Name: Tom Segura & Bobby Lee Ruined Bert's Big Day | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2023-06-11T07:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tom Segura & Bobby Lee Ruined Bert's Big Day | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tom Segura & Bobby Lee Ruined Bert's Big Day | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-11. Transcript available.

- Here's what happens.
- Oh, I know what happens.
You don't have to tell me.
- No, but no, because I have to tell.
I feel like I do have to tell you.
- Okay, go ahead, I want to hear your version.
- There's no version.
There's the truth and not the truth.
- Okay, I want to hear what your middle ground is.
- We're not doing this fucking QAnon bullshit.
- What?
- You know how things get rumored
and like there's conspiracy theories.
- This is not Q.
- Oh, fucking Captain Reddit over here.
- Yeah, what's going on?
- I'm Captain Reddit right now.
- Okay.
- All right, what's so funny?
- Capitan Redditor.
- That's not what I said, dude.
- Here's what happens, okay?
- Okay, I want to hear it.
- Is it, I get a call from my, the Jews.
- Is Edinburgh Jewish?
- Yeah, he might be.
- My agents, my agents.
- He's half.
- Yeah, and they go, you got this offer,
but you know what I mean?
This and this, and they somehow talk me out of it.
- Yeah, I know.
- Right, and I'm like, and I should stick up for myself.
- When you say they talk you out of it,
do you mean they asked, do you want to do this?
And you say, I don't, I don't, I don't.
- Number one, you had that yacht party.
- I wanted to do the yacht party.
- It's called a cruise.
- Yeah, it's a cruise.
- And it's sold out in 24 hours.
- I know, I wanted to do it.
- And by the way, by the way, we were off in you,
like just so we're, if we're, I don't really give a fuck anymore.
- Do it.
- I don't give a fuck.
Bobby was my first go-to.
He was my first go-to for that.
- What'd you do?
- And he, and immediately he said, no.
Now listen, I'll tell you how someone says no.
Tim Dillon, shout out to Tim Dillon.
- Yeah.
- He said, yes, we signed it on.
And then he goes, I can't do it.
But he called me and said, hey man,
I'm not gonna be able to do it.
And you were like, okay, I got it.
- That's nice.
- Yeah.
Bobby says, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
How come I'm not included?
How come I, I want to go to barbecues at your house.
And then all of a sudden you send me the offer.
And then it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then, and then-
- Less reliable than Tim Dillon.
- Whoa.
- Well, you know what?
- I'll tell you, Andrew Schultz.
Andrew Schultz.
- When the people that work with you eat me alive,
that's interesting too.
- I sent Andrew Schultz an offer.
And you know what he said?
He texted me immediately.
I'm gonna have to respectfully decline.
I'm not available for those.
- Fine.
- Yeah.
What does Bobby do?
He goes, I want to do it.
I want to do it.
- I still do.
That's a crazy part.
That's a thing that you don't fucking fully understand,
my little friend.
- My daughters, my daughters want you on it.
My wife wants you, everyone loves you, Bobby.
- Everybody wanted you on it.
- You're not loving yourself is what this is.
- That's not what it is.
- Yeah.
- What it is, is this, okay?
This and that.
- Put your arms, put your arms inside.
- Why?
- Don't be so big.
You're trying to threaten, don't threaten.
- All right.
- Calm.
- Go through our steps.
- I'm now sitting on the ground.
Just to be very clear.
I'm taking my flip flops off,
'cause I'm going crisscross applesauce in a second.
- I'm gonna be genuine when I say this.
We are gonna bill you for that chair.
That's a brand new chair.
That's a brand new chair.
- Oh, I'll give you 13 bucks.
- Fine, fine.
We're still signing the bill.
We're gonna wrap up your fucking, Bobby, go ahead.
- For the yacht though, the yacht is that they're like-
- It's all cruise, Bobby.
We're not on a fucking yacht.
- Let him keep saying yacht
because it's never gonna leave his brain.
- Yeah, yeah.
- So you're on the yacht.
- I don't know what cruise means.
- He doesn't know.
- Fully loaded cruise.
- The only thing that, Tom Cruise,
I know that's all the cruise I know.
- And you know, cruising for dick at night in West Hollywood.
- Oh yeah, I do that.
- That's fun.
- If you're bush cruising.
- And they're both not good.
- No.
- Yeah, Tom or that is not good.
- No, Tom's great.
- He's great.
And I love him.
- This is so sad.
Just look at me for a second.
This is so sad.
- I think you should switch the chairs.
- Nope.
- Okay.
- He's in.
