Name: Will Love Keep Us Together? | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2023-11-28T16:00:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Will Love Keep Us Together? | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Will Love Keep Us Together? | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-28. Transcript available.

I've never asked you this.
Do you believe that things happen for a reason?
It's sort of like pre-planned.
Destiny?
Destiny.
Or do you think it's just random chaos?
You know what I mean?
This is tough.
What do you think?
It's tough for me.
What do you mean?
Because my answer is going to sound annoying.
I want to know for real.
Well, it's going to be annoying.
Can I take this out?
It's really bothering me.
No, you look so pretty.
I know, but I just can't do it.
Well, the hat, but please leave the hair.
No, it bothers me because I'll leave the hair.
You look so pretty.
You look so pretty with it.
I'll leave the hair.
I actually looked at you a few times and I thought,
you fucking sexy little Korean chick.
That'd be great.
What's your name?
Tutuine.
Oh, Tutuine.
Where are you from?
Oak Island.
Hook Island?
Oak.
Oak?
Like oak trees?
No.
What, no?
Oak, my back.
Oh, oak, my back.
Oh, oak, my back island.
Yeah, yeah.
Anyway, so what do you believe?
I believe that there is a part, there is things that are out of our control
that, I'm not saying
it's supposed, it was supposed to happen, like, but I do think you do things in
life that lead
you to where you're definitely supposed to go.
We were supposed to do this show and it was kind of unbeknownst to us.
Because you do believe that?
A little bit.
That when we met that day at the store and became friendly with each other
years and years
ago, the universe was like, these energies will meet again.
Wow.
And I do kind of believe that.
I don't know why.
I'm not saying, like, we're destined to have a huge podcast and go and tour.
No, I'm just saying, I believe that the universe wanted us to continue to come
back together.
And just like, partially, if I'm going to be honest, I think the universe
wanted me to be
there for you and you to be there for me for my reasons, for your reasons.
Me kind of helping you get sober again or this show kind of reinvigorated a
part of you
as a comedian and as a person and I don't know.
And then you, for me, get more balanced.
I understand that.
But then how do you explain the kids that die in, like, I'm not going to say,
like, in Darfur.
They're born with HIV.
It's a war-torn country.
They die as babies.
I mean, what is their destiny?
What do you mean?
I mean, did they have a destiny?
I know, but that was their destiny.
Yeah.
To be born with HIV, to die in a war.
No, of course not.
No, of course not.
No, I think that, I think, I think that, like I said, it's not, no one's life
is, like,
perfectly mapped out.
But I think that when things happen in your life sometimes, it's out of your
control.
Life is a mystery.
Life is a mystery.
But no, why do kids get, that's why, that's why I don't believe in one omnipotent
being.
Why would you give children cancer?
That's insane.
Yeah.
I believe when I die, I'm going to open my eyes and I'm going to be in some
sort of machine.
Right?
And it's going to, it's going to open up, right?
And I'm going to have a bunch of people that I kind of vaguely know.
They're going to go, that was fun, right?
Oh, that's cool.
And I'm going to go up and I go, whoa.
And I was, I'm going to be at some sort of arcade in the future.
Yeah.
Like, dude, that was only three fucking spectics.
So they played you.
It's their time, their money.
Spectics.
Spectic.
I go, spectic, that's our money, right?
Yeah, dude.
Yeah, you cost.
You want to do, because you did the fat Korean comedy one.
Yeah.
You got to check out this other one.
It's so much more fun.
It's like one that's successful.
You know what I mean?
You could be Tom Hardy.
Like, oh, there's a Tom Hardy.
Yeah, but that's 40 spectics.
So hard to get 40 spectics.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't have 40 spectics.
And I'm going to like realize, holy shit, it's all going to come to me.
I go, oh my God.
And I'm going to look at my body.
I'm going to be like nine foot nine.
That's how tall I am.
Doubt it.
Yeah, I'm seven foot three, but everyone else is nine.
That's right.
Right, right, right, right.
And I'm not even, you know, I'm speaking a different language.
I'm like, spectic, you know what I mean?
And I'm going to go to my fucking, and I'm going to realize, oh shit, I wash
dishes at
this, at this truck stop in space.
Right.
And I just, I'm going to realize the three spectics that I spent, right, was my
month worth of
month, a month of life.
That was your lifetime.
My life savings.
Back to the dishes.
And then my mom's like, why did I pick the fat Korean ride?
Imagine you're a beautiful, handsome, like male model in that other world.
Yeah.
You pick this body and this thing because you thought it'd be funny to be a
comedian.
Then you go back to watching dishes and you realize the whole time.
Yeah.
You'd rather be a hot guy that watches dishes in space.
Right.
Than pay three spectics to be a Bobby Lee.
Yeah.
But it'd be interesting.
I think that's what's going to happen.
I'm kidding.
I would pay so many spectics to be you.
You're worth all the spectics.
