Name: Bobby Lee Goes To A Short King Party! | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2023-10-04T16:00:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Goes To A Short King Party! | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Goes To A Short King Party! | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-04. Transcript available.

Do you still talk to any of those guys that you hooked up with from high school?
I didn't...
You were drunk, so it's like no one knows.
He's right, it is a hookup.
It is a hookup.
I didn't say you dated them.
It's not a hookup.
It's a hookup.
How is that not a hookup?
It's a drunk hookup.
Fuck you, dude.
What's a hookup?
Google what is hooking up.
It's a hookup.
That is a hookup.
You hooked up.
And then now their wives are like,
so you guys went to high school together.
That's why he's never been to a reunion.
He cannot face those things.
Being intimate, sexual with someone without being in a committed relationship
with them.
That's a hookup, buddy.
That's a hookup, dude.
So you hooked up?
Yeah.
No.
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that.
You get yours.
You said a hookup.
You don't like it.
No, it doesn't say anything about that.
No, it doesn't mean...
Listen, if you eat a meal, it doesn't mean if it's good or bad.
You still ate a meal.
Hey!
Yeah, that's true.
You've eaten a lot of meals.
You're a hungry bully.
I feel like I'm being bullied right now.
You're not.
Yeah, yeah.
Back up.
Let's bring this down.
Back up?
I just want to tell you right now, Bobby.
Yeah, yeah.
I find this very...
Do you really?
I swear to God.
And I think if I would have been doing meth...
I might have been tossing out some HJs.
I wasn't doing meth at the time when I was doing meth.
I doubt it.
I doubt it.
You're not an HJ guy.
You don't think so?
You would do meth and go build something.
Yeah.
Yeah, so does I build in a shed again.
Or I go teach me a different fighting style.
What's an HJ?
Huh?
HJ.
What's an HJ?
Handjob guy?
Suck job.
Are you a handjob guy?
The first time I got a handjob, I almost said, please stop it.
Really?
It was so uncomfortable.
Oh, yeah.
How young were you?
Just yanking and pulling.
From a guy or girl?
15.
From a guy or girl?
It's almost always been a girl for me.
These odds are going to throw you off.
Just a minute.
Can we start from the beginning?
Bobby, I still...
I just feel like...
What?
Can we just...
Bobby, you're...
Can I just say something?
I was highly sexual.
You have to understand, being a Korean dude in the 80s back then...
What do you mean?
Everybody was highly sexual when they were 15 years old.
Okay, okay, okay.
16 years old.
I'm just saying.
In the 80s back then, they just didn't...
No girls liked guys that looked like me.
Well, no, no, no.
It's because of where you live.
You live in an affluent, white, San Diego.
Okay, whatever.
You would have killed it up here.
I would have killed it in Korea, maybe.
Yeah.
San Francisco, Los Angeles, maybe.
What do you think was the biggest deterrent for girls when you were young?
Me?
Yeah.
Maybe because I was 3'2".
Did you ever go hunting for small women?
Did you ever see, like...
Did a small girl...
We didn't have the noms.
We didn't have the viets.
Wait, so no...
I was looking for the viets, dude.
I wore the fucking military hat.
I was out there, Charlie, Charlie.
Here you go, Jay Pom out there.
What about a tiny white?
No, tiny whites don't like you.
See, you should have had Agent Orange with you.
I would have taken him down for you.
With Agent Orange?
Yeah, I would have.
I mean, a trail and everything, dude.
Oh, my God.
Dude, I got a Ho Chi Man trail and everything, dude.
No, be real, dude.
You think because of your height was the biggest deterrent.
Also, I'm weird.
Yeah, let's do that.
I'm going to tell you right now.
I'm weird at the height!
I was a tall...
Hey!
I fucked up!
I fucked up!
I fucked up!
I fucked up!
I was a tall weird and they didn't like me.
See?
They did not.
They were like, you're weird.
We were weirder.
Yeah, but you were an athlete.
I sucked.
I wasn't...
I never got pussy from...
Yeah, by proxy, though, girls did just think you're tall and attractive.
I'm an athlete.
Yeah.
Well, I was on the tennis team and wrestling team.
That's not athletic.
The wrestling team, though, the problem with that is those guys are so hardcore
about wrestling,
that's all they can think and talk about all day.
Yeah.
Football players, basketball players, all they're thinking about is girls.
And the shitty basketball players and the shitty football players, a la me.
Yeah.
We're playing the sport, but we're also concentrating on where are we going to
get fucked up this weekend?
Yeah, where are we going to get fucked up?
We were the guy...
I was the guy that was like, where are you going to get beer?
And you're like, I got beer.
Don't worry.
We're good.
You know you turn to me.
We're on the bench.
But being weird, it does...
It stops you from getting pussy.
Thank you.
But now, short king thing, this is a new thing, dude, all over the internet.
You're in your element right now, dude.
You couldn't shine anymore.
Short king.
Look up short kings, dude.
Short kings are all over the place.
They're having short king parties.
What?
Yeah.
Just for you guys?
They're having parties with dudes not above 5'7 and the girls are all like
above 5'10.
Whoa.
Do you want to go to one of these, bud?
Dude, look up short king parties.
Let's get you a fucking tall queen, dude.
This is Fred.
You don't think of fuck good?
At first of all, I know.
Hold on.
Don't come over here with that.
Hey, pal.
Don't come over here with that.
Let me see something right now.
I think you fuck great.
Listen, pal, dude.
You little hummingbird.
You little hummingbird.
