Name: Is An Ear a Limb?| Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2023-05-10T07:00:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Is An Ear a Limb?| Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Is An Ear a Limb?| Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-10. Transcript available.

If you had to lose a limb, what are you losing?
What do you mean?
Well, if the universe was like,
you're going to have to lose a limb right now to stay alive,
we're going to take one from you.
What are considered limbs?
What?
You're a four.
Can I tell you something?
You're a limb?
No.
Why?
It's an ear.
It sticks out.
It's an ear, I know.
What's the definition of a limb on a human body?
But it's just arms and legs.
Let me just see the definition real quick.
The only exception is a bat's wing.
An arm?
Bird's wing.
Oh.
Arm and leg of a person or a four-legged animal.
So it's your arms and your legs.
Those are your limbs.
Which limb are you losing?
Or a wing.
Well, you don't have wings, buddy.
Okay.
That's true.
Sometimes I feel my tailbone in the shower
and I wish we still had a tail.
That'd be cool.
I think about how fun that would be.
I wouldn't.
You don't want a tail?
It's too telling.
Of what?
Like if you're happy,
but what if you are trying to play cool?
Oh, because your tail will go up with emotion.
It'll be wagging and you'll be like,
I'm not that excited right now.
Because when you see a cat,
like my cat Bojo will stick his tail up
and it'll start shaking,
that's him saying hello.
He's stoked.
He's stoked.
He can't wait to see you.
Yeah.
And then when it puffs out,
they're like defensive and shocked
and like ready to fight.
That's true.
It's too much of a tail.
It's too much of a tail.
But you could,
you control your tail.
Maybe humans could adapt and control it.
What I would love is,
you know,
kangaroos,
they can lean on it.
They bounce on it.
Whoa.
Have you ever seen this?
They use it as force.
Kangaroos,
when they go to kick,
can lean on the weight of their tail
and kick with their legs.
That's how strong their fucking tail is.
It's a muscle.
Interesting.
Wouldn't that be nice?
Yeah,
that'd be really nice.
If you wanted to sit back
and have a snack somewhere.
Yeah.
Sorry,
man,
there's no seats left.
I'm good.
Yeah.
You lean back on your tail.
My friend told me kangaroos
have five vaginas.
Six.
Six?
No,
I have no idea.
Your friend is insane.
I've never heard that before in my life.
Do you know,
they have three vaginas.
Isn't that crazy?
Do you know kangaroos have three vaginas?
What?
Bobby's going to Australia.
One for babies,
one for sex,
and one for pooping.
I think that's like humans,
isn't it?
No,
no,
no.
I only have one.
Interesting.
The common connection for three vaginas,
they have side vaginas.
Sperm travels up these.
Oh,
so they're not openings.
They're just.
You can't hit it from the side.
Can you or no?
Let me tell you,
if she takes one of those legs off
before you hook up,
then you're in good shape.
Middle vagina,
the joey travels down.
So the baby travels down the middle.
One,
the side vaginas are sperm.
That seems pretty logical.
Is there pleasure?
For kangaroos.
Any animal.
They love it.
Dolphins have sex for fun.
One of the only animals have.
Okay,
so there's pleasure.
Some animals.
That's cool.
I mean,
the one I learned about
that'll blow your mind is
the female duck.
And what is it?
Not only do animals enjoy the deed,
they also have orgasms.
Some of them.
Difficult to measure directly,
but watching facial expressions,
body movement,
muscle relaxation.
Scientists concluded
animals can reach pleasure.
I'll tell you one that blows your mind.
A duck vagina.
Look up a duck vagina.
This is one of the most complex things
on planet Earth.
Look at this.
It's a corkscrew,
right?
Okay.
And the reason that they have it like this
is to thwart off unwanted suitors.
What?
So a duck has an internal defense mechanism
against other ducks' dicks
that are trying to get in there
or trying to get it.
So it's a corkscrew.
So they can unwind the screw
for someone that they want in there.
Let me ask you something.
Does it kick the penis
out of the vagina?
