Name: Rudy’s Survival Plan | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2023-07-08T07:00:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy’s Survival Plan | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy’s Survival Plan | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-08. Transcript available.

where am i when i'm 80 you tell me oh you yeah where am i where am i living
what am i doing
you are believe it or not please say i'm gay please say no you're not gay but
believe it or
not you were a you decide to keep working but not as an actor or a comedian but
you wanted to wear
a uniform what do i do well you have a grandchild right i have a grandbaby you
have a grandbaby
what's i crazy about it is you don't have children so i just have a baby yeah
that's what's crazy
about we don't know how got it this happened but you just one day say i have a
grandchild i sure do
we're like you don't have any children okay yeah so you think yeah but we don't
know the history and
we don't know the story right right what's my uniform you're the janitor at the
kids elementary school
you make a joke i've always wanted to be a janitor that's why i know i know
always i know
have you seen me with a mop yeah but you're like a wise janitor yeah where the
kids ask you questions
what's my name i gotta change my name to protect you know my identity i can't
be and mr santino the
janitor your bad friends would be long and gone by then yeah you're right yeah
no one's gonna know
call me mr sanny yeah mr sanny mr sanny sanny what happened in your life mr sanny
right yeah well
one day a good old asian friend of mine here we go wanted to start a show i
started a little show it
it was a radio show back when people used to listen to people talk and that
little
fucking noodle schemed and scammed me sold the company years later and now he's
retired yes
noodles offensive
what to what to whom i mean you know it's just these are generations later we're
far more sensitive
to stuff like all right yeah yeah so let's just reframe this little dumpling i
started a show with
us and me yeah yeah just move on okay dumpling
listen up you little i didn't fight in world war three
yeah we don't know there could have been a world war 100 yeah yeah there could
be there what do you
mean there will be a world war three that's so interesting to me and you're you
guys are gonna
have to fight in it well i can protest to say women should stay in the house oh
reverse
feminism i like this wow wait because you think women shouldn't work
you know what you've said to me you've said to me you said tito andrew women
shouldn't work or vote or drive
no no she said that i'm saying if it's world war three then i'm gonna say that
yeah but if it's world war three and you want equality then everyone has to
fight
yeah you want equality no you don't want equality if it's world war three so
you want equality unless
it's world war three got it you think world war three is going to be fought on
the ground i don't
know no it's going to be another version of covid it'll just be an it'll all be
by uh biochemical
like a biochemical warfare yeah and it'll be put in our fucking it'll yeah we'll
all have to uh drink
bottled water because the sink water will kill all of us imagine being in the
front lines though
how scared you we're in a foxhole if it was real war yeah like us three in a
foxhole
and there's just bombs going on right and we're just sitting there you know it's
okay rudy
you get up there and look first no i'll just kill myself whoa you know what
yeah yeah
good idea point your guns at me now what would you do if you were in a foxhole
with us
i'll just kill myself god come on that's how you're in the instinct isn't to do
that but why would i go
through that and then just have like ptsd and just have the worst life because
you're alive no no no no
no people go people sometimes experience that have great lives you can do emdr
there's other ways to
deal with trauma you can do it you do dmt you can do dmt you can do ayahuasca
you can get back
you can get back okay i'll okay i won't kill myself then yeah this sounds like
a lie yeah it
sounds like you're gonna do it give me your gun yeah give it to me everywhere
that's not a gun give
me your gun please give me your gun oh oh that's exactly what you do and she'd
kill you and me and
then go those idiots thought i was gonna kill myself and then she'd jump out of
foxhole
you know what i would have to take your gun until we're fighting i can't trust
i can't sleep and
then because every time we wake up you probably have the fucking gun to your
mouth you know what
i mean right and we'd have to like i'm keeping it warm rudy yeah yeah by the
way can you imagine me
you and her at a campsite right we made it through the first night of war first
night of war is done
we did it campsite well we're camping we're out and we're out in the wild we're
on the run dude it's
on it's all every person for themselves we've decided to team up us three and
we've used
so we're huh so we've we've run away from the what do you call that we're uh
deserters
deserters yeah of 100 of our wouldn't we you you you you you're not staying
with the pack that's so
fucking offensive to even hear that you would 100 i would fight for my nation
nope you would leave i
would what you know what i'd be confused what direction so you listen i would
be confused at
what direction to go so listen to gambini and fucking right gumbelini the only
way i would the
only way i would do it is like you know i you would go let's go with the with
the children i think this
is a better way around let's get them from behind really what we're doing with
deserting yes yes we're
guys we'll go look we're gonna go around infiltrate on behind smart yeah yeah
right where are we really
headed what where are we really going we're really going to like boston or
something i was gonna say
let's go to mexico oh yeah let's go to cabo or something yeah not north we're
going no why the
fuck would we go that's why i'm not the leader worse yeah yeah you leader yeah
we're going to
puerto vallarta okay we're gonna go to mexico we want to go to beach area right
so that we can live
what if the war is in mexico though the war is definitely not in mexico the war
is going on in
mexico right now but it's not our war okay it's not a war this war is going on
on u.s soil
yeah it's on the united states and it's everywhere and we're running south to
get to mexico to go down to
puerto vallarta and let me tell you something first night we made it through
rudy killed a bunch
of people she's feeling weird about it the fire is bubbling i'm making food you're
playing
video games bobby's just crying he's crying why i feel like you do that yeah
you just like i don't
like seeing dead people that's right i don't like war and i imagine you drawing
something in the sand
like playing a game in the sand by yourself well yeah i'm drawing a farm yeah
drawing a little
i'm doing stardew valley valley sand version yeah and i say you guys we have
somebody has to stay up
at night to keep the fire going who's gonna do it well she's gonna say she's
gonna do it but it's
gonna go out in the morning yeah and guess what we freeze to death we die first
fucking first night
we in mexico we freeze to death on the on the way down in boston maybe no on
the way down we freeze
to death it's the middle of winter okay okay okay and we're naked you have to
fight naked in world war
three oh i see clothes are and you can't can't do clothes yeah but naked
warfare we would have to
pillage where are we pillaging first like like because if there's a war in the
united states
i'm sure there's gonna be a vons that's on fire yeah we'll just sneak in i
think a john's for sure
yeah i'm gonna get a john's right and then i'll go wouldn't it be fun to like
you know what i would
do this is how honest i am i'd still pay for it i put a couple hundred dollars
on the counter
you would take you're like do you take tap as everything is on fire can you
just tap and i would
grant uh i would get um sunny delight okay this is what this is the problem
what we're in the grocery
store what are you getting for us sunny delight and and we need vitamin c what
what else oh fruit roll
roll ups we need fruit yep because oh no you're smart oh no no really because
let me say something
we grab bananas and apples real fruit they're gonna get rotten in the back
fruit roll ups stay on
forever well you know she's gonna grab bananas yeah those feet are gonna grab
bananas yeah yeah you'll
yeah you'll grab the bananas i need bananas to poo baked beans we're not
worried about poop
but i need to poo we all have to poo in the situation let me tell you something
in wartime in wartime
you're gonna poo okay can you imagine the one flaw of our trio is that she's
constipated yeah we
can't fight she's con she can't shit yeah the other guy the other guys are like
come out you coward
she's like i can't time out i can't poo yeah