Name: Juicy and Bobby's Red Flags | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2023-04-22T07:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Juicy and Bobby's Red Flags | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Juicy and Bobby's Red Flags | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-22. Transcript available.

that one of them is always looking out for you and the other one's looking out
for someone else
right he's got um a luscious goatee right a couple of tattoos on the neck what
do they say
pita pita yeah one of them he's pita yeah pita okay like the animal are you
saying pita p-i-t-a
like a pita bread or are you saying pita the the organization for animals the
bread
totally different guy yeah he loves bread that is two totally different guys
yeah yeah pita for
people have little treatment of animals and the pita loves pita bread guy and
the next tattoo is
gyro oh he loves gyros and pizzas and pitas yeah but what what am i saying gyro
huh what am i saying
when i say gyro the meat yeah g not the not the money uh so he's not gyro oh
the money yeah yeah
but not the money it's the meat so the meat pita so they they can make a
sandwich oh so does he have
a little sandwich right yeah yeah does he have tzatziki sauce right down here
right right so there's
that that right yoked jacked he's jacked skinny right skinny yeah yeah and he's
also check this out
he's um bitcoin okay google this bitcoin bro who's skinny jacked with neck
tattoos right here he is
that's the guy we're talking about this is the guy right here personal walker
isn't that that looks
like that's israel it looks like stylebender yeah that's him do you like guys
like that no that guy
no maybe five years ago this guy how about that guy i i think i really have to
know someone's
personality i i cannot be on dating apps the whole like just like judging them
like obviously that
plays a factor but i'm i a lot of what i'm attracted to and people are their
personalities
i know you guys don't get that that's what you like you like sounds like a lot
of bullshit
yeah i've done like a connection with somebody like do you like wacky guys like
what's up how you
doing that guy everybody loves that guy you know everyone loves that guy what's
up i'm here
party time you know what i mean you like that guy that kind of personality like
maybe a little
bit like 10 10% wacky for sure hey what's up smooth guy smooth guy 60% that
yeah 10% wacky what's the
biggest red flags give this is a big thing on the building like a sims
character what's a red flag
what's your red flags oh how about this we'll play a game i'll give you a thing
that they do
right and see if that's a red flag for you okay you want to do that yeah right
eat their boogers
eat their boogers
red flag yeah why though but what if they're mango boogers yeah yeah and they
were extracted
that was just a joke by the way huh it was just a joke sure yeah you think i vape
through my
nose and eat the boogers that's insane
that says mango booger friends
i was wondering about that yeah yeah yeah so um okay how about this yeah um i'm
a millionaire
but i got my money you know through you know my grandpa died what do you think
red flag or no
not yet cool great yeah how about this one uh i'm a millionaire and i acquired
most of my money
through unethical business practices that i could go to jail for at any given
point
red flag yeah okay of course okay that's a red flag no i don't know you know
she could be
into guys that go to prison yeah um so i have two testicles missing
i have two testicles sorry to laugh so hard though but i have you know i mean
plastic testicles
oh right and they look good because i went to tokyo to get them right they have
good ones yeah they
have great ones oh yeah yeah okay and so but we can't have kids right but you
know my brother
thank god my brother he let me the sperm to go inside my fake test testicles so
we could have a
baby it's my brother but you know it's coming out of my anyway red flag can i
kick you in the nuts
yeah i don't feel the thing that sounds pretty fun all right that's good that's
good that's good i'm glad
your priorities i just want to kick you in the nuts give her another one that's
how i know funny in
public we can just stage things how about this hey uh i'm i'm an okay looking
guy but at any given
point my my my teeth can just fall out of my head they just start falling out
and i have to pick
him up and put him back in it happens to me all day long is this a red flag it's
probably is a red flag
you would really i would like date him if his personality was like really cool
okay okay okay what if he
what if he has tourettes red flag i could never bring him to anything i do okay
i got one yeah all
right a guy says right you know what i mean i'm a good dude where are you guys
