Name: Who Passed Out Candy on Halloween? Hint: He's Not Asian | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2023-11-29T16:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Who Passed Out Candy on Halloween? Hint: He's Not Asian | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Who Passed Out Candy on Halloween? Hint: He's Not Asian | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-29. Transcript available.

have you ever been to somebody's house who has like deer antlers on the fucking
wall
no have you never but i've never thought of it creeps me out yeah i've never
seen i've never
been to a hunter's lodge yeah why would we go i don't know i want to go to a
hunter's lodge
i mean i've been to that's not true well i've never been to like a guy's house
that hunts but
i've been to a place to hunt yeah it's interesting people do it and you know
they have the half the
body of a something something on the wall yeah right no it's usually the head
oh it's a head
why don't they do humans why don't stop stop let's just that's again
it the way you asked humans did was something that you've been thinking about
for so long for so long
and you were like and you looked at me like we're gonna i'm about to bond with
bobby you go humans
fuck that's what i've been thinking about yeah but if you die humans and i had
like a bobby like
your original body like in my living room that'd be insanely awesome like what
top bobby no you want
you want to keep his dead body in your living room well i mean they make it all
nice and stuff like they
do for the long they make it all nice and stuff yeah they like make they put
wax on him do you mean
who's they they petrify him you mean you're talking about like taxidermy yeah
you want a taxidermy bobby
the just the top like sticking out of a wall like his bust yeah exactly but you
know not like standing
free it could come out of the wall like a tv oh cool yeah so when you have
people over you're like
that's my old buddy bobby yeah and what expression do i have let me guess let
me
was your friend taking a shit when he died no no he's asian yeah oh he's
he's asian if you had the bust of me in your house what would my expression be
very stoic and serious also look like i'm taking a shit yeah yeah we both look
like we're taking
well you should do both of us then yeah next to each other yeah yeah those are
the bad friends
yeah let me be honest you just poked a little bit of the southerness out of you
when he said that
because you know he's been waiting to be like don't you guys think slavery's
like not that bad you
know what i mean he says stuff like that you know he says yeah yeah yeah it's
deep inside no i'm not
pro-slavery yeah what about sounds like there's a butt coming after that what
about formaldehyde
if you put me in a tuxedo and a top hat yeah and i'm just floating in formaldehyde
no they dip you in
it they don't you don't float it they dip you in it well so what's the stuff
that they put with the
frogs they put in the jar like an independence day well yeah they put a jar and
there's that liquid
what's that liquid in the jar that might be formaldehyde that's what i'm saying
i don't think
you could float in that i think when they do that they put but they put it
inside of your body look
up i think they put formaldehyde inside of your body but it wants to be in a
jar
real like like uh disney like walt disney's head yeah well he's cryogenically
frozen isn't he frozen
i think they put him in jars there we go dude oh man it's just there we go go
to the head
well that's just halloween here's oh there i am that's at a portuguese
university and it's well
preserved see this is perfect that kind of looks like you yeah i know dude so
doing doing that but
my whole body yeah that's a good idea dude and this would be y'all too oh cute
you wouldn't want
that whole body imagine how weird your penis looks floating in a jar with you
oh that's right
you know i think about that all the time like you know how people say they slip
in the shower and they
die you know that happens a lot like i slip in the tub and i think i would
please god don't let me
slip in the shower and die because they see you what do you mean and you're wet
with your little
penis is wet and it's tiny because you're in the shower like your little wet
penis and you're dead
that's why i got rid of my fungus because you don't want to die my left foot
remember i had a
fungus on my yeah it's all gone but the reason my biggest fear was if i died
and they had it in
front of my body my brother would be like yeah that's him look at the foot look
at his foot
i gotta get rid of that you gotta get rid of it like my dick why do you care
about your dick after
you're dead listen what i'm saying is i'll tell you i used to have a joke about
it but i wanted to die
with clothes on because it genuinely scared me because paramedics are going to
come in the room
and they're going to go dude no they're not yeah they are no they're gonna wait
