Name: "We Need An OnlyDogs" | Bad Friends Clips w/ Khalyla
Uploaded: 2022-10-30T17:00:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '"We Need An OnlyDogs" | Bad Friends Clips w/ Khalyla' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '"We Need An OnlyDogs" | Bad Friends Clips w/ Khalyla' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-30. Transcript available.

You saw the tape girls.
Didn't you see the tape girls?
Do the black tape girls.
Runway models wearing only black tape.
This is a, this guy fucking has tricked the world.
This is insane.
He went to, I don't even know.
It was like, yeah, it was Miami.
These women are literally wearing electrical tape
over their entire fucking body.
And this like blew up in the scene.
People are upset.
I know this girl, by the way.
I personally know this person.
She's worked with a friend of ours.
She's a model out here in LA.
And she went down there and do this campaign.
She's so hot.
Her name's Zita.
Yeah, this would leave me a interesting trail of eczema.
Look at that.
Contact dermatitis.
Big time.
You want to, you want to talk about ingrown hairs.
But here's the thing.
Zoom in a little bit.
How do you get that off your titties?
That doesn't hurt your nipples
when you're ripping tape off your tits.
Girls are used to suffering though,
for the sake of fashion.
That is something that we just kind of,
have done our whole lives.
Because a thong is not comfortable.
And also the beastie yeasties you get.
Anytime I see a girl with a thong on,
I'm like, oh, she's rolling the dice.
Yeah.
You know a beastie is right around the corner.
Just rumbling down there.
Oh my God.
And like, it doesn't catch the discharge.
So you know it's just oozing from the side.
Trip drop.
We should invent something to catch it though.
Like, okay, I'm okay with the thong part being really thin,
but it's got to have a bigger pussy catcher
or the juice catcher.
Yeah.
A PJC, a pussy juice catcher.
Just a little cup.
Well, you know, like the,
I learned about the,
I learned about the menstrual cups,
menstrual cups.
Wow.
I learned about this.
Cupping, I thought,
was something completely different.
No, Michael Phelps gets the cupping.
Okay, okay.
That's an Olympic thing.
Have you ever cupped?
Have you ever done a menstrual cup?
Oh, I've done both.
And then,
I did old school cupping.
Yeah, I've done cupping on the back.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
And then Jules tried to teach me
how to use a menstrual cup.
You be cupping?
Mm-hmm.
Wow.
And I couldn't figure out how to get it out.
So I was in the cold, hard floor of my bathroom
having to like birth it out.
You had to,
why?
Because it was so,
it was just so attached?
I had to push it out like it was a baby.
Something happened and I'm totally scarred by it.
But all these girls,
they just do it so efficiently
and I'm just not one of them.
So you only be cupping?
Mm-hmm.
Wow.
It's so much better for you.
Tampons are like toxic.
I know.
I read this whole thing about tampons
with the amount of bleach that's in there.
It's like really bad for you anyway.
And then the women that get,
if it, you know,
if they stay in too long,
you get,
come on,
what's it?
Do you see these?
No, no, no.
Oh, toxic shock syndrome.
Toxic shock syndrome.
And you can die from it,
which I heard years ago when I was a kid,
I think like my mom to my sister or something,
that it was like,
you can't do that all night.
You can't leave a tampon in all night.
And then as I've got older,
then you read all this other stuff
that they're like,
it's dyed cotton.
Yeah.
So it's like bleached cotton
sitting inside of your body all day.
So I get the cup, dog.
You be cupping.
It's so much easier.
You have to like force it in.
Does it make a suck noise?
Yeah.
And then you have to pull it
to make it tight
so it won't go out.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah, I've just opted to free bleed.
You be free bleeding.
If I'm home
and I have nowhere to be,
I free bleed.
Tight.
And the dogs love it.
I ain't no joke.
That's too much.
Wait.
Wait a minute.
We're there already.
Because the dogs can smell it
and they love it.
God, I really want to show you
a really bad video
of my dog just going ham
on my free bleed panty.
So wait a minute.
They eat the panties?
They like live in it.
Oh no.
Show me the video.
You know what's interesting
about my dog is
she's a girl
and when I come home
she always sniffs.
She always goes to my crotch.
She wants to be up on my legs
to bury her head in my crotch.
Never does that to my wife.
Ever.
Never does that to her.
She always wants to be down
by her legs.
But when I come home
she puts her head
by my crotch
and even when she's done sniffing
she'll turn her ear to it
like she's listening.
Like a cock shell.
Yeah, a little cock shell.
A cock shell.
Yeah.
A cock shell.
You can hear all the pussy
I'm not getting
in the cock shell
far, far away.
She will though.
She'll put her head right
and she'll rest her head
underneath my balls
and it's so funny
because when she sleeps
when she jumps in the bed with us
oh, this is what I do want to know.
When she sleeps in the bed with us
I think
when she's on her period
the dog will come
to my side of the bed.
Your dog doesn't like
your wife's panties?
No.
No.
Does not.
In fact,
in fact, by the way
we learn
you know how everybody's doggy
does like panties
or socks
or underwear
or the dogs always have
like a thing.
Some dogs traditionally
have shoes
and all that stuff.
