Name: Rudy's Filipino Ghost Ritual | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2022-11-28T20:00:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy's Filipino Ghost Ritual | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy's Filipino Ghost Ritual | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-28. Transcript available.

Oh my God, by the way, I wanted to tell you
because I wanted to call you after I watched the Vatican,
the little girl that gets kidnapped out of the Vatican.
What?
Don't say Vatican and just do that.
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
You have to watch this.
There's a little girl that gets kidnapped out of the Vatican.
There is a story that's on Netflix right now about a little...
Have you guys seen it?
Carlos, have you seen it?
Emmanuel Orlandi.
Emanuela Orlandi.
Orlandi.
No, no, she was born.
She was kidnapped in 1983, and she went missing.
She walked outside of the walls of the Vatican,
and she went completely missing.
And it's the whole thing about how it's really inside.
The Vatican actually had her kidnapped on the outside of the Vatican.
Dude.
And what happened?
I can't tell you.
I know I don't tell you.
You don't know?
Did they find her?
Did that move, dude?
Oh my God.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
What?
What?
Is that moving?
It's moving.
It's fucking moving.
No!
Fancy?
Is that a trick that you're doing?
Be real.
Fancy!
That's George.
Wait, that physical skeleton is George?
Yes.
Oh.
Wow, okay.
Oh, wow.
That tree makes me feel a little bit better.
A little bit better.
Knowing he's gone.
That was really scary, dude.
That actually scared the shit out of me.
Yeah, you scream, no!
You know what we haven't done in a long time,
and we should do on the show now?
What?
Is tell our ghost stories.
Which ones?
You got any new ghost stories, by the way?
I don't have any new ones.
I got one.
Tell me.
I got a very new ghost story
that just happened not too long ago.
Oh.
Okay.
Yeah.
You have to spit on it.
Why?
Well, I love spitting on George.
If it hit my mind, it's still George.
When the Philippines, you just spit on ghosts?
Yep.
Like that.
Oh, it works?
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
What do they go to a boo-boo?
What do they do?
Boo-boo.
Wait a minute.
What do they do?
If you see a ghost in the Philippines,
you just spit on it?
You know, to be prepared,
you just, like when you go in the forest,
you just spit everywhere.
So you, before you go into a fucking forest,
you go, are you ready?
You have to spit?
Wait a minute.
Yeah, I got to spit.
Are ghosts scared of spit?
I don't know.
That's what my grandma told me.
Yeah, they're wrong.
Your grandma was wrong.
Yeah.
Wait, do that.
Crucifix.
Crucifix is good.
Crucifix is good.
Right, right.
Holy water.
Holy water.
Yeah, those are pretty good.
The Bible, maybe?
The Bible.
Spit?
I never heard of that.
Spit?
Did your grandmother chew tobacco?
No.
You must spit when you go to...
Yeah.
I was just chewing.
And you say tabit, tabit.
What is that?
Ribbit, ribbit?
Is that communicating with a frog in Filipino?
Ribbit, ribbit.
Tabit, tabit.
Oh, tabit, tabit means away, away.
Mm-hmm, and then...
Wait, is that how you do it?
Does everybody do it like that?
Or do you really spit?
Um, some people do, but you can just...
Oh, chogi.
Wouldn't you chogi?
Pete's looked up.
There is literally nothing on the internet that validates what you just said.
So your family is the only one that did it.
It's only your family that does that.
No, everyone does that in my village.
It's not on the internet.
Because it's a village.
Your village is just your family.
No.
There's no one else in your village.
No.
No.
Okay, Filipino blood spitting ritual?
You guys are fucking weird, man.
That's weird.
Oh, is there blood involved?
No.
That would make sense.
You just have to cut your mouth and then spit blood?
Then it makes more sense.
You just...
Yeah.
There is literally nothing on the internet that says anything about spitting at
ghosts.
Your family made this up, told the whole village...
But it worked!
What?
Nothing happened.
Or there was no ghost in the first place.
To be valid for her.
That could be valid.
Yeah.
You were never attacked by a ghost.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
All the Filipino ghosts have wet faces.
Is that what it is?
Always like this.
They just drift with...
Yeah.
I can't scare like this.
They're all wiping spit with...
Is that a real thing, really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Would you do that to an American ghost?
No, I don't think...
What would you do for an American?
Like, if a ghost entered your room at my house, what would you do?
Yeah, you're sleeping in the middle of the night, Jules.
An American ghost comes in.
So, what?
No, he has...
American.
He could be a black ghost.
Yeah.
Yeah.
American's a bronze name.
He's got his passport with him.
You know he's American.
Yeah, he's a citizen, for sure.
He's here.
He's not you, that's for sure.
Yeah.
He's an American citizen, baby.
So, what would you do?
Um...
I don't know.
Maybe just pray.
Pray.
Pray.
That's a good one.
All right, say the prayer.
Pray's a good one.
Go.
He's coming in.
Okay.
Here comes the American ghost right now.
Do you have a 401k?
How's your retirement fund?
