Name: "I've Never Seen Indiana Jones" - Bobby Lee | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2023-08-04T19:00:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '"I've Never Seen Indiana Jones" - Bobby Lee | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '"I've Never Seen Indiana Jones" - Bobby Lee | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-04. Transcript available.

- New Indiana Jones, are you not going to go see it?
- I've never, honestly, can I say something?
- You've never seen the original?
- I've never seen any Indiana Jones.
- Not true. - What?
- In my life.
I know what it is.
He's a professor or something, right?
- Wait a minute. - Oh my God.
- Dude, you've never seen Raiders of the Lost Ark?
- No, I just, I don't know why, but as a kid,
I thought it was more of a historical kind of a movie.
- You, of all people, would fucking love it.
- I don't believe it.
- I've never seen Indiana Jones.
- I don't believe it. - I know what it is!
- He's real.
- I know what it is! - He's real.
- Ask me questions, I know what it is.
There's a boulder, 'cause it's in pop culture.
Like you and, like you and Harry Potter?
- I know, he knows the Harry Potter.
- I know boulders.
I know that he has a whip from the posters.
What does he do that with?
- Slaves.
- There's, really?
I don't know, it's not about slaves.
- He owns slaves.
That's what the whip is for in Indiana Jones.
- Whoa.
- Yeah, that's why, Indiana, the Midwest.
- Oh, it's a slave owner, South Indiana.
- No, I saw it because I know that Short Round
is a character, right?
- Which is, like, the guy that was in, right?
- Yeah.
- Everything, everywhere.
- And he's in that new movie.
My point is, is that--
- No, he owns slaves.
- And I think I saw a clip of them in Asia,
but it could have been in Indiana, I don't know.
- Well--
- Tell me about, is it good though?
- It's fucking amazing.
- How many of them, there's like 20 movies though, right?
- No, it's not 20 of them.
There's like five, four or five, yeah.
- Can I watch this one and not watch the other ones?
- Yes, I'm sure many people, they've done this
because this is so long ago, now I'm sure they're making it
where you can see anything.
- With Sean Connery's in Indiana Jones, what does he play?
- He's in the third one, he plays his father.
- Are you fucking kidding me?
- He doesn't believe him, but yes.
- He does.
What do you think the Temple of Doom is about?
- Holy fuck, that's a movie?
What do you think it's about?
- Well, I mean, just based on the word, right?
There's a temple.
- No, that's what people would think.
- Really, there's no temple?
- No temple.
- It's this temple.
- Oh, the body's a temple.
- It's your brain.
- Right, and inside your body is bad things going on.
- Doom. - Doom.
- Yeah.
- Doom and gloom, dude.
- Right.
- Right, so it's a guy.
Oh, Temple of Dune is the enemy in the movie.
- And the enemy is who?
- Yourself.
- Oh, so Indiana Jones is the Temple of Dune?
- Duma.
- M, Duma.
- Oh, not Dune.
- Dune.
- Dune is a different movie.
- It is?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, no, I know Dune.
I like Dune.
I like anything sci-fi.
My point is that, so the Temple of Dune
is really a reflection of Indiana Jones' own body,
so it's happening within himself.
- It's a very introspective film.
- Whoa.
There's no adventure?
I thought it was adventure.
- No, low action, high introspective, weird visuals.
- There is like a 10 minute scene where he whips himself,
but that's the Dune.
- I think you're kidding.
There's no way, does it sound like,
it's a hit, it doesn't sound like a real thing.
- First of all, he's hitting himself.
He's being forced to do this, like from outside voices.
He's hearing voices.
He's schizophrenic.
- Is Short Round his son?
'Cause I haven't seen, is he, how many movies is he in?
- Short Round is literally in the first two seconds
of the film, he's the cab driver.
That's it.
He drops him off.
Each movie starts with him coming in off a plane,
off a military plane.
And Short Round picks him up from the thing.
- Every movie picks him up.
- Yes.
- Really?
- Yes, great to see you, Indy, Indy, Indy.
And then he drops him off.
But he knows who he is because he's famous.
He's a famous slave owner, Indiana Jones.
- Oh, he had Asians too?