Well, if everyone's life is a ride, like, let's see how much spectics it would
be.
Yeah.
Like, like Carlos's ride.
You know, the ones at.
We're future people.
We're aliens or whatever.
We're at an arcade that has this thing.
You know, the, you know, the rides at Six Flags that do like just like 80 loops
in a row.
Yeah.
And then it also goes backwards.
Yeah.
That's his fucking shit.
Mine's scared straight.
Like if you're in trouble, you're a teenager in space.
Oh, right.
They make you be me on earth.
If you were a roller coaster.
They're going to wake up.
They're going to die.
They're going to go, oh, wow.
Glory holes are bad.
You're right.
They'll learn something.
If they did your ride at the arcade.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
I just.
Are we on the right comedy?
Frequency.
Frequency, dude.
Oh, my gosh.
He's not.
You know why?
Because he's hung over and he's guilty about what he did last night.
No, I had a burger.
I've been drinking water all day.
What did you do when you left my house?
I woke up the next morning.
Where did you go?
Did you go get food?
I went home.
I didn't.
You didn't go through a drive-thru?
No.
What do you think is going to happen when you die?
Don't give me heaven.
Give me something else.
I don't.
Heaven.
I don't fucking.
When you die, what's going to happen?
Nothingness?
No, I think I'm reincarnated.
I believe in reincarnation.
Into what?
I come back.
I mean, this time, I kind of know.
A grasshopper.
Holy shit.
I'll tell you why.
When I was a kid.
Wow.
Kids were killing grasshoppers in the neighborhood.
What kind of fucked up kids were you hanging out with?
I went to a terminally mentally challenged school.
Yeah.
These kids were killing grasshoppers, and I stopped someone from doing it, and
he was
like, why?
I was like, I don't know.
I don't like it.
I didn't like it.
And I thought, that's going to be me someday, and something's going to save me.
Wow.
And the universe paid itself off that day.
Wow.
There was a weirdo in our neighborhood who used to remind me.
He'd go catch fish down by the water, and he'd throw them against the wall.
What a fucking asshole.
Dude, I remember the first time I saw it, and I was like, he's going to kill
people when
he gets big.
He'll kill people.
He would just throw a fish against the wall.
Yeah.
And he was so crazy, but no one could say anything, because he would have beat
the shit
out of us.
He was huge.
He was like a fat.
One eye was lower than the other one.
He was like a fat goon.
And he would catch fish, and he'd be like, and he'd huck it against the wall.
Dude.
And we were all so scared to say anything.
Imagine if that happened to us.
We'd get dragged into water, and a fish throws us against a fucking coral reef.
That's what you'd get.
I'm already drowning.
I hope that's what he would get.
That's why reincarnation is real.
Wow, dude.
I think so.
I think I'm coming back as a grasshopper.
What do you think would happen?
Because I indirectly killed a bird.
Dude, that's weird you said that.
I think you'd come back as a bird, but a flightless bird.
Whoa, like a, what do you call it?
You're a dodo.
Flamingo, flamingo.
Just a dodo.
A dodo.
What's a, don't call me that.
You're a dodo.
I'm a dodo bird?
No, he's a dodo.
This is 100% of Bobby Lee.
That's not you.
That's 100% you.
I guess that is me.
Look at that.
That's me, dude.
I just woke up as three.
Look at that.
Yeah, and look at how happy he is.
Oh, he's so happy.
That is Bobby Lee.
A flightless bird.
The only reason they say these things survive so long is because there was no
predators.
Really?
Nobody wanted to eat it.
Wow.
Well, I think it was-
But where are they?
They were in Australia, right?
They're still alive.
I don't think there's a lot left.
They're still going?
Are they still around?
Extinct.
Dodo became extinct less than 80 years later because of the deforestation,
hunting, and
destruction there.
Yeah, so they did die out.
We could bring them back.
They've got to be able to bring these things back.
Imagine all the things, man, that we fucked with.
Extinct.
Well, dinosaurs weren't our fault.
I know, but after that, man.
What things did we extinct?
Well, I know there's like two snow lepers left.
No, there's more than two.
How many snow lepers are out there?
There's 7,000.
Not bad.
Dude, for a species of animal, 4,000 is not that good.
That's not a good number.
Okay, Boston was about that, like 4,000 or 5,000 people.
That was a lot of snow leopards in that.
The Boston, the arena that, or the theater we played in Boston, you tell me if
those were
all snow leopards, you wouldn't be like, that's a fuckload of snow leopards.
Oh, let me think.
Yeah.
Spread across the world, though?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a lot.
That's a lot.
Too many.
Plenty.
Just the animals humans have killed off.
All right, the stellar sea cow, which is also Carlos' mom.
Burn.
You've met my mom.
What'd you say?
You've met my mom.
I know.
I love your mom.
I want to hook up with her.
I got to be honest with you.
Most of these animals that we've extinct were pretty unattractive.
It's like we killed all the ugly ones and kept the cute ones.