finding these guys
they're all over the place when i was 22 years old i was a school bus driver
and dude you said
that's so asian i was school bus driver dude what it's like the old it's like
the old you comes
back in the play yeah yeah i school bus school bus driver right and um it's
amazing i was in an
accident right now you're doing it again i'm just gonna do it okay fuck it
right i'll do a live
fucking asian right do a lot yeah we'll do it live right and um accident uh ed
all the kids died i'm
not playing i'm not playing okay right you know but i drunk oh no oh no that's
a good one red flag
that was 20 years ago long time ago he's paid his penances aside he got out of
prison but he killed
like 38 kids let's just order dinner first okay good good good she wants to see
yeah she wants to
see if you're gonna pay yeah but like you don't care if like a guy like us hey
we'll go to ruth's
chris i mean you don't need anything fancy i forgot what a guy says on your
first date red lobster can
we go to what if a guy says can we go on the first date to like chili's or tji
fridays or like a chain
restaurant that's fine it's fine yeah what if he says can we go to fast food
what if he said can we do
wendy's because i don't have a lot of money right now or burger king i mean i
the idea of dating is
so weird to me i i can't even fathom it but if i was like if i met somebody i
really liked and he's
like let's go to burger king i'd be like all right let's go that's so sweet you're
so fucking nice
person what would you say if a girl was like can you take me to burger king i
go do we still smash
oh yeah yeah yeah oh yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean because you know as a guy you
go you know because
i've been on dates and stuff right she goes i want i want a whopper in me
before you put your junior
whopper you know you you you go i have to take this girl to a fancy restaurant
you just assume that
yeah right so you know i've been taking girls to damien bestia why are you
doing that
you know i just think that like you don't that's what they want no it's not
what they want i know
i know i spent thousands of dollars knowing i found that out but i think yeah i
found that out but you
also like to eat at those places yeah but he'd rather go alone and not pay for
two people yeah and
you're paying for are they having like wine or drinks i mean i had one that's
because they make
you mad go ahead so i went on a date with this girl and um took to a nice place
and then a week
later let's hang out again and when i picked her up she had her friend
right she had her friend and she goes um what nice place are we going to and i
had already made
a reservation and during dinner i realized you know i mean they're poor girls
yeah they're playing you
they're playing me and it really hurt my hurt me that's fucked up did you you
ate the meal though
didn't you took them out didn't you i did yeah you're too nice that's you're a
nice guy that sucked
i've taken out every night since then
no it broke my house it's like and now when i dropped them off i knew i would
never see them again
you know what would be awesome though if you were to ate your meal and be like
i'm gonna go to the
bathroom and then you just left them there yeah that's revenge they fucked you
out of it they
like basically manipulated you into a me or you pay for your half yeah you pay
for your portion yeah
and then the waiter goes hey so he paid for his half but yeah you guys have to
pay for your fucking
no i'm not mean but do it no but it's me i'm the sucker it's me i'm the sucker
it's mean of her to
bring her friend yeah but i didn't know that you know who could yeah no that's
fucking mean yeah
that's me what's okay give us let's be honest no jokes what's real red flags
that guys do for you
what's actually red flags like what's your what's the ick that guys do that you're
like fuck that's
gross i hate when guys are that well like really i don't know if this is one
but like it doesn't
have a car it would be really hard for me that's a red flag no car red flag
really yeah because like
or like fucking la yeah it's just no i know dudes that are rich and don't have
a car yeah okay but
that's in new york yeah but also she's saying the guy in la she's referring to
that doesn't have a car
it's not rich right what if he owns a house owns a house and doesn't have a car
yeah this guy's
upside down yeah but what if he doesn't have the motor skills oh oh oh i have
carpal tunnel
oh that's different what is yeah is that what your hands yeah yeah i have carpal
tunnel
and i have spinal bifida beneath the knees do they have that it doesn't mean
anything i've seen a guy
i've seen a guy that drives with his mouth oh i've seen that there's a guy who
like hits the thing
yeah i've seen that i've seen that okay so that's not no no so so no car that's