santino if it was a
murder scene no right but if it was just i had a heart attack they're gonna
laugh they're gonna go
dude that's the bad friends guy look at his little naked wet penis like if i
had to identify your body
you know the unzip yeah and they look at your face right you know the unzip no
no i'm gonna go
can you zip it further down no not you i want to i'm saying the paramedics walk
in the corner walks in
and they go don't touch it's a you know it's a we're trying to leave the body
alone until you know
paramedics go and they all get in there and they're looking at me in the shower
and the water's running
and i'm wet and my penis is tiny resting against my balls and i'm dead and you
know one of them is
gonna go it's not even that cold in here
yeah you think those guys don't make jokes sometimes if it's a murder scene no
but if it's
just a regular death you don't think those guys make some this is how do you
deal with this is what i
would do this is what i would do yeah i'd see your body i would look at your
head i go oh fuck i'm a
huge fan and i would look down i go see yeah exactly yes it's a little yes
everybody's penis
is gross and water right when you get out of the shower yeah there's unless you're
like hooking up
and you have a you have a heart on when you just get out of the shower your
penis is so weird and wet
and like sad and like a little you know what it looks like one of the extinct
animals that we had
one of those little yeah yeah it's gross dude uh-huh you look at your penis
after you take a shower
i'm looking at it the whole time right i'm trying to kiss it yeah i've been
doing stretches that's
why i hurt my back you my dick though it goes if i pull it out right now don't
even see it i'm not
going to but it's in my body oh it goes all the way in it's the whole thing
just goes in my body
do you know why you're you know why it does that why it wants to stay warm it
gets closer to the
warmth is that why yeah it squiggles in that's why your balls go up that's why
your balls go
upstairs when when you're in cold water i stole you stole stole your wife's
joke what i stole it
what joke with the white the the little people oh my god yeah i said it on a
podcast that's okay
and i didn't give her credit that's okay i just feel like i was a thief that's
nice that joke was
so good yeah that was my wife it got a huge laugh what pod i don't i'm trying
to think about what
what but i remember thinking when i said it i was like oh my god what am i mencia
but i was like
i i but i was like oh i have to tell them that i i said that yeah they don't
want you guys to think
that i stole you know that's okay yeah that's nice to say that to the audience
i mean this will never
cross paths but tell people the joke you tell people the joke you're the one
that told it
well it's that your wife didn't tell the joke she just made an observation at
that which was very
funny yeah it was a joke yeah and somebody proposed you know um little people
have bad breath yeah
and then your wife proposed it's because their assholes are closer to their
mouth
their esophagus is so short and when she said that was like dude that's the
funniest thing i've ever heard
it's a very good joke she knocked that one that's a home run that was very good
it's so funny
very good one i gotta tell you we have never mind let's just say it there's a
little people couple
in our neighborhood and they went trick-or-treating last year
and they went as full-size people they wore stilts that's clever no they didn't
do that
i was like that's genius no they didn't do wow they didn't do that but i am i
am excited to
to feed the little kids candy because i love i get excited in fact anybody who
doesn't decorate their
house if you live in a neighborhood where kids come through right well you're
in the hills no one's
going to come up in the hills but if you live in the flats if you live in the
neighborhood that's not
hard to get to and you don't decorate the house a little bit and you don't hand
out candy
you're a piece of shit person and i mean yeah i agree you're a piece of shit
because i remember
what it felt like when i was a kid and we would go to houses that were
decorated and it was when it felt
like what a fucking cool weird night where like people you never met before
open up their home
and they give you candy and it just and we're all in this together it's like a
mob mentality but for
good and then there's there's people i remember houses that never turned they
turned all the lights
off and they never decorated and there was no candy and i wanted to fucking
break all their windows
right and we'd egg those houses when i was when i was a teenager we'd egg the
dark houses if you
didn't decorate you got egged and i think today kids should be doing that i
think you should be
egging houses that don't decorate you know what i would do smoke meth no i
would i dress up too
right and when they bring my doorbell and i open it they go trick-or-treat you
know what i'd go
