Name: Bobby's Most Prized Possession | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2022-09-17T17:00:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby's Most Prized Possession | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby's Most Prized Possession | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-17. Transcript available.

That's a prescription?
Yes.
Wow, that's cool.
So do you wear contacts ever or no?
No.
Oh, just those?
I just wear these.
I love these glasses, but someday I'm going to have to.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What do you mean?
Get LASIK?
No, like I get really attached to things.
I don't know if you guys get like that.
Like these shoes I got right when I started working at the store,
and I'm going to wear them out.
Same with these glasses.
Like I'll wear them until they fall off my face.
I don't get attached to stuff.
You do a little bit.
Oh, I get romantically involved.
Yeah, you like stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
I get like, there's a personal, like I remember there was a car
that I drove from San Diego and I moved to L.A.
It was a truck.
And I remember I was going, I was opening for Mencia on the road,
and I parked at the airport, and it was like on its last legs.
Once I parked it, I know it's dead.
That was it.
That was it.
So I remember being in that parking lot at LAX, looking at it,
and I remember weeping.
Oh, yeah, I relate.
Because of all the experience I had with that fucking truck.
That truck saved my fucking life.
I don't have any attachment to things.
Yeah, yeah.
You could burn my whole house down tonight.
As long as nobody I loved was inside of it, I don't give a fuck.
There's not socks or parachutes or there's nothing.
I mean this when I say this.
Yeah.
If my house caught on fire and no one I loved is inside of it,
I wouldn't even think, I would be like, what's the insurance going to pay out?
What are we going to get?
Really?
I couldn't care less.
What about this?
What about like-
I've never had a home.
You know how you had a home?
I broke my mom's heart one time when I said,
our house doesn't feel like a home.
It feels like a house.
And she fucking couldn't, because I've never felt that home.
So I just like things and places, I don't, time I really cherish.
Moments of time.
I'm super, what's that word when you get sentimental about the past or the
moments in time?
Nostalgic.
Nostalgic.
Super nostalgic, dude.
But honestly, I don't know.
I just don't, like you grew up in a home.
Your home in San Diego.
Yeah, but there's things that mean stuff.
Like, for instance, I was at an AA meeting once, right?
And this old-timer, not a million times, but this old-timer, his name is Chris.
He got his birthday cake, and he had like 40 years of sobriety, right?
And I was a newcomer, right?
And he took a candle off of the cake, and he gave it to me.
And he goes, this candle is yours.
I hope you stay sober.
And I put that candle in my pocket.
I still have that candle.
Didn't stay sober, though.
That sure didn't work.
This guy's got to make a better wish.
It didn't work, but I still have the candle because it means so much to me.
I know what you mean.
In fact, okay, so I have small things like that, but they're very rare.
Like, my dad gave me a stone.
Are you being real?
I swear to God.
Yeah.
A little tiny stone.
He gave one to me and my sister one year for some reason.
And he had some great limerick behind it.
But I just liked it a lot, and I kept it in my pocket for every time I did
stand-up for years and years.
Where's the stone?
It's gone.
Where is it?
I threw it away.
I got tired of it.
Oh, so you don't have it?
No, I do have it.
It's in my desk drawer.
Check this out.
Yeah.
I got a dragonfly from my mom in my pocket.
Look at that.
And I bring it on stage or anywhere I go.
It's a similar...
So if I stole that, that would bum you out?
She'd fight you.
It's weird.
Like, I can detach, but I do, like, hold.
Yeah.
Like, I like having this.
No, yeah.
I like this.
The stone is in my desk drawer in my house.
It sits in my desk.
It's in the very front of it.
I know where it is.
I just...
It's very rare.
It's just very rare that I have those things.
Can I tell you the most precious thing I have?
Me?
No, aside from that.
Do you roll your eyes?
Yeah.
You don't think I'm one of the most precious things in your life?
No.
Absolutely not.
Are you fucking serious?
I enjoy it.
You enjoy me?
Yeah, I enjoy you.
You don't think I bring ultimate levels of joy and nuance and comedy and love?
I believe you meet certain people at certain times for certain reasons.
Mm-hmm.
And you're a part of that.
God bless.
It's schematic.
Okay.
So give me what's precious to you.
Okay.
So 20 years ago, my mom, she was in tears.
And she goes, in Korean, she said, basically, I can't speak English that well,
right?
And I don't know how to write in English, right?
And I've never been expressed to you how I felt about you, right?
But I wrote it in Korean.
And when I die, get it translated.
It's a two-page letter written in Korean.
Do you have it?
I have it in my house.
And I haven't gotten a translator because he's obviously still alive.
But I will get it translated.
Can I tell you something?
What?
What if it said, fuck you?
You're the worst.
Yeah, yeah.
I really think in my heart, you should never translate it.
But just get it framed.
Why?
