Name: "Starbucks, You're Cancelled!" Bobby Lee | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2023-11-08T16:00:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Starbucks, You're Cancelled!" Bobby Lee | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Starbucks, You're Cancelled!" Bobby Lee | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-08. Transcript available.

- What's the most impressive thing you ever got?
- For Christmas?
- Yeah.
- I mean, my dad would give me those Visa gift cards,
but I was like, "I wish you put some thought into this."
- Yeah, what is it about you guys and thoughts?
- I don't know.
- You white people with your thoughts?
- Your brother's not white.
- Yeah, I want feeling with it.
- Yeah, we do.
- No, no.
Every year, like Kalilah, right?
I would just go, "Here's an iPad."
- And she was-
- And she's like, "You know, every year I get an iPad."
- But she's, I know, but that's $800.
- She's mixed, right?
- Yeah, but the white side was like,
the white side was like, "I want thoughts."
- Yeah, it'd be nice to get an iPad and a note.
- No note.
- What's the note for?
- Show some love.
- Yeah.
- No, I say it verbally.
- Do it to me right now.
Give me a note.
- Okay, dear, who are you?
- Me.
- Do you have to be you?
- I'm me all the time.
- I don't want you to be you.
- Who do you want me to be?
- Be just some, my neighbor, John.
- I'm John, your neighbor.
- Okay, dear John.
- What a beautiful neighbor you are.
- Thanks.
- Are you okay, John?
- Oh, yeah.
- And, you know, it's so, what a joy this time of year
to share my holiday greetings with my neighbor, John.
Anyway, happy Christmas.
- I have cancer.
- Yeah.
And I go, "Bye."
- Bye.
- Oh, here's our iPad.
- Whoa!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I'll read this in hospice.
- Yeah, but what I'm saying is, is you guys,
especially women with their, I want feel, you know, it's like-
- Yeah, we want some emotional attachment.
- No, no, like-
- That's more important than the gift.
- Yeah.
- No.
- Yes, it is.
- Oh, so you'd rather have, okay, you'd rather,
let me say something, all right?
You'd rather, the you.
- Okay.
- I'm sorry.
- A lot of white women in the studio today.
Be careful.
You're outnumbered.
- That's why it's getting me crazy.
- I know.
- Enough of the pumpkin spice.
It's not a good flavor.
- I agree with you, this is bullshit.
Pumpkin's bullshit.
- It's not a good flavor.
It's never been a good flavor, go fuck yourself.
- You're never gonna stop that.
- Yeah, and stop crocheting.
- Pumpkin has no business.
- White people, stop crocheting.
- No, no, no, that one I'm cool with.
- And your batminton.
- We need batminton, we love it.
- I'm tired of your white ways.
- You don't wanna smack a shuttlecock once in a while.
It's called a shuttlecock.
You don't wanna smack that thing around.
You don't wanna smack a cock in the backyard.
- I'm sorry, but no more pumpkin spice.
- Pumpkin spice is disgusting.
- And no more thoughts.
- No, thoughts are nice.
- Because, let me say something, and this year,
for your birthday,
because you did such a great job on my birthday.
- Thank you.
- I'm gonna have to put some thoughts into it.
- Yes.
- But I don't wanna.
- That's why it means something.
- That's why it means something.
- But you're the only one I'm gonna give you thoughts.
- I like that.
- Yeah, yeah.
I'm like, I'm going to Hawaii with a young lady.
Okay?
All right.
- Private jet?
- No.
- First class.
- Yeah.
- Oh yeah.
- You give her the window seat?
- Yeah, yeah.
- West jet.
- West jet?
- West jet back, right?
And you know.
- You're gonna stop by Canada first?
- Yeah.
- So you're going to Hawaii with a nice young sweet thing?
- What I'm saying is.
- And you're gonna rebuild houses?
- That's, no, we're gonna find kids first.
- What are you gonna do with them?
- No, I mean, there's some people missing,
so we're gonna go to Maui and find-
- Oh, you're gonna search for the un-
- Sure.
- Oh, that's sweet.
- That's why we're there.
- Nice.
- But then we're gonna tan too and eat nice food.
- Okay.
- This is how I tan right here, like this.
But anyway, that alone, right?
Is a thoughtful thing that I'm doing.
- Taking someone to Maui.
- Yeah, if like when I take you to dinner and I pay for it,
right?
- Yeah.
- Do I pay for it?
- You always do.
- I always do, right?
- Yeah.
- That's thoughtful.
- I love those words.
- But I don't have to say it and I don't have to put
any thought into it.
- Right.
- Yeah.
- But you know, the gesture is nice.
I do every day, I do generous gestures of love.
- Give me a GG of love right now.
What did you do today?
What's a generous gesture of love that you did today?
- To you?
- In general that you did today.
What did you do today?
You said you do them every day.
- What's today?
- Oh yeah, I know, okay.
- Today's Tuesday.
You got your nails done.
- That's not it though.