None of these things
except
for dirty shorts.
Dirty
my running shorts
if I leave them
in the other room
loves
because I think
it's asshole
and ball sweat
and she really likes
asshole and ball sweat.
She's just a pervert.
Can I talk to you
for a second?
Don't fucking talk
about my dog that way, pal.
No, but she likes
asshole and ball sweat.
I think that she likes
that smell
that like
Maybe she wants
your dick.
Clip it.
Clip it for the internet.
But it is funny
she does not
she's not a panty dog.
Both of your dogs
are panty dogs?
All of the dogs.
But it's not just my panty
it's everyone's panty.
Like I've had people over
and have lost
three or four underwear
to Julio.
Julio is a big culprit
but they take turns
so like
usually Julio will go first
and when he's done
then Gobi
will kind of tag him
you know
tag herself in.
Here I'm sending it
to you Fancy.
Wow.
The video.
It's amazing.
I'm so
It's over your knee.
Yeah.
It's so funny.
After all
after how many years
two years
I told her to pull
the mic closer.
You both of the Filipinos
in this fucking room.
By the way
thanks for the invite
to the Philippines Fancy.
Well
it was such a wonderful trip.
You missed
like you know
he was
a ray of sunshine.
It is so funny
because we texted
we texted
while he was there
because we were trying
to organize
all this shit
and
I can tell
Fancy got a little dose
a little dose
of what it's like.
There was one point
where I was just
so proud of Fancy
for sticking it to Bobby
and saying
you know what
you're going to need
more discipline than this.
Did you go for it huh?
You told him
what the fuck is up?
Yeah.
He said he was going
to stretch me
after that.
He's like
you want me to stretch you up?
What an idiot.
By the way
he's such a fucking liar.
The guy told me
we were texting
for a second
and he said
he has food poisoning.
Did he tell you this lie?
Did he get food poisoning there?
Fucking liar.
I knew he didn't get
fucking food.
No you know.
I saw Imodium at home
so I think it's true.
He just had bubble guts
not food poisoning.
Because you know
food poisoning lasts.
Food poisoning lasts.
He said that
on the plane
he had to get up
every two minutes
but you know
he does have
a very sensitive stomach
compared to everyone else.
A little softy tummy.
Yeah.
Am I crazy
or is this
exceptionally hard to open?
Let a man do it.
I just realized
that Bobby is like
a writer
who doesn't like to write.
You know he
A writer
who doesn't like to write?
Yeah it's like
he hates the process
of making things.
Yeah but he likes
to have them made.
Yes.
Alright let's
check out this video.
Oh my god
so that was a pair
of panties
with blood on them
and you just
Plus workout sweat.
Workout sweat.
Oh my god
rolling in it.
Rolling in it.
That's insane.
Wait for it.
Oh my god.
Look he's like seizing.
Oh pussy.
Oh pussy.
Oh my god.
But you know
like every man
look what he does
at the end.
when he's done
when he's gotten
what he needs.
When he comes.
Look what he gets
when he needs.
After he's had
everything he's ever gotten
he's toiled around.
He's ripping it apart
a little bit.
Oh yeah I have so many
holes in all my underwear.
But I just can't
you know they like it
so why would I.
This is like a post workout
on oh when he's done
he just shakes it off.
Like bye.
I gotta get out of here.
And then the second one
comes in right after.
A tag team.
Yeah.
Tag team.
Leo's like that one's
a good one.
That's insane.
They like it so much.
I know.
That's so crazy.
Is this super common
and I just don't know.
He's golden.
Oh look he's taking it.
She's a little bit
more delicate about it.
She just likes to chew.
That's the cuddle.
Just a lover.
See that's a lover.
Yeah I just want to nibble
on your little dirty panties.
Imagine that's when
if they asked you
they're like
can I nibble
on your dirty panties.
And your other dog
is like give me
give me the fucking panties.
Give them to me now.
You should sell
your fucking panties
to dog owners.
You know how much money
you would make doing that?
That's your new OnlyFans.
Only dogs.
Only dogs with Kalilah.
You sell your used panties.
I mean can you imagine
the amount of money?
These people that are selling
their used shit online.
I saw a girl that sells
just her fucking dirty socks.
Nothing else.
No nudity.
No none of that shit.
She's making 20 grand a month.
Does she have
20 grand a month?
Name.
Because that girl
the fart girl
the fart in a jar girl
she was already
on 90 Day Fiance.
No yeah she was famous.
This girl is a
right this girl
had been established
as something else
on the internet before.
I see.
But even still
who the fuck
is buying used socks?
What are you doing with them?
Oh well
never mind.
For a second
I was like
what am I talking about?
I wonder what they look for
like is it a scent?
Because I don't
I've never had
smelly feet in my life.
Never?
Never.
Okay you work out
all day long
at the end of a long day.
My feet have never
and my feet sweat a lot.
They have never smelled.
What?
Ever.
Do you have smelly feet?
Only when I wear my socks
for a week.
Oh.
Well that makes
perfect fucking sense.
Yeah.
You wear the same pair of socks
for one whole week?
Do you need some money?
Wait why would you do that?
You don't want to change
I don't want to do laundry.