Name: Which Hogwarts House is Rudy? | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2023-07-06T07:00:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Which Hogwarts House is Rudy? | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Which Hogwarts House is Rudy? | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-06. Transcript available.

Because whenever I'm with her, when I go to the house, she acts as if I'm
furniture.
What?
Yeah, you go, hello, tita, papi.
And then you just walk into a room.
No, because-
Have we ever had a conversation?
And I'm here for fucking hours.
Because you're so weird.
You're just like, you just keep, you're just like sit down on a couch and then
you just
look so sad and then you just make noises.
You know why he's sad?
Because you're not talking to him.
Exactly.
It's like losing my daughter in a fire.
Yeah.
Or something like that.
Or like a drowning.
Or like an acid attack.
Acid attack, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But we talked about Hogwarts.
Because it's like, you know, it's like, to me, it's like, what can I talk to
this girl about?
Right?
So I'm like, uh, the state of affairs, no, you know what I mean?
Things that are going on in the government, no.
She only knows Hogwarts.
Only Hogwarts.
Yeah, so I go, uh, you know, Slytherin or whatever.
And then you go, uh, no, I'm this.
Are you a Gryffindor?
You know, first of all.
Yeah.
You know I'm Slytherin.
You're Slytherin?
Yeah.
A hundred percent.
Hufflepuff.
You know that.
Andreas is Hufflepuff.
Why?
I just feel it.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
So what are you, Pete?
What's Pete?
Gryffindor?
Yeah, for sure.
And me?
Hufflepuff.
I thank you.
What are you?
Ravenclaw.
Yeah, that's right.
That couldn't be more true.
My God, is that right on the money.
Yeah.
Because it's all about color schematics.
That's right.
You know, like when I played the video game, right?
There was just a kind of warmth to Hufflepuff.
The colors.
Slytherin snakes and...
You've never seen the movie.
Do you believe you've never seen a fucking movie?
A Harry Potter movie?
That's insane.
Never.
Not one.
Why?
And yet here I am knowing all the bullshit you know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Isn't that funny?
The zeitgeist of those books and movies have infiltrated our society.
So I know all of it.
But there's no curiosity?
I almost know too much.
Right.
You don't know the music though.
Yes, I do.
Sing the tune.
Because I've taken my nieces on the ride at Universal.
Sing me the Harry Potter tune.
The main theme?
Yeah.
Okay.
Harry Potter, magic boy.
Harry Potter, magic boy.
That's it.
How do you know that?
On the ride they sing that?
Yeah.
You're just strapped in.
Harry Potter, magic boy.
Yep.
Just like the movies.
Just like it.
Wow.
And I know everyone's theme song.
You do?
It's Ron, Ron Weasley.
Nobody likes him.
It's Ron.
Ron Weasley.
Nobody likes him.
It's Ron.
Oh, yeah.
What about Hermione?
Hermione, yeah.
Hermione sucks.
She sucks so bad.
Hermione's I think was, it was like,
it's weird to sexualize young people.
That's what it was, I think.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It is.
That's, yeah.
They make her like a sex symbol on that fucking,
it's so weird.
Not in the first movie.
Okay, but everything I see of that girl, they do.
But she, after, they were,
I mean, I think they shot that when they were in their 20s.
Yeah.
I don't like it.
Okay.
It's the same thing the way I feel about Eleven from fucking Stranger Things.
They like put her in like sexy clothes and all that stuff.
And I see on.
Yeah, it's weird.
I was like, what the fuck is this?
I don't like it.
But I know all the songs from Harry Potter.
Literally all.
I know, oh, Gandalf.
Huh?
You know the Gandalf?
Oh, yeah, man.
Yeah.
You know Gandalf's in the movies.
He's in the background.
He's in the background.
Yeah.
What does he look like?
Big.
He's big.
I'm Gandalf and I'm here to say, Harry Potter, you are gay.
That's his whole thing.
Yeah, yeah.
Is it Hedwig?
No, Gandalf.
Gandalf.