Well, the duck penis has to adapt to it.
Look at that.
You can see.
Zoom in.
It is also corkscrew-y.
So it's like a key.
If it doesn't fit in the key slot.
I still come.
Just as long as I come,
I'm fine.
Right?
I mean.
It's impressive nature.
So that's the,
yeah, right.
That's a duck penis right there.
Whoa.
Look at that thing.
It's a corkscrew.
Whoa.
You can open wine with it as well.
I feel like Tony Hinchcliffe
has a penis like that.
For some reason.
Corkscrew cock.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's interesting.
A little corkscrew, my friend.
Anyway, let's not talk about
animal vaginas anymore.
All right.
All right.
How did we get from wherever?
Oh, with the leg.
My left leg.
You're going to remove your left leg.
Yes.
I go to the left leg.
So why left?
That's interesting.
Because that's my weakest leg.
Right?
My right leg is a stronger one.
Yeah.
I need both the arms to play video games
and to do drive and other things.
But imagine you're,
look, I'm not taking a shot at you.
Okay.
You're not that good at video games.
You're good, but you're not that good.
But if you had no arms
and you played with your feet,
you could be,
you know what I mean?
The special Olympics of that guy.
All right.
You could be the best of the foot guy.
Wow.
So that's the thing to think about.
Okay, I haven't thought about that.
What would you lose?
Well, I'm thinking arm only because
we might have the technology
to make a really cool bionic arm.
No, you're not allowed to do that.
What?
You can't do these asterisks
in what would you rather.
You can't do the million dollar man thing.
You're not allowed to do that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I want to shoot lasers.
You can.
You can, kiddo.
And we're going to get you some lasers.
But you can't do it with the hope
that it's going to get fixed.
This is a permanent fixture.
You lose it.
It's gone.
I still think arm
because a fake leg
I could hobble up on stage
but I could still use my arms
and stand it.
I guess.
Oh, wait.
No, then it would be leg.
It'd be leg.
Yeah, because you need your hands.
You need your arms, yeah.
And I'd be really good at fucking.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That is true.
I mean, you can fake perform
with a fake leg.
Wear jeans.
What's wrong with a fake arm though?
Many people have fake arms.
On stage and you don't?
Because you know.
What are you talking about?
How would you know?
What do you mean?
They make arms that look
look up a good new age.
You can tell.
It's shiny.
You can't tell these days, dude.
They're so good.
Look at that.
Look at that.
Let me look.
That's incredible.
A prosthetic arm.
Yeah.
First of all, that's a severed arm.
This guy brings up
a severed arm from Halloween.
No, good prosthetic arm.
Yeah, good.
Because they're all like
mechanical looking.
They're not human looking.
That's what I would want.
A human one or a mechanical one?
A mechanical one.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
But you know what you could get
is a power glove.
Okay, let me get the second photo.
These are really good.
The bodyguards with the fake arms.
Yeah, the bodyguards with fake arms.
Do you know about this?
Yeah, I know that.
Dude, that looks fake, Dad.
No, it doesn't.
Yeah.
Who does that just all day long?
Bodyguards.
Okay.
That looks real to me.
Okay.
There's the...
I can't even tell if it's fake.
See?
She doesn't know.
She never knew about this.
Juicy doesn't know about the fake arm bodyguards.
Because he has a gun pointed right here.
Whoa.
Isn't that so...
That's awesome.
And he's going to kill Melania in that photo.
But they took it right before they stopped him.
Thank God.
Yeah.
Thank God.
Isn't that crazy?
That's what that is.
He's got a gun pointed out at any moment.
That's like the thing where you do the shirt thing.
That's right.
Why can't you just have him out?
I mean, that's badass.
Then no one would shoot.
I think...
Oh, that guy has a sniper.
That guy has an AK-47.
But I think it's optics.
They don't want people to get freaked out by...
This isn't Russia.
You can't just march around with fucking guns at public events.
Yeah, but no one would attempt it if you had guns out.
A bazooka?
Imagine that.
You're walking down the street with a bazooka.
The president's here.