right so no car red
flag what else um what if he said something like the best movie ever made is
fast and the furious part
four well five really but yeah yeah yeah like any other fast like the greatest
better than best
cinematic film ever made ever made i'd hear him out oh yeah you have to it's
more like uh like if
someone was mean to people you know or like littering littering you don't need
littering a litter bug
nobody likes a native american they hate it she is one eighth oh that's right
that's that part uh wait a
minute uh littering and what was the other one you just said um if somebody is
like mean to other
people i really i really don't like like rude to customers yeah like rude what
if a guy spits a lot
outside you gotta like i don't really like this she doesn't like spitting no
spitters no spitters
what about gleekers yeah i don't like it you know what he can't you can't help
it every time
he opens them up a little squirt comes out yeah i'm not into it you can't
control it that's fine
all right all right what are your red flags this is a better one what are your
red flags
things that i do bad yeah yeah yeah this is a trend on the internet now they
ask people okay
those are the red flags that because everyone has these high standards of
people that are around
them what about you what do you think i want to do i want to play i want to
play you will do one
second baby no um like i'm pretty selfish with my time okay i'm like very like
career oriented
so that always comes first okay what else um i uh what is it you're perfect in
any other every
other way i'm pretty much pretty i'm narcissistic wow wow wow i'm trying to
think of like uh things
like i wouldn't like that um what is any other x you've oh here's one that's i'm
really particular
about time like if you're like 10 minutes late i'm like really upset by it you
you overreact to
i really overreact to it like in what way so like i think i have like control
issues maybe
right yeah because we only see this aspect because you know you know where in a
way we're your boss
do you feel that yeah i feel like i'm giving you like yeah you're giving us our
best you know
the best jesse my weakness i want to see the on the road i want to see the
other side you're gonna yeah i
want to you know i want to see random queefs oh my god i don't think i'll be
doing that just a
random one you know what i mean right i want to see stuff you know what i mean
and go oh you
want you want to be grossed out by her not grossed out i just want to see some
of your character
defects okay what are yours what are your red flags 12 hours of video games
huge red flag right
i mean it's massive no movement yeah you mean a lack of exercise no movement
yeah that's what i meant
just that's it yeah that's what i do video game car yeah house video game um i
i do things oh um
the way i clean the cat litters wrong you know what i do no i just put more
litter on yeah that's
not good and then i pile it to the point where there's a mound and now the cats
are like
they're freaking the out they slip they don't like it you make them play king
of the hill of
shit yeah yeah yeah they have to get up a hill of poop yeah and then what i do
is this instead of
clearing it up i'll go buy more cat boxes so there's like 15 of them right and
they're all
mounds and i'll get a new one and put the thing in and then so yeah it's that's
what else is that
a red flag massive yeah for some people you know that's why i'm taking a year
off celibacy you're
taking a year with celibacy of celibacy because i just need to find my way you
do i want to get rid
of some of these red flags you know what i mean and you know i used to do yoga
yeah yeah and i used
to do it again i'm gonna do it i'm gonna yoga i'm gonna get a haircut and i'm
gonna get abs
do we want to make a monetary bet on this oh yeah that you won't get abs
what do you mean by abs abdominal muscles that show with definition four pack
okay i'll give you
a two pack he's not getting two four that's insane two pack is two pack count
one puck tupac
oh one muscle i want to show any definition you're not showing shit oh i'm
gonna
okay yeah so what what what's my thousand dollars what's up my timeline you
tell me your timeline a
year yeah all right so what's the date now that's plenty of time i know yeah i'm
gonna do it in three
weeks never watch i'm gonna do it in three weeks we're on the road for a month
okay after and then
then another month you know after the the tour and then you're going on
vacation yeah i'm gonna take a
break and after the break that's six months after the break by that time you'll
have three months
and then the video game championships come up oh yeah i gotta do that
you don't realize this though this is what people don't realize right when i
