Name: Fancy's Funniest Joke, Bobby and Andrew LOSE It | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2023-03-03T08:00:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fancy's Funniest Joke, Bobby and Andrew LOSE It | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fancy's Funniest Joke, Bobby and Andrew LOSE It | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-03. Transcript available.

- One time I was at the Sac...
Oh, I feel bad for saying, fuck it.
- Well, you don't have to say the specifics.
- I was in a town.
- Sacramento?
- That's what I was gonna say.
- Yeah, you're in Sacramento.
- Yeah, but I don't wanna say that.
So let's start from the beginning.
- Okay.
- I was in a town, right, in America.
- Yeah.
- And I was with Kevin Christie.
- Okay.
- So Kevin Christie was open for me.
- He's your accomplice in this story.
- Yeah, and after the show, you know,
this is when, this is probably 15 years ago.
So things weren't great.
I could sell out maybe a punchline that's a 200 seater.
- That's good.
- That's pretty good, you know what I mean?
It was during those days
and I used to do meet and greets at the end for free,
you know what I mean?
People would be, and this old lady gets in line
and she goes, "Love your comedy."
And I go, "Oh, thank you."
Like, it was like, I remember it was so startling
because I was like, she doesn't look like somebody
that would like, you know what I mean?
- Yeah, I've had those.
- And she goes, "Shake my hand, young man."
What's so funny?
- She said young man.
- Yeah.
And I go, "Oh, thank you."
- And you reach out, it's just her pussy
and you're like, "Oh my God."
- Just a lip.
Yeah, yeah, what are the lips?
- She's like, she drapes a lip over here.
- Yeah, I gotcha.
- And she has a note in the hand.
- Oh.
- Right?
So she walks away, I, you know,
I take photos of the rest of the people.
- Yeah.
I open up the note and it says the name and her number.
- It's written on a Werther's original wrapper.
- What'd you say?
- Written in a Werther's, Werther's original wrapper.
- Yeah.
- And one of her teeth is in there.
- The paper was from the Dead Sea Scrolls.
- You had to wind it out.
- It's made out of, the line was goat milk.
You know what I mean?
Or goat blood, anyway.
- Goat blood.
- Goat blood.
The joke.
But my point is, so then I go to Kevin and I go,
"Do you believe this old lady?
Give me her number."
He's like, "You should do it."
I go, "Okay."
- He's a wise man.
- He's a wise man.
I call her, right?
- On her landline.
- What?
Yeah, she had one of those road.
- This was the next morning or that night?
- No, I smoked six.
- You had to call one of those boards?
- Yeah.
- Hello, transferring.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then, so I call her and then she goes,
"I'm babysitting my grandkids."
- Awesome.
- Right?
But I'll pick you up at, you know, the hotel.
At five.
- Why wouldn't she just come to the hotel and fuck?
- We know we're gonna eat.
- Oh, I thought she just wanted to bang.
- No, I don't even know.
I didn't even remember what she looked like.
- I thought she wanted to just bang
and she was like, "I'm coming over."
- But so, we're at this sports bar.
- Okay.
- Right?
And she goes, she's 58, 59?
- Oh, that's not as bad as you.
- Yeah.
- Right, right, right.
- Well, don't say the age 'cause now it'll be more fun.
We'll let people guess.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So go ahead.
- So she was old.
- She was older.
- Yeah, older.
Probably 25 years older than me.
- At least.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Under a hundred.
- Yeah, under a hundred for sure.
- Yeah.
- And out of nowhere, she just goes, "Look!"
- No!
- I swear to God, at the fucking bar.
Right?
- Were they nice?
- They were saggy, but the nipples were great.
- Perfect.
- They were like 22-year-old nipples.
- Right on.
- And the rest of it?
- A hundred and fifty years old, yeah, yeah.
- But what kind of sag are we talking?
- It was like a whale's tits.
- Ooh, okay.
- Yeah, yeah.
- But the fucking nipples were like fucking, you know.
