Name: The Bad Friends Murder Mystery! | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2023-09-05T16:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Bad Friends Murder Mystery! | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Bad Friends Murder Mystery! | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-05. Transcript available.

is willie nelson still alive yes yeah he is he just had his birthday party at
the hollywood bowl
wait really yeah why we why didn't we go um he's nine he's 90 years old oh my
god would you smoke
i would let you crack your sobriety if we got invited to hang out with willie nelson
i'd let
you smoke a joint with him but i'd have to take you home with me afterwards and
stay with you
oh no i would do shrooms with them too no yeah yeah let's do the whole thing he's
like i would
do a coco tank yeah yeah yeah if you're gonna give me one night with with him
you gotta let me do
everything can you imagine we go backstage with willie nelson he's drinking
like a lacroix he's
like i don't want to smoke man yeah he just wants his night off do you ever
think snoop just wants
a day off when someone's like yo smoked his blunt you ever think he's like guys
i don't want to get
high right now yeah i've been doing this way too much for too long i'm tired
yeah i'd like to not get
stoned no you think he's down all the time yeah that's see to me he'll die if
he'd be
stops right like when the alcoholics get the shakes and stuff like i saw a guy
last night
we went bowling the other night and a guy got out of his car and it was like a
plume of weed smoke
and then like a little girl you know there was a group of people and a little
girl was like
uncle and she started running up to him he's like hey baby girl and he picked
her up and he was just
i mean like she got stoned she was like enshrouded in weed and i thought i
remember being a guy who
always smoked weed going to places yeah and and i just i thought i don't miss
that anymore because
the anxiety of showing up really fucking high just does not appeal to me
anymore i don't want to show
up to like an event ripped out of my head i used to fucking love it because i
could disappear yeah but
now i'm like oh i'd be thinking about too much and also because we're a little
bit known people are
staring at you you're pretty healthy though in terms of you're very moderate
everything's in moderation
with you i try i mean i don't know i i look at you you're very healthy i try
you exercise we're on
the road you're always like i'm i did a hike or you know you know you know why
weights yeah you know why
because i'm not as blessed as you when it comes to you can you're 52 yeah 51
you barely exercise and
you're alive if i did your lifestyle you would be alive too i'd be dead no you'd
be alive dude i would
be 500 pounds if i lived your life if i ate a sandwich at midnight your little
midnight snack
if i had a jersey mike's at midnight yeah i'd be 800 pounds because i would do
it all the time oh i'd be
it's like there wouldn't be a night throughout the week i didn't like a pint of
ice cream i'd laugh at
i'd get the gallon and i'd smoke it yeah i don't do ice cream anymore yeah this
is my point i can't
once i go down that path it's over okay chalk i can't even if i buy a bag of
chocolates i'm eating
the whole fucking thing yeah i'm not why would i stop peanut butter cookies is
what i eat at night
too i would wreck a bag okay do you eat the whole thing yeah yeah see what i
mean i'd be dead i'd be
fat and dead if i was you yeah i drink almond milk it's great drink it with
almond milk yeah so good
does that regulate the you does that curb your fat you think yeah man yeah you
know but i think i'm
gaining a lot of weight you're not you know you look the same thank you liz
what do you think how does
he look i think you look great thank you that's a crock of shit liz stop stop i
think you look great
you look great you're glowing today you're glower yeah you're glower i've been
watching cold cases
though and you know what bums me about the cold cases sometimes they kick like
because of dna now
they'll catch some guy some guy that's 85. they'll show up to their house and
go you know in 1968
you know i mean you left this little sperm you know i mean sperm inside this
lady yeah and now we got you
and the 85 is like all right i have a year left look at the he's done there's
no satisfaction he's
gonna die on the way to the yeah he doesn't give a what did you what would you
rather them happen
just have it to do the dna in the 60s technology oh so go back in time and get
better technology better
technology back in time that makes sense my point is it's not fair man it'd be
fun if they just killed
him on the spot right yeah it's like the grim cold case grim reaper oh that's
safe what if they did
that what if they did this here's your sperm back they gave it back yeah yeah
thank you he sticks it
back in his dick i just think if they can if you committed a crime 40 years ago
i have an idea yeah
you committed a crime 40 years ago they find your sperm yeah they take your 80
now the guy who committed
the crime yeah take the sperm you clone it you get their son and then you put
their son in jail for
life this is a black mirror episode that's interesting whoa that's a black
mirror but that's such a good
episode yeah the son didn't do it he's paying for the crimes of his father so
they're saying would you
care listen they're saying be good in this life because you're affecting others
lives it's metaphor
for how you treat everybody in the current life your life now can affect others