was um 37 years old
i got a trainer right and for a year i lost 20 pounds and i was kind of ripped
okay and then when
i got in a relationship i started yeah yeah yeah and i think i'm gonna do it
again you're gonna do it
again i think i i'm 51 so i go you know i have one last shot i think 52 this
year yeah i have one
last shot well let's get you a trainer i'm down yeah should we have a fun
should we hire a trainer
to get with us on the bus on the road to make us do bus workouts we've spent
enough money
it's been actually i've ever learned it's pretty insane yeah it's pretty insane
be our trainer please
want me to train you guys can i say one last thing about you too i just and don't
make don't be
offended okay what i'm not gonna say okay i just a little well whenever
somebody says don't be
offended i know now i'm embracing brace yourself no i'm just casually talking
okay that's a friend
you're right that's your boss you're right maybe a little tan oh my god yeah
what do you think well you want her to get tan let's see what happens wait why
do you care if
she's tan look at how white i am i know i don't think you can i don't think you
can get a tan i can
i can get sun-kissed it's been raining non-stop you're right in the summer i'm
saying it's not my
fault no i'm not you i think you're perfect if i was a little more tan you just
have a vampire vampire
you're one to talk will you go to the tanning bed with me wait can we just
during my vacation
i'm being real when i go on my vacation i want to do a month in tulum okay are
you gonna come well
let's not tell people where we're gonna go we're not going to tulum oh that's
right yeah yeah yeah
we're gonna go somewhere else we'll go to fiji somewhere well we're ruining all
the all these
spots we can't go to but i want to go to a place where i can drink pineapple
juice and lay down do my
ab work i'll do my ab work you know it's so funny you're smiling you don't
think i'm gonna do it
everyone's smiling and you don't think i'm gonna fuck it why are you smiling
that's fucking rude dude
dude you man dude dude what show your stomach right now on camera just so we
can see it okay
it's actually not as big as i thought it was but stop sucking it in now put it
out
oh my god you should have seen my back when i did that
oh my god that was tough i had to change like internal organs i heard your body
going
Holding on for dear life.
That was tough.

Juicy and Bobby's Red Flags | Bad Friends Clips

that one of them is always looking out for you and the other one's looking out
for someone else
right he's got um a luscious goatee right a couple of tattoos on the neck what
do they say
pita pita yeah one of them he's pita yeah pita okay like the animal are you
saying pita p-i-t-a
like a pita bread or are you saying pita the the organization for animals the
bread
totally different guy yeah he loves bread that is two totally different guys
yeah yeah pita for
people have little treatment of animals and the pita loves pita bread guy and
the next tattoo is
gyro oh he loves gyros and pizzas and pitas yeah but what what am i saying gyro
huh what am i saying
when i say gyro the meat yeah g not the not the money uh so he's not gyro oh
the money yeah yeah
but not the money it's the meat so the meat pita so they they can make a
sandwich oh so does he have
a little sandwich right yeah yeah does he have tzatziki sauce right down here
right right so there's
that that right yoked jacked he's jacked skinny right skinny yeah yeah and he's
also check this out
he's um bitcoin okay google this bitcoin bro who's skinny jacked with neck
tattoos right here he is
that's the guy we're talking about this is the guy right here personal walker
isn't that that looks
like that's israel it looks like stylebender yeah that's him do you like guys
like that no that guy
no maybe five years ago this guy how about that guy i i think i really have to
know someone's
personality i i cannot be on dating apps the whole like just like judging them
like obviously that
plays a factor but i'm i a lot of what i'm attracted to and people are their
personalities
i know you guys don't get that that's what you like you like sounds like a lot
of bullshit
yeah i've done like a connection with somebody like do you like wacky guys like
what's up how you
doing that guy everybody loves that guy you know everyone loves that guy what's
up i'm here
party time you know what i mean you like that guy that kind of personality like
maybe a little
bit like 10 10% wacky for sure hey what's up smooth guy smooth guy 60% that
yeah 10% wacky what's the
biggest red flags give this is a big thing on the building like a sims
character what's a red flag
what's your red flags oh how about this we'll play a game i'll give you a thing
that they do
right and see if that's a red flag for you okay you want to do that yeah right