- You got your hands shortened.
- No, no, no, no, I mean, no, I got it.
No, I got my nails done.
- Oh.
- Right, right?
- I don't know if they're shrunk.
- So I go to a place, you know, with a bunch of...
- Hold on, let me see.
- Yeah.
- Beverly Hills Housewives?
- Yeah.
- They've got work done.
- Yeah.
- Right?
- And Leroy is like...
- Leroy is like...
- Right?
- Right?
- Yeah.
- Right?
- And I give them $100 tip, hands and foot.
- What?
- Separate.
- $100 a piece?
- Yeah.
- That's insane.
- But...
- That's generous.
- Is that thoughts?
- No, that's just...
- Yeah, but...
- Is that thoughts?
- That's rich guy shit.
- Yeah, but still, dude, I'm telling you right now.
I'm gonna, all right.
- I'm gonna call somebody out right now.
I'm gonna call somebody out right now, dude.
All right?
- Okay.
- Well, I'm not gonna say his name, but you can guess.
- Okay.
- He wrote a bunch of spiritual books.
Very popular, spiritual...
- L. Ron Hubbard.
- Someone like that, all right?
And I used to work at a restaurant way, way back.
- We know.
- Okay?
- Yeah.
- And the spiritual guy used to come in there,
and he wouldn't tip that well.
And we knew that he had money.
- Oh, we talked about him.
- Yeah, what?
- Ram Dass, or whatever his name is.
- Not Ram Dass.
What are you fucking talking about?
Ram Dass would tip.
Yeah, yeah, Jesus, Ram Dass, he would all tip.
- What's going on with you?
- Yeah, yeah, Ram Dass.
- Was that a joke, or is that an honest guess?
- No, I thought it was,
because he's by San Diego sometimes, so I really thought...
- When's the last time you jerked off?
You look, you feel like you're built up.
- Days ago.
- Why not?
I hooked up with a girl last night.
- Come?
- She had a shirt that said, I look...
- Did you come?
- Yes, I can.
- Okay.
- All right, we'll get to that in a second.
Give me back to the famous guy who didn't tip.
- Four days, by the way.
- Huh?
- Four days.
- For you?
- Yeah.
- Someone's holding out.
- I'm holding out.
- That thing is gonna...
- Four days.
- It's so hard, and last night was the toughest one.
I know, last night was the toughest.
- Pumping up that balloon, it's gonna pop everywhere.
- I was playing Starfield, right?
- You were just coming during Starfield?
- No, no, no, I was just...
Well, yeah, so exciting, the game.
Now, I'm playing Starfield, and I'm on a planet,
and I'm like, you know, at a weapons installation.
- Got it.
- Well, let me finish.
- Yeah.
- Right?
- There's too many details, just tell me what happened.
- Yeah, and also, like, the Crimson Fleet's there.
So I'm going around, right, with my fucking gun.
I got a new gun that, you know what I mean?
Upgraded and stuff in my house in...
- Oh, God.
- Akilah City.
I have a house in Akilah City, oh, cool.
Let me finish.
- Right?
And so I'm like, you know, snipe, snipe, snipe, snipe, snipe.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But my dick is like, snipe, snipe, too.
- Oh.
- See what I'm saying?
- Got it.
- Do you understand?
- You're ready to snipe.
- Right, and I'm like, hello, Toki, you know,
what's my penis's name?
- Toki Dum Dum.
- The Dum Dum.
- The Dum Dum, sorry, apologize.
- What the fuck, dude?
- I know, I know.
- Yeah.
- Don't want to offend the guy.
- Toki the Dum Dum, right, was up.
Ready to go, right?
- Man, this story is like your sex life.
Like, is he ever gonna finish?
- That's a zinger, dude.
- Thank you.
- That's a zinger, dude.
- I like it.
- Montreal next year.
- Oh, this guy.
- Get only up.
- New faces.
Anyway, um.
- Uh-oh.
- We'll be right back.
- I take back what I said.
I'm sorry.
- Did you do that?
- I hope not.
- When you give him a good zinger,
that's like when you poke one of those voodoo dolls.
- I'll never choke again.
- So anyway, I'm fine.
- This guy didn't tip very well down rich guys.
- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Well, no, I pinched the head of my dick.
Let me finish last night.
- Mmm.
- I like how these two things are kind of.
- Well, it's like a, I'm like a Tarantino movie, dude.
- You really are.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- So, um, I pinched the head of my dick.
And he went.
- Yeah, you choked him out.
- But then he went back to sleep.
I did like a.
- Well, you tapped him out.
- I did a rear naked choke.
I did a rear naked choke to my dick, dude.
- You tapped out your dick?
- I tapped out my dick, dude.
And he's like, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, right, right?
- Dana White's about to call.
- Yeah, there's no ref.
- No, that's it.
Did he let it happen? - Yeah, so I let him pass out.
- Wow.
- Yeah, you know, 'cause my fingers are like, you know,
black belt in jujitsu.