Name: Not a Sci-fi Guy | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2023-04-28T07:00:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Not a Sci-fi Guy | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Not a Sci-fi Guy | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-28. Transcript available.

I've never seen Avatar.
Why?
I don't know.
Well, you're not a sci-fi guy.
I'm not a sci-fi guy is probably the best way to describe it.
I've never been a sci-fi guy.
I'll never be a sci-fi guy.
But your heart's closed.
No, no, no, no.
I just, I have no interest in that category of film.
Oh, I like that at all.
You're allowed to.
I'm allowed to say no.
Do you like classical music?
I do.
Like, would you listen to it all day, all night?
I do.
Do you like, do you like spoken word poetry?
No, it sucks.
Yeah.
I hate it.
Yeah, people go there.
People go, like, in New York.
I love New York, and I love, you know, people.
Yeah.
I do.
I love both things, right?
Yeah, totally.
But then, you know, they have those jams.
They're at a coffee shop, you know what I mean?
Beatniks, you know what I mean?
With their fingers and stuff, right?
Hell yeah.
You know what I mean?
And candles.
Why are there candles?
In case the power goes out.
Oh, that's right.
But it's like, you know, back in the day, like, with Ginsburg and back in the
60s, the
beatnik scene, right?
I am, you will, we are, make me, life, given.
Yeah.
The white man wants you to think, I am less than.
I want to boo.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Thank you.
So that's what I'm saying.
I met him once.
Sci-fi films are spoken word poetry to me.
Not interesting.
I met Allen Ginsberg.
You met Ginsberg?
Yeah.
Where?
At D.H.
Wells' bookstore in La Jolla.
I thought you were going to say D.H.
L.L.
I was shipping something.
And he wrote, and so I had the, he wrote a book called The Howl, or The Howling,
what
is it called?
That's Carlos, by the way.
You look, he looks exactly like Ginsberg.
They have the same hair.
But you know what he wrote in my book?
What?
You watch too much TV, Allen Ginsberg.
He's probably right.
Yeah.
But I don't know how he knew that.
It's probably he could look at you.
Oh, really?
You got a TV body.
Oh, like a turnip.
Right?
Yeah.
Yeah, you're more like a squash.
Like a squash.
Summer squash, because they're yellow.
But I remember being offended, like reading it and going, what the fuck?
How do you know?
Fuck you, bitch.
But he's right, though, isn't he?
But he's totally right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And the last thing I want to say about that is I chased Lou Reed down the
street.
I love Lou Reed.
When I was 16 years old.
What do you mean?
You try to fight Lou Reed?
No, I was obsessed with Lou Reed.
And so me and my friend Jensen went to his, he had a poetry reading.
You know, with his lyrics from his songs.
Yeah.
And there was not a lot of people there, maybe 60 people.
And then he went out the back.
I mean, I had my Velvet Underground shirt.
Let's go around, right?
We saw him in the alleyway and we started running toward him.
He got in his car and he drove away.
He's like that.
And when he left, he went Lou Reed.
I've never chased a celebrity.
You haven't?
No, I've never chased anybody.
My dad, I've told this on this podcast before, but the first celebrity I
actually saw, well,
the first celebrity I ever saw was with my mom in an ice cream store in Chicago.
I saw that we saw the mother from...
Let me guess.
Yeah.
Let me guess.
Wait, what's wrong with me?
Let me guess, though.
Yeah.
Malcolm in the Middle.
What?
No.
You said the mother in Malcolm in the Middle?
No.
I was a child when this happened.
This was like...
Oh, how about this?
Many years ago.
Oh, how about this?
Bonanza.
Is there a mother in there?
No.
I've never seen the show.
There's got to be a mom in Bonanza.
No.
Oh, how about this?
The one with fucking the guy that went to...
Exactly.
No, no, listen.
Can I just explain?
Because you guessed it.
Yeah.
The one with the guy that went to the thing.
No.
No, what's the one where Little House on the Prairie?
How old do you think I am?
You said you're young.
Yeah, but that wasn't on when I was a kid.
Little House on the Prairie?
Dude, you're thinking about you.
Oh.
I'm 40.
You're 50.
I used to love that show.
It was Kevin Arnold's mom.
It was...
Oh, my God.
What's wrong with me?
Why can't I think of the name of the show?
Dude, that's her right there.
Yeah, that's her.
From Wonder Years.
What's her name?
She was so sweet and so nice.
And she signed a napkin.
She signed a...
Allie Mills?
Huh?
Allie Mills.
Allie Mills, that's right.
She signed a napkin for me at the ice cream store.
She was the first.
And then the second one, we saw Tom Selleck in the airport in Chicago at O'Hare
by the baggage.
And my dad goes, Tom Selleck!
No, I swear to God.
Was it embarrassing?
Yeah, I was like bright orange, like hotter than I ever have been.
Just like illuminating orange.
And then he looked over and kind of gave like a what?
And my dad was like, hey.
Really?
It was so weird.
My dad...
I was like, why did you just yell at Tom Selleck?
My dad's never heard a song before.
What?
What?
He doesn't know what music is.
He never heard music...
What do you mean?
He doesn't know what it is.
There's music when you're like in a store.
I know, but that's how anti like anything he is.
He wouldn't know what Mozart was.
He wouldn't know what like Bruce Springsteen was.
If you played him a song, it all sounds the same to me.
Just noise.
Was he not allowed to listen to music as a kid?
He's just not a music listener.
Or a movie watcher or anything.
What did he do for fun when he was alive?
Work.
That was fun.
No.
Earn money.
In fact, he was so cheap.
Me and my brother went to his...
He owned a clothing store called Fashion Gal.
Oh, yeah.
We know.
We know.
And we went to his...
And I go, where are the employees at?
I do everything.
Everything I do.
Right?
And I looked...
Me and my brother looked below the cash register.
There's a fucking gigantic jar of pee.
Oh.
What?
Because he has no employees, right?
So he just pees.
You know what I mean?
In this gigantic jar, right?
Welcome, welcome.
And they're like, P-U.
What smells in here?
Is that where P-U came from?
Probably.
P-U.
Yeah, P-U.
On the hill.
Dude.
But yeah, my dad doesn't know anything.
And when he was dying, right?
This is a really heartfelt story.
Give it.
All right.
So when my dad was dying, my brother had...
AirPods or whatever.
And he stuck AirPods in his ear, right?
First, he plays Tribe Called Quest.
My dad...
I mean, that's a good way to start.
And my dad started shaking, right?
Then I go, no, no, no.
So I changed it to Eric Clapton.
It was...
No, uh...
The stairway?
If you saw...
Tears in heaven.
Tears in heaven.
Tears in heaven.
I swear to God, he had one tear.
He heard a song for the first time.
Wow.
That he died.
Yeah.
Yeah.
His last words on his deathbed,
he was just like...
Can I kick it?
Yeah.
Can you imagine if you're holding his hand
and you're like, yes, you can.
And he's like, can I kick it?
Yes, you can.
Or a week later, we come back home
and he's dressed like Tupac.
Like he's totally in it.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.
Like, Biggie, why are you kidding?
Where's the coaster?
Yeah.