I'm doing fine.
I know you're doing great.
Yeah.
But how much better could you do if you fucking...
You show up at a short king party, you're the man.
Look at that.
You're the man at this short king party.
Short king function, men under 5'8 and the dates have to be over 5'10.
This is amazing.
I love this.
This is Dana White matchmaking.
Now, look at yourself.
Could you imagine yourself with these fellas right here?
I like these guys.
Pretty good energy.
Let's press play on that.
Let's see what they got going on, these guys.
Oh, hell yeah.
Look at all these girls are tall.
And a lot of times, tall girls are hot, but they're tall, so men are like, hey,
big kids.
They're intimidated by it.
Yeah.
By the way, this is my favorite thing about short king parties.
All the girls have their arms wrapped around the guys.
Like, they have their arm resting on a man's shoulder.
I've always dated girls 5'8 or taller.
You've never dated a short girl?
No.
And can I say this, too?
And this is a little science.
When you're laying down, I think it's because their lengths are usually in the
legs.
Yeah.
So, torsos aren't really that much longer.
So, it seems like you're making love to somebody that's your size.
Right.
And then when you're laying down, it feels the same.
Feels the same.
Exactly the same.
I mean, I have to do a little bit of...
But if he goes down there, it takes him a long time to get back out of here.
Yeah, I have to, like, when I want to kiss him, I have to stretch my neck a
little bit.
Be careful.
Yeah, yeah.
We just got to buy you one of those Joe Rogan neck stretchers.
When I make love, her neck is right here.
And then I go, I want to kiss.
Oh, you go.
Yeah, I have to do that.
I get that.
To get some breath.
You're like, you're in the ocean.
Yeah.
You're stretching your leg.
Let me get a kiss.
Yeah.
Just keeping your head above water.
Like Das Boot.
Das Boot.
Das Boot?
I have to do a Das Boot.
You know what Das Boot is?
No.
You've never heard of Das Boot?
No, but I want to find out what Das Boot is.
Das Boot is a movie, right?
It's one of the best movies ever made.
It's pretty good.
It's a German movie.
Was it Russian or German?
I think it's German.
German, Das Boot.
Das Boot.
Have you seen Das Boot?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Great movie, right?
Yeah.
Wolfram Petersen.
Who is it?
Wolfram Petersen.
Wolfram Petersen.
You know what I rewatched?
Alien 1 and Aliens.
Aliens.
Oh, this weekend.
Yeah.
I mean, that's James Cameron.
Well, the first one's not.
Ridley Scott.
Yeah, Ridley did the first one.
Yeah, Ridley Scott did the first one.
But both of those movies, when you rewatch them, you're like, this is pretty
good shit,
dude.
Dude, you might have inspired me to watch them back to back because it's been
probably 20
years since I've watched Alien 1.
So I just went to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery this past week.
You know they show movies in the cemetery.
Yeah.
And I went to go see it's Kill Bill.
It was a Kill Bill Sleepover 1 and 2.
Great.
Here's the wild shit.
A, the movie holds up to an incredible degree.
Yeah.
Like, I thought, I've seen that movie so many fucking times.
Maybe it'll be whatever.
Phenomenal again.
There's 4,500 people in the cemetery.
My brain goes to, someone's going to ruin this.
They're going to be talking.
They'll be fucking around.
Yeah.
Everyone.
Silent.
Really?
Clap when they clap.
Laugh when they deserve to laugh.
I was like, how come we can't do this in normal functioning society?
Like, how come we can't just all be on the same page?
Do you love those movies?
Kill Bill.
I adore Kill Bill.
That's an actor, Michael Park.
He plays a couple of roles in it.
But he plays this Tijuana-like.
Like, he's like some sort of like a pimp or something.
It is Michael Park, right?
That's his name?
Is it Michael's name?
Michael Parks?
Yeah, Parks.
Yeah, Michael Park.
That monologue he does.
I don't know if it's in one or two.
Two.
Yeah, that monologue.
It's in two.
Yeah, it's in the second one.
And so, you know, he wasn't supposed to have that part.
Really?
No, the actor that they hired was out of town during the, like, table read.
Then you get back in town.
So, you know, for Tarotino?
You fucking change your flight.
If Tarantino's just like, well, you know, you're going to miss it?
It's my great aunt's birthday.
Yeah, yeah.
So, Tarantino asked Michael Park, because he was already in the movie.
Yeah.
Can you just read this part?
And he crushed.
And he crushed so bad doing that part that Tarantino was like, oh, the other
guy's fired.
That's exactly right.
If he would have just shown up.
Skip your aunt's birthday, bud.
Also, what's more important?
It would have to be like, it would have to be like, oh, Stanley Kubrick was
reborn.
Yeah.
And I'll shoot for him.
Or your wife was getting heart surgery and you had to help do it.
No, no.
Honestly.
I don't skip.
You still think.
I don't skip fucking table read for that.
Yeah.
Tarantino table read?
Yeah.
I'd rather have my wife die.
I haven't watched.
That's how big that is.
You know that, right?
You heard that, Quentin.
If you ever want someone to sacrifice everything they've ever known and loved.
I'll blow you out, I'll do it every Tarantino.
I'll do whatever.
Yeah, you heard my history.
I'm gonna do whatever.
Anyway.
Tarantino, you bring a line to Matt.
This guy will be at the table.
I haven't watched Kill Bill since it was out in theaters.
Phenomenal.
Honestly.
Oh, you have to watch it.
It's so good again.
- Yeah.