butterfly effect
you can place your son in jail by being a criminal but my point is i loved it
but andrew check this
out but i still like mine when they committed a crime they show up to you and
they shoot you right
yeah that's that one's fun i give back the sperm that's my thing yeah that's
you yeah but check this
out what you lost us in the 60s we found inside a vagina oh thank you i was
looking for that
how is she but yeah those cold cases are wild you know well it's insane that
they can go that i mean
dude look at you speaking the most notorious cold case they just found more
evidence for tupac
did you see all that what do you mean what do you mean among the items stopped
by an investigator
computer laptops articles about tupac and his death evidence case is now being
presented to las
vegas grand jury no charges have been filed investigation is expected to
continue for weeks
to months they found a bunch of new evidence from the tupac case they who
killed him today yeah wow
home search tupac and tupac murder in vegas police searched a home in the las
vegas area on monday
night in a long dormant murder case of hip-hop legend tupac shakur so they
found a bunch of
shit that might tip them off to maybe finding some more shit out but apparently
the guy that killed
tupac's dead right isn't he dead didn't they say that i thought he died shot
though right no they
kissed him to death and he was like i with that guy shitting the mob crazy mob
wow i've heard of
those to this day tupac's killer remains a mystery ah suspect would never come
i thought for some reason
they said they did anyway look yeah they've got all this new evidence for this
guy and that's the oh that
case is what 30 years ago now yeah he died in 97 or eight yeah that's crazy man
so crazy dude honestly
if somebody killed me how long would you search for the murderer honestly bobby
how much time would you
spend what do you mean spend oh no no i want to be clear my what do you mean by
spend you know what i
fucking mean no because here's will i be thinking about it thinking about it
all the time i think
about my dead grandmother that's not what i'm talking about so i've been
watching all these cold cases
yeah right and what happens is there's always somebody to keep it alive a warm
case right to keep
it a warm case right so you need somebody to call every once in a while the
police and go what's the
new evidence what are you guys doing would you do that for me i'll have melanie
do it your your
fucking assistant yes she can't even book you a flight at the time i understand
that that woman
fucks up every once so i'll call melanie go so what's up with that what's his
name again
andrew the andrew yeah no i won't i'll go you know the andrew thing um she's
like yeah i emailed him
six months ago by the way she didn't even you know she forgets the email that's
all that's a lie
no how long would i in her in her you know i would go all the way dude i like
melanie i'm just kidding
i would get um it would consume me i mean that would i would quit comedy to
find my killer oh yeah
my whole life would be that here's our other this place right here yeah would
be just like one of
those fucking beautiful mind right offices with like lines with these lines
connecting and me
trying to figure out will you be there oh yeah i'd quit comedy we'd be like
disgruntled who do you
think did it out of our crew because someone it's always someone from the
inside isn't it though
right don't they find out like the number one it's always someone from the
inside who did it who did
it who done it doc doc did it oh you killed you dude i'm sorry man but that
joke you did yeah
you can't be having that yeah yeah wow yeah dude i died who killed me doc yeah
you're actually doc i am
doc yeah i'm sorry yeah yeah i i genuinely think mine is mine is is bryce and
this is inside baseball
but i think bryce would yeah he's quiet he's quiet right price for unassuming
yeah yeah by the way carlos
was there smoking a cigarette watched it happen yeah yeah he's like oh man that's
up yeah i mean
that's all he would do look at that hey i killed andrew santino i can murder
how obviously does that
guy kill me he obviously kills me yeah oh yeah sometimes when he talks to me i
think he might
think about he's thinking about killing me when he speaks to me the least believable
person killed
me is i think pete would kill me because that's the last person people would
think well it's great
because yeah no one would think so yeah yeah but why did you kill me pete yeah
why pete
oh sometimes i get a little frustrated with what you know in the heat the heat
of the moment yeah you
know and maybe stab you 20 times and then black out and go oh what happened
thought about it he's
thought about it he's thought oh no no no yeah he's a scenario 100 he's thought
about it that's
100 he's thought about it because remember the force awakens yeah right
remember the porgs
yeah you remember the porgs right what was that other creature that's a liquid
milk
is that is that pete that's pete's body wow i'll tell you who would actually i've
wanted to milk
your tits before i'll tell you who would actually kill everybody yeah go go go
find find the guy
get him milking what there's pete that's that's pete's body that's why he's
gonna kill yeah that's
he's that's how i sit too is that you on vacation yeah just yeah there he is
how funny would it be to
i never yeah yeah that's a wild how funny would it be to post that on your
instagram and just be
like hey he made it to italy just chilling on the beach yeah