Name: Bad Friends Goes To DUBAI | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2023-03-19T07:00:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bad Friends Goes To DUBAI | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bad Friends Goes To DUBAI | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-19. Transcript available.

Those guys have so much money.
I daydream in the shower
about one of them buying me as a human.
I swear to God, I have daydreams in the shower
where like some Dubai prince is like,
I will buy you, I can buy you.
And I'm like, yeah, do it.
He's like, you will be my slave.
I will buy you, you do what I want.
And I was like, do it.
And he gives me money.
And then I have to fly to Dubai
and do whatever he wants.
Whenever, like in the middle of the day,
he'll be like, dance for us for hours.
And I will.
Yeah, right.
And I'll do it.
Yeah, I gotta be there with you.
You're coming, you don't,
first of all, you don't have a choice.
The moment I get paid,
I'm calling you and I'm going,
buddy, we got bought by Dubai.
And I'm gonna go, woo-hoo, right?
And we're gonna go to Dubai, you and I.
Your first class, I'm in the overhead compartment.
No, no, no, you're sitting on my lap.
No, overhead compartment.
Sit on my lap.
Overhead!
How about this, we'll trade.
I'll sit on your lap, I'll sit on my lap.
All right, all right.
We go, right?
And then all of a sudden, I got the coins.
Do I bring coins?
Why would we bring coins?
I don't know what they use there.
Money?
They do.
They have money like here, buddy.
How about pebbles?
They use pebbles, too?
Yeah, rubies.
Don't, don't, you don't have to Google it.
You don't have to Google it.
One?
You have to Google it.
It ruins the comedy, right?
All right, so anyway.
No, but by the way, did you see that?
What?
What is it called there?
The Durham?
Yeah.
So I bring their Durham.
Look at how much money we could make there.
That's incredible.
United States, one Durham is only worth a quarter of our money.
So then-
We'd get four times our money.
Would you tell them beforehand that you're bringing me, or when we get there,
you're going
to say, I brought him?
They'll just know.
They'll just assume.
Oh, so we're a package deal.
We are a package deal.
They already know that?
We are a package deal.
Do I get my own room?
We share.
We share.
Oh.
But can I tell you in the contract, it's a Texas King bed.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We should have plenty of room.
Yeah, yeah.
I got to wear one of those- What are those garments they wear?
I like the headpieces.
Would you share a bed with me if we had to travel like that?
Or would it be too hard?
If you and I were like in Auschwitz, I would.
What?
Why would we be there?
No, but back in the day, I've thought about that.
In the 40s, if you were Jews, I would share a bed with you.
Thank you.
It would keep each other warm.
What's so funny?
In a Holocaust is the only situation.
Yeah, in a like-
Outside of that.
No, no, no, I know where.
I know where I'm sure we are.
Amistad.
Oh, Amistad.
You and I, yeah, but you know why?
Mm-hmm.
Because they're going to throw us overboard.
I know it.
They would throw us overboard, right?
And I would need to be with you.
Can you imagine you and I on a boat?
They would kill us so fast.
What do you mean?
If it was like a boat of pirates and they captured us
and they were trying to like use us as ransom,
within an hour, they would be sick of our bullshit.
They would throw you and I overboard immediately.
Would you rather have been tied or would you rather be loose?
What do you mean?
And thrown into the ocean?
Yeah, I don't want to be tied and thrown into the ocean
because I mean, but I want to, give me a shot.
I would get into an argument with a guy with a gun
just to shoot me.
I'd be like, just shoot me.
I'm not, I don't want to drown.
I'd much, dude, drowning is my actual nightmare.
Wow.
There was a video that I saw online.
This guy, they're these guys that swim.
They put a hole in the water
and they swim under up to another hole.
You know what I'm talking about, George?
These people, they like, they do swimming in frozen fucking lakes
Yeah, they're swimming under ice, yeah.
And they will swim under the ice.
Dude, it is my anxiety nightmare.
And then one dude couldn't find his way out
and they were trying to break the ice
and they couldn't get through
and he almost didn't fucking make it.
Look at this though.
Holy shit.
They'll literally punch one hole
and punch another hole
and they'll swim down through the ice.
Why do they always look like Adam Devine?
They always look like Adam Devine.
They do.
They do.
That does.
There's Adam.
There's Thumper.
Wim Hof did it
and his eyeballs like froze over or something
so he couldn't even see.
What?
Like halfway through his eyeball,
like his cornea or something froze over.
He couldn't see and he almost like he got lost.
Wait, wait, wait.
Your eyeball can freeze?
And you, yes.
And you can drown.
So what they do is they have a rope
and it's a safety rope
and you have to follow the rope
because they can't see anything really.
So if they can't find the rope though,
you die.
You absolutely die.
And tons of people do this.
This is like for sport
and it's batshit crazy.
No, that's not true.
Not tons of people.
Tons of white people do it.
Well, yeah.
I mean, we're the best at wackadoo stuff.
How many black people have gone skydiving
since its inception?
Six?
It's really funny.
Think about it.
I've never seen a Korean skydive.
I've never seen anybody but white skydive.
My whole, every photo.
I've seen a black.
Really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Type in skydivers
and watch how many photos we'll put.
It'll be all white dudes.
Crazy fucking whites.
Oh, look at the first photo of the guy's hair.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look at that guy.
Yeah, dude.
Four photos in.
Go to four photos.
Yeah, that guy.
That's the guy that skydives with that girl.
They look like Harry Styles skydivers.
I just, it's just,
it's such a white thing
to jump out of an airplane.
Yeah.
Have you ever done this, Juice?
Would you do it?
No.
If we do bad friend skydiving,
would you do it?
Heights is my drowning.
Heights is your drowning.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
But if he does the ice thing,
would you do the thing?
Yeah.
You got to conquer the ice thing.
We got to do the ice thing with you.
Wait, why?
Yeah, why?
Because I don't have fear.
So like, you know what I mean?
I don't have to do nothing.
You have so many fears.
I have no fears.
Ask me a question.
Ask me fear questions.
Ask me, ask away.
I am.
Yeah, go ahead.
Look at me.
Are you afraid of being alone?
You got me.
Fuck, first question.
No, I'm not.
Yeah, you are.
I'm not, no.
Look at me.
Yeah, you are.
No.
Yeah, you are.
No.
Yes, you are.
Yes, you are.
Yes, you are.
No, but not in terms of like that.
Oh, no, that's a fear.
That's a real fear.
And that's a physical fear
because it physically manifests.
Being alone can fucking kill you.