- Yes.
- When he was the best.
- Wait, what slaves do you think he had?
- The black islands.
- No, Asians.
It was all Asian slaves.
That's disgusting.
- There's Asian slaves in Indiana back in the day.
- Where do you think you guys got your start
here in the United States?
- Oh, the railroads?
- Where do you think that went to?
Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga.
- Oh, Indiana, in the middle of the country.
- So which one did I start with?
The first one?
- I think mix it up.
I think go to see this one right now.
- I just feel like it's too late, you know,
'cause I haven't seen Back to the Future either.
- Okay.
- It's too late.
- Now this we can't play out on the fucking show.
- Big oof.
- No one's gonna believe that.
- I really haven't seen Back to the Future.
- That you have.
- How do you know?
- Because it's impossible.
- Is that impossible?
- No, it's impossible.
- Is that impossible not to see Back to the Future?
- It is impossible to not have seen Back to the Future.
It's almost like one of those things.
It was like, it chipped in our brain somehow.
- Yeah, it's almost as impossible
as not seeing Indiana Jones.
- Really?
- Hey.
- Yeah.
- You're close to getting fired.
- You're getting fired.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- But I wanna see The Dial of Destiny.
I do wanna see it.
- Oh, you haven't seen it yet?
- No, have you?
- Why'd you bring it up?
- I saw it.
- Because I was asking if you've seen it.
It was amazing, really.
- No, Indiana Jones was amazing.
- Oh, I don't see it.
- I haven't seen The Dial of Destiny.
- That's the new one.
- Oh, I see.
- I really wanna see it.
But I'm also hesitant because I like the original so much
that I'm like, is this gonna be yucky?
It is, see?
I know.
That's why I'm, it was bad, wasn't it?
- Let me, can I have a trivia?
- The magic is gone.
- The magic is gone.
- I have a trivia question.
- Damn it.
- Who was the, you probably already know this.
I'm gonna ask.
You know what, you've seen the Indiana Jones?
Who is the original person they wanted,
but he couldn't do it because he was on another TV show.
Do you know?
- I do know.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Oh, um, I, yeah, it was, um, Will Smith.
- Yep.
- You haven't seen it.
So how do you know if I'm wrong?
- No, she's right.
'Cause he was shooting Wild Wild West when he got asked.
- No, that was way too younger.
I met Tom.
- Buddy, Wild Wild West came out at the exact same time
as Indiana Jones.
- It was Tom Selleck.
- The Wild Wild West.
- Was that not Tom Selleck?
- It was Tom Selleck, yeah.
- I imagine.
- It'd be just as good.
Tom Selleck's the fucking man.
- Yeah, but he, it too.
- Mr. Baseball.
That was one of my favorite movies of all time.
- What's a Mr. Mr. Baseball?
- Mr. Baseball?
- Mr. Baseball?
- Mr. Baseball.
- What is it?
- He's like a hotshot, look up Mr. Baseball
so you can see what it is.
- Are you kidding me?
- Look at me.
He's a hotshot MLB player
who then is on the end of his ropes of his career
and he goes to play baseball in Japan.
Falls in love with the commissioner of baseball's daughter.
- Oh my God.
- Mr. Baseball.
- Oh, it's an Asian movie.
- Yeah, he plays for the dragons.
- Oh, Geddy Wananabi's in it.
- Yes.
Dude, it's such a good movie, Mr. Baseball.
I love it.
You guys have never heard of this?
- Uh-uh.
- Nobody?
- Geddy Wananabi was in a movie called
16 Candles, he played Long Duck Dong.
- That's right, Long Duck Dong.
- There was another movie called Gung Ho.
And so when I was on Magnum once, I asked,
can we get Geddy Wananabi for this one part?
And they got him.
So I got to work with him.
- Whoa.
- And I sat with Geddy Wananabi for a week
and I peppered him with questions
but it was really interesting.
I go, you know, because, you know, Long Duck Dong,
that character, you know, it's kind of had,
there's a backlash on that character
because Asians are like,
well, that was so stereotypical, this and that.
You know what I mean?
And then some actors even say like,
why would he do, listen, he's an actor.