i'd be like i'd have my own basket i'd go trick-or-treat oh nice yeah yeah yeah
reverse psychology and
then they would have to give me their candy smart smart has that ever been done
oh yeah
gotta be good yeah yeah by a mentally unstable person
imagine what halloween is like in a mental institution all right everyone's
just going around
what do you mean imagine a mental institution during halloween yeah they dress
up like normal wealth
like of like full functioning adults yeah and they have full conversations like
how was your 401k mark
they pretend to be totally normal yeah yeah that'd be cool man how's your wife
and your kids
that'd be cool oh dude there was an old woman in our neighborhood who used to
hand out change
that's good and this is so mean then the kids would when they would leave they'd
throw it at her house
because they would well it was like pennies she'd give you like four pennies
all right so kids would
walk down the street they would throw it at her house yeah and it was like mean
but funny but like
also don't give people pennies what the fuck yeah or don't put razor blades in
the apple no no not in
an apple you got to be way more creative nowadays what do you mean you got to
put in something that's
a little bit tricky i mean a peanut if you put in a reese's peanut butter cup i
got to tell you it lays
like a tootsie roll you could unwrap that you put a needle in there yeah not a
needle but what's fun
to put it by the way i think this is i think this is lore how many times did
they really find who's
taking the time to do this and also you're gonna be able to find the house yeah
well no you're not
because you're getting all right right wow let me look at that whoa see this is
my problem who does
that somebody did that they put a nail in a fucking kitkat yeah somebody's a
piece of shit
what a piece of shit dude but you know what's crazy what that's carlos yeah carlos
and now caramel
apples is here what's insane is they say check your kids candy do you think
parents go through all of
their kids can't that'd be hard to do no way would you let your kid trick-or-treat
when when your kid's
old enough i think so because i never had uh halloween uh when i was a kid you
got do you guys don't do
anything like that now now it's it's uh universal but i when i was growing up
they had carnival and
things like that but it wasn't as fun as so for me it was just a movie thing
yeah right that's the
real oh i love mexicans yeah this is maybe this the dopest that's the coolest
yeah so cool so what
is it what do you call that calling that makeup the calaveras the calaveras skulks
skull what is
what is this called in spain this is dia de los muertos but but we don't
celebrate it like this
the day of the dead yeah but you don't celebrate anything like that huh no no
you think it's because
you guys have killed so many people for so many centuries right yes you're
afraid they'll all come
back and fucking kill you yes

Who Passed Out Candy on Halloween? Hint: He's Not Asian | Bad Friends Clips

have you ever been to somebody's house who has like deer antlers on the fucking
wall
no have you never but i've never thought of it creeps me out yeah i've never
seen i've never
been to a hunter's lodge yeah why would we go i don't know i want to go to a
hunter's lodge
i mean i've been to that's not true well i've never been to like a guy's house
that hunts but
i've been to a place to hunt yeah it's interesting people do it and you know
they have the half the
body of a something something on the wall yeah right no it's usually the head
oh it's a head
why don't they do humans why don't stop stop let's just that's again
it the way you asked humans did was something that you've been thinking about
for so long for so long
and you were like and you looked at me like we're gonna i'm about to bond with
bobby you go humans
fuck that's what i've been thinking about yeah but if you die humans and i had
like a bobby like
your original body like in my living room that'd be insanely awesome like what
top bobby no you want
you want to keep his dead body in your living room well i mean they make it all
nice and stuff like they
do for the long they make it all nice and stuff yeah they like make they put
wax on him do you mean
who's they they petrify him you mean you're talking about like taxidermy yeah
you want a taxidermy bobby
the just the top like sticking out of a wall like his bust yeah exactly but you
know not like standing
free it could come out of the wall like a tv oh cool yeah so when you have
people over you're like
that's my old buddy bobby yeah and what expression do i have let me guess let
me
was your friend taking a shit when he died no no he's asian yeah oh he's
he's asian if you had the bust of me in your house what would my expression be
very stoic and serious also look like i'm taking a shit yeah yeah we both look
like we're taking
well you should do both of us then yeah next to each other yeah yeah those are
the bad friends