eat their boogers
eat their boogers
red flag yeah why though but what if they're mango boogers yeah yeah and they
were extracted
that was just a joke by the way huh it was just a joke sure yeah you think i vape
through my
nose and eat the boogers that's insane
that says mango booger friends
i was wondering about that yeah yeah yeah so um okay how about this yeah um i'm
a millionaire
but i got my money you know through you know my grandpa died what do you think
red flag or no
not yet cool great yeah how about this one uh i'm a millionaire and i acquired
most of my money
through unethical business practices that i could go to jail for at any given
point
red flag yeah okay of course okay that's a red flag no i don't know you know
she could be
into guys that go to prison yeah um so i have two testicles missing
i have two testicles sorry to laugh so hard though but i have you know i mean
plastic testicles
oh right and they look good because i went to tokyo to get them right they have
good ones yeah they
have great ones oh yeah yeah okay and so but we can't have kids right but you
know my brother
thank god my brother he let me the sperm to go inside my fake test testicles so
we could have a
baby it's my brother but you know it's coming out of my anyway red flag can i
kick you in the nuts
yeah i don't feel the thing that sounds pretty fun all right that's good that's
good that's good i'm glad
your priorities i just want to kick you in the nuts give her another one that's
how i know funny in
public we can just stage things how about this hey uh i'm i'm an okay looking
guy but at any given
point my my my teeth can just fall out of my head they just start falling out
and i have to pick
him up and put him back in it happens to me all day long is this a red flag it's
probably is a red flag
you would really i would like date him if his personality was like really cool
okay okay okay what if he
what if he has tourettes red flag i could never bring him to anything i do okay
i got one yeah all
right a guy says right you know what i mean i'm a good dude where are you guys
finding these guys
they're all over the place when i was 22 years old i was a school bus driver
and dude you said
that's so asian i was school bus driver dude what it's like the old it's like
the old you comes
back in the play yeah yeah i school bus school bus driver right and um it's
amazing i was in an
accident right now you're doing it again i'm just gonna do it okay fuck it
right i'll do a live
fucking asian right do a lot yeah we'll do it live right and um accident uh ed
all the kids died i'm
not playing i'm not playing okay right you know but i drunk oh no oh no that's
a good one red flag
that was 20 years ago long time ago he's paid his penances aside he got out of
prison but he killed
like 38 kids let's just order dinner first okay good good good she wants to see
yeah she wants to
see if you're gonna pay yeah but like you don't care if like a guy like us hey
we'll go to ruth's
chris i mean you don't need anything fancy i forgot what a guy says on your
first date red lobster can
we go to what if a guy says can we go on the first date to like chili's or tji
fridays or like a chain
restaurant that's fine it's fine yeah what if he says can we go to fast food
what if he said can we do
wendy's because i don't have a lot of money right now or burger king i mean i
the idea of dating is
so weird to me i i can't even fathom it but if i was like if i met somebody i
really liked and he's
like let's go to burger king i'd be like all right let's go that's so sweet you're
so fucking nice
person what would you say if a girl was like can you take me to burger king i
go do we still smash
oh yeah yeah yeah oh yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean because you know as a guy you
go you know because
i've been on dates and stuff right she goes i want i want a whopper in me
before you put your junior
whopper you know you you you go i have to take this girl to a fancy restaurant
you just assume that
yeah right so you know i've been taking girls to damien bestia why are you
doing that
you know i just think that like you don't that's what they want no it's not
what they want i know
i know i spent thousands of dollars knowing i found that out but i think yeah i
found that out but you
also like to eat at those places yeah but he'd rather go alone and not pay for
two people yeah and
you're paying for are they having like wine or drinks i mean i had one that's
because they make
you mad go ahead so i went on a date with this girl and um took to a nice place
and then a week
later let's hang out again and when i picked her up she had her friend
right she had her friend and she goes um what nice place are we going to and i
had already made