- I'm owning it.
- It's so fucking funny.
- People were like, well, you're recovering-
- Did you put a fucking hole in this on purpose
to make it look like I'm some fat fuck you cunts?
- No.
- Who would dare to do something like that?
- Wait, what?
- Yeah, it's hard to understand.
- All right, go ahead, Bobby, go ahead.
- They're like, you just got sober.
Do you want to be on a yacht cruise?
- Yeah.
- For 30 days or whatever?
- It's not 30 days.
It's not 30.
We're not going to South America.
It's just to the fucking islands out of Miami.
It's three days.
- Three days.
- Three days.
- That's all it is?
- It's not 30 fucking days.
- Three days.
- Oh, man.
- Well, sounds like you need to make a call
to your agent live on the show and say yes.
- Anyway, anyway, really good movie.
And it's so funny.
- You haven't even fucking seen it.
- Can I taste this?
Because he tells me.
Can I say another thing?
What you did?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don't he tells me.
I didn't do anything.
I showed up.
I was there early.
I took photos.
I depressed.
- And by the way, gave me a hug.
- Give him a big hug and a kiss.
- And in my ear told me, for real, legit,
gave me my flowers and was like, dude, you killed it.
This was awesome.
- Yeah.
- I had, I'm in legit.
I was so happy with who showed up.
I would love for you to have been there,
but like the people that showed up,
Bustin' with the Boys, right?
- Bustin' with the Boys came in.
They flew from Nashville.
They don't even live here.
- Yeah.
- And they made it.
- Leanne flew them out and gave them 24 hours notice.
Sent them a text.
Said, yo, a ticket's for you at Nashville airport.
They both flew out.
Had a great, Christy Mack came out.
Adriana Chechik came out.
Tommy, dude, can I tell you the move of the year?
- Give me the move.
- So, Tom doesn't reply.
Hey man, are you gonna make it to the premiere?
Please tell me I'm gonna make it to the premiere.
No reply.
I then call him and he's like, hey man,
I can't fuckin' make it.
And I go, actually, I'm actually bothered by it.
Like I'm bothered.
I go, you're my best friend.
We have a podcast together.
And we have a movie set up over at Legendary.
Fat astronauts, you guys need to make it.
- That's a great one.
- No one replies, no one replies.
Tom hits me up.
I'll read the Tom ones.
- Your glasses are on that chair.
I saw him hunting for it.
You see he did the thing that my dad does
where he puts it right here and he touches the ghost glasses.
- Yeah.
- He thinks they were there.
- He said, I have a publicist texting me this morning.
I have a signing for my book,
which is going into paperback.
- Oh yeah.
- It does make the move from hard to paper.
It is a big deal.
- Yeah, that's a big deal.
- That is a very big deal.
- It's a big fucking deal.
And he goes, I forgot I had this.
And then he writes back, just a couple hours later,
he goes, you're not responding to this.
And it's making me feel like this whole thing
is getting weird.
And I go, sorry, I didn't open it.
I did, I lied.
I said, sorry, I didn't open it.
No worries.
I'm sorry about it, no worries.
And he goes, I can't get out of it.
I'm coordinating with my publisher
and it's Barnes and Noble,
so it's kind of a big deal.
It's coming out in paper deck.
- Aren't they closing down?
- Yeah.
- Didn't they close down?
- I'm the fool in this story.
- Yeah.
- 'Cause I'm listening to Barnes and Noble.
- He's like, plus I have a VHS signing at Blockbuster.
- And fries.
- And I think I got a good fries, electronics.
And I think straight guys can get AIDS.
And he's like, all the things that we thought back then.
- Yeah.
- And so he goes, and I said, I got you, no worries.
And he goes, hey man, congrats on your big day.
I'm so sorry I couldn't make it.
Very excited to see you in this movie and in movie theaters.
Have a great weekend.
I love you, have fun.
And I just wrote, thanks Tommy.
I wish you could be here.
I understand, I love you.
And then this shows up.
- He showed up.
- I know that 'cause you told me that he showed up.
- I did.
- It was beautiful.
- And I cried.
- He cried real hard.
- Oh, so it was all a ruse.
- Yeah, that's what they call it.
The kids call it a ruse.
- Yeah, it was all a deception.
- Yup.
- Shadow play.
- Shadow play, yeah.
And it got me good.
I fell apart hard.
I cried.
- It was good.
- Oh, so he was gonna come all along.
- Yeah, apparently.
And I told him, I said, I don't know why you did that.
You could have just said you were coming
and then I would just had a great day also.
It's...