yeah let me be honest you just poked a little bit of the southerness out of you
when he said that
because you know he's been waiting to be like don't you guys think slavery's
like not that bad you
know what i mean he says stuff like that you know he says yeah yeah yeah it's
deep inside no i'm not
pro-slavery yeah what about sounds like there's a butt coming after that what
about formaldehyde
if you put me in a tuxedo and a top hat yeah and i'm just floating in formaldehyde
no they dip you in
it they don't you don't float it they dip you in it well so what's the stuff
that they put with the
frogs they put in the jar like an independence day well yeah they put a jar and
there's that liquid
what's that liquid in the jar that might be formaldehyde that's what i'm saying
i don't think
you could float in that i think when they do that they put but they put it
inside of your body look
up i think they put formaldehyde inside of your body but it wants to be in a
jar
real like like uh disney like walt disney's head yeah well he's cryogenically
frozen isn't he frozen
i think they put him in jars there we go dude oh man it's just there we go go
to the head
well that's just halloween here's oh there i am that's at a portuguese
university and it's well
preserved see this is perfect that kind of looks like you yeah i know dude so
doing doing that but
my whole body yeah that's a good idea dude and this would be y'all too oh cute
you wouldn't want
that whole body imagine how weird your penis looks floating in a jar with you
oh that's right
you know i think about that all the time like you know how people say they slip
in the shower and they
die you know that happens a lot like i slip in the tub and i think i would
please god don't let me
slip in the shower and die because they see you what do you mean and you're wet
with your little
penis is wet and it's tiny because you're in the shower like your little wet
penis and you're dead
that's why i got rid of my fungus because you don't want to die my left foot
remember i had a
fungus on my yeah it's all gone but the reason my biggest fear was if i died
and they had it in
front of my body my brother would be like yeah that's him look at the foot look
at his foot
i gotta get rid of that you gotta get rid of it like my dick why do you care
about your dick after
you're dead listen what i'm saying is i'll tell you i used to have a joke about
it but i wanted to die
with clothes on because it genuinely scared me because paramedics are going to
come in the room
and they're going to go dude no they're not yeah they are no they're gonna wait
santino if it was a
murder scene no right but if it was just i had a heart attack they're gonna
laugh they're gonna go
dude that's the bad friends guy look at his little naked wet penis like if i
had to identify your body
you know the unzip yeah and they look at your face right you know the unzip no
no i'm gonna go
can you zip it further down no not you i want to i'm saying the paramedics walk
in the corner walks in
and they go don't touch it's a you know it's a we're trying to leave the body
alone until you know
paramedics go and they all get in there and they're looking at me in the shower
and the water's running
and i'm wet and my penis is tiny resting against my balls and i'm dead and you
know one of them is
gonna go it's not even that cold in here
yeah you think those guys don't make jokes sometimes if it's a murder scene no
but if it's
just a regular death you don't think those guys make some this is how do you
deal with this is what i
would do this is what i would do yeah i'd see your body i would look at your
head i go oh fuck i'm a
huge fan and i would look down i go see yeah exactly yes it's a little yes
everybody's penis
is gross and water right when you get out of the shower yeah there's unless you're
like hooking up
and you have a you have a heart on when you just get out of the shower your
penis is so weird and wet
and like sad and like a little you know what it looks like one of the extinct
animals that we had
one of those little yeah yeah it's gross dude uh-huh you look at your penis
after you take a shower
i'm looking at it the whole time right i'm trying to kiss it yeah i've been
doing stretches that's
why i hurt my back you my dick though it goes if i pull it out right now don't
even see it i'm not
going to but it's in my body oh it goes all the way in it's the whole thing
just goes in my body
do you know why you're you know why it does that why it wants to stay warm it
gets closer to the
warmth is that why yeah it squiggles in that's why your balls go up that's why
your balls go
upstairs when when you're in cold water i stole you stole stole your wife's
joke what i stole it
what joke with the white the the little people oh my god yeah i said it on a
podcast that's okay
and i didn't give her credit that's okay i just feel like i was a thief that's
nice that joke was
so good yeah that was my wife it got a huge laugh what pod i don't i'm trying
to think about what
