Name: The Machine & Supporting Comedy in Movie Theaters | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2023-06-09T07:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Machine & Supporting Comedy in Movie Theaters | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Machine & Supporting Comedy in Movie Theaters | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-09. Transcript available.

- But here's what I wanna say about it, okay?
Like I said, he gave you the compliment, right?
But based on the trailer, right, I went,
even when I saw the trailer, I was like,
this is gonna do something.
Because you don't see comedy movies anymore.
Like Will Ferrell, all of these guys,
they can't put 'em out anymore.
I think this is the new wave.
I think you're gonna revolutionize it for us,
pave the way, and maybe bad friends will do a movie one day.
Because of your fucking-- - Hey, from your mouth
to God's ears, I say this all the time.
I said this when I introduced the movie yesterday.
- Just if, we know we can provide ticket sales
in theaters and in arenas and in comedy clubs.
We know that we can.
We know there are people that like our comedy.
We know that in podcasting that people like our comedy.
We need those people to support us in theaters.
Because movie theaters are dying.
- Oh yeah. - Don't let 'em die.
Because that is, here's where the real money's made,
is when you make the studio's money,
that's when they fucking double down.
And so if this movie does good numbers and makes money,
I guarantee you, there's a buddy comedy with you two.
I guarantee you next summer, in the lineup, it's sold,
'cause you guys will roll into Lionsgate, or Sony,
or wherever the fuck it is, and be like,
and they're gonna look at your numbers on your podcast,
and go, Bert can do that, let's get them.
Let's isolate his fans, let's bring their fans in,
and then you guys will show up.
Obviously, everyone listening will show up to this,
but it has to start, it has to start somewhere,
and I'm hoping it starts this weekend,
that people get out of their house,
go to the movie theaters, and enjoy a movie theater.
This movie, Andrew, correct me if I'm wrong,
it should be seen on a big screen.
- Yeah, it's a big screen.
You can't watch it, I mean, you could watch it at home,
but it's one of those things where it's like,
you wanna see, like John Wick shit,
it's like, sure, watch it at your house, I guess,
but also definitely watch it in the theater.
This has so much action.
Dude, which part did you like the most about the action scenes?
- In what? - In his movie.
- Oh my God, the action, the fucking,
when they came down the mountain.
- The mountain scene? - Yeah.
- That's right, that's right.
- The Gandalf, right, the Gandalf was in it.
- The Gandalf the Grey was in it.
- Was Gandalf in it? - You were so close.
- And do you remember who was hanging on the rope
coming down the mountain?
- Rosario Dawson. - Rosario Dawson?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- And then there was a fucking...
- Who was shooting the bow?
Who was it? - Status guy.
- He was, who was he shooting at?
- God, you're telling us, dude.
- He was shooting at fucking the-- - Spoiler alert, dude!
Spoiler alert! - Oh, yeah, Steven Seagal.
- Steven Seagal was down there.
- Yeah, and then the little man came back.
- Who's that?
- The little guy from-- - Mini-Me.
- Yeah, no, the guy that died.
- Vern Troy? - Vern Troy came back!
- Yeah, he came back.
- The ghost of Vern Troy.
- Just for this movie.
- Yeah, he was on your shoulder.
- No, you need to see this in the theaters.
It was amazing, man.
- And people are gonna go see it.
I know people are gonna see it.
It's gonna do well. - Get out of the fucking house.
That's my thing is like, if you, if we, if we,
let me think, okay, movie theaters are like hand jobs.
- Here it is.
- If you ignore them, then you never get them again.
But they're really good.
- What?
I'm gonna take a better one.
- Yeah.
- I do like that, I like that.
- Yeah, right?
The thing is, there are certain things you just overlook.
And then if you overlook them, then you never get them.
And then you're like, well, fuck,
I kind of missed that a little bit.
- Right.
Movie theaters-- - Movie theaters--
- Let's go back to the hand job.
- Let's go back.
Let's keep going around.
Let's keep going around the--
'Cause I had a good one the other day.
My dog was chasing a squirrel.
- Okay.
- And you were--
- And I was watching him chase a squirrel.
And it's like his favorite thing to do.
- And did the squirrel give their dog a hand job?
- No, no.
- The little hands.
- And then he caught the squirrel.
- Okay.
- And it was not what he thought it would be.
And I said, my dog chasing a squirrel is like anal sex.
It sounds like a good time.
But then when it actually happens, it's way more messy.
- There's a lot of blood everywhere.
- There's a lot of blood everywhere.
- And it's not what you think it's gonna be.
- So the squirrel died.
- Squirrel died.
And then Mac looked at me like,
I thought he would play more.
- Oh, wow.
- And I was like, oh, buddy, you killed it.
- Yeah.
- You ripped it.
You ripped it wide open.
- So movie theaters are like--
- Movie theaters are like 69ing.
You know, look.
- What?
- Yeah.
- It's gonna smell like shit a little bit.
- A little bit.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- And there's a lot of clean up that you're not gonna do.
- But you're both winning.
- Yeah.
- You know what I mean?
They get paid.
We have a good time.
- Yeah.
- Go around the horn, Bobby.
Movie theaters are like--
- Well, let me ask you about 69.
- Bobby, movie theaters are like--
- It's like a bowl of white rice.
- Oh, of course.
- Right?
If you don't eat it, right?
Someone else will.
- Yes.
Movie theaters are so good it was.
