Name: Bobby, Intimate with a Bear | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2023-05-03T07:00:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby, Intimate with a Bear | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby, Intimate with a Bear | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-03. Transcript available.

- How long do you think you could last
on a deserted island?
I keep watching that nature show.
How long do you really think you could last
genuinely on a deserted island?
- A deserted island or a forest?
- No, no, no.
No, that's actually a very good question.
How about on a-- - What kind of island is it?
- How about this?
On a deserted part of the world, right,
where there is things to forage.
Like there are berries, there's food.
- Because if you go to Canada
and some of their islands are like, you know,
big trees, it's very foresty.
- Sure, there, there, way up north.
- Okay, so how long would I survive?
- Yeah.
- With the knowledge I have now.
- Right now.
- I think two weeks.
- Two weeks.
That's really long.
That's a long time.
- Well, I know how to do water.
- Do water?
- How?
- What do you mean how?
- What do you mean I know how to do water?
- I know how to make water.
- How do you make water?
- Well, you go to a river, right?
And then you dig a little hole next to the river.
The soil filters out all the bad stuff
and you drink the water from the hole that you made.
- Oh.
- What?
- I didn't know that.
- That's true.
- It's partially true.
It doesn't mean it's not gonna be,
it doesn't mean bacteria can't get to it.
- Because I don't have, like.
- It'll be cleaner than if it's.
- Yeah, but I don't know how to make a fire, do you?
- Well, I mean, I know hypothetically how to make a fire.
- Yeah, I do too, hypothetically,
but if I have no tools, I'm on an island, right?
I'm like, I don't know what a flint looks like.
- Well, I mean, you could get anything that creates a spark.
- Yeah, but it's up north, it's very damp.
- Yeah, I know, the damp is.
- It's very difficult.
So it's like, for me, I'd be like,
no, I would have to do that.
And I would try to eat, like, acorns.
- Well, that you definitely can't eat.
- Why? It's a nut.
- I know, but how are you gonna get the acorn
before they fall to the ground?
You're not gonna climb a tree.
- They fall from the tree, like apples do.
- But acorns, you're not gonna eat acorns.
Toxic to humans.
- Oh, fuck.
Well, then forget that, forget the acorns.
- One day.
- Berries.
- I would eat berries, yeah.
- Berries. - That's better.
- But you wouldn't kill an animal.
- I would try, like a weekend.
- Yeah.
- But there's no way,
'cause even professionals have a hard time doing it.
- They do, I agree.
- So probably two weeks.
- You know what I would do?
I'd know how to get an animal, by the way, in the wild.
I would get on all fours and spread my butt cheeks.
- Sex, sex.
- Yeah, and I would do noises.
- To try to get it.
- And I'm like,
I'm coming up to it, right?
And then, right?
And then what do you do, stab from behind?
- Imagine you think that you're gonna catch an animal
by doing a mating call,
and it comes up and starts having sex with you,
but you love it so much that you can't kill it and eat it.
- Or you know what you do?
You let them enter and you clench your butthole
so they're stuck.
Yeah, yeah.
And they're trying to get away.
And then I don't know how, what I would have to do.
- But you'd flip, yeah, you'd have to use it.
Well, you'd have to use a jujitsu technique, for sure.
- Oh, right.
- Just arm bar, the bear.
- I'll call, what's Eddie, what's his name?
- Who?
- Joe Rogan's got Eddie.
- Eddie Bravo?
- Eddie Bravo.
Do I have a cell phone?
- Mm-hmm.
- I have one cell phone?
- Yeah, the bear has a phone.
- Oh, the bear does?
- Yeah, he's T-Mobile.
- Yeah, so it slips out of his pocket.
You know what I mean?
They have pouches, like kangaroos?
- Yeah, sure.
- All right, so I grab it.
- Eddie, I think I would call Eddie before the Coast Guard.
- You gotta call him first.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So here's the deal, that this is the situation I'm in.
And now you've asked me for many, many years
to take your class.
I apologize for that.
My bad.
- Now help me.
- Now help me.
- So I have a black bear, right, inserted inside my anus.
- An African-American bear.
- Oh, so that's my bad.
- Yeah, careful.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I have an African-American bear, right?
And it's like African-American bears' lives matter.
I would say that just for the optics of it.
- Well, you should.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 'Cause they do.
- Right, he's about to come, right?
But I've clinched it.
'Cause you know, Eddie, I have a very tight bowel.
- Yeah, I know that, bro.
- You know that, right?
- Mm-hmm.
- And so what do I do?
Do I try to grab his head and do a roll?
You know what I mean?
I mean, what's your suggestion?
- I think let him finish and then take him out for a meal.
- Oh, I see.
- That's it, yeah.
- How long would you last in a wilderness situation?
- I'm not sure because I don't know a lot
of survival techniques,
but I think I have a high threshold for pain.
- You do?
like one i could become like one with nature pretty easy