- Bueno.
- Sorority girl.
- Okay.
- Right, yeah.
- Yeah.
- And then, I remember she had a lot of freckles,
for some reason.
- No, those are cancerous.
- Right.
- That's her freckles.
- Yeah.
- That was skin cancer.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're liver spots.
- Yeah.
- Right, and then I remember, I got a little erect.
And then, so she goes, then we go into her backseat
of her Bronco.
- That's so cool.
She had a Ford Bronco, by the way.
- And I remember, I had to scoot over toys.
- Her grandkids' toys.
- Yes.
- Or hers.
Maybe she likes toys.
- No, no, no.
- What kind of toys?
- Tinker toys.
- Yeah.
- A plastic red, like fire engine truck.
- Okay.
- You know what I mean?
Those kind of things.
- Lincoln Logs.
- I didn't observe it, like, you know what I mean?
- But then?
- Yeah.
And then, we made out in the second, the backseat.
And then, I called her late at night,
after my second show.
I go, come over to the hotel.
And she never picked up.
- Oh, you, so she did.
- She ghosted me.
- She rejected you.
- Or she could have died.
- She probably died.
- No.
- And her ghost came over.
- She was 25 years older than you.
Do you think the girls you date might feel the same way?
- Oh my God.
- Yeah, you know what?
- Was that too much?
I'm sorry.
- Honestly, honestly.
- Woo!
- I feel like you were waiting for that joke.
- I'm sorry.
- So good.
- And I know you thought this is mean.
- I was like, should I tell it?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I don't know.
- It did me greatly.
- It was perfect.
- It was perfect.
- But it's kind of crazy that how things have gone the other way around now.
- Shut the fuck up, man.
- That's the world.
- Right.
- I had, I had one when I lived in Long Beach, my buddies and I would go, there
was a place
called, I think it's Balboa, no, or Naples Island down near Belmont Shore in
Long Beach.
And it's like a little tiny overpass before you get to Seal Beach.
And there was a place, yeah, little Naples.
That's it right there.
And then look up, I think it's called the Crow's Nest.
It's an old, like, I swear to God, look, Crow's Nest, Long Beach.
It's an old, yep.
That's it right there.
- Oh wow, the Crow's Nest.
- That is a notorious spot.
- For what?
- For fucking Cougars.
It's a Cougar bar.
- Oh, we gotta go.
- Dude, so here I was, I'm 22 years old, or 23, I'd like just moved to-
- Did you know it was a Cougar's bar when you walked in there?
- Yeah, we all, everybody knew.
Because when you go, when you live down in Belmont, Second Street is like a
party town.
And then Naples is all the retirement people.
So everyone jokes around like, "Oh, where are you guys gonna go, to fucking
Crow's Nest?"
And one night, me and a couple of buddies were like, "Yeah, we are gonna
fucking
go to the Crow's Nest."
And when we walked over there, we thought, "Well, we have to do it now, we have
to commit."
And we walked in, and everybody turned and looked at us, and we thought, "We
should get
the fuck out of here.
This is such a bad idea."
- Yeah, yeah.
- And we started drinking, and we're like, "We'll have a beer, and then we'll
leave."
Then we talked to a bunch of these women, we got really fucked up.
We started dancing.
This woman's like, "You guys gotta come back to my house.
I'm divorced, and I have a whole house to myself, we can all party."
And this woman was very, very sweet.
Sweet.
- What is that?
- What does this mean?
- A bad breath?
- She was bad-looking.
- What was that wrestler that had that as a thing?
Was it Triple H?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, okay.
- She was not a, she was not a, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
- Yeah, yeah.
- I think it was John Cena.
- She was very nice.
- We call them, in Spanish, we call them shrimps.
- Oh my god.
- What?
- That makes no sense.
- Yeah, because you can take the head off, and then it's, "Bueno."
- What?
- Yeah, Butterface, Butterface.
We call them Butterface.
- She was a shrimp.
Because that's a way funnier analogy.