- Can I ask you about 69 real quick?
- Yeah.
- When you're on the bottom--
- I'm definitely not listening, but keep going.
- When you're on the bottom, right?
- Yeah.
- Do you grab their cheeks like this,
or do you just--
No hands?
- What do you mean when you're on the bottom?
He's not on the top of some of my hands?
- You think I'm gonna crush her?
- Jesus Christ.
Murderous light.
- You think Leigh Ann's gonna let me
throat fucker?
- Yeah, yeah.
- 267 pounds.
- Yeah, but you can't--
- Of course you grab the butt.
- Oh, you do?
- What do you do?
Your hands are just out widely?
- I always question it,
so I kind of almost like try to do it,
but I'm like, no, I give up.
- No, you have to rub the butt.
In fact, you can put a digit in there.
- Do you spread it?
- Yeah.
Rip it open, baby.
- Movie theaters are like having sex with black people.
- Okay.
- Okay, here we go.
- When they're there, it's a little louder.
- What are movie theaters like, Bobby?
- Bobby, yeah, come on.
- Movie theaters.
I'm not good with like these analogies.
- Yeah, Bobby, just stop doing that and say the thing.
Start it and it moves forward.
- You'll just do it on something.
- You know what?
You're right, add information and you yes and it.
- That's right.
- You start it and I'll finish it.
- Okay, movie theaters are like a katana sword.
- Jesus Christ, Bobby.
- Right.
- If you don't use it, the samurai will die.
- Perfect.
- Nailed it.
- Is that right?
- Movie theaters are like dingleberries.
- Right, movies are like dingleberries, right?
If you don't remove it, right?
It's gonna smell.
- No, no, no.
- Movie theaters are like grandparents.
You forget how much you love them until they're not there.
- That's right.
- Let's do a vampire one.
- Movie theaters are like vampires.
- Right.
If you don't watch it at night, you're not gonna get bit.
- By the, yeah, okay.
- Okay.
- Yeah, I like it.
- I like it.
- I like vampires.
- Movie theaters are like virgins.
- Right.
If you don't have sex with them, they'll never have sex.
- Mmm.
- Right?
That's what I mean.
If you go to the movie theater and you don't go,
then it never happened and they'll die.
So yeah, the virgin will die.
- Right.
- Their pussy will die.
- Movie theaters are like,
movie theaters are like girlfriends from high school.
- Are you okay?
- You forget how much fun they are until you're inside them again.
- There it is.
- Right, that's a good one.
That's the best one.
I understand that.
You do one now.
But let me give you giraffes.
Go.
- Movie theaters are like giraffes.
- Yeah, here we go.
- They're terrified of light.
They're a great place to be with lightning striking.
- Yes, yes.
- Wow.
- See, he did it for you.
- You wanna be an extra giraffe during a lightning storm?
- Because they get hit first.
- Well, they'll get smoked.
Yeah.
- Really?
- Yeah, dude, I grew up in Florida.
- Look at how long it is.
- In Florida, we have a lot of lightning.
We were not allowed to have giraffes in our zoos.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Wow.
- No fucking way.
- There's no way, there's no way.
- I can't Theo Vaughn this.
I can't Theo Vaughn this.
- Yeah, you're short Theo Vaughn.
- Yeah, dude, fucking man.
- Hey man, I grew up with two giraffes.
- I bought two online.
You can buy, if you buy one,
you get one free now from Africa, man.
Saves on shipping costs.
Go to giraffe.com.
- But Bad Friends listeners now listening, right?
- Please.
- If you support Burt,
you're basically supporting our movie.
- Well, that's the key.
- That's what we're trying to say.
- Listen.
- That's true.
- The way Hollywood works is you,
you only get the things you like if you make people money.
That's how it works.
- Yeah.
- And as creatives, our sense of humor
has not been appreciated totally.
Like I think the industry has kind of shied away
from our sense of humor, which makes you laugh right now.
The horrible jokes we've all just made on this podcast.
- Yeah.
- That is not, it's not what's happening in Hollywood.
Hollywood is a more woke agenda,
which I'm not being this political guy.
I'm just telling you that's where it is.
They'd rather make a movie with everyone else and not us.
And not us, maybe Bobby, maybe Bobby.
Maybe me and you, Andrew, are the only ones.
Bobby seems to get cast a lot these days
as the indigenous guy.
Anyway.
- He's native.
- But you can't even make that joke in Hollywood.
You can't make that joke in Hollywood.
- They get nervous.
- But we laugh at it, right?
So if you support comedies, go see Sebastian's.
It's out this week.
Go see Sebastian's.
See mine.
Just support comedy and movie theaters.
And then all of a sudden, Hollywood,
all they care about is fucking money.
- Yeah, that's all they care.
- It's all they care about.
It's the truth.
I'm in business with a lot of them right now.
But if you make them money, then they go,
how do I make more money?
And then I'll tell you the first thing they do,
and we all have seen this a million times.
We saw it with touring companies.
We saw it with promoters.
They pilfer the podcasters.
- Yeah.
- And which is a good thing if you're a fan,
is the first thing they do is they grab you two.
Buddy Comedy, what do you guys want to do?
And it's sold tomorrow,
and you guys get to make whatever the fuck you make.
Tom and I are signed up for Fat Astronauts.
- It's great.
- Is he gonna get fat again?
- Yeah.
- He's gotta get fat.
- I love it.
I love it more than anything.