what but i remember thinking when i said it i was like oh my god what am i mencia
but i was like
i i but i was like oh i have to tell them that i i said that yeah they don't
want you guys to think
that i stole you know that's okay yeah that's nice to say that to the audience
i mean this will never
cross paths but tell people the joke you tell people the joke you're the one
that told it
well it's that your wife didn't tell the joke she just made an observation at
that which was very
funny yeah it was a joke yeah and somebody proposed you know um little people
have bad breath yeah
and then your wife proposed it's because their assholes are closer to their
mouth
their esophagus is so short and when she said that was like dude that's the
funniest thing i've ever heard
it's a very good joke she knocked that one that's a home run that was very good
it's so funny
very good one i gotta tell you we have never mind let's just say it there's a
little people couple
in our neighborhood and they went trick-or-treating last year
and they went as full-size people they wore stilts that's clever no they didn't
do that
i was like that's genius no they didn't do wow they didn't do that but i am i
am excited to
to feed the little kids candy because i love i get excited in fact anybody who
doesn't decorate their
house if you live in a neighborhood where kids come through right well you're
in the hills no one's
going to come up in the hills but if you live in the flats if you live in the
neighborhood that's not
hard to get to and you don't decorate the house a little bit and you don't hand
out candy
you're a piece of shit person and i mean yeah i agree you're a piece of shit
because i remember
what it felt like when i was a kid and we would go to houses that were
decorated and it was when it felt
like what a fucking cool weird night where like people you never met before
open up their home
and they give you candy and it just and we're all in this together it's like a
mob mentality but for
good and then there's there's people i remember houses that never turned they
turned all the lights
off and they never decorated and there was no candy and i wanted to fucking
break all their windows
right and we'd egg those houses when i was when i was a teenager we'd egg the
dark houses if you
didn't decorate you got egged and i think today kids should be doing that i
think you should be
egging houses that don't decorate you know what i would do smoke meth no i
would i dress up too
right and when they bring my doorbell and i open it they go trick-or-treat you
know what i'd go
i'd be like i'd have my own basket i'd go trick-or-treat oh nice yeah yeah yeah
reverse psychology and
then they would have to give me their candy smart smart has that ever been done
oh yeah
gotta be good yeah yeah by a mentally unstable person
imagine what halloween is like in a mental institution all right everyone's
just going around
what do you mean imagine a mental institution during halloween yeah they dress
up like normal wealth
like of like full functioning adults yeah and they have full conversations like
how was your 401k mark
they pretend to be totally normal yeah yeah that'd be cool man how's your wife
and your kids
that'd be cool oh dude there was an old woman in our neighborhood who used to
hand out change
that's good and this is so mean then the kids would when they would leave they'd
throw it at her house
because they would well it was like pennies she'd give you like four pennies
all right so kids would
walk down the street they would throw it at her house yeah and it was like mean
but funny but like
also don't give people pennies what the fuck yeah or don't put razor blades in
the apple no no not in
an apple you got to be way more creative nowadays what do you mean you got to
put in something that's
a little bit tricky i mean a peanut if you put in a reese's peanut butter cup i
got to tell you it lays
like a tootsie roll you could unwrap that you put a needle in there yeah not a
needle but what's fun
to put it by the way i think this is i think this is lore how many times did
they really find who's
taking the time to do this and also you're gonna be able to find the house yeah
well no you're not
because you're getting all right right wow let me look at that whoa see this is
my problem who does
that somebody did that they put a nail in a fucking kitkat yeah somebody's a
piece of shit
what a piece of shit dude but you know what's crazy what that's carlos yeah carlos
and now caramel
apples is here what's insane is they say check your kids candy do you think
parents go through all of
their kids can't that'd be hard to do no way would you let your kid trick-or-treat
when when your kid's
old enough i think so because i never had uh halloween uh when i was a kid you
got do you guys don't do
anything like that now now it's it's uh universal but i when i was growing up
they had carnival and
things like that but it wasn't as fun as so for me it was just a movie thing
yea