a reservation and during dinner i realized you know i mean they're poor girls
yeah they're playing you
they're playing me and it really hurt my hurt me that's fucked up did you you
ate the meal though
didn't you took them out didn't you i did yeah you're too nice that's you're a
nice guy that sucked
i've taken out every night since then
no it broke my house it's like and now when i dropped them off i knew i would
never see them again
you know what would be awesome though if you were to ate your meal and be like
i'm gonna go to the
bathroom and then you just left them there yeah that's revenge they fucked you
out of it they
like basically manipulated you into a me or you pay for your half yeah you pay
for your portion yeah
and then the waiter goes hey so he paid for his half but yeah you guys have to
pay for your fucking
no i'm not mean but do it no but it's me i'm the sucker it's me i'm the sucker
it's mean of her to
bring her friend yeah but i didn't know that you know who could yeah no that's
fucking mean yeah
that's me what's okay give us let's be honest no jokes what's real red flags
that guys do for you
what's actually red flags like what's your what's the ick that guys do that you're
like fuck that's
gross i hate when guys are that well like really i don't know if this is one
but like it doesn't
have a car it would be really hard for me that's a red flag no car red flag
really yeah because like
or like fucking la yeah it's just no i know dudes that are rich and don't have
a car yeah okay but
that's in new york yeah but also she's saying the guy in la she's referring to
that doesn't have a car
it's not rich right what if he owns a house owns a house and doesn't have a car
yeah this guy's
upside down yeah but what if he doesn't have the motor skills oh oh oh i have
carpal tunnel
oh that's different what is yeah is that what your hands yeah yeah i have carpal
tunnel
and i have spinal bifida beneath the knees do they have that it doesn't mean
anything i've seen a guy
i've seen a guy that drives with his mouth oh i've seen that there's a guy who
like hits the thing
yeah i've seen that i've seen that okay so that's not no no so so no car that's
right so no car red
flag what else um what if he said something like the best movie ever made is
fast and the furious part
four well five really but yeah yeah yeah like any other fast like the greatest
better than best
cinematic film ever made ever made i'd hear him out oh yeah you have to it's
more like uh like if
someone was mean to people you know or like littering littering you don't need
littering a litter bug
nobody likes a native american they hate it she is one eighth oh that's right
that's that part uh wait a
minute uh littering and what was the other one you just said um if somebody is
like mean to other
people i really i really don't like like rude to customers yeah like rude what
if a guy spits a lot
outside you gotta like i don't really like this she doesn't like spitting no
spitters no spitters
what about gleekers yeah i don't like it you know what he can't you can't help
it every time
he opens them up a little squirt comes out yeah i'm not into it you can't
control it that's fine
all right all right what are your red flags this is a better one what are your
red flags
things that i do bad yeah yeah yeah this is a trend on the internet now they
ask people okay
those are the red flags that because everyone has these high standards of
people that are around
them what about you what do you think i want to do i want to play i want to
play you will do one
second baby no um like i'm pretty selfish with my time okay i'm like very like
career oriented
so that always comes first okay what else um i uh what is it you're perfect in
any other every
other way i'm pretty much pretty i'm narcissistic wow wow wow i'm trying to
think of like uh things
like i wouldn't like that um what is any other x you've oh here's one that's i'm
really particular
about time like if you're like 10 minutes late i'm like really upset by it you
you overreact to
i really overreact to it like in what way so like i think i have like control
issues maybe
right yeah because we only see this aspect because you know you know where in a
way we're your boss
do you feel that yeah i feel like i'm giving you like yeah you're giving us our
best you know
the best jesse my weakness i want to see the on the road i want to see the
other side you're gonna yeah i
want to you know i want to see random queefs oh my god i don't think i'll be
doing that just a
random one you know what i mean right i want to see stuff you know what i mean
and go oh you
want you want to be grossed out by her not grossed out i just want to see some
of your character
defects okay what are yours what are your red flags 12 hours of video games
huge red flag right
i mean it's massive no movement yeah you