Because there's something great about the unknown.
It's almost like the chase is better than the kill.
It's like the idea of not knowing means more than knowing for some reason.
Like, you'll know what it means by the feeling you have for it, more so than
the direct translation.
Because look what happens.
Look what happens.
In English, dear Bobby, I'm gone now.
Take care of Stevie.
Goodbye.
And in Korean, you know,
So, it doesn't sound as pretty.
Right.
It would be the reverse, though.
But yeah, you're right.
It just doesn't sound as pretty.
Right.
So, and you know it's going to be, because there's, because we're lost in
translation will happen with Korean to English.
Yeah.
So, it'll read so weird.
It'll read, yeah, you're right.
It won't have the same weird.
Miss you, I will, Bobby, son, mine.
Yeah, yeah.
It'll just be fucking annoying.
You're right.
So, I think don't get a transcript.
I'll frame it.
Frame it.
Yeah.
And let it live in your house for the rest of your life.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Do you have anything like that?
No, I don't have nothing like that.
I know when my dad had to take care of his dad's funeral and everything, it was
so messy that he's, like, given me his card to his financial.
He's, like, when I die, just call this guy.
He's got, like, the business card.
Oh, right.
He's, like, I don't want it to be a mess for you.
Oh, wow.
So, he has it all taken care of.
That's what he says.
I don't, yeah, I'm, like, why, he constantly tells me, like, I'll be fine when
he's dead.
And I'm, like, I don't want to think about that.
I know.
But it's because his dad left him with such a mess to, like, take care of.
Oh.
See, that's not fair.
Will he leave money, you think?
He tells me all the time, like, that he's going to leave me a bunch of money
and stuff.
Oh.
How much do you think?
How much do you think?
I have no idea.
Is he rich?
I think so, but he's so frugal that, like, I have no, he was a rocket scientist.
He's retired.
Oh, wow.
So, he's got to have a lot of money.
But, like, he didn't want to go to a show in North Carolina because he was
worried about
the two-drink minimum.
But I think that was more about the principle.
Right.
Because it's, like, no one tells me to drink two drinks.
I'm drinking four, but you don't tell me to drink two.
Yeah.
That's how people at the store are.
They're, like, why is there a two-drink minimum?
And you're, like, you had seven drinks.
Yeah.
What the fuck are you-
What are you talking about?
Yeah.
You were going to get wasted anyway.
And also, oh, I don't drink.
Fine.
Then you just buy two waters or whatever.
Or when you put somebody on the list and they ask that.
Bro.
Dude, I had friends.
I put them on the list.
And then they go, why do we have to take two drinks?
I go, this is a $30 ticket, bitch.
Well, you know what I do?
Yeah.
You know what I do now to not deal with that anymore?
What?
I usually tell the servers.
Yeah.
I say, hey, you know, a comics tab, like, give the comics discount because they're
my table
and just put it on my credit card.
Yep.
Well, that's what you do.
Yeah, because I don't want to fucking deal with it.
Yeah, yeah.
And so that way, when they're drunk and annoying, I can be like, go.
You guys have to-
Okay, you leave now.
Oh, yeah.
Or the worst is, you get a call, me plus one.
And then right before you go on, we're here, but it's 15 other people.
Yeah, no.
Yeah, fuck that.
And then you're like, what?
You don't get in.
Yeah.
You don't get in.
I know, then I have to go to the fucking cover booth.
Not me.
It's so loud, but what can we do?
It's so annoying.
It's so annoying.
By the way, we had some guests the last one.
I saw-
Did you know Rec was there with Dumbfounded?
Oh, yeah.
Who's Rec?
Oh, you don't know.
Uh-uh.
That was who was with me in Beef, who played with me in Beef.
He was with Dumbfounded.
Did you go say hi to them?
I did.
So that was the guy that replaced me on Beef?
He didn't replace you.
My enemy?
He played you.
No.
Was that him?
That was Rec.
Right.
Yeah.
I'm glad I had a good set.
He's the fucking man.
No, I wanted to show him.
He's not a stand-up.
It doesn't matter.
I had to show him.
First of all, he loves you.
I had to show him.
Okay, he loves you.
I know.
Why can't I show, though?
You can show how good you are.
You're a great comic.
Everybody fucking knows.
That's why he went to see you.
Yeah, yeah.
He thinks you're incredible.
Did I shake his hand?
I didn't.
Good.
I didn't.
I didn't.
I kind of gave him a pound and I walked by.
Such a grudge.
I love it.
You hold a grudge.
I love it.
It's my energy.
Is it?
It's what keeps me up.
It's what keeps me going.
It's that energy.
It's like, I'll show you.
I'll show you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll show you.
What happens when you run out of people to show?
Oh, I make them up.
I make up people.
I really do.
I'll go, who's the guy?
I'll show you.