Every Asian actor, right?
In America, vied to get that part
'cause it was the only one available.
- Sure.
- Yeah. - I would've been like,
what's happening hot stopper?
Like I would, my audition,
I would've been like,
what's happening hot stopper?
I would've been so, I would've done anything.
I would suck everyone's dick.
I suck a dick's hot stopper.
Right?
Yeah, I would fuck the executive,
just to get that part.
What the fuck?
You know, so, you know, I look at Geddy, I get it.
I go, Geddy?
You know what, I get it.
- You get it.
- And congratulations for doing that role
and you killed it.
- He did.
- He took what was given
and he fucking killed it.
- He did kill it.
- Yeah.
Anyway, Japan should do a movie about-
- Sending Shohei Otani here?
- No, like a sumo wrestle going to like,
Louisiana with fat white people.
- Oh, that would be insanely funny.
- That'd be great.
You know what I mean?
- Mr. Sumo.
- What would it be the other way?
- Mr. Sumo.
- Mr. Sumo.
- Well, look at this here, Sumo dude.
- That's what they should do to get revenge.
- Just send a sumo wrestler to Louisiana.
- Yeah.
- Come on down.
- Come on down, yeah.
And they could have like, you know, some fun times.
- But the sumo guy then,
he would slowly transition into being like a Southern boy
because he falls in love with Japan.
- Really?
- Yeah, he falls in love with Japan.
He falls in love with a woman in the country.
- Do you think a fat sumo guy,
a white girl would go out with him or not?
Would that believable?
- That'd be so funny.
- That'd be so funny.
Well, could I be him?
- No.
You'd have to gain like 500 fucking pounds.
- I'll do it for the fucking movie.
- Well then let's do it.
I want to plug you up.
- If it's a good, if it's a A24 movie.
- I would do it.
- What would you willing to do?
- Anything, say it.
- Okay, so I would do A24.
- Yeah.
Hey man.
- Yeah.
And you know, we don't,
you know, we're an organic company.
- Oh, that I know.
- Yeah, and it's method.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, and you know,
we're doing a movie about one eye man.
- About one eye man?
- Yeah, one eye man.
- Oh wow.
- It's based on One Punch Man,
but this, it's, One Punch Man is a very funny.
- Yeah.
- A great animation movie, right?
- Yeah.
- There's a one eye man.
- Is there?
- He has one eye.
- Cool.
- White guy, but he lives in post-apocalyptic Japan.
- Whoa.
- White.
You have to lose an eye.
- You don't think we could CGI it?
- We're not CGI it.
- We're not gonna.
- Organic.
- Natural.
- Let me just pitch this.
We put an eye patch over the eye that you want gone,
and we CGI it.
- No eye.
- No eye.
- Okay, let me think about it.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
- No?
- No.
- Okay, all right, well then you're not willing.
- Are you gonna lose an eye?
- You're not willing.
- Would you lose an eye?
- It depends on how much money it is.
- Two million.
- No.
- 10.
- If it was like 25 million, I would lose an eye.
- Okay, that's weird,
'cause I just, when I said 10 to you,
I thought you'd say yes,
'cause I said yes to 10 in my mind.
- I'd lose an eye for 10.
- 10 million?
- Come on.
- Take it out.
- 25.
- 10.
- Because you're not gonna,
- Do you hear that A24?
I'll do it for less.
- Right, but also, after that, right,
you're gonna be in auditions.
- Does it have to be A24?
- Yeah, it does.
- It has to be A24.
- But wait a minute,
you're the audition, now you're the guy with one eye.
- That's what I'm saying,
so every audition you're like,
I'm not gonna get this far.
- No, that's a good thing.
- Yeah.
- Diversity.
- The one-eyed Korean guy?
- Yeah, get me the one-eyed Korean guy,
that's what they say.
- And I could do like,
if they do a Korean Cyclops movie.
- Who else?
- I could just do this.
- You're a Marvel superhero overnight.
- They can move a tear.
- You go from A24 cool indie
to superhero Marvel movie overnight.
- Overnight.
- Yep.
- Right, but can they move the eye to here?
- Yeah, I think we'll have to.