides
happening.
Right, okay.
I get what I'm saying.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The amount is insane.
But also there's that video of that guy, the skydiver guy.
It just happened.
His fucking chute opened, got tangled.
The emergency chute got tangled in the tangled chute and he almost died, but it
came out at the last second.
This is a scary episode.
Yeah, a little frightening.
It's pretty scary.
Dick pics and death from the sky.
Yeah.
Oh my God, look at that.
That'll be me.
That's the guy.
Oh my God.
No, it opens at like the last second.
This is it.
Yeah.
Oh, fuck.
He's in it.
He's fucking inside of it.
My stomach flipped.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
And then, so that's the red one.
That's the emergency one that he throws behind it.
The red one behind him.
That's the other one.
And that ain't opening neither.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Also to die tangled.
You're tangled in your diet.
Well, I don't think the tangling is that bit much of an issue.
Yeah, that's saying.
No, no, no.
I'm saying, I'm saying because you can't, it's even there.
Boom.
Last second.
Lucky son of a bitch.
This lucky son of a bitch.
Go play the lottery.
Go play the fucking.
Yeah.
Speaking of which lottery was won by Illinois.
One of my people.
Do you think he'd do that again?
He'll probably do it again.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I watched one of those things about wingsuit guys.
Yeah.
Those fucking psychos.
Yeah.
They do it all the time.
Their friends die constantly.
I watched a documentary on Netflix.
The wingsuit guy.
One of his friends.
They were wingsuiting in a canyon of a ski resort.
And he missed a gondola by a foot.
One foot.
People were inside of it.
This guy missed a gondola by one fucking foot.
Bobby.
And when they got down, he was like, they were shaking.
And he was like, dude, I couldn't control myself.
He's like, I almost hit the gondola.
And if he hit the gondola, not only would he would have died.
People inside it.
Cause it would have exploded.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My God.
These wingsuit guys are nuts, but they do it.
They all do it.
They all fucking do it.
But what if it's the greatest experience?
I don't like, we don't know.
I don't know.
If we do it, it might be better than sex.
No, no way.
How do you know?
There's just no way.
Cause maybe like, uh, how about, would you have, let me, how about this?
It can't be better than coming.
If one person out of every hundred people have sex, one person, every, what do
I mean?
One out of every hundred people die when they have sex, would you have sex?
One out of a hundred.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Probably.
Yeah.
I probably would.
Yeah.
How about this?
I'd rather, I'd rather die having sex than jump out of an airplane.
Yeah.
It's like, you know, that's that drug ice.
It must be like that.
Right.
It's like ice is meth, right?
Meth.
Right.
Yeah.
It's like one out of every 50 people die.
No, it's something crazy like that.
Well, fuck it.
The annual instance of, of sudden cardiovascular deaths, heart attacks, such
activity.
So 0.2 out of every hundred thousand men.
Yeah.
Now, would you be okay to, how about this though?
Yeah.
Well, if you do die fucking, it doesn't happen while you're fucking.
It happens right when you finish.
Well, that's nice.
See what I mean?
I'd rather that.
I'd rather have it.
Yeah.
I'd rather have it right before you finish would be the worst.
I wouldn't do it then.
Well, there's people that die while they're fucking.
In the middle of fucking.
Didn't, isn't that, isn't that like a, isn't that like an old rumor that
Matthew McConaughey's
dad died while he was fucking?
I think he talked about it one time.
But it sounds like a thing that he would want to be true anyway.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's why I named my company.
Just keep living dude.
Yeah.
Matthew McConaughey says his dad died while having sex.
And they, and apparently they rolled him out to the street with his, and his
cock was still
hard when he died.
Imagine the woman.
That was the room.
The trauma.
The woman.
Yeah.
Why is your dick.
Or man.
John.
Why is your dick cold?
You know what I mean?
She, she might've killed him.
Yeah.
He didn't say how he died.
Pussy was so good.
Yeah.
Pussy was so good.
Don't kill my ass.
Can you imagine though?
Fucking dying while you're fucking.
Well, there's, that's the way to go.
See, you say that, but no, it's not.
What is it?
Then they cart you out naked and your, your little limp penis.
I mean, that's just weird.
Yeah.
And you eat the, the face, the frog.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No way.
With your dick hard.
And, and your family gets to the, to the fucking mortician.
And they're like, can we see the body?
And they see it.
And they're like, you didn't fix the face.
Like we can't.
Yeah.
It's stuck.
So the viewing, everyone's like, go say your, go say your buys.
And you're just there.
Like, no, I make them put a Spider-Man fucking thing on the face.
A Spider-Man.
Shooting jizz webs.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I've ever, I just, I, I'm not, it's not that I've gotten more risk averse as I've
gotten
older for stuff like that.
Yeah.
I just never have been into it.
I'm always like, why?
I don't know.
I don't feel like jumping out of a fucking plane.