Lord, have mercy.
I love Jesus Christ.
You've accepted him as your Lord and Savior.
I can do the liquid.
The holy...
You don't know what it is?
No.
It's holy water.
Holy water.
Are you squirting on me?
Yeah.
Yeah, don't you just go away?
No, I love squirting.
I'm a cock.
Oh.
Oh, yeah, spit on me, bitch.
Spit on me.
What would you do?
If a ghost came in my room?
Yeah.
Yeah, a ghost is in your room right now.
Ready?
Juicy.
Well, I don't believe in ghosts.
But I'm here, Jet Ski.
What do you know?
What will you do now?
I'm going to turn on in just like that and turn the volume up really loud.
Wait a minute.
Is that the guy from Magnum, P.I.?
I love him.
Didn't he once do a show about a Korean Elvis that never took off?
But he was from Memphis, Tokyo, Japan.
He did.
He's great.
Hey, you're kind of messing up the signal here.
Anyway, you're pretty chill, Juicy.
Yep.
Still not acknowledging you, but...
Okay.
Peace out.
Wow, she handled that really well.
Yeah.
How about you, Fancy?
Ooh, Fancy.
I've come to visit you in the middle of the night.
You're not going to understand anything I say, so...
But look at Fancy.
I'm from INS, Fancy.
Look at Fancy's neck.
Like, if you didn't see his face...
Female.
It's a fucking woman.
It's a woman, yeah.
I thought the exact same thing.
Dude, the fucking curves on it.
It's so funny.
So, by the way, we haven't even introduced...
Carlos, get up there.
We have the three witches in studio tonight.
Look at these babes.
Ah, woo-wee, woo-wee.
And Fancy, I got to tell you something.
Everyone take your hat, put it above your face.
Put it just in front of your face so the camera can't see your face.
Just leave just your neck.
Just your neck, Pete.
Okay, Pete's...
Let's rank Pete's neck.
Let's rank necks.
Pete...
I got to tell you, Pete's got a nice...
That's Rosie O'Donnell.
Like, I would go, that's Rosie O'Donnell's neck, right?
Yes.
Yeah, yeah.
All right, move to the side real fast.
Carlos, come block your face and put your...
Just your neck.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
It's like...
It's beautiful.
It's a beautiful neck.
You know what it looks like?
What?
Gina Davis.
Yes, Gina Davis's neck.
Beautiful.
All right, and then Fancy, keep it down in front of your face a little bit more.
Dude, that's like...
I'm not kidding when I say this.
It's beautiful.
It's stunning.
I would fuck the neck.
I would fuck your neck.
Fancy, you know whose neck you look like right now?
Thank you.
Evan Rachel Wood.
Cover your fucking face.
That's Evan Rachel Wood.
The girl that was in Queen's Gambit, what's her name?
Oh!
Anna Taylor Joy.
Yes, Anna Taylor Joy.
That's what it is.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Cover your fucking face.
I don't want to see your face.
You guys are going to be PTSD.
I don't want to see you with that phrase.
Wait, why?
Why?
Everybody says cover your face.
Oh, Fancy.
That was your parents.
That's not everybody.
I mean, it's everybody to you.
Whenever Fancy tries a joke, I get it, and I like it, but boy, oh, boy, is it
done poorly.
It bombs.
It bombs.
It hurts.
Because I can hear his brain going, say to them.
Right, right.
He thinks about it before.
See, the key is, don't think about it before you say it.
Say it.
Don't question it.
Look at this show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just say it.
Don't think about it.
Just say it, and if it doesn't work, it doesn't work.
You do have a beautiful little neck.
It's a beautiful neck, dude.
And, and, and, and, no, don't.
Can I just say something also?
Because we went to the Philippines together.
Yes.
Your hips.
He's got such cute feathers.
What?
Your hips are fucking sexy, dude.
Fancy as the cutest little hips you've ever seen.
You saw them in the Philippines?
Oh, yeah.
Because I was like, we were shooting something.
From the car.
He saw it from the car.
No, when we were, I swear to God, this is not even a fucking joke, dude.
I was sitting there, you know what I mean?
Because we were shooting, and I looked to your right, because I always see
where you're at,
your camera, because he was filming, he was the director.
I was a thing, and I looked at your side profile, and you were doing this thing
where you were
doing a shuffle.
I swear to God, there was music playing, he was doing a shuffle, and I just
gravitated.
There's a show going on.
Yeah.
I'm gravitating to his hip, and I'm like, wow, that's nice.
So, so genuinely.
Genuinely, I go, that, you know, his neck and his hips, if that, if all the
other parts
were like, you know what I mean?
His neck, his hips, his cock, and his dick.
Is that a song?
I'm going to find another thing for cock, but yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's nice.
My neck, my hips, my teeth, and my dick.
He has nice teeth.
Yeah.
I got to tell you, don't, don't smile like that ever again.
We're going to lose the audience.
He's in this.
Can you imagine his school pictures?
They were like, oh, that's it.
Ah, stop it.