The gray.
The gray.
He makes a surprise business.
He can fly with those eagles.
Yep.
Right?
So he's in Middle Earth, right?
He's like, I wonder what Hogwarts, the college is up to.
He flies on the eagle and he just stands in the back.
So you barely see him in the movies.
And that whole broom Quidditch stuff, I know that game too.
Yeah.
Legolas is in that, right?
Legolas was in the second one, I think.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He too catches a ride with Gandalf on the fucking bird.
Yep.
Or hawk or whatever that is.
And they come and he plays a little Quidditch.
I think it's a condor that they fly on.
It's a condor, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And the Quidditch brooms, by the way, you know, those are like Sibians.
What's Sibians?
It's a little like a vibrating dildo.
You know, they put it up their ass.
Because when you see it, you're like, how would they stay on the broom?
It's fart gas.
Oh, it is?
Yeah.
So it goes in your butt, right?
You fart and it powers the fucking broom.
You don't know that?
Yeah.
That's how it flies away.
It's fart gas, yeah.
And that's where the Mexicans come in.
Because they eat refried beans.
By the way, J.K. Rowling's going to sue us.
Yeah.
She's like, let me tell you something.
I may be a bigot, but don't you fuck up my books.
Don't you fuck up the story of my books.
But I read all of them.
We can come up with our own mythological tale just as good.
Easy, J.K.
So easy.
You ain't shit.
Yeah.
We got it like that.
We got it like that.
We could do it, J.K.
We could do it today.
Right now.
Nucci the woodsman.
Let's start there.
What about Gambimi?
You know Gambimi.
Yeah, Nucci and Gambimi.
The little Italian guy, Gambimi.
And Nucci, they live in the forest.
Nucci and Gambimi.
I want to be an elf.
You fucking sure are.
You sure are.
Elf with wings.
You're not going to be Nucci?
What's Nucci?
No, you're Nucci and I'm Gambimi.
I'm Nucci.
Yeah, Nucci and Gambimi.
We're in the movies that we're going to write?
Yeah.
All right.
What the fuck are we doing?
Why are we writing this shit for other people?
Oh, that's true.
Right.
It's Hollywood, baby.
Nucci and Gambimi.
And what's her elf name with wings?
Ching Ching.
Yeah, that sounds right.
We have to go to corporate first.
Imagine the meeting.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, so we wrote this new, you know, because you love Harry Potter, don't you?
We love it.
You love it.
Yeah, I love it.
Made millions, billions.
Billions.
Millions and billions.
Yeah, I love it.
Theme parks, merchandise, et cetera, et cetera.
We have our own.
Oh, please tell us.
It's untitled.
Okay.
But one of the, well, we have Nucci and Gambimi.
Wait, the two main characters are Nucci and Gambimi?
Gambimi.
Yes.
I love it.
Yeah.
But the sidekick, a flying fairy.
Oh, brilliant.
Flying elf.
Same thing.
I'm sorry, my assistant's here.
Yeah, who is that?
It's my assistant.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
Do you work in the dean's office at a local college?
Yeah.
I feel like I've seen you before.
Well, you got the shirt.
Yeah.
Yeah, you got the shirt on.
Nucci, Gambimi, and who is this?
This is Ching Ching.
Interesting.
Interesting, yeah.
That's going to fly?
Well, I mean, it can fly, the wings.
Oh, that's true.
But can you, how about this?
I'm a little hesitant because it just, it seems close.
Can we hear your voice, Ching Ching?
That's it.
She sucks in air and gasps.
She doesn't speak, that's the thing.
Because she needs the air to fly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yes.
Ching, ching.
It's what's crazy.
She does say her name.
I know.
What's crazy, though, it's not her saying it.
It's what the wings are doing.
So, whoo, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching.
Because what you're not going to believe is the wings, right, have steel in it,
and her bodies
have steel, and when it hits the steel body, ching, ching, ching.
Oh, so it's more shing.
It's more shing than ching.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right.
Well, ching, ching, sounds good to me.